to obtain a knowledge of agriculture, and employ my evenings in keeping
the accounts, that I might be able to succeed him in his office of
steward.
_Nelly._ Exactly--but the stars tell me that you did not like it.
_Peter._ Couldn't bear it. Why, my boots, which I am so particular in
having well polished, were so loaded with clay the very first time, that
I could hardly lift my legs, and I stumbled into a ditch filled with
stinging nettles; so I gave it up, and the old gentleman constantly
swears that I am no son of his.
_Nelly._ Did not I, the priestess of the stars, tell you so?
_Peter._ But if I am no son of his, the question is, "Whose son am I?"
_Nelly._ A gentleman's son, no doubt. But I shall discover more when I
consult the stars anon. You must return.
_Peter._ That I surely will. Consult the old stars, if you please.
_Nelly._ I always do, sir; no dependence upon the others. In fact, we've
quarrelled. I am hardly on speaking terms with them.
_Peter._ Speaking terms with the stars! How intimate you must be!
_Nelly._ You'll have to cross my hand again. Golden truths will not come
out without gold.
_Peter._ What! gold again?
_Nelly._ Yes, another guinea. One for telling you who you are not, and
another for telling you who you are. Don't you see?
_Peter._ One for telling me who I am not. Yes, that's told; I am not my
father's son. They say it's a wise man who knows his own father.
_Nelly._ Wisely said.
_Peter._ And another for telling me who I am. Well, I think that is as
well worth a guinea as the other.
_Nelly._ Better, I should imagine.
_Peter._ Yes, better. Well, good-bye, good woman. I'll be sure to be
here.
_Nelly._ Fail not, or you'll repent it. (_Exit Peter._) The gudgeon
takes the bait kindly. Peter, Peter, you had always an immense swallow.
When Sally Stone nursed him, she was forced to feed the little cormorant
with a tablespoon. As far as I can see, notwithstanding his partnership
education with the young Squire, I think the grown babe should be fed
with spoon-meat still. But what dainty lasses are these that come this
way? Lucy and Miss Etheridge--how fortunate!
_Enter Agnes and Lucy._
_Lucy._ There is the woman; so, if you are inclined to hear her
nonsense, you must wait the Sibyl's pleasure.
_Agnes._ I hope she will not keep us long, or my brother will arrive
before we return. (_Nelly advances._)
_Nelly._ Save you, fair lady! which of you will first look into
futurity?
_Lucy._ This young lady. (_Pointing to Agnes._)
_Nelly._ Then you must retire out of hearing.
_Agnes._ No, no; I have no secrets from her. She must stay.
_Nelly._ That cannot be, my art will be useless, and I decline the task.
_Lucy._ Yield to her mummery, it can make no difference.
_Agnes._ Well, then, Lucy, don't go far away.
_Lucy._ I'll be out of hearing, but not out of sight.
[_Lucy retires, and amuses herself in collecting flowers._
_Nelly._ Your name is Agnes.
_Agnes._ (_laughing_). I know that; and I am the daughter of Sir Gilbert
of the Hall. Come, I'll help you, good woman.
_Nelly._ I did not say the last.
_Agnes._ What do you mean?
_Nelly._ I only said that your name was Agnes.
_Agnes._ Well, and I told you more than you knew.
_Nelly._ The stars reveal not what you assert.
_Agnes._ Well, then, I do; so I know more than the stars.
_Nelly._ You are wrong. You know not so much. You are not what you think
you are.
_Agnes._ In the name of wonder, what do you mean?
_Nelly._ I have said it. Let me see your hand. Your fate is a dark one!
Poor young lady! You will be crossed in everything.
_Agnes._ (_laughing faintly_). Love included, I suppose. Shall I not
marry the man of my affections?
_Nelly._ If he is more generous than men usually are.
_Agnes._ I cannot understand you.
_Nelly._ There is a dark cloud hanging over your fate. The storm will
soon rage. Poor young lady!
_Agnes._ You almost frighten me. Speak more intelligibly.
_Nelly._ I have said enough. Agnes _Bargrove_, fare thee well!
_Agnes._ (_astonished_). Agnes Bargrove! what can she mean? Good woman,
will you not tell me more?
