And oft his smooth and bridled tongue
Would give the lie to his flushing cheek:
He was a coward to the strong:
He was a tyrant to the weak.
SHELLEY.
My father, as soon as he had obtained my promotion, asked for my being
employed; and having had a promise from the Admiralty, that promise,
unlike thousands of its predecessors and successors, was too rapidly
fulfilled. I received a letter from my father, and a bouncing one from
the Admiralty, by the same post, announcing officially my appointment
to the D---- brig, of eighteen guns, at Portsmouth, whither I was
directed to repair immediately, and take up my commission. In this
transaction I soon after found there was an underplot, which I was too
green to perceive at the time; but the wise heads of the two papas had
agreed that a separation between the lovers was absolutely necessary,
and that the longer it was delayed, the worse it would be for both of
us: in short, that until I had attained my rank, nothing should be
thought of in the way of matrimony.
As the reader is, no doubt, by this time pretty well versed in all
the dialogue of parting lovers, I shall not intrude upon his or her
patience with a repetition of that which has been much too often
repeated, and is equally familiar to the prince and the ploughman. I
should as soon think of describing the Devil's Punch Bowl, on the road
to Portsmouth, where I arrived two days after my appointment.
I put up at Billett's, at the George, as a matter of course, because
it was the resort of all the naval aristocracy, and directly opposite
to the admiral's office. The first person for whom I made my kind
inquiries was my captain elect; but he herded not with his brother
epaulettes. He did not live at the George, nor did he mess at the
Crown; he was not at the Fountain, nor the Parade Coffee-house; and
the Blue Posts ignored him; but he was to be heard of at the Star and
Garter, on the tip of Portsmouth Point. He did not even live there,
but generally resided on board. This does not savour well; I never
like your captains who live on board their ships in harbour; no ship
can be comfortable, for no one can do as he pleases, which is the life
and soul of a man-of-war, when in port.
To the Star and Garter I went, and asked for Captain G. I hoped I
should not find him here; for this house had been, time out of mind,
the rendezvous of warrant-officers, mates, and midshipmen. Here,
however, he was; I sent up my card, and was admitted to his presence.
He was seated in a small parlour, with a glass of brandy and water, or
at least the remains of it, before him; his feet were on the fender,
and several official documents which he had received that morning
were lying on the table. He rose as I entered, and shewed me a short,
square-built frame, with a strong projection of the sphere, or what
the Spaniards call _bariga_. This rotundity of corporation was,
however, supported by as fine a pair of Atlas legs as ever were worn
by a Bath chairman. His face was rather inclined to be handsome; the
features regular, a pleasant smile upon his lips, and a deep dimple in
his chin. But his most remarkable feature was his eye; it was small,
but piercing, and seemed to possess that long-sought _desideratum_ of
the perpetual motion, since it was utterly impossible to fix it for
one moment on any object: and there was in it a lurking expression,
which, though something of a physiognomist, I could not readily
decipher.
"Mr Mildmay," said my skipper, "I am extremely happy to see you, and
still more so that you have been appointed to my ship; will you be
seated?"
As I obeyed, he turned round, and, rubbing his hands, as if he had
just laid down his soap, he continued, "I always make it a rule,
previous to an officer joining my ship, to learn something of his
character from my brother captains; it is a precaution which I take,
as I consider that one scabby sheep, &c. is strictly applicable to our
service. I wish to have good officers and perfect gentlemen about me.
There are, no doubt, many officers who can do their duty well, and
with whom I should have no fault to find; but then there is a way of
doing it--a _modus in rebus_, which a gentleman only can attain to;
coarse manners, execrations, and abusive language render the men
discontented, degrade the service, and are therefore very properly
forbidden in the second article of war. Under such officers, the
men always work unwillingly. I have taken the liberty to make some
inquiries about you; and can only say, that all I have heard is to
your advantage. I have no doubt we shall suit each other; and be
assured it shall be my study to make you as comfortable as possible."
