HOW A MAN MAY FOLLOW HIS OWN HAT, AND BERRY TOOK A LAMP IN HIS HAND.
"What are you doing this morning?" said Daphne.
Berry turned to the mantelpiece and selected a pipe before replying.
"I have," he said, "several duties to discharge. All, curiously enough,
to myself. First, if not foremost, I must hire some sock-suspenders.
Secondly, I must select some socks for the sock-suspenders to suspend.
Is that clear? Neither last nor least----"
"As a matter of fact," said his wife, "you're going to help me choose a
present for Maisie Dukedom. Besides, I've got to go to Fortnum and
Mason's, and I want you----"
"To carry the string-bag. I know. And we can get the chops at the same
time. We'd better take some newspaper with us. And a perambulator."
"Tell you what," said Jonah, "let's all join together and give her a
Persian rug."
"That's rather an idea," said my sister. "And they wear for ever."
"You're sure of that, aren't you?" said Berry. "I mean, I shouldn't like
her to have to get a new one in about six hundred years. I like a
present to last."
Before Daphne could reply--
"How d'you spell 'business'?" said Jill, looking up from a letter.
"Personally," said I, "I don't. It's one of the words I avoid. If you
must, I should write it down both ways and see what it looks like."
The telephone bell began to ring.
"Wrong number, for a fiver," said Jonah. "They always do it about this
time."
Berry crossed the room and picked up the receiver. We listened
expectantly.
"Have I got a taxi! My dear fellow, I've got a whole school of them.
Would you like a Renault or a baby grand? What? Oh, I'm afraid I
couldn't send it at once. You see, I've only got one boy, and he's
having his hair cut. I can post it to you, and I should think you'll get
it to-morrow morning. No, I'm not mad. No, I'm not the cab-rank, either.
Well, you should have asked me. Never mind. Let's talk of something
else. I wonder if you're interested in rock-worms.... I beg your
pardon...." Gravely he restored the receiver to its perch. "Not
interested," he added for our information. "He didn't actually say so,
but from the directions he gave concerning them--happily, I may say,
quite impracticable----"
"Talking of telephoning," said Jonah uncertainly, "don't forget we've
got to ring up and say whether we want those tickets."
"So we have," said my sister. "Wednesday week, isn't it? Let's see." She
fell to examining a tiny engagement-book, murmuring to herself as she
deciphered or interpreted the entries.
I continued to survey the street.
It was a dark morning in December, and we were all In the library, where
there was a good fire, warming ourselves preparatory to venturing abroad
and facing the north-east wind which was making London so unpleasant.
The tickets to which Jonah referred would make us free of the Albert
Hall for a ball which promised to surpass all its predecessors in
splendour and discomfort. No one was to be admitted who was not clad in
cloth either of gold or silver, and, while there were to be no intervals
between the dances, a great deal of the accommodation usually reserved
for such revellers as desired rest or refreshment was being converted
into seats to be sold to any who cared to witness a pageant of unwonted
brilliancy. The fact that no one of us had attended a function of this
sort for more than five years, and the excellence of the cause on behalf
of which it was being promoted, were responsible for our inclination to
take the tickets, for, with the exception of Jill, we were not eager to
subscribe to an entertainment which it was not at all certain we should
enjoy.
At length--
"I suppose we'd better take the tickets," I said reflectively. "If we
don't want to go, we needn't use them."
"Oh, we must use them," said Daphne; "and we've got nothing on on
Wednesday, as far as I can see."
Berry cleared his throat.
"It is patent," he said, "that my personal convenience is of no
consideration. But let that pass. I have no objection to setting, as it
were, the seal of success upon the ball in question, provided that my
costume buttons in front, and has not less than two pockets which are at
once accessible and of a reasonable capacity. I dare say they weren't
fashionable in the fourteenth century. No doubt our forefathers thought
it a scream to keep their handkerchiefs in their boots or the seat of
their trousers. But I'm funny like that. Last time I had to give the
fellow in the cloak-room half a crown every time I wanted to blow my
nose."
"You four go," said Jonah. "I always feel such a fool in fancy dress."
"If you feel anything like the fool you look," said Berry, "I'm sorry
for you."
Jonah lowered _The Sportsman_ and surveyed the speaker.
"What you want," he said, "is a little honest toil. I should take up
scavenging, or sewerage. Something that appeals to you."
