18, 19, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not
only to the good and gentle, _but also to the froward_. For this
is thankworthy, if a man, for conscience toward God, endure grief,
suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it, if when ye be buffeted for
your faults ye take it patiently? But, if when ye do well, and suffer
for it, ye take it patiently, _this_ is acceptable to God. For even
hereunto ye were called; because Christ also suffered for us, leaving
us an example that ye should follow his steps: who did no sin, neither
was guile found in his mouth: who, when he was reviled, reviled not
again; when he suffered he threatened not, but committed himself to Him
that judgeth righteously.”
Now, consider that these directions were given to persons, taken
contrary to their own wishes and the wishes of their parents, and
subjected to the most degrading servitude, without any compensation.
Such were required by God to “be obedient in all things,” to “please
their masters well in all things;” not to answer again when reproved;
not to purloin; but to show all good fidelity; to do service with _good
will_, and not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward;
and to do all this, not for the sake of pleasing men, but to please
Christ.
Now, if all this was demanded of those who were made to serve by
force, what must be the duty of those who by their own will, or by the
will of parents, go into a family to serve for a fair compensation
previously agreed upon? They go into a family, where the house and all
its furniture belong to their employers, who therefore, not only have
power but a perfect right to direct how they shall be used. They put
themselves freely under the direction of their employers, and agree to
do their work as they wish it to be done, and they receive a reward
for this service. Their employers are appointed by God, as the rulers
and overseers of the family, and those they hire are under obligation
to obey, in all matters relating to family work, just as a citizen is
under obligations to obey rulers, when they administer the laws of the
state. The master and mistress of a family are rulers of their house,
just as magistrates are rulers of the people.
A gentleman of the highest standing for wealth, intelligence, and
honour, obeys his rulers in all points where they have a right to
direct, whether the laws are good or bad, whether the rulers are wise
or foolish. So long as the people, who have the power, make such laws
and appoint such rulers, he submits and obeys until he and others can
get the laws and rulers changed. And every intelligent man feels that
he is _honoured_ in paying this respect to laws and rulers.
It should be just so in the family state. Whether the rulers of a
family are wise or foolish, whether they make good or bad rules about
their work, domestics, as long as they agree to serve them, should
submit to their directions. If they do not like the rulers, or the laws
of the family, still they _honour themselves_ in obeying, until they
can have a chance to change overseers and rules.
And all those directions, which were given to persons forced to service
against their own wishes, are much more binding on those, who of
their own accord put themselves under the direction of the rulers of
a family. “Obey them that have the rule over you” is the law of God,
given to domestics in the family state, as much as it is to subjects in
the political state. And the only way to be freed from this obligation
is, to give up your place and relation as a domestic in a family.
There is another duty owed to those who have rule over us, that in
this country is not properly realized by any, except it may be by the
most sensible and intelligent part of the community. It is the duty
of treating all who are our superiors either in age, character, or
station with respect. The Bible requires us to “honour our father and
mother,” whether they are good or bad, wise or foolish. It requires us
to “render honour to whom honour is due.” It requires us ever to “be
courteous” whatever may be the situation of those we have to deal with.
Now the rulers and overseers of a family are placed in a situation
where they are entitled to respectful treatment from all in their
household, whatever may be their own character. It is of the utmost
importance that children be trained to treat their parents, and all
who have rule over them, or who are in any way their superiors, with
respect, and this is the chief reason why it is so important for
domestics to do the same, so as to set a proper example to children.
And all well educated and intelligent persons so well understand the
importance of rendering respectful language and manners to all who are
their superiors, either in age, relationship, or station, that they
always feel themselves _honoured_ by doing it.
See that well bred gentleman! He is the governor of the state, the most
learned man at the bar, the most wealthy man in the place, one whom
every one honours for his talents and virtues. He is also the head and
master of his own family, in which resides his father, broken down in
mind by the decay of age. The aged father enters the room, and the
learned and wise politician, the master of the house and the governor
of the state, rises with respect, speaks to him with the greatest
reverence, gives him the first place of honour and comfort, and ever
treats his opinions and wishes with deference and respect. This is
because this old man is his superior in age and relationship, and every
one admires the son for his good breeding and sense of propriety. This
same governor goes into the street and meets a worthy and respectable
man, who supports himself by the labour of his hands. The governor
bows to him, and addresses him with a respectful air and manner. This
is because the man has a _character_ which entitles him to respect,
and all admire the governor, for his good breeding in rendering this
respect.
Take another case. This governor goes out of office, and a person
of small talents and little worth, by popular arts, succeeds him.