To this very sensible and polite address, I made a suitable reply. He
then stated that he expected to sail in a few days; that the officer
whom I was to supersede had not exactly suited his ideas, although he
believed him to be a very worthy young man; and that, in consequence,
he had applied and succeeded in obtaining for him another appointment;
that it was necessary he should join his ship immediately; but, of
course, he must first be superseded by me. "Therefore," said he,
"you had better meet me on board the brig to-morrow morning at nine
o'clock, when your commission shall be read; and after that I beg you
will consider yourself your own master for a few days, as I presume
you have some little arrangements to prepare for your cruise. I am
aware," pursued he, smiling most benignantly, "that there are many
little comforts which officers wish to attend to; such as fitting
their cabins and looking to their mess, and a thousand other nameless
things, which tend to pass the time and break up the monotony of a
sea-life. Forty years have I trod the king's planks, man and boy, and
not with any great success, as you may perceive, by the rank I now
hold, and the life I am leading; for here I sit over a glass of humble
grog, instead of joining my brother captains in their claret at the
Crown; but I have two sisters to support, and I feel more satisfaction
in doing my duty as a brother, than indulging my appetite; although
I own I have no dislike to a glass of claret, when it does not come
before me in a questionable shape: I mean when I have not got to pay
for it, which I cannot afford. Now do not let me take up any more of
your time. You have plenty of acquaintances that you wish to see, I
have no doubt; and as for my yarns, they will do to pass away a watch,
when we have nothing more attractive to divert us." So saying, he
held out his hand, and shook mine most cordially. "To-morrow, at nine
o'clock," he repeated; and I left him, much pleased with my interview.
I went back to my inn, thinking what a very fortunate fellow I was
to have such an honest, straight-forward, bold, British hero of a
captain, on my first appointment. I ordered my dinner at the George,
and then strolled out to make my purchases, and give my orders for a
few articles for sea service. I fell in with several old messmates;
they congratulated me on my promotion, and declared I should give them
a dinner to wet my commission, to which I readily consented. The day
was named, and Mr Billett was ordered to provide accordingly.
Having dined _solus_, I amused myself in writing a long letter to my
dear Emily; and with the assistance of a bottle of wine, succeeded in
composing a tolerably warm and rapturous sort of a document, which
I sealed, kissed, and sent to the post-office; after which, I built
castles till bed time; but not one castle did I build, in which Emily
was not the sole mistress. I went to bed, and slept soundly; and the
next morning, by seven o'clock, I was arrayed in a spick-span new
uniform, with an immensely large epaulette stuck on my right shoulder.
Having breakfasted, I sallied out, and, in my own conceit, was as
handsome a chap as ever buckled a sword belt. I skimmed with a light
and vigorous foot down High-street.
"Boat, your honour?" said a dozen voices at once, as I reached New
Sallyport; but I was resolved that Point-street should have a look
at me, as well as High-street; so I kept a profound and mysterious
silence, and let the watermen follow me to Point, just like so many
sucking fish after a shark. I had two or three offers for volunteers
to serve with me as I went along; but they were not of the right sex,
so I did not take them.
"Boat to Spithead, your honour?" said a tough old waterman.
"Ay, you'll do," said I; so I jumped into his wherry, and we shoved
off.
"What ship is your honour going to?" said the man.
"To the D---- brig."
"Oh, you are a-going to she, are you? To belong to her, mayhap?"
"Yes," I replied.
The waterman gave a sigh, feathered his oar, and never spoke another
word till we came alongside. I did not regret his taciturnity, for I
was always more amused with my own thoughts, than in conversing with
illiterate people.
The brig was a most beautiful vessel. She mounted eighteen guns, and
sat on the water like a duck. I perceived that the pendant was up for
punishment, and this I thought rather an unusual sight at Spithead: I
took it for granted that some aggravated offence, such as theft, or
mutiny, had been committed. Seeing I was an officer, I was admitted
alongside; so I paid the waterman, and sent him away. As I went up the
side, I saw a poor fellow spread-eagled up to the grating, "according
to the manners and customs of the natives," while the captain,
officers, and ship's company stood round witnessing the athletic
dexterity of a boatswain's mate, who, by the even, deep, and parallel
marks of the cat on the white back and shoulders of the patient,
seemed to be perfectly master of his business. All this did not
surprise me: I was used to it; but after the address of my captain
on the preceding day, I was very much surprised to hear language in
direct violation of the second article of war.
Cursings and execrations poured out of his mouth with a volubility
equal to any the most accomplished lady on the back of the Point.
