Griffin, bustard, turkey, capon,
Let our hungry mortals gape on,
And on their bones their stomach fall hard,
But All-Souls' men have their MALLARD.
Oh! by the blood of King Edward,
Oh! by the blood of King Edward,
It was a swapping, swapping, MALLARD.
The _Romans_ once admired a _gander_
More than they did their chief commander,
Because he saved, if some don't fool us,
The place that's called from the _Head of Tolus_.
Oh! by the blood, &c.
The poets feign _Jove_ turned a swan,
But let them prove it if they can;
As for our proof, 'tis not at all hard,
For it was a swapping, swapping MALLARD.
Oh! for the blood, &c.
Swapping he was from bill to eye,
Swapping he was from wing to thigh;
Swapping--his age and corporation
Out-swapped all the winged creation.
Oh! for the blood, &c.
Therefore let us sing and dance a galliard,
To the remembrance of the MALLARD;
And as the MALLARD dives in a pool,
Let us dabble, dive, and duck in a bowl.
Oh! by the blood of King Edward,
Oh! by the blood of King Edward,
It was a swapping, swapping MALLARD.
But whoever would possess themselves of the true history of the
_swapping mallard_ of All-Souls, must read the "_Complete Vindication
of the Mallard of All-Souls_," published in 1751, by Dr. Buckler,
sub-warden, "a most incontrovertible proof of his wit," who for that
and other, his effusions, was usually styled, by way of eminence, says
Chalmers, in his History of Oxford, "The BUCKLER of the Mallardians."
His _Vindication_, it is justly observed, is "one of the finest pieces
of _irony_ in our language." Of course, he is highly indignant at the
"injurious suggestions of Mr. Pointer (contained in the foregoing
quotations,) who insinuates, that the huge _mallard_ was no better
than a _goose-a-gander_, "_magis senex_," &c.; and after citing the
very words of Mr. P., he breaks out, "Thus the _mallard of All-Souls_,
whose REMEMBRANCE has, for these three centuries, been held in the
highest veneration, is, by this _forged hypothesis_, degraded into a
GOOSE, or, at least, ranked in the _same class_ with that ridiculous
animal, and the whole story on which the rites and ceremonies of the
_mallard_ depends, is represented as _merely traditional_; more than a
hint is given of the _mischievousness_ of the bird, whatever he be;
and all is founded on a _pretended longevity_, in support of which
fiction the great names of Lord _Bacon_ and Mr. _Willughby_ are called
in, to make the vilifying insinuation pass the more plausibly upon the
world." "We live in an age (he adds,) when the _most serious_ subjects
are treated with an air of ridicule; I shall therefore set this
_important affair_ in its true light, and produce authorities
"sufficient to convince the most obstinate incredulity; and first, I
shall beg leave to transcribe a passage from _Thomas Walsingham_, (see
_Nicholson's_ Historical Library,) a _monk_ of _St. Alban's_, and
Regius Professor of History in that monastery, about the year 1440.
This writer is well known among the historians for his _Historia
Brevis_, written in Latin, and published both by _Camden_ and
Archbishop _Parker_. But the tract I am quoting is in English, and
entitled, OF WONDERFUL AND SURPRISING EVENTYS, and, as far as I can
find, has never yet been printed. The eighth chapter of his fifth book
begins thus:--
"'Ryghte well worthie of Note is thilke famous Tale of the
_All-Soulen_ Mallarde, the whiche, because it bin acted in our Daies,
and of a suretye vouched into me, I will in fewe Wordys relate.
"'Whereas _Henrye Chicele_, the late renowned Arch-Bishope of
_Cantorburye_, had minded to founden a Collidge in _Oxenforde_ for the
hele of his Soule and the Soules of all those who peryshed in the
Warres in _Fraunce_, fighteing valiantlye under our most gracious
_Henrye_ the fifthe, moche was he distraughten concerning the Place he
myghte choose for thilke Purpose. Him thynketh some whylest how he
myghte place it withouten the eastern Parte of the Citie, both for the
Pleasauntnesse of the Meadowes and the clere Streamys therebye
runninge. Agen him thynketh odir whylest howe he mote builden it on
the Northe Side for the heleful Ayre there coming from the fieldis.
Now while he doubteth thereon he dreamt, and behold there appearyth
unto him one of righte godelye Personage, saying and adviseing him as
howe he myghte placen his Collidge in the Highe Strete of the Citie,
nere unto the Chirche of our blessed Ladie the Virgine, and in
Witnesse that it was sowthe and no vain and deceitful Phantasie,
wolled him to laye the first Stone of the foundation at the corner
which turnyth towards the _Cattys-strete_, where in delvinge he myghte
of a Suretye finde a schwoppinge Mallarde imprison'd in the Sinke or
Sewere, wele yfattened and almost ybosten. Sure Token of the
Thrivaunce of his future Collidge.
