_By a Cockney Poet._
All hail, thou jocund time of year,
To Cockneys and cock-robins dear!
All hail, thou flowery, showery season,
When throstles, mating, perch the trees on:
When sparrows on the house-tops sit,
And court their loves with cheery twit:
While opera songsters tune their throats,
Exchanging for our gold their notes!
Now Nature her new dress receives,
And dinner-tables spread their leaves;
Asparagus again one sees,
And early ducklings, served with peas;
Again the crisp whitebait we crunch,
And chops of lambkin blithely munch;
Salmon again our shops afford,
And plovers' eggs adorn the board;
While for one day at least our sons
May stuff themselves with hot cross buns!
See now the swells begin to show
Their horsemanship in Rotten Row:
See now the Drive is thronged once more,
And idlers lounge there as of yore:
See now fair April fills Mayfair,
And gives new life to Grosvenor Square.
See now what crowds flock to the Zoo,
Where Master Hippo is on view
See daffodils, and daisies pied
In bloom, and buttercups beside:
See now the thorn, and e'en the rose
Signs of returning Spring disclose:
See now the lilac large in bud;
While costermongers, splashed with mud,
The product of the passing showers,
Cry, "Here's yer all a blowing flowers!"
Or wake the echoes of the groves[A]
With "Hornaments for yer fire-stoves!"
[Footnote A: Westbourne Grove, Lisson Grove, Camden Grove, &c.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _'Appy 'Arry_--
"With my new panama-a-ar
And tupp'ny ciga-a-ar."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ENCOURAGING, VERY!
_Cockney Art-Teacher (newly arrived and nervous--after a long silence)._
"If you _should_ see a chance o' drorin' any thing correctly--DO SO!!"
[_Collapse of expectant student._
]
* * * * *
[Illustration: STANDING NO NONSENSE.
_'Arry._ "Phew!"--(_the weather was warm, and they had walked over from
'Ammersmith_)--"bring us a bottle o'champagne, waiter."
_Waiter._ "Yessir--dry, sir?"
_'Arry (aughtily, to put a stop to this familiarity at once)._ "Never
you mind whether we're dry or whether we ain't!--bring the wine!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SHEREDITY.
_Lady._ "You don't mean to tell me that this little girl is fit to wait
at table!"
_Mother (proudly)._ "Well 'm, she _ought_ to be, seein' as 'ow 'er
father 'as been a _plate layer_ for five-and-twenty year!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady (referring to programme, to friend)._ "'Schumann,
op. 2.' What's the meaning of 'op. 2'?"
_'Arry (who thinks he is being addressed, and always ready to oblige
with information)._ "Oh, op. 2. Second dance; second 'op, yer know. May
I 'ave the pleasure?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE SALE OF INTOXICANTS TO CHILDREN BILL.
"It's another hinjustice to hus pore wimmen, it is! They won't let us
send the kids for it now, an' if my heldest boy goes for it 'e 'as 'arf
of it 'isself, 'an' if my old man goes 'e never comes back! so the hend
of it is, I 'ave to go for it myself!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DISCOURAGING.
_Nervous Philanthropist (on a slumming excursion)._ "Can you tell me if
this is Little Erebus Street, my man?"
_Suspicious-looking Party._ "Yus."
_Nervous P._ "Er--rather a rough sort of thoroughfare, isn't it?"
_Suspicious-looking P._ "Yus; it is a bit thick. The further yer gows
daown, the thicker it gits. I lives in the last 'aouse."
[_Exit philanthropist hurriedly in the opposite direction._
]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FESTIVE SEASON.
_First Burglar._ "'Ere's a go, mate! This 'ere bit o' turkey, knuckile
hend of an 'am, arf a sossidge, and the 'olly off the plum-puddin'!
Might as well 'ave looked in on a bloomin' vegetarian!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Temperance Orator._ "Ho, pause, my dear friends, pause!"
_A Voice._ "Ye're right, ole man, _they are_!"]
* * * * *