"Boatswain's mate," roared the captain, "do your duty, or by G---- I
will have _you_ up, and give you four dozen yourself. One would think,
d----n your b----d, that you were brushing flies off a sleeping Venus,
instead of punishing a scoundrel, with a hide as thick as a buffalo's,
and be d----d to him--do your duty, Sir, d----n your soul."
During this elegant address, the unhappy wretch had received four
severe dozen, which the master-at-arms had counted aloud, and reported
to the captain. "Another boatswain's mate," said he. The poor creature
turned his head over his shoulders with an imploring look, but it was
in vain. I watched the countenance of the captain, and the peculiar
expression, which I could not decipher at my first interview, I now
read most plainly: it was malignant cruelty, and delight in torturing
his own species; he seemed to take a diabolical pleasure in the
hateful operation which we were compelled to witness. The second
boatswain's mate commenced, with a fresh cat, and gave a lash across
the back of the prisoner, that made _me_ start.
"One," said the master-at-arms, beginning to count.
"One!" roared the captain; "do you call that one? not a quarter of
a one. That fellow is only fit for fly-flapper at a pork shop! I'll
disrate you, by G----d, you d----d Molly Mop; is that the way you
handle a cat; that's only wiping the dirt off his back. Where's the
boatswain?"
"Here," said a stout, gigantic, left-handed fellow, stepping forward,
with a huge blue uniform coat and a plain anchor button, holding his
hat in his left hand, and stroking his hair down his forehead with his
right. I surveyed this man, as he turned himself about, and concluded,
that the tailor who worked for him had been threatened with a specimen
of his art, if he stinted him in cloth; for the skirts of his coat
were ample, terminating in an inclined plane, the corners in front
being much lower than the middle of the robe behind; the buttons on
the hips were nearly pistol shot asunder.
"Give this man a dozen, Sir," said Captain G.; "and if you favour him,
I'll put you under arrest, and stop your liquor."
This last part of the threat had more effect with Mr Pipe than the
first. He began to peel, as the boxers call it; off came his capacious
coat; a red waistcoat--full-sized for a Smithfield ox--was next
deposited; then he untied a black silk handkerchief, and showed a
throat, covered like that of a goat, with long brown hairs, thick as
pack-thread. He next rolled up his shirt-sleeves above his elbow, and
showed an arm and a back very like the Farnese Hercules, which, no
doubt, all my readers have seen at the foot of the staircase at
Somerset-house, when they have been to the exhibition.
This hopeful commentator on articles of war, seized his cat: the
handle was two feet long, one inch and three quarters thick, and
covered with red baize. The tails of this terrific weapon were three
feet long, nine in number, and each of them about the size of that
line which covers the springs of a travelling carriage. Mr Pipes,
whose scientific display in this part of his art, had no doubt
procured for him the warrant of a boatswain, in virtue of which he now
stood as the vindicator of the laws of his country, handled his cat
like an adept, looked at it from top to bottom, cleared all the tails,
by the insertion of his delicate fingers, and combing them out,
stretched out his left leg--for he was left-legged as well as
left-handed--and measuring his distance with the accurate eye of an
engineer, raised his cat high in air with his left hand, his right
still holding the tips of the tails, as if to restrain their
impatience; when, giving his arm and body a full swing, embracing
three-fourths of the circle, he inflicted a tremendous stroke on the
back of the unfortunate culprit. This specimen seemed to satisfy the
amateur captain, who nodded approbation to the inquiring look of the
amateur boatswain. The poor man lost his respiration from the force of
the blow; and the tails of the cat coming from an opposite direction
to the first four dozen, cut the flesh diamond-wise, bringing the
blood at every blow.
I will not wound the feelings of my readers with a description of the
poor wretch's situation. Even at this distance of time, I am shocked
at it, and bitterly lament the painful necessity I have often been
under of inflicting similar punishment; but I hope and trust I never
did it without a cause, or in the wanton display of arbitrary power.
The last dozen being finished, the sum total was reported by the
master-at-arms, "five dozen."
"Five dozen!" repeated Captain G; "that will do--cast him off. And
now, sir," said he, to the fainting wretch, "I hope this will be a
warning to you, that the next time you wish to empty your beastly
mouth, you will not spit on my quarter-deck."
