There's something wrang wi' ye when ye can sponge aft a girl, even
supposin' she's fat. So ye can tak' ma offer or a dashed guid
hammerin' when the first chance comes.'
'Dinna be sae free wi' yer hammerin's, ma lord! Remember, it was a
draw the last time.'
'I wasna angry, an' I had gloves on.' Willie considered for a
moment and decided to compromise.
'I'll burst a bob on her to please ye.'
'Twa--or a hammerin'.'
'But what ---- guid is the siller gaun to dae me, if I squander it
a' on her? Ye micht as weel fling it in the Clyde. She's no
wantin' that sort o' kindness frae me. She prefers a bit cuddle.'
'Did ye cuddle her?' Macgregor asked with an interest indifferently
concealed.
'Some o' her. But she's earnin' guid money at the ----'
'I dinna suppose she wud ha'e treated ye excep' she had mair money
nor brains.'
'She wud pairt wi' her last farden for ma sake!'
'Ach, awa' an' eat grass! It's weel seen that men are scarce the
noo.'
'Mind wha ye're insultin'!'
'I'm gaun up to the billet.' Macgregor said, shortly, and walked
off.
Presently, Willie, a new idea in his busy brain, overtook him.
'Macgreegor, if ye len' me thruppence the noo, I'll ca' it a
bargain aboot the twa bob.'
He got the pennies then, and on the following day a florin, upon
which he took a solemn oath. But as he fingered the silver later
he smiled secretly and almost serenely. If the fat girl had stood
him a substantial meal, cigarettes and a picture entertainment for
nothing, what might not he expect as a return for the squandering
of two shillings?
As for Macgregor, his motives were probably not unmixed: the
pleasure which he foresaw for the poor, fat girl was contingent on
the agony of Willie while spending good money on a person other
than himself.
However, Willie was not long in securing a late pass, and went upon
his jaunt in an apparently chastened state of mind, though in the
best possible humour.
He returned in the worst possible.
'Twa bob clean wasted,' he grunted, squatting down by Macgregor's
bed. 'I wish to ---- I had flung it in the Clyde when we was
crossin' the brig.'
'What gaed wrang?' inquired Macgregor, rubbing his eyes. 'Did she
no like yer treat?'
'I'll warrant she did!'
'What did ye buy her wi' the twa bob?'
Willie sniffed at his recollections. 'Like a ---- goat,' said he,
'I askit her what she wud like best for twa bob, me thinkin'
naterally she wud say a feed to stairt wi'. I was ready for a feed
masel'. But she squeezed ma airm an' shoved her big face intil
mines, an' said she wud like a sooveneer best. To blazes wi'
sooveneers! An' she dragged me awa' to a shop, an' I had to buy
her a silly-like wee tie that cost me eichteen-pence-ha'penny; an'
then she wanted a lang ride on the caur, an' that burst fivepence;
an' she nabbed the remainin' bawbee for a keepsake.' The reciter
paused as if from exhaustion.
'Hurry up!' said Macgregor encouragingly. 'What did she gi'e you?'
'A ---- kiss up a ---- close! To pot wi' kissin'! An' then she
said she was afraid her mither wud be waitin' the ham an' egg
supper for her, so she wud need to run, an' she was vexed she
couldna meet me again because she had been hearin' I was a terrible
bad character. An' then, takin' advantage o' ma surprise, she done
a bunk. . . . An' if ever I ha'e ony mair truck wi' weemen, may I
be ----'
'She wasna as saft as I fancied she was,' remarked Macgregor in an
uncertain voice. 'So ye wud jist gang to yer aunt's for yer
supper, efter a'?'
'Ay! An' the auld cat was oot at a prayer-meetin'. I ha'ena had a
bite in ma mooth since denner-time. Ha'e ye onything o' yer
uncle's handy?'
'I can gi'e ye a wee tin o' corned beef, Wullie. Ye ken whaur to
find it.'
'Least ye can dae,' Willie growled. 'Thenk Goad it was your money!'
'I'm thinkin' I've got guid value.'
'What?'
'Guid nicht!' And stuffing some blanket into his mouth, Macgregor
rolled over and quaked with imprisoned mirth.
X