When I sat down to begin these pages, somewhat at random, my intention
was to write an autobiography, accompanying it with such comments as
might suggest themselves. Looking continually to the right and to the
left, I have lost my way, and this book is the result.
I have not attempted to correct or embellish it. So many books, trimmed
up nicely and well-padded, go to their graves every year to be forgotten
forever, that it has hardly seemed worth while to bedeck this one. I am
not a believer in _maquillage_ for the dead.
Now one word more as to the subject of the book, which is I.
If I were to live two hundred years at the very least, I might be able
to realize, by degrees, the maximum programme which I have laid down for
my life. As it scarcely seems possible that a man could live to such an
age, which is attained only by parrots, I find myself with no
alternative but to limit myself to a small portion of the introductory
section of my minimum programme, and this, as a matter of fact, I am
content to do.
With hardship and effort, and the scanty means at my command, I have
succeeded in acquiring a house and garden in my own country, a
comfortable retreat which is sufficient for my needs. I have gathered a
small library in the house, which I hope will grow with time, besides a
few manuscripts and some curious prints. I do not believe that I have
ever harmed any man deliberately, so my conscience does not trouble me.
If my ideas are fragmentary and ill-considered, I have done my best to
make them sound, clear, and complete, so that it is not my fault if they
are not so.
I have become independent financially. I not only support myself, but I
am able to travel occasionally upon the proceeds of my pen.
A Russian publishing house, another in Germany, and another in the
United States are bringing out my books, paying me, moreover, for the
right of translation; and I am satisfied. I have friends of both sexes
in Madrid and in the Basque provinces, who seem already like old
friends, because I have grown fond of them. As I face old age, I feel
that I am walking upon firmer ground than I did in my youth.
In a short time, what a few years ago the sociologists used to call
involution--that is, a turning in--will begin to take place in my brain;
the cranial sutures will become petrified, and an automatic limitation
of the mental horizon will soon come.
I shall accept involution, petrification of the sutures and limitation
with good grace. I have never rebelled against logic, nor against
nature, against the lightning or the thunder storm. No sooner does one
gain the crest of the hill of life than at once he begins to descend
rapidly. We know a great deal the moment that we realize that nobody
knows anything. I am a little melancholy now and a little rheumatic; it
is time to take salicylates and to go out and work in the garden--a time
for meditation and for long stories, for watching the flames as they
flare upward under the chimney piece upon the hearth.
I commend myself to the event. It is dark outside, but the door of my
house stands open. Whoever will, be he life or be he death, let him come
in.