"I agree" said Daphne. "But you can't start this morning, because you're
coning with Jill and me to choose the rug." She turned to me. "Boy dear,
ring up and take those tickets, will you?"
I nodded.
The spirit of reckless generosity which is so prominent a characteristic
of "Exchange" was very noticeable this morning. The number I asked for,
which was faithfully repeated by the operator, was Mayfair 976. I was
connected successively to Hammersmith 24, Museum 113, and Mayfair 5800.
After a decent interval I began again.
"Kennington Road Police Station," said a voice.
"Kennington or Kennington Road?" said I.
"Kennington Road. There ain't no Kennington."
"Ain't--I mean, aren't there? I always thought.... Never mind. How are
the police?"
"I say this is Kennington Road Police Station," replied the voice with
some heat.
"I know you did. I heard you. Just now. If you remember, I asked you if
it was Kennington or Kennington Road, and you said----"
"'Oo _are_ you?"
To avoid any unpleasantness I replaced my receiver.
Two minutes later, after an agreeable conversation with "Supervisor," I
arranged to purchase five tickets for the Gold and Silver Ball.
* * * * *
"This," said the salesman, spreading a rug upon the top of a
fast-growing pile, "is a Shiraz."
"I suppose," said Berry, "you haven't got a Badgerabahd?"
"I never came across one, sir."
"They are rare," was the airy reply. "The best ones used to be made in
Germany and sent to Egypt. By the tune the camels had finished with
them, they'd fetch anything from a millionaire to a foxhound."
This was too much for Jill's gravity, and it was only with an effort
that Daphne controlled her voice.
"I think that's very nice," she said shakily. "Don't you?" she added,
turning to me.
"Beautiful piece of work," I agreed. "Some of it appears to have been
done after dinner, but otherwise...."
"The pattern is invariably a little irregular, sir."
"Yes," said Berry. "That's what makes them so valuable. Their lives are
reflected in their rugs. Every mat is a human document." With the
ferrule of his umbrella he indicated a soft blue line that was straying
casually from the course which its fellows had taken. "That, for
instance, is where Ethel the Unready demanded a latchkey at the mature
age of sixty-two. And here we see Uncle Sennacherib fined two measures
of oil for being speechless before mid-day. I don't think we'd better
give her this one," he added. "She-bat the Satyr seems to have got going
about the middle, and from what I remember----"
"Haven't you got to go and get some socks?" said Daphne desperately.
"I have. Will you meet me for lunch, or shall I meet you? I believe they
do you very well at the Zoo."
The salesman retired precipitately into an office, and my sister
besought me tearfully to take her husband away.
"I might have known," she said in a choking voice. "I was a fool to
bring him."
"Let's play at bears," said her husband. "It's a priceless game. Every
one gets under a different rug and growls."
Resignedly Daphne retired to the sofa. Jill sank down upon the pile of
rugs and shook silently. Observing that we were unattended, another
salesman was hurrying in our direction. Before he could launch the
inevitable question--
"I want a dog licence and some magic lanterns," said Berry. "You know.
The ones that get all hot and smell."
There was a shriek of laughter from Jill, and the unfortunate assistant
looked round wildly, as if for support.
Clearly something had to be done.
I stepped forward and slid my arm through that of the delinquent.
"Enough," said I. "Come and devil the hosier. If you're not quick all
the socks will be gone."
My brother-in-law eyed me suspiciously.
"And leave my baggage?" he demanded, pointing to Daphne. "Never. This is
a ruse. Where is the manager of the emporium? I dreamed about him last
night. He had brown boots on."
I consulted my watch before replying.
"By the time we get to the Club, Martinis will be in season."
"Do you mean that?" said Berry.
"I do."
"And a small but pungent cigar?"
I nodded.
He turned to the bewildered salesman.
"Please attend to these ladies. They want to choose an expensive-looking
rug. Preferably a Shiraz. No doubt they will be safe in your hands. Good
morning."
On the way out he stopped at a counter and purchased one of the
prettiest bead bags I have ever seen. He ordered it to be sent to
Daphne.
* * * * *
The omnibus was sailing down Oxford Street at a good round pace, but it
was the sudden draught from a side street that twitched my hat from my
head. I turned to see the former describe a somewhat elegant curve and
make a beautiful landing upon the canopy of a large limousine which was
standing by the kerb some seventy yards away. By the time I had
alighted, that distance was substantially increased. In some dudgeon I
proceeded to walk, with such remnants of dignity as I could collect and
retain, in tie direction of my lost property. Wisdom suggested that I
should run; but I felt that the spectacle of a young man, hatless but
otherwise decently dressed and adequately protected from the severity of
the weather, needed but the suggestion of impatience to make it wholly
ridiculous. My vanity was rightly served. I was still about thirty paces
from my objective, when the limousine drew out from the pavement and
into the stream of traffic which was hurrying east.
