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_21 February, 1895._
My dear Lucie:
When I see you the time is so short, I am so distracted at seeing the
hour slipping away with a rapidity that I cannot realize--the hours at
other times seem so horribly long to me--that I forget to tell you half
of all that I had prepared in my imagination.
I wanted to ask you if the journey had not fatigued you, if the sea had
been kind to you. I wanted to tell you all the admiration I feel for
your noble character, for your incomparable devotion. More than one
woman must have lost her mind amidst the repeated shocks of a lot so
cruel, so undeserved.
I wanted to speak to you a long time of our children, of their health,
their daily life. I wanted also to beg of you to thank all our families
for their devotion to my cause--the cause of an innocent man--to ask you
about their health. It would take a long day to exhaust all these
subjects, and our minutes are numbered. Well, we must hope that the
happy days are coming back to us, for it is impossible, it is contrary
to human reason, to believe that they will not in the end put their
hands upon the one who is really guilty.
As I have told you, I will do all in my power to conquer the beating of
my sick heart, to bear this horrible and long martyrdom, so that I may
live to see with you the happy light of the day of rehabilitation.
I will bear without a groan the natural scorn rightly inspired by the
sight of the creature I represent. I will suppress the convulsions of my
being against a lot so terrible, so appalling.
Oh, this scorn that shrouds my name, how it tortures me! My pen cannot
express such suffering.
I ask myself how a man who has really forfeited his honor can continue
to live. But I live only because my conscience is clear, because I hope
that soon all is to be discovered; that the true criminal will be
punished for his odious crime, that they will at last give me back my
honor.
When I am gone write me long letters. I am thinking of the moment when
you all can write to me and when I shall receive news from all the
members of our families.
The first time you are sending me anything, will you please send me the
Ollendorf method which I have had a chance to try here, and which I
think preferable to that of your teacher? Send with it the corrected
exercises, which form a separate volume, and which will also be my
teacher.
Embrace our darlings tenderly for me, your parents, all whom you see,
and receive the affectionate kisses of your devoted