"'Moche doubteth he when he awoke on the nature of this Vision,
whether he mote give hede thereto or not. Then advisyth he thereon
with monie Docters and learned Clerkys, all sayd howe he oughte to
maken Trial upon it. Then comyth he to _Oxenforde_, and on a Daye
fix'd, after Masse seyde, proceedeth he in solemn wyse, with Spades
and Pickaxes for the nonce provided, to the Place afore spoken of. But
long they had not digged ere they herde, as it myghte seme, within the
wam of the Erthe, horrid Strugglinges and Flutteringes, and anon
violent Quaakinges of the distressyd Mallarde. Then _Chicele_ lyfteth
up his hondes and seyth _Benedicite_, &c. &c. Nowe when they broughte
him forthe behold the Size of his Bodie was as that of a Bustarde or
an Ostriche, and moche wonder was thereat, for the lyke had not been
been scene in this Londe, ne in anie odir.'
"Here," says the Doctor, "we have the matter of fact proved from an
_authentic record_, wherein there is not one word said of the
_longevity_ of the _mallard_, upon a supposition of which Mr.
_Pointer_ has founded his whole _libel_. The _mallard_, 'tis true, has
grown to a great size. But what then? Will not the richness and plenty
of the diet he wallowed in very well account for this, without
supposing any great number of years of imprisonment? The words of the
historian, I am sure, rather discourage any such supposition. _Sure
token_, says he, _of the thrivance of his future college!_ which seems
to me to intimate the great _progress_ the _mallard_ had made in
fattening, in a short space of time. But be this as it will, there is
not the least hint of a _goose_ in the case. No: the impartial
_Walsingham_ had far higher notions of the _mallard_, and could form
no comparison of him, without borrowing his idea from some of the most
noble birds, the _bustard_ and the _ostridge_." Turning to our
author's comment on the last passage of Mr. Pointer, he adds,
"However, this is certain, this _mallard_ is the accidental occasion
of a _great gaudy_ once a year, and great _mirth_; for on this
occasion is always sung a _merry old song_."--"_Rem tam seriam--tam
negligenter_," exclaims the Doctor; "Would any one but this author
have represented so _august_ a ceremony as the _Celebration of the
Mallard_ by those vulgar circumstances of eating and drinking, and
singing a _merry old song_? Doth he not know that the greatest states,
even those of _Rome_ and _Carthage_, had their infant foundations
distinguished by incidents very much resembling those of the
_mallard_, and that the commemoration of them was celebrated with
hymns and processions, and made a part of their _religious
observances_? Let me refresh his memory with a circumstance or two
relating to the head of _Tolus_ (will serve to elucidate the fourth
line of the second verse of the _merry old song_) which was discovered
at the foundation of the _Capitol_. The _Romans_ held the remembrance
of it in the greatest veneration, as will appear from the following
quotation from _Arnobius_, in a fragment preserved by _Lipsius_:--'Quo
die (says he, speaking of the annual _celebrity_) congregati
sacerdotes, et eorum ministri, totum Capitolinum collem circumibant,
cantilenam quandam sacram de _Toli_ cujusdam capite, dum molirentur
fundamenta invento, recitantes deinde ad coenam verè pontificiam se
recipientes,' &c. Part of this _merry old song_ (as Mr. P. would call
it) is preserved by _Vossius_, in his book _De Sacris Cantilenis
Veterum Romanorum_. The chorus of it shows so much the simplicity of
the _ancient Roman poetry_ that I cannot forbear transcribing it for
the benefit of my reader, as the book is too scarce to be in every
one's hand. It runs thus:
TOLI _caput venerandum_!
Magnum caput et mirandum!
TOLI _caput resonamus_.
I make no doubt but that every _true critic_ will be highly pleased
with it. For my own part, it gives me a particular pleasure to reflect
on the resemblance there is between this _precious relique_ of
antiquity, and the chorus of the _Mallard_.
_Oh, by the blood of King_ Edward,
_It was a swapping, swapping_ Mallard!
The _greatness_ of the subject, you see, is the Thing celebrated in
both, and the manner of doing it is as nearly equal as the different
geniuses of the two languages will permit. Let me hope, therefore,
that Mr. P. when he exercises his thoughts again on this subject, will
learn to think more highly of the _mallard_, than of a _common gaudy_,
or _merry making_. For it will not be just to suppose that the
gentlemen of _All-Souls_ can have less regard for the memory of so
noble a bird, found _all alive_, than the Romans had for the _dead
skull_ of the _Lord knows whom_."
* * * * *