"Heavens!" thought I, "is all this for spitting on the quarter-deck?
and this, from the moralist of yesterday, who allowed neither oaths
nor execrations, and has uttered more blasphemy in the last ten
minutes, than I have heard for the last ten weeks?"
I had not yet caught the captain's eye--he was too intent on his
amusement. As soon as the prisoner was cast loose, he commanded to
pipe down, or in other words, to dismiss the people to their usual
occupations, when I went up to him, and touched my hat.
"Oh! you are come, are you? Pipe, belay there--send every body aft on
the quarter-deck."
My commission was then read: all hats off in respect to the sovereign,
from whom the authority was derived. After this, I, being duly
inaugurated, became the second lieutenant of the sloop; and the
captain, without condescending to give me another word or look,
ordered his gig to be manned, and was going on shore. I was not
presented by him to any of the officers, which, in common courtesy, he
ought to have done. This omission, however, was supplied by the first
lieutenant, who invited me down into the gun-room, to introduce me
to my new messmates. We left the tiger pacing up and down on his
quarter-deck.
The first lieutenant was of the medium stature, a suitable height for
a sloop of war, a spare figure of about forty years of age; he had but
one eye, and that eye was as odd a one as the captain's. There was in
it, however, unlike the captain's, an infinite deal of humour, and
when he cocked it, as he constantly did, it almost spoke. I never saw
three such eyes in two such heads. There was a lurking smile in the
lieutenant's face, when I told him that the captain had desired me to
come on board and read my commission, after which I might have two or
three days to myself to prepare for sea.
"Well," said he, "you had better go and ask him now; but you will find
him a rum one."
Accordingly, up I went to him. "Have you any objection to my going on
shore, Sir?"
"Shore, Sir!" bellowed he "and who the devil is to carry on the duty,
if you go on shore? Shore, eh! I wish there was no shore, and then
d----n the dog that couldn't swim! No, Sir; you have had shore
enough. The service is going to h----l, Sir! A parcel of brats, with
lieutenants' commissions before they should have been clear of the
nursery! No, Sir: stay on board, or, d----n me, I'll break you, like
an egg-shell, before you have taken the shine out of that fine new
epaulette! No, no, by G----; no more cats here than catch mice. You
stay on board, and do your duty: every man does his duty here; and let
me see the ---- that don't do it!"
I was in some measure prepared for this sublime harangue; but still
there was sufficient room in my mind to admit of great astonishment at
this sudden change of wind. I replied that he had promised me leave
yesterday, and that, upon the strength of that promise, I had left all
my things on shore, and that I was not in any way prepared to go to
sea.
"I promised you leave, did I? Perhaps I did; but that was only to get
you on board. I am up to your tricks, you d----d young chaps: when you
get on shore, there is no getting you off again. No, no; no-catchee
no-habee! You would not have made your appearance these three days, if
I hadn't sugared the trap! Now I have got you, I'll keep you, d----n my
eyes!"
I repeated my request to go on shore; but, without condescending to
offer any farther reasons, he answered--
"I'd see you d----d first, Sir! And observe, I never admit of
expostulation. Nothing affords me more pleasure than to oblige my
officers in every thing reasonable; but I never permit reply."
Thought I to myself, "You certainly have escaped from hell, and I do
not see how the infernal regions can do without you. You would have
been one of the most ingenious tormentors of the damned. Domitian
would have made you admiral, and your boatswain captain of the fleet!"
Having made this reflection, as I took a turn or two on deck, thinking
what was best to be done, and knowing that "the king could do no
wrong," the officer whom I had just superseded came up the hatchway,
and, touching his hat very respectfully to the captain, asked whether
he might go on shore.
"You may go to hell, and be d----d, Sir!" said the captain (who hated
bad language); "you are not fit to carry guts to a bear!--you are not
worth your salt; and the sooner you are off, the cleaner the ship will
be! Don't stand staring at me, like a bull over a gate! Down, and pack
up your traps, or I'll freshen your way!" raising his foot at the same
time, as if he was going to kick him.
The young officer, who was a mild, gentlemanly, and courageous
youth, did as he was bidden. I was perfectly astonished: I had been
accustomed to sail with gentlemen. I had heard of martinets, and
disciplinarians, and foul-mouthed captains; but this outdid all I ever
could have conceived, and much more than I thought ever could have
been submitted to by any correct officer. Roused to indignation, and
determined not to be treated in this manner, I again walked up to him,
and requested leave to go on shore.
