Our Cockney correspondent says that the birds are very wild, and that
the heath being extremely slippery, the attempt to run after them is apt
to be attended with numerous falls, especially in patent-leather boots.
He says the exercise is fatiguing in the extreme, and complains that
there are no cabs to be had on the hills though there are plenty of
flies.
* * * * *
DOUBLE COCKNEY CONUNDRUM FOR THE DERBY DAY.--"What eminent composer
would in England have probably been 'in the ring'?"
"_'Aydn._"
"Why?"
"Because who ever 'eard of 'Aydn alone? Ain't it always a '_Aydn and
abettin_'? Eh? Now then! Come up, can't yer!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: EUPHEMISM.
_Cab Tout (exasperated by the persistent attentions of constable)._
"Look 'ere, ole lightnin'-ketcher, w'ere the missin' word are yer
shovin' us to?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Coster (to acquaintance, who has been away for some
months)._ "Wot are yer bin doin' all this time?"
_(Bill Robbins who has been "doing time")._ "Oh I've bin wheelin' a
bit, ole man--wheelin' a bit!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HE THOUGHT HE WAS SAFE.
_Irascible Old Gentleman._ "Buy a comb! What the devil should I buy a
comb for? You don't see any hair on my head, do you?"
_Unlicensed Hawker._ "Lor' bless yer, sir!--yer don't want no 'air on
yer 'ead for a tooth-comb!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A QUESTION OF TASTE
_Liz (to Emily)._ "Mind yer, it's all roight so fur as it goes. All I
sez is, it wants a fevver or two, or a bit o' plush somewhares, to give
it what I call _stoyle_!"]
* * * * *
THE LAND OF THE 'ARRY'UNS.--'Am'stead 'eath.
* * * * *
When a vulgar husband drops his h's, a good wife drops her eyes.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE SNOW CURE!!
_Fiendish Little Boy (to elderly gentleman, who has come a cropper for
the fourth time in a hundred yards)._ "'Ere I say, guv'nor, you're fair
wallerin' in it this mornin'! H'anyone 'ud think as you'd bin hordered
it by your medical man!!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: OPEN TO DOUBT
_Ostler (dubiously, to 'Arry, who is trying to mount on the wrong
side)._ "Beg pard'n, sir, I suppose you're quite accustomed to 'osses,
sir?"]
* * * * *