As my lips framed a particularly unpleasant expletive a bell rang
sharply, and I turned to see a taxi, which had that moment been
dismissed.
"Oxford Circus," I cried, flinging open the door.
A moment later we were near enough for me to indicate the large
limousine and to instruct my driver to follow her.
As we swept into Regent's Park, I began to wonder whether I should not
have been wiser to drive to Bond Street and buy a new hat. By the time
we had been twice round the Ring I had no longer any doubt on this
point; but my blood was up, and I was determined to run my quarry to
earth, even if it involved a journey to Hither Green.
More than once we were almost out-distanced, three times we were caught
in a block of traffic, so that my taxi's bonnet was nosing the
limousine's tank. Once I got out, but, as I stepped into the road, the
waiting stream was released, and the car slid away and round the hull of
a 'bus from under my very hand. My escape from a disfiguring death
beneath the wheels of a lorry was so narrow that I refrained from a
second attempt to curtail my pursuit, and resigned myself to playing a
waiting game.
When we emerged from the Park, my spirits rose and I fell to studying
what I could see of the lines of the limousine, and to speculating
whether I was being led to Claridge's or the Ritz. I had just pronounced
In favour of the latter, when there fell upon my ears the long regular
spasm of ringing which is a fire-engine's peremptory demand for instant
way. Mechanically the order was everywhere obeyed. The street was none
too wide, and a second and louder burst of resonance declared that the
fire-engine was hard upon our heels.
The twenty yards separating us from the limousine were my undoing. With
a helpless glance at me over his shoulder, my driver pulled in to the
kerb, and we had the felicity of watching the great blue car turn down a
convenient side street and flash out of sight.
The engine swept by at a high smooth speed, the traffic emerged from its
state of suspended animation, and in some annoyance I put my head out of
the window and directed my driver to drive to Bond Street.
I had chosen a new hat and was on the point of leaving the shop, when a
chauffeur entered with a soft grey hat in his hand. The hat resembled
the one I had Lost, and for a moment I hesitated. Then it occurred to me
that there were many such hats in London, and I passed on and out of the
door. Of course it was only a coincidence. Still....
Opposite me, drawn up by the kerb, was the large blue limousine.
The next moment I was back in the shop.
"I rather think that's my hat," I said.
The chauffeur looked round.
"Is it, sir? 'Er ladyship see it on top o' the canopy Just as I put 'er
down at the Berkeley. 'Wilkins,' she says, 'there's a 'at on the car.'
'A 'at, me lady?' says I. 'A 'at,' says she. 'Fetch it down.' I fetches
it down and shows it 'er. 'An' a nice noo 'at, too,' she says, 'wot must
have blowed orf of a gent's 'ead, an' 'e on top of a 'bus, as like as
not.' Then she looks inside and see the initials and the name o' the
shop. 'Take it back where it come from,' she says. 'They'll know oose it
is.' 'Very good, me lady,' said I, an' come straight down, sir."
I took off the hat I was wearing and bade him read the initials which
had just been placed there. He did so reluctantly. Then--
"Very glad to 'ave found you so quick, sir. Shall I tell them to send it
along? You won't want to carry it."
"I'll see to that," said I, taking it out of his hand. "Why didn't it
blow off your canopy?"
"The spare cover was 'oldin' it, sir. Must 'ave shifted on to the brim
as soon as it come there. I don't know 'ow long----"
"Best part of an hour," I said shortly, giving him a two-shilling piece.
"Good day, and thanks very much."
He touched his cap and withdrew.
A wrestle with mental arithmetic showed me that the draught which I had
encountered nearly an hour before had cost me exactly one and a half
guineas.
Ordinarily I should have dismissed the matter from my mind, but for some
reason I had no sooner let the chauffeur go than I was tormented by a
persistent curiosity regarding the identity of his considerate mistress.