"You have had your answer, Sir."
"Yes, I have, Sir," said I, "and in language that I never before heard
on his Majesty's quarter-deck. I joined this ship as an officer and a
gentleman, and as such I will be treated."
"Mutiny, by G----!" roared the captain. "Cock-a-hoop with your new
commission, before the ink is dry!"
"As you please, Sir," I replied; "but I shall write a letter to the
port-admiral, stating the circumstances and requesting leave of
absence; and that letter I shall trouble you to forward."
"I'll be d----d if I do!" said he.
"Then, Sir," said I, "as you have refused to forward it, and in the
presence of all the officers and ship's company, I shall forward it
without troubling you."
This last shot of mine seemed to produce the same effect upon him that
the last round does upon a beaten boxer; he did not come to time,
but, muttering something, dived down the companion, and went into his
cabin.
The first lieutenant now came up, and congratulated me on my victory.
"You have puzzled and muzzled the bear completely," said he; "I have
long wanted a coadjutor like yourself. Wilson, who is going to leave
us, is the best creature that ever lived: but though brave as a lion
before an enemy, he is cowed by this incarnate devil."
Our conversation was interrupted by a message from the captain, who
desired to speak with me in his cabin. I went down; he received me
with the benignant smile of our first acquaintance.
"Mr Mildmay," said he, "I always assume a little tartness with my
officers when they first join" ("and when they quit you too," thought
I), "not only to prove to them that I am, and will be the captain of
my own ship, but also as an example to the men, who, when they see
what the officers are forced to put up with, feel themselves more
contented with their lot, and obey more readily; but, as I told you
before, the comfort of my officers is my constant study--you are
welcome to go ashore, and have twenty-four hours' leave to collect
your necessaries."
To this harangue I made no reply; but, touching my hat, quitted the
cabin. I felt so much contempt for the man that I was afraid to speak,
lest I should commit myself.
The captain shortly after quitted the ship, telling the first
lieutenant that I had permission to go on shore. I was now left at
liberty to make acquaintance with my companions in misery--and nothing
conduces to intimacy so much as community of suffering. My resistance
to the brutality of our common taskmaster had pleased them; they told
me what a tyrant and what a disgrace to the service he was, and how
shameful it was that he should be entrusted with the command of so
fine a vessel, or of any vessel at all, except it were a convict ship.
The stories they told me of him were almost incredible, and nothing
but the too well founded idea, that an officer trying his captain by
a court-martial, had a black mark against him for ever after, and was
never known to rise, could have saved this man from the punishment he
so richly deserved: no officer, they said, had been more than three
weeks in the ship, and they were all making interest to leave her.
In my report of what occurred in this vessel during the time I
belonged to her, I must, in justice to the captains and commanders of
his Majesty's navy observe, that the case was unique of its kind--such
a character as Captain G---- was rarely met with in the navy then,
and, for reasons which I shall give, will be still more rare in
future. The first lieutenant told me that I had acted very judiciously
in resisting at first his undue exertion of authority; that he was
at once a tyrant, a bully, and a coward, and would be careful how he
attacked me again. "But be on your guard," said he, "he will never
forgive you; and, when he is most agreeable, there is the most
mischief to be dreaded. He will lull you into security, and, whenever
he can catch you tripping, he will try you by a court-martial. You had
better go on shore, and settle all your business, and, if possible, be
on board before your leave is out. It was only your threat of writing
to the port-admiral that procured you leave of absence. You have
nothing to thank him for: he would have kept you on board if he dared.
I have never quitted the ship since I joined her; and never has a
day passed without a scene similar to what you have this morning
witnessed. And yet," continued he, "if it were not for his cruelty to
the men, he is the most amusing liar I ever heard. I am often more
inclined to laugh than to be angry at him; he has a vein of wit and
rich humour that runs through his composition, and never quits him.
There is drollery even in his malice, and, if we cannot get clear of
him, we must make the best of him."
I went on shore, collected all my clothes and the other articles of
which I stood in need, and was on board my ship again the next morning
before eight o'clock.