FURTHER DEVELOPMENTS IN THE MAKING OF A NAME.
"YOU must have felt like a vest-pocket Byron, to wake up and find
yourself famous that way," said Toppleton; "or, perhaps you found
yourself _in_famous, eh? I don't know how it is here in England, but in
America a lawyer who'd browbeat a poor innocent litigant into a state
bordering upon lunacy, would be requested to move out of town."
"It all depends," returned the spirit. "If my substituted self had
limited his brow-beating to the plaintiff, it might have made the
reputation which I found awaiting me upon my return to my remains, one
of infamy, but that was by no means the case. The judge himself
succumbed to nervous prostration a week later, the jurors vanished like
a pack of frightened hares immediately they were discharged, and even my
client shook like a leaf when he felt my eyes resting upon him. As for
my own proper self, I was the worst scared man of the lot; so, you see,
it was a sort of universal awe that was inspired by the demeanour of my
body that day, and one which commanded rather than invited respect."
"Did you find your head a little stretched when you got back into
yourself again, or did he break his word and refuse to let you back?"
queried Toppleton.
"Oh, he kept his word that time," replied the spirit. "After the trial
was over he took a cab and drove rapidly out to Regent's Park and back,
returning to my chambers about six o'clock. I was there waiting for him,
ready to enter upon my usual anatomical ways once more. My client was
also there, though, of course, unaware that I was present in spirit. I
was very much amused to see how utterly unnerved poor Baskins was by the
strange events of the day. Several times he muttered to himself remarks
like, '_I didn't know he had it in him_,' and '_If I'd thought he was
that kind of a man I'd have kept blessed clear of him. I wonder what
he'll charge._' And then every time there was a step or noise of any
kind out in the corridor, he would straighten up nervously and stare at
the door in a tense sort of fashion which showed that he dreaded meeting
me. Once he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a big duelling
pistol which I was alarmed to note was loaded to the muzzle. It was
evident that the awe which my new self had inspired in him amounted to
positive fear.
"That duelling pistol put an end to my enjoyment of the situation,"
continued the spirit. "I was afraid he might be goaded into discharging
a load of cold lead into my body. Of course, I didn't care to have that
happen, and under the agitation of the moment I uttered an ejaculation
of consternation. I never saw in all my experience a man so thoroughly
frightened as Baskins was when the sound for which he could not account
greeted his ear. He went on his knees and shook like a leaf, clasping
his hands, as if in prayer, before his face, which turned a blue white.
The pistol fell from his hands to the floor, and, as it did so, the door
opened, and I saw myself standing on the sill, haggard of face, but not
worn of spirit, for the supernatural brilliance of my eye as it caught
sight of the pistol and realized at a flash just what the situation was,
showed that the soul within was still unwearied by its effort.
"Then," added the spirit, his voice husky with the remembrance of his
dishonour, "came an interview that makes me blush, even though I have no
cheek on which to display that manifestation of shame. My body sprang
forward as the pistol met my eye, and, snatching the weapon from the
floor, flung it out through the window into the court, where it
exploded, the jar of contact with the stone walk being sufficient to
discharge it. As the sharp report of the pistol echoed through the court
my client threw himself flat on his face, and prostrate there at my feet
began to utter a string of incoherent lamentations and despairing
requests for mercy at my hands which were painful to hear, and I judged
from what meaning I could patch together from his jumble of words, that
he deemed me an emissary of Satan,--and I think he was right.
"'What does this mean?' queried the fiend within me. 'Murder or suicide?
If you contemplated suicide, I forgive you; if murder--'
"'I was afraid,' gasped my unhappy client. 'Your power was so terrible;
the effect of your words so awful, that I--'
"'Ah!' interrupted the fiend. 'I see. It was murder you were prepared to
do in case we should not agree, and the power of my eye should chance to
be exerted to win you from your determination whatever it may have
been.'
"'No--not that--not that!' shrieked my client. 'It was but the natural
instinct of self-preservation that led me to--'
"'You weaken your cause by your loquacity, my friend,' said the fiend.
'You suspected me of contemplating some dishonourable or cowardly act,
and for that reason you entered the office of him who has saved your
good name and your purse alike from them who would have robbed you of
both, having so little sense of gratitude that you bring with you an
instrument of death. Very well, let it be so. I am satisfied if you are.
