(_By Our Own Prophetic Reporter._)
A FEW days since a "Grand Intellectual _Fête_" was given by the Flower
League in advancement of the Patriotic Cause, in the grounds of the Duke
of DITCHWATER. The Railway Companies afforded unusual facilities for
securing a large gathering, and there was much enthusiasm amongst those
who were present. To meet the requirements of decisions arrived at
during the trial of recent Election Petitions, it was arranged that some
one competent to undertake the task should introduce and explain the
various distractions afforded for the entertainment of the very numerous
company. Mr. A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR, Barrister, of London, kindly
consented to act as lecturer, his professional engagements fortunately
allowing him leisure to assume such a responsibility.
The Lecturer said that he was delighted to see so large a gathering.
(_Cheers._) They quite reminded him of the clients who thronged his
passage on the first day of Term, waiting for his chamber doors to open.
(_Laughter._) There was nothing in the remark he had just made to
provoke merriment. He wished it to be clearly understood that he
appealed to their reason. (_Cheers._) It had been objected that some of
the entertainments given at what had been called political pic-nics had
nothing to do with the reasoning faculties of the spectators. This he
emphatically denied. (_Applause._) Without wasting further of their
time--(_"No, no!" "Go on."_)--he would come to his first
illustration--the Bounding Brothers of Bohemia. (_Great cheering._) It
was advisable that the bodies as well as the minds of children educated
by the School-Boards should receive attention. Their bodies should be
brought to as near perfection as possible; every muscle should be
brought into play. To explain his meaning, he called upon the Bounding
Brothers of Bohemia to illustrate the poetry of motion.
Upon this, five gentlemen in tights (understood to be the athletic
kindred to whom the Lecturer had referred) performed a series of feats
of strength, which included standing on one another's heads, jumping
through hoops, and turning quadruple somersaults.
After their performances were over Mr. BRIEFLESS resumed.
The Lecturer said: He next wished to appeal to their reason--to
challenge, so to speak, their senses on the power of foreign opinion. It
was asserted that an Englishman cared only for his native land and the
Press appertaining thereto. Now he (the Lecturer) had the greatest
respect for the English Press--(_cheers_)--still he found that some of
our foreign contemporaries were nearly as good. (_"Hear, hear!"_) He
wished to introduce the Signora MANTILLA from Spain--(_applause_)--who
had consented to sing a political song in Spanish, emphasizing her
opinions by a dance after each verse. (_Great cheering._) The Signora
MANTILLA then gave a demonstration, which was much appreciated.
The Lecturer resumed. He said he had not insulted their intelligence by
asking them if they understood Spanish. Of course, they did. (_Loud
laughter._) He was quite sure that the Signora's third verse and
accompanying dance must have convinced everyone of the advantages of
Fair Trade. (_Laughter._) He saw no reason for merriment. (_Renewed
laughter._) He had now come to that important subject Bi-metallism.
(_Cheers._) They had been told that whereas speech was silver, silence
was golden. (_"Hear, hear!"_) To show the advantage of silver
(represented by speech), the Blue-eyed Nigger would give a native song
accompanied on his own banjo. (_Loud applause._)
The Blue-eyed Nigger then favoured the company with one of his
characteristic ditties.
The Lecturer said he had now to thank his audience for their kind
attention, and to inform them that the display of fireworks with
set-pieces containing political sentiments appealing to their reason,
would take place immediately.
Shortly afterwards the company separated, greatly pleased with the
rational entertainment they had been invited to enjoy.
* * * * *
[Illustration:
=MILITARY EDUCATION.=
_General._ "Mr. de Bridoon, what is the general use of
Cavalry in modern warfare?"
_Mr. de Bridoon._ "Well, I suppose to give Tone to what
would otherwise be a mere Vulgar Brawl!"]
* * * * *