There is a grand military parade, and the new governor is reviewing
the troops, while the late governor is an officer under him. This
former governor steps out of his ranks to the present governor and
says, “Will your excellency allow me to go away a short time on some
important business?” The governor replies, “Not at present, sir; I
am about to order a manœuvre and shall need your aid.” The gentleman
bows respectfully to the governor, returns to his place, and instead
of feeling degraded, he feels honoured in thus setting an example of
respectful obedience to one, who for the time is his superior, and has
rule over him. And all observers honour him, far more than they would
if he had looked angry, or refused to obey his superior in command.
_Real_ gentlemen pride themselves on rendering strict obedience, and
respectful language and manners to all, who are in any manner their
superiors in office or relationship.
In like manner, real well bred ladies, feel it to be for their own
credit to treat those with courtesy or respect, who have any claims
either of character or relationship, or office. See that wealthy, well
educated and well bred lady! A worthy, respectable woman comes into
her house to bring home some work that she was hired to do. The lady
salutes her with courtesy and respect, offers her a seat, and treats
her with the same politeness of manner as she would render to the
highest lady in the land. And every observer feels that this is one
mark of her good breeding, which entitles her to the name of a “real
lady.”
Look now at that young woman! Why does every one call her vulgar and
ill bred? It is because she goes up with a careless and disrespectful
air to all she meets, and her tone and manner seem to say, “I am as
good as you, and I mean to let you know it.” She tells just what she
thinks about them, and their conduct, contradicts their opinions
flatly, and makes no effort to show that she has any respect for them
or their notions. Look now at her young companion, whom all admire for
lady-like manners. She always speaks in a modest and respectful tone,
treats all with courtesy and respect, seems to be thinking of the
convenience and comfort of others as much as of her own, and always
avoids what will make those around her feel uneasy or uncomfortable.
These are the manners of _a lady_, and if a domestic feels any ambition
to be thought a well bred lady, she can gain this character in no way
so surely as by adopting this style of manners.
On this point I would commend to your notice that “golden rule” so good
to direct in all our pursuits: “Do unto others as you would that others
should do unto you.”
Now if you ever have a family yourself, and have persons to help you,
would you not think it right and proper that they should do your work
as you wished it done?—and would you not feel that it was proper that
your children should treat you with respect, and that your domestics
should set them a proper example in this particular? No doubt you
would, and therefore do unto your employers as you would that others
should do unto you, if your circumstances are changed and you become
employer instead of domestic.
There is an advantage to yourselves in doing this, that you are not
apt to realize. _A habit_ is the ease we acquire in doing any thing
by frequently practising it. Now, as one of the chief indications of
good breeding is polite and respectful manners, if you practise this
mode of address to your employers, you are gradually forming _a habit_
that will make such a mode of address easy and natural. This will
be qualifying you to appear with advantage among well bred and well
educated people. Now it very often happens, in this country, that a
woman who goes to service, marries a sensible, industrious and business
man, who, after some years, acquires that wealth and influence that
bring him and his family to associate with the best educated and best
bred people in the place where he lives. In this case, a person, who
in the capacity of a domestic, has cultivated the manners proper for
a domestic, will find that they are exactly the manners that fit her
to appear like a well bred lady, in the higher sphere to which she has
risen.
On the contrary, a domestic, who is rude and disrespectful in her mode
of address, and unwilling to appear as if she honoured and respected
those who have the rule over a family, never can appear otherwise than
as a coarse and vulgar person, however much her husband’s wealth and
character may raise her in society. It is therefore as much for your
own advantage, as it is for that of your employers and their children,
that you cultivate a habit of respectful address, and of cheerful
obedience to those who hire your services.
LETTER X.
On Visiting, Company, and Religious Meetings. On going out, and
having company. Religious meetings. A story to illustrate.
There are some particulars where domestics feel that their employers
have no right to control them, and on these points I hope you will
allow me, as a friend, to offer a little advice.
You perhaps may feel that it is your own concern what company you
visit, and who visit you, and that, after your work is done, you have a
right to go where you please without asking leave of your employers.
But here I wish you would try yourselves by “the golden rule.” Suppose
you to look forward to a time when you are the mistress of a family,
and hire persons to help you do the work, would you not in such a case
feel thus: I have hired these persons and pay them for their time,
and they have agreed to do my family work at the time and in the way
I wish. Now they cannot know, without asking, when I can spare them
and when I shall need their help. There are always times when, if the
regular work of the day is done up, some extra work, or some sickness,
or other causes, may make it needful for them to stay at home.
Therefore, I think it right to expect that those I hire will not either
go out, or invite company to come and see them, without first inquiring
of me whether it will be convenient. Do you not think you should feel
and think thus? Now, therefore, whatsoever ye would that others should
do unto you, do ye the same unto them. In obedience, therefore, to this
law of Christ, I would advise you never to go out anywhere, and never
to invite persons to visit you, without first inquiring of the mistress
of the family whether it will be convenient to her.