I might do that to you now which would place you in far worse estate
than your poor brother is in. If you had your pistol in your hand, aimed
at my heart, you would still be powerless to do me an injury, for with
one glance of my eye I could force you to turn the muzzle to your own
head, and with another compel you to empty its leaden load into your own
brains. Your suspicions are insulting, but an insult from one of your
calibre to one of mine is as the sting of a fly to the elephant; I pass
it over and charge it on the bill. Ten thousand pounds for trying the
case, two thousand five hundred for accepting your insult, two thousand
five hundred for condoning it, and in one hour must this money be in my
hands with a letter--a letter written and signed by you, expressing your
satisfaction with the manner of my conducting the case, and concluding
with an allusion to your surprise that my charge is so moderate."
"'And if I refuse to submit to this outrage?' queried my client, lashed
into a show of courage which he really did not feel.
"'You leave this room a raving maniac, for I have the power to make you
so,' I was appalled to hear myself reply."
"And do you mean to tell me," said Hopkins, his bosom heaving with
indignation, "that you sat there like a zero on a pedestal, and kept
silent with this blackmailing infamy going on under your very eyes?"
"I was speechless with rage," returned the spirit, "or I should have
interfered. Before I could recover my composure the letter had been
written and the money paid, for my client still had the sixty thousand
pounds in their original form, in the one thousand pound banknotes. The
struggle he went through was terrible to witness, and as the notes
passed from his hands into mine he sighed like one who was heart-broken.
The fiend dictated the letter commending my efforts, and expressing
surprise that the amount asked for my services was so moderate, and then
he opened the door and ushered the unfortunate victim out. As the latter
left the room the fiend whispered to him in withering tones to beware
of his vengeance if he ever attempted to reveal what had passed since he
entered the room.
"'For,' said he, 'if you are not careful, it matters not in what part of
this or any other world you may be, you must forever be within my reach,
and forever subject to the consequences of my resentment.'
"Then," said the spirit, "he slammed the door violently and turned and
fixed my eyes upon the corner wherein I sat aghast with the
mortification of having my name identified in any man's mind with such a
diabolical act as that I had just witnessed.
"'Now,' he said, 'you may have this carcass of yours back and welcome.
It's lucky for you I have the power I have. If I hadn't, your body would
be riddled with bullets within twenty-four hours.'
"'Bah!' I replied. 'That man had no more intention of using that pistol
without provocation than I have, and considering the terror with which
you have managed to inspire everyone with whom you have come in contact
to-day, I don't wonder he came armed.'
"'I never thought of that,' said my substitute, 'though what you say
about everybody's terror is true; you might apply it even more broadly
than you do, because as I drove down the Strand just now even the
omnibus horses shied, and the driver of my cab had all he could do to
keep his ramshackle steed from running away. But hurry up and get ready
to relieve me of this mortal incubus of yours, and take your money--it's
a nice little sum, eh?'
"'Magnificent,' I returned. 'And when you and I have changed places I am
going to return all but five hundred pounds to that poor fellow you have
just robbed in such a conscienceless fashion.'
"The moment I said this," said the spirit, "I regretted it, for he
grasped the money with my right hand, and holding it over the fire,
which was blazing merrily in the grate, he said. 'My friend, I exact
from you an oath that you will not return one penny of this sum to Mr.
Baskins. If you refuse, I shall cast every one of these bank notes into
that fire, nor shall I admit you once more to your form until the very
ashes of those notes have disappeared into the air.'
"Now what could I do under the circumstances, Toppleton?" asked the
spirit earnestly. "Could I do anything but swear to what he asked?"
"Yes," returned Hopkins, "you could. I don't believe so vile a creature
as he could have distinguished between a bible and a city directory. I'd
have taken the oath on the city directory."
"Alas!" said the spirit sadly, and with such evident sincerity that it
jostled the Aunt Sallie from the chair to the floor. "As I said to you
before, I am only an enduring Briton where you have the inventive genius
of the Yankee. I never thought of the substitution of the directory for
the bible, and the consequent elimination of moral responsibility from
the oath. I simply swore as he desired me to, and in an hour I was alone
in my office, the occupant of a frame so exhausted that I could scarcely
lift my head, and in my pockets were those miserable bank notes, more
burning to my conscience than had they been sovereign for sovereign in
gold coin hot from the mint."
"Of course," suggested Hopkins, "you devoted them to the cause of
charity; subscribed all but your just due to the House for Imbeciles, in
which that wronged unfortunate the plaintiff was incarcerated?"