_Nelly._ Go home, you will soon hear more from others. (_Aside._) The
wound is given; let it fester. (_Nelly retires._)
_Agnes._ Lucy, Lucy! (_Lucy advances._)
_Lucy._ Dear Agnes, how confused you are! What can be the matter?
_Agnes._ (_much flurried_). I can hardly tell. The woman was so strange.
I was a little surprised--that's all. (_Recovering herself._) Now, Lucy,
it's your turn. (_Nelly comes forward._) There, good woman, is your
money. (_Nelly shakes her head, and refuses it._) How very strange!
Come, Lucy, let her tell your fortune, and then we'll go home.
_Lucy._ Nay, Agnes, I have no curiosity.
_Agnes._ I insist upon it, Lucy. I will not be the only foolish one. I
shall retire until you call me.
_Lucy._ Well, then, as you please. I know my fortune but too well.
(_Sighs._) [_Agnes retires._
_Nelly._ (_looking Lucy earnestly in the face for a time_). You are
perhaps come here for amusement. In olden times there were many false
prophets; but still, some of them were true; so, in these days, there
are many who pretend to our art, but really few who do possess it. Do
you take this for a mocking matter?
_Lucy._ Why, really, good woman, I will not promise to believe all you
may say, but I shall be glad to listen to it.
_Nelly._ I thought as much. But were I to tell you what is known only to
yourself, would you then credit my asserted powers?
_Lucy._ I should certainly feel more inclined.
_Nelly._ There are marks upon your person known but to yourself.
_Lucy._ 'Tis very possible.
_Nelly._ Can you recollect them?
_Lucy._ (_smiling incredulously_). Can you describe them?
_Nelly._ To prove my power before I read your destiny, I will. You have
a large mole beneath your right shoulder. (_Lucy starts._) You have a
scar on your instep by falling over a sickle in your infancy. Nay, more.
(_Nelly whispers her._)
_Lucy._ Merciful heavens!
_Nelly._ Are you satisfied?
_Lucy._ I'm a little frightened.
_Nelly._ So much to prove that I am no impostor. Now, let me see your
hand. (_Lucy holds out her hand trembling._) You have lost your fortune,
and your rank in society--but you will soon regain them. The cloud is
dispersing from before the sun of your happiness. Sweet girl, I wish
thee joy!
_Lucy._ What mean you?
_Nelly._ Others will tell you soon. There are two in the secret, Nelly
Armstrong and Martha Bargrove.
_Lucy._ My mother!
_Nelly._ No, not your mother. I said, Martha Bargrove. (_Lets go her
hand._) Lucy Etheridge, fare thee well. [_Exit Nelly._
_Lucy._ O God! Agnes, Agnes! (_Agnes runs up to her._)
_Agnes._ My dear Lucy, has she frightened you too?
_Lucy._ O yes! indeed she has. Let us go home, Miss Agnes, I am so
unhappy.
_Agnes._ So am I, Lucy. I wish we had never seen the odious woman.
[_Exeunt ambo, arm in arm, crying._
_Act II. Scene I._
_A Drawing-room in the Hall._
_Enter Captain Etheridge, Captain Mertoun, and William._
_Will._ Sir Gilbert be within gunshot, Captain Edward, and I'll make
sail after him. I think he have the gardener in tow.
_Capt. Eth._ You will oblige me, William. How are you, my good fellow?
You look dull; what's the news here?
_Will._ Why, Mr Edward, mortal bad. There be a misfortune happened in
the family this morning.
_Capt. Eth._ Not to my father, I trust?
_Capt. Mer._ Not to Miss Etheridge?
_Will._ No; it be, Mr Edward, that Sir Gilbert have given me warning,
and I have a month's law to find another berth.
(_Captain Etheridge and Mertoun look at each other, and laugh._)
_Capt. Eth._ Well, William, I think I can doctor that.
_Will._ I'se afraid not, Mr Edward, for the Admiral be superseded--has
hauled down his flag, and I'd as soon have my discharge as not.
(_Putting his finger to his nose._) A woman be at the bottom of all
mischief.
_Capt. Eth._ You observe, Mertoun, how things are managed here. Now if
any difference or dispute arise between my father and mother, do you
immediately espouse the cause of the lady. Recollect, I'll bear you
harmless.