If I had not promised to rejoin Berry for lunch--a meal for which I was
already half an hour late--I should have gone to the Berkeley and
scrutinized the guests. The reflection that such a proceeding must only
have been unprofitable consoled me not at all, so contrary a maid is
Speculation. For the next two hours Vexation rode me on the curb. I
quarrelled with Berry, I was annoyed with myself, and when the
hall-porter at the Club casually observed that there was "a nasty wind,"
I agreed with such hearty and unexpected bitterness that he started
violently and dropped the pile of letters which he was searching on my
behalf.
A visit to Lincoln's Inn Fields, however, with regard to an estate of
which I was a trustee, followed by a sharp walk in the Park, did much to
reduce the ridiculous fever of which my folly lay sick, and I returned
home in a frame of mind almost as comfortable as that in which I had set
out.
It was half-past four, but no one of the others was in, so I ordered tea
to be brought to the library, and settled down to the composition of a
letter to _The Observer_.
I was in the act of recasting my second sentence, when the light went
out.
By the glow of the fire I made my way to the door A glance showed me
that the hall and the staircase were In darkness. It was evident that a
fuse had come to a violent end.
I closed the door and returned to my seat. Then I reached for the
telephone and put the receiver to my ear.
"What an extraordinary thing!" said a voice. "And you've no idea whose
it was?"
"Not the slightest," came the reply. There was a musical note in the
girlish tone that would have attracted any one. "There it was, on the
top of the car, when we got to the Berkeley. It wasn't such a bad hat,
either."
"Excuse me," said I. "It was a jolly good hat."
A long tense silence followed my interruption. At length--
"I say, are you there, Dot?"
"Yes," came the reply in an excited whisper. "Who was that speaking?"
"I've not the faintest idea," rejoined the first voice I had heard.
"Somebody must have got on to our line. I expect----"
A familiar explosion severed the sentence with the clean efficiency of
the guillotine.
"Isn't that sickening?" said I. "Now we shall never know what her theory
was."
"It's all your fault, whoever you are. If you hadn't butted in----"
"I don't know what you mean," I retorted. "I was ushered into your
presence, so to speak, by _la force majeure_. French. Very difficult."
"Well, when you heard us talking, you ought to have got off the line."
"I should have, if you hadn't started disparaging my headgear. I repeat,
it was a hat of unusual elegance. It had a personality of its own."
"But it wasn't your hat we were discussing."
I sighed.
"All right," I said wearily. "It wasn't. Have it your own way. Some
other fool followed a silver-grey Homburg twice round the Park this
morning. Some other fool----"
A little gasp interrupted me.
"But how did you know my number?"
"I didn't. I don't. I never could have been about to should. Negatives
all the way. It's just chance, my dear. Chance with a Capital J--I mean
C. D'you mind if I smoke?"
Her reply was preceded by a refreshing gurgle.
"Not at all," said my lady. "D'you mean to say you chased us all that
way?"
"Further. And if it hadn't been for that fire-engine----"
"I remember. Wilkins turned down a side-street."
"Exactly."
"What a shame. Well, if you go to your hatter's you'll get it again."
"Your ingenuity is only equalled by your consideration. Isn't that
neatly put? You see, I'm writing a letter to _The Observer_, and, when I
get going, I can just say things like that one after another."
"How wonderful. But I'm afraid I'm interrupting you, and I shouldn't
like to deprive Humanity----"
"Your name," said I, "is Dot. But I shall call you Mockery. And if
you're half as sweet as you sound----"
"Good-bye."
I protested earnestly.
"Please don't say that. We've only just met. Besides ... why was Clapham
Common?"
"Clapham what?"
"No, Common. Why was Clapham Common?"
"Well, why was it?"
"I can't think, my dear. I thought you might know. It's worried me for
years."
There was a choking sound, which suggested indignation struggling with
laughter. Then--
"I've a good mind to ring off right away," said Dot in a shaking voice.
"That would be cruel. Think of the dance you led me this morning. More.
Think of the dances you're going to give me on Wednesday week."
"Oh, you're going, are you?"
"If you are."
"What as?" she demanded.
"A billiard-marker in the time of Henry the Fourth. And you?"
"I can't rise to that. I'm going as myself in a silver frock."
"Could anything be sweeter? A little silver Dot. I shall cancel the
body-snatcher--I mean billiard-marker--and go as Carry One. Then we can
dance together all the evening. By the way, in case I don't hear your
voice, how shall I know you?"
"A dot," said my lady, "is that which hath position, but no magnitude."
"Possibly," said I. "It hath also a dear voice, which, though it be
produced indefinitely, will never tire. All the same, in view of the
capacity of the Albert Hall, you've not given me much to go on."
