"C_h_ommoda" dicebat, si quando commoda vellet
Dicere, et "_h_indsidias" Arrius insidias:
Et tum mirifice sperabat se esse locutum.
Cum, quantum poterat, dixerat "_h_insidias."
Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avunculus ejus.
Sic maternus avus dixerit, atque avia.
Catullus, _Carmen_ lxxxiv.
Which--for the benefit of 'Arry himself, who is not perhaps
familiar with the "Lingo Romano"--though he may know something of a
"Romano" dear to certain young sportsmen, though not dearer to
them than other caterers--may thus be _very_ freely adapted:--
'Arry to _H_oxford gives the aspirate still
He cruelly denies to 'Igate 'Ill;
Yet deems in diction he can ape the "swell,"
And "git the 'ang of it" exceeding well.
Doubtless his sire, the 'atter, and his mother,
The hupper 'ousemaid, so addressed each other;
For spite of all that wrangling Board Schools teach,
There seems heredity in Cockney speech.
* * * * *
COMMERCIAL INTELLIGENCE.--According to a trade circular issued by a
Cockney company, Florence and Lucca, whence the finer description of
oils have been heretofore imported, are threatened with a vigorous
competition by the Iles of Greece.
* * * * *
THE RICHEST DISH IN THE WORLD.--The "weal" of fortune.
* * * * *
'ARRY'S MOTTO.--"Youth on the prowl and pleasure at the 'elm."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady._ "Half-a-crown, indeed! Your fare is
eighteen-pence. I looked it up in Bradshaw."
_Cabman._ "Well, to be sure! Wot a good wife you _would 'ave_ made for a
pore man!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BACK TO THE LAND.
_Farmer's Wife (who has told the new lad from London to collect eggs)._
"Well, Jack, have you got many?"
_Jack (who has raided a sitting hen)._ "Rauther! One old 'en she's bin
and layed thirteen, and I don't think she's finished yet!"]
* * * * *