_Capt. Mer._ I am guided by you; but I'm going to observe--
_Enter Sir Gilbert._
_Adm._ My dear Edward, welcome again to your inheritance!
_Capt. Eth._ Thanks, my dear father. Allow me to introduce to you my
most particular friend, Captain Mertoun, of our regiment.
_Adm._ Sir, you have the welcome of a father who loves all whom his
children love.
_Capt. Mer._ Sir Gilbert, I am indeed flattered by your kind
expressions.
_Enter Lady Etheridge._
_Capt. Eth._ My dear mother, permit me to renew my duty.
_Lady Eth._ Edward, I have been a martyr to painful anxiety and maternal
sentiment; but my sighs are accomplished now that I embrace my only son.
(_Turning to Mertoun, and curtseying haughtily._) Your friend?
_Capt. Eth._ My friend is Captain Mertoun, who is most anxious to pay
his homage, and I trust will find favour in the sight of Lady Etheridge.
_Capt. Mer._ That were indeed anticipating bliss. (_Bowing very low._)
_Lady Eth._ Captain Mertoun, you may approximate our kindly feelings.
_Capt. Mer._ Lady Etheridge, I duly appreciate the distinction. (_Aside
to Etheridge._) Why don't you ask after your sister?
_Capt. Eth._ Where is my sister Agnes, my dear mother? How is it that
she is not here to receive her brother?
_Lady Eth._ Indeed, Edward, I am ashamed to say that, forgetful of her
aristocratic birth, she has permitted herself to be seduced by bad
company.
_Adm._ (_aside_). Whew! now for a breeze!
_Capt. Eth._ Bad company. Did I hear rightly? Surely, my lady----
_Lady Eth._ I have said it, Edward; and I am sorry to add, that the
admiral eggs her on. O pardon, Captain Mertoun, the plebeian slip of the
tongue! I mean to say corroborates the mesalliance.
_Capt. Mer._ (_aside to Etheridge_) For Heaven's sake, ask her to
explain.
_Capt. Eth._ What would you infer, my lady? Surely my sister cannot so
far forget herself, much less my father approve of such conduct.
_Adm._ Edward, this bad company is--Lucy Bargrove.
_Lady Eth._ Yes, Sir Gilbert, I am sorry to retort before strangers; but
just as you have confessed, it is even so. My daughter has formed an
unequal connection, and, and dissipates her rank among unequal
associates.
_Capt. Eth._ I am truly glad that it is no worse, my lady.
_Lady Eth._ What can be worse, sir? Rank is rank; but your father has
absorbed notions which disgrace his baronetage.
_Adm._ Lady Etheridge, if I never disgrace my title by any other act, I
shall be proud of the manner in which I have supported it. (_Aside._) I
won't give up this point if I can help it.
_Lady Eth._ You hear, Edward--I am quite cagged--I am all
confusion--stigmatised, I mean, by his conduct. His infatuation is quite
adulterous!
_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). Now, Mertoun, coincide with her. Never mind me
or my father.
_Lady Eth._ Did you speak, Captain Mertoun?
_Capt. Mer._ I did, my lady, but venture to express to Captain Etheridge
my admiration of the elegance and elevation of your sentiments.
_Adm._ (_aside_). What the devil does he interfere for? confounded
puppy.
_Lady Eth._ Captain Mertoun, I conceive at once that you are of _Oh
tone_. I am sorry that family squabbles--pardon the low word--Captain
Mertoun, we cannot touch pitch without being defiled--(_looking at Sir
Gilbert._)
_Adm._ Sorry you ever meddled with a _tar_.
_Lady Eth._ I am grieved, Captain Mertoun, that domestic fractions
should be promulgated on our first meeting, and feel much prepossession
for your corroboration of the Admiral's folly.
_Capt. Mer._ I cannot but assert that his conduct is most indefensible.
Sir Gilbert, allow me to take the privilege of an early friend, and to
express my regret at your infatuation, and my hope that you will be
swayed by superior judgment.
_Adm._ Sir, I am much obliged to you for your friendly and polite
interference. Does your friend stay dinner, Edward?