"As a matter of fact, each of us is going as a parallel line. And that's
why I can tell you that I like the sound of you, and--oh, well, enough
said."
"Thank you, Dot. And why parallel lines?"
"They never meet. So long."
There was a faint chunk.
My lady had rung off.
Heavily I hung up my receiver.
When the others came in, I was still sitting in the dark at the table,
thinking....
* * * * *
The bitter wind reigned over London for seven long days, meting
untempered chastisement to its reluctant subjects, and dying unwept and
gasping on a Monday night. Tuesday was fair, still by comparison and
indeed. The sun shone and the sky was blue, and the smoke rose straight
out of its chimneys with never the breath of a breeze to bend it, or
even to set its columns swaying over the high roofs. There was a great
calm. But, with it all, the weather was terribly cold.
That rare beauty which Dusk may bring to the Metropolis was that evening
vouchsafed. Streets that were mean put off their squalor, ways that were
handsome became superb. Grime went unnoticed, ugliness fell away. All
things crude or staring became indistinct, veiled with a web of that
soft quality which only Atmosphere can spin and, having spun, hang about
buildings of a windless eve.
As Night drew on, Magic came stealing down the blurred highways. Lamps
became lanterns, shedding a muffled light, deepening and charging with
mystery the darkness beyond. Old friends grew unfamiliar. Where they had
stood, fantastic shapes loomed out of the mist and topless towers rose
up spectral to baffle memory. Perspective fled, shadow and stuff were
one, and, save where the radiance of the shops in some proud
thoroughfare made gaudy noon of evening, the streets of Town were
changed to echoing halls and long, dim, rambling galleries, hung all
with twinkling lights that stabbed the gloom but deep enough to show
their presence, as do the stars.
So, slowly and with a dazzling smile, London put on her cloak of
darkness. By eight o'clock you could not see two paces ahead.
On Wednesday morning the fog was denser than it had been the night
before. There was no sign of its abatement, not a puff of wind elbowed
its way through the yellow drift, and the cold was intense. The prospect
of leaving a comfortable home at nine in the evening to undertake a
journey of some two miles, clad in habiliments which, while highly
ornamental, were about as protective from cold as a grape-skin rug, was
anything but alluring.
For reasons of my own, however, I was determined to get to the Ball. My
sister, whom nothing daunted, and Jill, who was wild with excitement,
and had promised readily to reserve more dances than could possibly be
rendered, were equally firm. Jonah thought it a fool's game, and said as
much. Berry was of the same opinion, but expressed it less bluntly, and
much more offensively. After a long tirade--
"All right," he concluded. "You go. It's Lombard Street to a china
orange you'll never get there, and, if you do, you'll never get back.
None of the band'll turn up, and if you find twenty other fools in the
building to exchange colds with, you'll be lucky. To leave your home on
a night like this is fairly clamouring for the special brand of trouble
they keep for paralytic idiots. I've known you all too long to expect
sagacity, but the instinct of self-preservation characterizes even the
lower animals. What swine, for instance, would leave its cosy sty----"
"How dare you?" said Daphne. "Besides, you can't say 'its.' Swine's
plural."
"My reference was to the fever-swine," was the cold reply. "A singular
species. Comparable only with the deep-sea dip-sheep."
"I think you're very unkind," said Jill, pouting. "Boy can walk in front
with a lamp, and Jonah can walk behind with a lamp----"
"And I can walk on both sides, I suppose, with a brazier in either hand.
Oh, this is too easy."
"We can but try," said I.
"You can but close your ugly head," said Berry. "If you want to walk
about London half the night, looking like a demobilised pantaloon, push
off and do it. But don't try and rope in innocent parties."
To this insult I made an appropriate reply, and the argument waxed. At
length----
"There's no reason," said Jonah, "why we shouldn't go on like this for
ever. If we had any sense, we should send for Fitch and desire his
opinion. It's rather more valuable than any one of ours, and, after all,
he's more or less interested. And you can trust him."
Now, Fitch was our chauffeur.
Amid a chorus of approval, I went to the telephone to speak to the
garage.
I was still waiting to be connected, when--
"Is that the Club?" said a voice.
"No," said I. "Nothing like it."
"Well, there's a bag of mine in the hall, and----"
"No, there isn't," said I.
"What d'you mean?" was the indignant retort.
"What I say. Our hall is bagless."
