There are various kinds of larks to be observed by Cockney naturalists,
which are more or less, and rather less than more, indigenous to London.
There is first of all the cage lark (_Alauda Miserrima_) which is
chiefly found on grass-plats measuring about two inches square, and may
be heard singing plaintively in many a back slum. Then there is the mud
lark (_Alauda Greenwichiensis_), which is principally seen towards
nightfall on the shores of the river, when the whitebait is in season.
This little lark is a migratory bird, and flits from place to place in
quest of anything worth picking up that may happen to be thrown to it.
Finally, there is the street lark (_Alauda Nocturna_), which is known to
most policemen in the neighbourhood of the Haymarket, and the like
nocturnal haunts.
As a gratifying proof of our progressing civilisation, there has been of
recent years a very marked decrease in the number of white mice, and
monkeys dressed as soldiers, exhibited by organ-grinders in the London
streets. Trained dogs appear, however, decidedly more numerous, and
performing canaries may be met with not infrequently in the squares of
the West End. The naturalist should note, moreover, that the learned
British pig (_Porcus Sapiens Britannicus_) which, within the memory of
men who are still living, used commonly to infest the fairs near the
metropolis, has recently well nigh completely disappeared and is
believed by sundry naturalists to be utterly extinct.
The rum shrub (_Shrubbus Curiosus_) which, although deserving of close
investigation has somehow escaped mention in the pages of Linnaeus, is
found in great profusion in the purlieus of Whitechapel, as well as
other parts of London where dram-drinkers do congregate. It may be
generally discovered in proximity to the Pot-tree (_Arbor
Pewteriferens_), which may be readily recognised by its metallic fruit.
The common cat of the metropolis (_Felis Catterwaulans_) is remarkable,
especially for the exceeding frequency and shrillness of its cries when
it goes upon the tiles, or proceeds to other spots of feline popular
resort. Sleep becomes impossible within earshot of its yellings, and the
injury they cause to property as well as human temper is immense. It
has, indeed, been roughly estimated that thirty thousand water-jugs are
annually sacrificed, within a circuit of not more than six miles from
St. Paul's, by being hurled from bedroom windows with the aim to stop
these squalling feline "Voices of the night."
A certain proof that oysters are amphibious may be noted in the fact
that they always build their grottoes in the courts and the back streets
of the metropolis where, in the month of August, with extravagant
profusion, their shells are yearly cast.
The scarlet-coated lobster (_Le Homard Militaire_, Cuvier) has been
frequently discovered on the shores of the Serpentine, or basking by the
margin of the water in St. James's Park. This crustacean, when treated
well, will drink like a fish, excepting that, unlike a fish, he does not
confine himself to water for his drink. His shell (jacket) is of a
bright red colour, which is not produced, as in the lobster species
generally, by the agency of the caloric in the act of being boiled. The
scarlet-coated lobster leads, while in London, a very peaceful life,
notwithstanding his presumed propensities for fighting.
If we may credit the statistics which, with no slight labour, have been
recently collected, no fewer than five million and eleven blue-bottles
are annually slaughtered in the butchers' shops of London, before
depositing their ova in the primest joints of meat. The number of the
smaller flies which, merely in the City, are every year destroyed for
buzzing round the bald heads of irritable bank clerks, amounts, it has
been calculated, to one million three hundred thousand and thirteen.
* * * * *
FROM TAPLOW.--_First 'Arry._ I'll tell you a good name for a riverside
inn--_"The Av-a-launch"._
_Second 'Arry._ I'll tell you a better--"The 'Ave-a-lunch." Come along!
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Did yer order any ile round the corner?"
"What do you mean by ile? Do you mean oil?"
"Naw. Not ile, but ILE wot yer drinks!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A QUESTION OF THE SENSES.
_First County Councillor._ "I'm told the _acoustics_ of this hall leave
much to be desired, Mr. Brown!"
_Second C. C. (delicately sniffing)._ "Indeed, Sir Pompey? Can't say as
I perceive anythink amiss, myself; and my nose is pretty sharp, too!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: QUICK WORK.
_Guttersnipe._ "Please muvver wants sixpence on this 'ere fryin' pan."
_Pawnbroker._ "Hallo! it's _hot_!"
_Guttersnipe._ "Yus, muvver's just cooked the sossidges, an' wants the
money for the beer!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: WE MUSTN'T ALWAYS JUDGE BY APPEARANCES.
"I say, Bill, you aren't got such a thing as the price of 'arf a pint
about you, are yer? I'm so blooming dry!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Philanthropic Coster' (who has been crying
"Perry-wink-wink-wink!" till he's hoarse--and no buyers)._ "I wonder
what the p'or unfort'nate creeters in these 'ere low neighb'r'oods do
live on!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: RUDE INQUIRY
_Street Arabs._ "Hoo curls yer 'air, gov'nour?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BILLINGSGATE UP-TO-DATE.
_'Enery._ "'Ullo, Chawley? Wot's up? 'As yer motor broke down?"
_Chawley (whose "moke" is a "bit below himself")._ "Yuss, smashed me
'sparking plug.'"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First "Growler"._ "'Ulloah, William, where are yer
takin' that little lot?"
_Second "Growler"._ "Hararat! Don't yer see I'm navigatin' the Hark?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _'Arriet._ "I will say this for Bill, 'e _do_ look the
gentleman!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First Urchin._ "Fifth o' November, sir! Only a copper,
sir! Jist a penny, sir!"
_Second Urchin._ "Let 'im alone. _Cawn't yer see 'e's one of the
family!_"]
* * * * *