"I intended something of the sort," returned the spirit, extricating
himself from the head of Aunt Sallie, and ensconcing himself on the
paper-weight on Hopkins' desk. "But I didn't have time. You see,
immediately after the trial a perfect avalanche of litigants from other
offices slid into mine, and within a week I was so overwhelmed with
business that I had to hire the rest of this floor here to find room for
my papers. It was painful to me, too, to observe that those who had
heard of my fame, but who had never seen me, were manifestly
disappointed, when taking their departure at the close of a first
interview, at having found me so much less great than they had been led
to believe by the public estimate of my abilities. Nevertheless, cases
of the most intricate sort were fairly dumped into my hands by the
cart-load, and, worst of all, I found that eminence brought with it
other responsibilities which I was ill-prepared to meet. I was
constantly in receipt of requests to lecture on subjects of a variety
that would have appalled the fiend himself, and worse than all I was
called into consultation by the Crown in certain litigation of
international importance. For a time I tried to go it alone, and by
assiduous devotion to study to fit myself for the responsibilities which
my fame had brought me, but it was impossible. I broke down in less than
a month; but having tasted the joys of prominence I was not strong
enough to resist the temptation to prolong it indefinitely, and, without
thinking of the means, I committed myself to certain undertakings which
were utterly beyond my intellectual strength to accomplish, and then,
when brought face to face with failure and disgrace, there was but one
thing left for me to do, and that I did.
"I summoned the fiend. The mere expression of a desire to see him was
sufficient to bring him into my presence, and time and time again did I
subject my poor body for ambition's sake to the dreadful interchange of
spirits.
"From without I watched my development from mediocrity to fame with a
joyous interest, not unmixed, however, with regret, for, at such moments
as were permitted me to enjoy the undivided possession of myself, I
could not but feel conscious of a diminution of physical strength which
detracted materially from my happiness; and yet when day after day I saw
my name in print, and noted that I was regarded as one of the most
marvellous intellectual products of the day, I could not bring myself to
the point where I could renounce everything I had gained, and withdraw
to the contented life of the recluse. Let a man once taste a living
immortality, Hopkins, and I care not how strong his character may be, he
would part with all that he holds most dear sooner than he would
renounce that.
"And so it went on for a full year. I became the leading light of the
English bar; I astonished the world as a public orator; so potent were
my arguments that in court or on the hustings none were able to resist
me. At public dinners I was the speaker who alone could hold the
feasters when the seductions of the wine cup awaited the cessation of my
eloquence. Had I been able to extend the hours of my days from
twenty-four to ten times twenty-four, I could not have responded to all
the calls that were made upon my time. Then as if to show the world that
one profession was too small to hold the boundless qualities of my
genius, I startled the English reading public with a novel, the depth
and power of which stirred the soul of the most _blase_ of
novel-readers, and the presses of my publisher were taxed to the utmost
to supply the demand for my work; then came a volume of poems which
caused my name to be mentioned as a possible successor to the
laureateship; then a series of essays on scientific and philosophical
subjects which were nearly my undoing, since my omniscient self, as I
came to call the fiend who was responsible for my greatness, was absent
upon one occasion when I was called upon unexpectedly to receive a
delegation of Scottish scientists, who had travelled from Edinburgh to
London to consult with me in regard to certain propositions advanced in
my book. What they thought of me Heaven only knows. You see, Hopkins, as
far as my original self was concerned there wasn't an atom of scientific
knowledge in my body, and to tell you the truth I hadn't even read my
book, concerning which these unwelcome grey beards had come from
Edinburgh to speak."
"I should like to have been on hand to hear you," said Hopkins with a
laugh. "You must have felt like Damocles!"
"I was worse off than Damocles. He was face to face with nothing but
death. I was having a _tete-a-tete_ with dishonour. Damocles had a sword
suspended over his head, held in place by a hair, I had a Krupp cannon
over mine, held in place by Heaven knows what."
"How did you get out of it?" queried Hopkins. "Summon the fiend?"
"What, summon that deadly green thing before those men, and change
places with him in the presence of witnesses? I fancy not. I have been a
complete hall-marked fool in many respects, Hopkins, but my idiocy never
went as far as that. The only thing left for me to do was to acquiesce
in nine things that those fellows said, and look doubtful at the tenth
and say I didn't know about that; my inherent love of compromise and my
ingenuity in that direction stood me in good stead upon that occasion.
It was a narrow squeak, but I got through all right. The _savants_ went
back to Edinburgh somewhat disappointed, I presume, with the new sun on
the scientific horizon. And you ought to have seen how the fiend
laughed when I told him about it the next time I saw him! He fixed it
all right, however, by sitting down and writing a letter to my late
visitors and answering every one of their questions, and asking them a
few additional ones, to answer which I fancy put them to their trumps.