"I say," said the voice with laboured clarity, "I say there is a bag in
the hall. A BAG. Hang it all, you know what a bag is?"
"Rather," said I heartily. "What you put nuts in. An uncle of mine had
one."
The vehemence with which the unknown subscriber replaced his receiver
was terrible to hear.
Ten minutes later Fitch entered the room.
"Can you get to the Albert Hall to-night, Fitch?" said Daphne.
"I think so, madam. If we go slow."
"Can you get back from the Albert Hall to-morrow afternoon?" said Berry.
"If I can get there, sir, I can get back."
"How long will it take?"
"I ought to do it in 'alf an hour, sir. I can push along in the Park,
where it's all straight going. It's getting along the streets as'll take
the time. It's not that I won't find me way, but it's the watchin' out
for the hother vehicles, so as they don't run into you."
"Bit of an optimist, aren't you?"
"I don't think so, sir."
"Thank you, Fitch," said Daphne hastily. "Half-past nine, please."
"Very good, madam."
He bowed and withdrew.
Triumphantly my sister regarded her husband.
"At making a mountain out of a molehill," she said, "no one can touch
you."
Berry returned her gaze with a malevolent stare. Then he put a thumb to
his nose and extended his fingers in her direction.
* * * * *
The unfortunate incident occurred in the vicinity of Stanhope Gate.
So far we had come very slowly, but without incident, and, in spite of
the fact that we were insufficiently clad, we were nice and warm. For
this, so far as Berry and I were concerned, two footwarmers and a pair
of rugs were largely responsible, for the elaborate nature of our
costumes put the wearing of overcoats out of the question. A
high-collared Italian cloak of the shape that was seen in the time of
Elizabeth made it impossible for me to wear a _surtout_ of any
description, and I was reduced to wrapping a muffler about my neck and
holding a woollen shawl across my chest, while Berry, in that puffed and
swollen array, which instantly remembers Henry the Eighth, derived what
comfort he could from an enormous cloak of Irish frieze which, while it
left his chest uncovered, succeeded in giving him a back about four feet
square.
Hitherto we had encountered little or no traffic, and an excellent
judgment, coupled with something akin to instinct, on the part of Fitch
had brought us surely along the streets; but here, almost before we knew
it, there were vehicles in front and on either side. Hoarse directions
were being shouted, lanterns were being waved, engines were running, and
a few feet away frantic endeavours were being made to persuade a pair of
horses to disregard twin headlights whose brilliancy was adding to the
confusion. Berry lowered the window.
"What about it, Fitch?"
"Well, sir, I'm just opposite the gate, but it's rather awkward to slip
across, in case I meet somethin'. If I 'as to pull up 'alf-way, we might
be run into."
"Which means that one of us must guide you over?"
"It'd be safer, sir."
By a majority of three it was decided that Berry should enact the _rôle_
of conducting officer. Jonah had a cold, and was sitting on the back
seat between the girls. I had no coat, and required the services of both
hands if I was to hold my shawl in position. Only my brother-in-law
remained. He did not go down without a struggle, but after a vigorous
but vain appeal "to our better natures," he compared himself to a lion
beset by jackals, commented bitterly upon "the hot air which is breathed
about self-sacrifice," and, directing that after death his veins should
be opened in the presence of not less than twelve surgeons, as a
preliminary to his interment in the Dogs' Cemetery, opened the door and
stepped sideways into the roadway.
His efforts to remove the offside oil lamp, which was hot to the touch,
were most diverting, and twice he returned to the window to ask us to
make less noise. At last, however, with the assistance of Fitch, the
lamp was unhooked, and a moment later our absurd link-boy advanced
cautiously in the direction of the gate.
Fitch let in the clutch.
We must have been half-way across, when a lamp of extraordinary power
came gliding up on the near side, confusing all eyes and altogether
effacing our guiding light.
Fitch applied his brakes and cried out a warning. Instantly the lamp
stopped, but its glare was blinding and our chauffeur was clearly afraid
to move.
In a flash I was out of the car and holding my shawl over the face of
the offender. At once Fitch took the car forward. As I fell in behind, I
heard Berry's voice.
"Thank you. I hope I didn't jostle your 'bus. Yes, I am completely and
utterly lost. No, I don't mind at all. I'm going to bale out the
drinking-trough and sleep there. And in the morning they'll take me to
the Foundling Hospital. Hullo. That's done it. Blind me first and then
run me down. What are you? A travelling lighthouse or an air-raid? Want
to get to Cannon Street? Well, I should go round by sea, if I were
you.... Well, if you must know, I'm Mary Pickford about to be trodden to
death in _Maelstrom_ or _Safety Last_. You know, you're not racing your
engine enough. I can still hear myself think...."