_Lady Eth._ Admiral, assuredly. I trust that Captain Mertoun will do us
the honour of taking many dinners with us. At present, Captain Mertoun,
you will excuse me; but when you are at leisure, I do not say that I
will show you the grounds, as Sir Gilbert would have expressed himself;
but I shall, as we of the _Oh tone_ say, be most happy to be your
cicero. [_Exit Lady Etheridge._
_Adm._ (_angrily to Captain Mertoun._) And pray, sir, what do you mean
by offering your opinion so confounded freely, and disapproving of my
conduct?
_Capt. Eth._ My dear father, you must blame me, and not him. Let us
retire to your library, and I will explain everything. You will find
that Captain Mertoun has no other object in view than the happiness of
all parties.
_Adm._ Then I can tell Captain Mertoun, that interfering between man and
wife is not the way to secure his own.
_Capt. Mer._ Your son will soon offer a satisfactory explanation. It is
most true that the liberty I have taken with you is most essential to my
happiness.
_Adm._ (_going up and lifting his cane_). The devil it is! but not to
all parties, Captain Mertoun; and I am sorry to say this to any friend
of my son's--but you are a d----d impudent puppy, and I expect
satisfaction.
_Capt. Eth._ That you shall have, sir, from me, who requested Captain
Mertoun to follow that line of conduct. Do me the favour to retire to
the library.
_Adm._ You requested him to insult your father? I am not so old as to be
insulted with impunity; and I hope, as you are a party, that the
explanation will be satisfactory. (_Walks about in a rage._) Captain
Mertoun, you'll excuse us. There are the grounds, and as you have been
so very assiduous to fall out with me, you may be equally so to fall in
with Lady Etheridge. (_Bowing in derision very low, then exit, attended
by Captain Etheridge._)
_Capt. Mer._ Well, this is excellent, that a man, who is henpecked till
he has not a decent feather left, should be jealous about such a woman.
But I feel assured that Etheridge will make all right. I shall take the
advice of the old gentleman, and walk about the grounds, perhaps, as he
says, I may fall in with Lady Etheridge and improve my acquaintance.
[_Exit._
_Scene II._
_The Gipsy encampment in the wood._
_Nelly comes forward._
_Nelly._ Lady Etheridge, you spurned me! you chased me from your doors!
what! shall humanity in any shape be worried by your pampered dogs? when
youth was fresh upon our brows, our steps light upon the green, and our
hearts still more light with innocence, had then the Lady Etheridge more
admirers than the poor outcast gipsy, Nelly Armstrong? Have you
forgotten your origin, proud lady of the Hall? Had his partial eyes
fallen upon me when Sir Gilbert chose his wife from among the cottage
maidens, and you, proud lady, had come hungry and in rags to my door,
should I have unslipped the hounds upon your cry for charity? No, no,
no! You have given insult--expect retaliation. But here comes one of my
instruments. Unbend, Eleanor Armstrong, from this lofty carriage, and be
again the miserable--the cheating gipsy.
_Enter young Bargrove._
_Nelly._ A fine morning, most fortunate sir.
_Peter._ Well, my good woman, have you found it out?
_Nelly._ What, youth of a brilliant horoscope, do you mean the starlit
mystery? It is revealed, but the planets have been very cross. I
watched--and watched--and watched--
_Peter._ Well, and what did you discover?
_Nelly._ The discovery, sir, is precious. Golden, sir, golden! A guinea!
it is worth twenty!
_Peter._ A bargain's a bargain. There's your guinea (_Takes out his
purse and gives money._) And now, let me have my value for it.
_Nelly._ I cast a trine through the rays of Saturn, and placing a
quadrature upon his seventh house, I travelled wearily through the
heavens; and, at last, this afternoon, at about thirty-five minutes,
forty-nine seconds, after the hour of three, I discovered that your
mother was wet nurse to both Sir Gilbert's children.
_Peter._ Miraculous! and so indeed she was!
_Nelly._ You were born at nearly the same time as Captain Etheridge, and
was put out to nurse to one Sally Stone. I discovered all about this
nursing and suckling in the milky way.
_Peter._ Did the stars there tell you all this? wonderful!