In regard to selecting your companions, remember the Word of God, “He
that walketh with the wise shall be wise, but the companion of fools
shall be destroyed.” There is nothing that so much influences our
character and happiness, as the companions we associate with, and
therefore it is of the utmost consequence that you find your associates
among the most respectable, amiable, and conscientious persons, and
that you shun the society of the gay, thoughtless and unprincipled.
There is another point where domestics feel that their employers have
no right to control, and this still more demands your attention, in
order that you may do what is right and best for yourselves. I refer to
the frequent attendance on evening meetings, and the late hours which
are sometimes the consequence of this. Now what I wish you to reflect
on, in reference to this, I can best exhibit by relating another story.
A Story.
Once there was a very good king, and he had a large residence at some
distance from his court. At this residence there was a large household
of servants, whose business it was to keep it in constant readiness, so
that whenever the king wished, he could go there and find every thing
in order.
Now these servants were very apt to be careless and negligent of their
business, and often became so engrossed in their own amusements, that
they forgot entirely the business they were placed there to do. In
consequence of this, the king used often to send messengers to them,
who would strive to keep them in order, and who wrote down in a book
the rules that should guide them in the performance of every duty.
But there still continued great havoc, waste and misrule. At last the
only son of the king, who was a very tender-hearted prince, and loved
these servants very much, came among them; for he feared that unless
something was done, when his father arrived, they would all be turned
away, and become miserably poor and wretched. So this excellent prince
came and staid a long time with these servants; he worked with them
himself, and showed them by his own example, the right way of doing
every thing; and then he wrote down the rules in a book, and placed it
so that every one could go to it and learn their duties.
But it was not a long time after the prince returned to his father’s
court, before all the servants were divided up into parties about
the proper way of doing the work. All agreed that the prince told
them that his father would soon come, that he would come suddenly and
unexpectedly—and that it was his will that every part of the house
should be cleansed, and every thing put in order. There was no dispute
about this.
But the parties were divided in this manner: A large portion of them
maintained that the most important thing to be done was to have the
water for cleaning house kept very hot, and that it must be hot all the
time—and so they spent most of their time in getting fuel and blowing
the fire—and they would sit up sometimes half the night to make fires
and keep the water hot. And they considered themselves as the best
servants in the house for their care and diligence in this respect, and
upbraided their companions for allowing so much coldness to get in the
water they were to use.
Then there was another portion that were very much excited about the
manner in which the water was to be used.
They seemed to think it was indispensable that it should be poured on
all over the floor, so as to cover every part of it, before commencing
the use of the mop or floor cloth. They insisted on it that this was
the way the prince directed them to use it—that he had it put on in
this manner himself, and that, in the book of directions, he was very
exact in stating that it must be used thus. And they insisted upon it,
as one of the most important of all their duties, that the water should
be used in this particular way, so that their thoughts and efforts were
much taken up with this matter.
Then there was another party, and they thought that it was of the
greatest consequence that the servants should understand who were to
be their overseers to direct in the way the work was to be done. They
maintained that the young prince had expressly directed who should be
overseers and who should not, so that even if a man was well qualified
to direct, and his fellow servants were willing to be directed by him,
it would not do to go on so. And they spent a great deal of time and
labour and feeling, in arguing with their fellow-servants to try to
convince them that most of the overseers were not put in their place
in the proper way, and did not direct others in the proper manner.
Then there was another large party, who insisted that it was
indispensable, that their fellow servants should _believe_ every thing
that was written in the Book of Directions, exactly according as they
understood them. They maintained that if men did not believe right
they never could work right. They were sure that they themselves did
understand and believe the Book of Directions, just as the prince
intended, and they spent a great deal of time in arguing and contending
about what was to be believed. And they insisted, that before any man
went to work in their part of the house he should declare what his
belief was, and how he understood the meaning of the directions in the
book.
Now all these things no doubt were important. It certainly was needful
to have the water hot, and it was desirable that it should be put on
the floors in the way directed by the prince, and it was important that
the proper overseers should direct the rest, and that they should
do it in the proper way, and it was very important that the Book of
Directions should be understood and believed, in the sense intended by
the young prince.
But the difficulty was, that they became so much engrossed about the
particular points where they differed, that they were in danger of
forgetting the great thing about which they all agreed, viz. _the
cleaning of the house_. And some of them got into such contentions
about these matters, that instead of cleaning the house, they really
made it more disorderly and unclean.