His voice grew fainter and stopped.
Vigorously I shouted his name. A cold draught, and we swept into the
Park. Fitch pulled up on the left-hand side.
"Berry, Berry!" I shouted.
In the distance I could hear voices, but no one answered me....
In response to my sister's exhortations I re-entered the car, and drew a
rug over my shivering limbs. The others put their heads out of the
windows and shouted for Berry in unison. There was no reply.
For a quarter of an hour we shouted at intervals. Then Jonah took the
other lamp and returned to the gate. He did not reappear for ten
minutes, and we were beginning to give him up, when to our relief he
opened the door.
"No good," he said curtly. "We'd better get on. He's probably gone
home."
"I suppose he's all right," said Daphne, in some uneasiness.
"You can't come to any harm on foot," said I. "Everything's going dead
slow for its own sake. And when I last heard him, he was having the time
of his life. Incidentally, as like as not, he'll strike a car that's
going to the Ball and ask for a lift."
"I expect he will," said Jill. "There must be any amount on the way."
"All right," said my sister. "Tell Fitch to carry on."
Twenty minutes later that good helmsman set us down at the main entrance
to the Albert Hall.
* * * * *
The conditions prevailing within that edifice suggested that few, if
any, ticket-holders had been deterred from attending by the conditions
prevailing without. The boxes were full, the floor was packed, the
corridors were thronged with eager shining revellers, dancing and
strolling and chattering to beat the band, which was flooding every
corner of the enormous building with an air of gaiety so infectious that
even the staid Jonah began to grumble that the dance would be over
before the girls emerged from the cloakroom.
The Field of the Cloth of Gold cannot have presented a more splendid
spectacle. True, there was nothing of the pageant about the function,
neither were Pomp and Chivalry among the guests. But Grace was there,
and Ease and Artlessness, lending the scene that warmth and life and
verity which Form and Ceremony do not allow.
The utter hopelessness of encountering my lady of the limousine was so
apparent that I relegated a ridiculous notion which I had been
harbouring to the region of things impossible, and determined to think
about it no more. For all that, I occasionally found myself scanning the
crowd of strangers and wondering whether there was one amongst them
whose voice I knew. It was during one of these lapses that I heard my
name.
"Who have you lost?" asked Maisie Dukedom, all radiant as a gold
shepherdess.
"Dance with me," said I, "and I'll tell you."
She glanced at a tiny wrist-watch.
"I promised I wouldn't stay more than an hour," she said, "and I ought
to be going. But I want to thank you for that beautiful rug. If I give
you the next, will you get the car for me as soon as it's over?"
"If you must go."
She nodded, and we pushed off into the rapids.
"And now, who is it?" she demanded.
"I thought you were going to thank me for the rug."
She made a little grimace of impatience.
"The best way I can thank you is to tell you the truth. Jack and I went
to buy a rug at Lucifer's."
"That's where we got yours."
She pinched my arm.
"Will you listen? We must have got to the shop directly you'd left. The
one you'd bought was still lying there. We both thought it feet above
any other rug there, and, when they said it was sold, I nearly cried. We
were so fed up that we said we wouldn't get a rug at all, and went off
to look at book-cases and chests of drawers. I didn't get home till six,
and, when I did, there was your present. Are you satisfied?"
"Overwhelmed."
"Good. Now, who's the lady?"
"That's just what I can't tell you. I know her voice, but not her
countenance. Her name is Dot--Lady Dot. She drives in a blue limousine
and she's here to-night."
Maisie assumed a serious air.
"This," she said, "is terrible. Does your life depend upon finding her?
I mean ... it's worse than a needle in a bundle of hay, isn't it?"
"Infinitely."
"You can wash out the limousine, because you won't see it. And the
voice, because you won't hear it. And her name, because she won't be
labelled. There's really nothing left, is there?"
Gloomily I assented.
"I'm sorry," said Maisie. "I'd like to have helped." The music slowed up
and died. "And now will you see me off?"
We made our way towards the exit.
I had found her footman and sent him to summon the car, and was standing
within the main entrance, when a familiar figure began with difficulty
to emerge from a car which had just arrived. Berry. Having succeeded in
projecting himself on to the steps, he turned to hand his companion out
of the car, as he did so presenting to the astonished doorkeepers a back
of such startling dimensions that the one nearest to me recoiled, for
all his seasoning.