_Nelly._ Yes, and a great deal more. But first promise me, if your fate
is no sordid one, you will not yourself be sordid; for now comes the
great secret. Money, sir, money for the prophetess. Suppose, now, I
should prove you a gentleman of ten thousand a year; what would you give
me then?
_Peter._ Give you! another guinea--perhaps two. (_Holding up his
purse._) Ten thousand a year! I would give you the whole purse.
_Nelly._ (_laying hold of one end of the purse._) Then listen to me--you
were changed at nurse. You are the son of Sir Gilbert Etheridge of the
Hall!
_Peter._ The son of Sir Gilbert Etheridge! and changed by the nurse!
_Nelly._ Why don't you clasp your hands, turn up your eyes, and thank
the stars, that have gained for you your patrimony?
_Peter._ So I will (_Clasps his hands, and lets the purse go, Nelly
pockets it._) But what nurse changed me?
_Nelly._ Why, Mrs Bargrove to be sure, who nursed you, and put her own
son in your place.
_Peter._ Infamous old woman! but how is this possible?
_Nelly._ The stars have said it.
_Peter._ My stars?
_Nelly._ Yes, yours.
_Peter._ But how am I to prove this?
_Nelly._ There again I can assist you. Did you never hear of a girl
called Nelly Armstrong?
_Peter._ To be sure--she nursed my sister, that is, she nursed Lucy
Bargrove. A sad reprobate was Nelly----
_Nelly._ Reprobate in your teeth, young man! Speak of that person with
the utmost respect; for 'tis she that will appear and divulge the whole.
She was the accomplice of Mrs Bargrove; but you must lose no time;
challenge Mrs Bargrove, and she may confess all. Then hasten to Lady
Etheridge, and flinging yourself into her arms, sob out upon her bosom
that she is your mother.
_Peter._ Excellent! it will be quite moving. I think a white
handkerchief looks most interesting.
_Nelly._ I hope, when your honour comes to your property, you won't
forget the gipsy woman.
_Peter._ Forget you, good woman! no, that I won't. You shall have a
right of encampment here, and permission to rob any tenants upon the
estate. Leave me.
[_Exit Nelly, curtseying several times to the ground._
_Peter solus_ (_strutting up and down_). Well, I knew that I was a
gentleman born, I knew I was (_rubbing his hands_). Why, what a shameful
trick of the old woman. But I'll make her confess directly. And
then--and then--I'll pardon her; for she has been very kind to me,
that's certain. Sir Peter Etheridge with ten thousand a year! O! it will
sound well. "Pray," says the traveller from London to one of my tenants,
"whose superb mansion is that?" "Sir Peter's." Ha! ha! ha! "And that
fine equipage?" "Sir Peter's." He! he! he! "And that beautiful lady all
over jewels?" "Sir Peter's." Ho! ho! ho! Lucky, lucky Sir Peter! Hum!
ha! I'll turn old Bargrove off for his impudence--that's decided; and I
must cease to be cheerful and familiar. Melancholy--melancholy is your
only gentlemanlike bearing, as Shakespeare says. [_Exit._]
_Scene III._
_A room in the Hall._
_Enter Agnes, with her bonnet in her hand. She sits down, musing._
_Agnes._ I never was so unhappy before; for that gipsy woman has raised
doubts and fears which overwhelm me. Lucy, too, has been told something
that affects her deeply. She never spoke during the whole way home, and
seemed glad to get rid of me as she ran into her father's house. If this
should be true (and why raise such a report without foundation? no one
could be so wicked), what a discovery. At all events, until the truth be
ascertained, I shall be miserable. Heigho! I anticipated so much
pleasure in meeting my brother and Captain Mertoun. Now, what am I to
do? If he were to--to--offer to----(_cries_). It would be so
unhandsome, knowing this report, to say "Yes" (_sobs_), and so unkind to
say "No!" O dear! I'm very miserable.
_Enter Sir Gilbert._
_Adm._ Why, Agnes, the servants have been out everywhere seeking you.
For shame! to be out of the way when you know that your brother was
coming. Edward is much hurt at your indifference. Why, what's the
matter, child? You appear to have been crying! My dear girl, what has
vexed you? See, here they both come.