But there was a considerable number in all these parties, who looked at
these things more wisely. And they managed matters in this way. They
concluded, that as it was needful to have the water hot, they would
not hinder those who were heating it, but get all the warm water they
could from them, or from any one else, and go to cleaning the house
with it. They concluded that as they could not all agree as to the
proper way of putting on the water, that each should put it on in the
way he believed the prince had taught, and not quarrel with the rest,
who thought another way was right. They thought it was important to
have the right overseers, and to have them direct the rest in a proper
manner, but as they could not bring this about, they concluded to go to
any place where they could do the most work, and put themselves under
the overseer who was there, and do as well as they could.
They also concluded, that though it was exceedingly important that all
should understand and believe the directions written in the Book, yet
as all did not agree in every thing, it was best to join together in
the point where they all _did_ agree, viz. _in cleaning the house_.
And they comforted themselves in thinking of the promise of the
young prince, “If any man will _do_ his will he shall _know of the
doctrine_.” So they concluded that the best way to satisfy their own
minds and to convince others of the proper way of doing the work was,
to do it so diligently, so orderly, and so well, that others would
be convinced “by seeing their good works,” and so would follow their
example.
And it was these servants who really cleaned the house, and, so far as
they could do it, had every thing in readiness. And when their Lord
and King arrived, they met him without fear, while he blessed them with
a benignant smile, and said unto them, “Well done, good and faithful
servants, enter ye into the joy of your Lord.”
Now, my friends, this story illustrates what I wish to explain to you,
about religion and religious meetings.
We are placed in this world to form a character like that of God, to
become holy as he is holy, for this is the only way to be happy. Jesus
Christ is “God manifest in the flesh,” and “in him dwelleth all the
fulness of the Godhead bodily,” and one great object he had in coming
into this world was, to show us what the character of God is, that we
may know how to become like him.—And while here, he set us an example
of the way in which we are to “cleanse our hearts” from all evil, so
that he and his Father can come and make their abode with us. He did
every thing which we shall be called to do, as a perfect example for
us, and when he returned to his Father’s court, he left a Book of
Instructions for us all to use, that we may learn how to cleanse our
hearts and lives from all sin.
Now, we find that there are many parties among the servants of Christ,
that differ a great deal about the best way of doing this great work.
Some think it is very important to have a great many meetings, and to
read and pray and sing a great deal, in order to keep our feelings
warm, and this they think is more important than any thing else.
Others think it is very important that we should be baptized in the
proper manner, and at the proper time. Others think it very important,
that those who are rulers and overseers in the church, should be
ordained in the proper manner, and that they should direct their people
aright, as to the forms and rites of the church.
Others think it very important to believe in the right doctrines of
religion, and that it is best to take great care, not to have any
belong to their particular church, who do not believe the doctrines of
the Bible as they do.
But they all agree, that the great work to be done, after all, is _to
cleanse the heart and life_, by following the example of our Lord
Jesus Christ.—He taught us to live not for ourselves but for Him—and
to make it (as he did) our meat and drink to do the will of our Father
in heaven. He taught us to deny ourselves daily, by restraining all
harmful passions and desires, and, as he did, to go about doing good,
in the humblest sphere in which we may be placed. Now, there is no
dispute at all about _this_ great duty. And all agree, that the things
they differ about, are of no importance, except as they tend to promote
a conformity of heart and life to the character and example of Christ.
Those who spend the most time in religious exercises and meetings,
consider that it is important to do so, only because it tends to make
them more like Christ—and those who think so much of baptism, and
ordination, and of believing the true doctrines, suppose that these
things are important, only because they will lead us to become like
Christ. There is not any minister of any denomination, who, if you ask
him about these things, will not tell you, that I am right in all I
have said about this matter. Now, if this is true, then we have a rule
for judging how much it is proper to go to meetings and to attend to
religious exercises.
We go to such meetings, and attend such exercises, to warm our feelings
and excite our minds, in order that we may do all our duties better.
There is no merit in reading and singing and hearing, nor is there any
use in great enjoyment or great feeling, unless these things tend to
make us more gentle, meek, humble, faithful and diligent in our duties
to God and men. And if we are baptized in the right way, and have
the right ministers, and the right services, and the right doctrines
preached, it is all of no value to us, unless we improve them so as to
become more and more like Christ. Remember, then, that your object in
reading and praying and in going to meetings should be, that you may
become more faithful, kind, obliging, industrious, and exemplary in all
respects.
I fear a great many people pray, and read the Bible, and go to meetings
and try to get up a great deal of feeling, and think that this is being
religious. But this is no more being religious than heating water is
cleaning a house. It is only a course of means appointed by God to
enable us to accomplish the great object of life; which is to form such
a character as prepares us for Heaven; or in other words, _to become
like Jesus Christ_.