I was wondering who was the muffled Samaritan that had brought him
along, when the chauffeur leaned forward as if to receive instructions
when to return. The light of the near-side lamp showed me the genial
features of that communicative fellow who had restored my grey hat some
nine days before.
Tall and slight, his mistress turned to the doorway, and I saw a
well-shaped head, couped at the throat by the white of an ermine stole.
Dark hair swept low over her forehead, an attractive smile sat on her
pretty mouth, and there was a fine colour springing in her cheeks.
She looked up to see me staring.
For a moment a pair of grey eyes met mine steadily. Then--
"Is the car here?" said Maisie over my shoulder. "Hullo, Berry."
Suddenly she saw his companion. "Betty, my dear, I thought you were in
Scotland."
Under pretence of arranging her wrap, I breathed Into her ear--
"Introduce me."
She did so without a tremor.
"And give him the next dance for me," she added. "I've just cut one of
his, and he's been most forgiving."
"Too late," said Berry. "I have not wasted the shining thirty minutes
which I have just spent in Lady Elizabeth's luxurious car. She knows him
for the craven that he is."
"I must judge for myself," said my lady, turning to me with a smile.
"He's given you a terrible----"
The sentence was never finished, for Berry turned to look at somebody,
and Maisie noticed his back for the first time. Her involuntary cry was
succeeded by a peal of laughter which attracted the attention of every
one within earshot, and in a moment my brother-in-law found himself the
object of much interested amusement, which the majority of onlookers
made no attempt to conceal.
My lady fled to her cloakroom. Hastily I escorted Maisie, still helpless
with laughter, to her car.
I returned to find Berry entertaining a large audience of complete
strangers in the vestibule with a fantastic account of his experiences
at Stanhope Gate. Concealing myself behind a pillar, I awaited Lady
Elizabeth's return.
"Yes," said Berry. "Betrayed by my accomplices, I found myself, as it
were, a shred of flotsam adrift in the darkling streets. Several people
thought I was the Marble Arch, and left me on the left. Others, more
discerning, conjured me to pull in to the kerb. Removing from my north
instep the hoof which, upon examination, I found to be attached to a
large mammal, I started to wade south-west and by south, hoping against
hope and steering by the Milky Way. Happily I had my ration-card, and I
derived great comfort from its pregnant directions, which I read from
time to time by the smell of the red-hot lamp which I was bearing...."
Here my lady appeared, and I led her into the corridor and on to the
floor.
As she had promised, she was wearing a silver frock. One white shoulder
was left bare, and a heavy fringe, that swayed evenly with her every
movement, made the sum line of her dress still more graceful. Silvery
stockings covered her gleaming ankles, and she was shod with silver
shoes.
For a little we spoke of Berry, and she told me how he had boarded her
car and respectfully begged her compassion. Then I spoke of the bitter
wind which had blown us about so inconsiderately, before the fog had
come to lay upon us stripes of another kind.
"I lost my hat one day," I added casually.
At that she jumped in my arms as if I had stabbed her, but I took no
notice, and we danced on.
Deliberately I recounted my loss and my pursuit, only omitting my
encounter with her chauffeur.
"I happen to know," I concluded, "that the lady of the limousine is here
to-night. Before the ball is over I shall have danced with her."
"But you've never seen her," she protested.
"I know her voice."
She laughed musically.
"Aren't you a bit of an optimist?" she queried.
"I don't think so. And she's just sweet."
"But if you don't know her name, how can you hope----"
"Her name," I said, "is Dot."
The hand upon my shoulder shook slightly.
We danced on.
At length--
"That's not very much to go on," said Elizabeth.
I sighed.
"Don't discourage me," I said. "When I find her, d'you think she'll give
me the seven dances she said she would?"
"O-o-oh, I never...." She choked and began to cough violently, so that I
drew her out of the press and into a vacant corner. "I never heard of
such a thing," she continued ingeniously.
"You wicked girl," said I. "Why was Clapham Common?"
For a moment she looked at me speechless. Then she began to laugh
tremulously....
With a crash the jazz came to an end. Almost immediately another
orchestra took up the running, and the strains of a valse rose up,
plaintive and tempting.
I looked at my lady.
"Have I earned my dances, Dot?"
She hesitated. Then--
"Carry on, Carry One," she said.