"After making me famous as scientist, novelist and lawyer, the fiend
induced a political bee to enter my cap, and one day after an absence of
a week from my body, during which period of time I was utterly in the
dark as to its whereabouts, I was appalled to see it reel in at the door
in a maudlin state that revolted me.
"'Well,' I said as soon as I was able to speak,' what new disgrace is
this you have put upon me? Am I to make my mark now as an inebriate, or
is this simply a little practical joke you are putting upon my
sensibilities? If it is the latter, it is a mighty poor joke.'
"'No,' returned the fiend, who I am pleased to say showed some sense of
shame at the plight he had got me into this time. 'No, this is not a
practical joke, nor do I wish to ruin your reputation for sobriety. I
regret this apparent liquidation of your system quite as much as you do,
not because I care what others say, though. It is because I find it
much harder to manage your body under these present circumstances. When
one leg wants to go dancing down Pall Mall, and the other evinces a
strange desire to walk gravely off in the direction of Scotland Yard, it
is a most difficult thing for a mind not thoroughly in sympathy with
either of them to drive them down the Strand in that modest, unassuming
fashion which alone enables one to avoid police supervision. I've had
the devil's own time with this weak corse of yours, and if I had known
how abominably light-headed and airy-legged a little strong drink made
you, I never should have had you stand for Parliament--'
"'Stand for Parliament?' I cried, aghast at the new honour which was
being thrust upon me. 'Have I been standing for Parliament?'
"'Well, not exactly' laughed the fiend. 'You've been sort of held up for
Parliament; you haven't been able to stand up without wobbling for five
days; in fact, not since you tried to do your duty by your constituency,
and take a little something at your own expense with a few rounds of
doubtful voters. You were nearly defeated, my boy, because of your
disgusting inability to cope with the flowing bowl, but I managed to
pull you through. The temperance people voted to a man against you, but
the other interests stood by you pretty well, and you now represent your
old neighbours in--'
"'My old neighbours,' I moaned. 'Have I been made to appear to my old
neighbours in the light of a dissipated politician when all my life long
I had been known to them as a sober--'
"'Don't dwell on that point, my good fellow,' interrupted the fiend.
'Forget it. In forgetfulness of what you have been, and in consideration
of what you have become, lies happiness. By the way--have you a mother
living?'
"'Yes,' I answered, numb with anxiety for fear of what was coming. 'You
haven't disgraced me in her eyes, have you?'
"'Oh, no,' returned the fiend. 'But a lady claiming to be your mother
visited me during the campaign, and was very indignant because I failed
to recognize her--that cost you some votes, but not enough to change the
result. She didn't look a bit like you, and I was afraid the opposition
was putting up some game on us, so I just laughed her off.'
"'You--you laughed her off--you mean to tell me,' I stammered, 'that
when my mother came to my political headquarters to see her son, he
refused to recognize her, and laughed her off?'
"'Oh, come,' said the fiend indignantly, 'don't get angry. Remember one
thing, please. You are now a member of Parliament, a great Lawyer, a
famous Scientist, a Novelist and an Orator. It is I who have made you
so. If you don't like what I've done, we'll call the arrangement off,
and you can make a spectacle of yourself in the eyes of the world. I
hate an ingrate. You couldn't expect me to know a lady whom I never even
saw before, and when I have a big scheme on foot I do not intend to have
it spoiled for want of caution. If I made you seem an undutiful son, I
am sorry for it, and will strive to make amends next time I meet your
mother. I'll write a formal apology if you desire, but I don't wish to
hear any more of your sentimental nonsense. Much has to be sacrificed in
achieving greatness, and you have got therewith just about as little
personal inconvenience as any man in history. Stop your snivelling, or
I'll desert your cause, and what that means even you can grasp.'
"With these words," concluded the spirit, "he departed, and left me to
sleep off the effects of a seven days' campaign in which my moral
welfare had been sacrificed to the thirst of at least four hundred
doubtful voters. Credited with a seat in Parliament, I found my name
debited with the crime of intemperance, lack of self-respect, and a
gross affront to my own mother; a fine record for one week in which in
my own consciousness I was unable to recollect doing anything that could
not have been done with propriety by a candidate for canonization."
"Humph!" ejaculated Toppleton, deeply moved by the horror of the weary
spirit's story. "It strikes me that canonization in the form in which it
was used on the Sepoys in '57 would be mild punishment for that
Nile-green brute that got you into this. To tell you the truth, Sallie,
the fearful justice of your cause is almost enough to make me withdraw
entirely. I should hate to be called upon to prosecute a defendant of
the nature of your verdant visitor."