_Enter Captain Etheridge and Mertoun._
_Capt. Eth._ My dear Agnes! (_Agnes runs up to him, embraces him, and
then bursts into tears_). Why, what is the matter, my dear sister?
_Agnes_ (_hanging on her brother's neck_). O! I am so rejoiced to see
you!
_Capt. Eth._ (_kisses her_). You look the personification of joy! But,
Agnes, here is one whom you have met before. Is it necessary to
introduce Mertoun? (_Captain Mertoun advances._)
_Agnes._ O no! (_curtseying formally to Captain Mertoun, who offers his
hand._)
_Capt. Mer._ (_confused, and apart to Captain Etheridge_). Good heavens!
I must have displeased her!
_Capt. Eth._ (_aside_). Impossible. I do not comprehend it.
_Capt. Mer._ I am most happy to renew our acquaintance, Miss Etheridge,
under the sanction of your parents' roof.
_Agnes_ (_inclining her head_). I shall always be most happy to receive
my brother's friends.
_Adm._ Agnes, my love, the heat has overpowered you. You have hastened
home too fast. Come out with me. You'll be better soon. [_Exeunt Sir
Gilbert and Agnes._
_Capt. Eth._ What can it be? She is certainly distressed.
_Capt. Mer._ Her reception of me is, indeed, very different from what I
had anticipated from the manner in which we parted. I must say, that
either her conduct is very inconsistent, or her memory very treacherous.
_Capt. Eth._ Nay, Mertoun, it is some time since you met; and then, not
under the auspices of her father's roof. Make some allowances for
maidenly reserve.
_Capt. Mer._ Still I must say I am both mortified and disappointed.
_Capt. Eth._ I can feel for you; but knowing her generous character, I
do not hesitate to take up her defence. Something presses heavily on her
mind; what, I cannot surmise. But I will see her and find it out. Till
then, wear your willow as gracefully as you do your laurels, and
construe nothing to your disadvantage. This I ask in justice.
_Capt. Mer._ You may with confidence.
_Capt. Eth._ But here comes Lady Etheridge; now will I hasten to Agnes,
and leave you to pay your court. Though you have already made a
sufficiently favourable impression, yet still remember my injunctions.
_Enter Lady Etheridge._
Lady Etheridge, my sister has just quitted the room far from well. If
you will permit me, I will inquire after her, leaving Captain Mertoun to
cultivate your acquaintance. [_Exit Capt. Etheridge._
_Capt. Mer._ An honour, madam, I have long courted.
_Lady Eth._ O sir! if your leisure is now, as it were, unoccupied, I
should be most happy to be your cicero. There are such grounds----
_Capt. Mer._ (_ogling Lady Etheridge_). For admiration, when I cast my
eyes that way.
_Lady Eth._ The quintessence of politeness, I declare. This way, sir.
_Capt. Mer._ The arm of the humblest of your slaves.
(_Offering his arm._)
_Lady Eth._ Infinitely honoured.
[_Exeunt ambo, ceremoniously, and mutually complimenting each other
in dumb show._
_Scene IV._
_A Drawing-Room at the Hall._
_Enter Sir Gilbert and Captain Etheridge._
_Capt. Eth._ Well, my dear father, where is Agnes?
_Adm._ She has been here just now; she appears to be much distressed
about something. She will return directly.
_Capt. Eth._ What can have annoyed her?
_Adm._ That I don't know. Perhaps my Lady Etheridge. She wishes her to
break off with Lucy Bargrove, but that I will resist--that is--that
is--as much as I can.
_Capt. Eth._ My dear father, why do you submit to such tyranny? You,
that have led fleets to victory, to be governed by a woman! A little
firmness on your part would soon relieve you from your thraldom, and
bring my mother to a proper sense of her duties.
_Adm._ (_shaking his head_). Too late--too late, Edward.
_Capt. Eth._ Never too late, sir. Take courage for once, and I'll
answer for the success. With all respect to my mother, bullies are
always cowards.
_Adm._ Why, really, Edward, your advice is good; and, as I must always
keep up a running fight, I don't see why we shouldn't have a general
action.
_Capt. Eth._ Bravo, sir, a decisive engagement to your honour, if you
only bring decision into play. I agree with you, in respect to Lucy
Bargrove, heartily.