BOOK V

_Chap. i._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS TURNED PALMER AND WENT ON A PILGRIMAGE

WITH HERZBRUDER

Now Herzbruder being wholly restored and healed of his wounds, he told

me in secret he had in his greatest need made a vow to go on a

pilgrimage to Einsiedeln. And since in any case he was now so near to

Switzerland, he would perform the same though he must beg his way

thither. This was pleasant hearing for me: so I offered him my money

and my company, yea, and would buy a couple of nags to do the journey

upon, not indeed for the reason that religion urged me thereto, but

rather to see the Confederates' country as the one land wherein sacred

peace yet flourished. So I rejoiced much to have the opportunity to

serve Herzbruder on such a journey, seeing that I loved him almost more

than myself. Yet he refused both my help and my company with the excuse

that his pilgrimage must be performed on foot and with peas in his

shoes: and should I be in his company not only should I hinder him in

his pious thoughts, but should also bring on myself great discomfort by

reason of his slow going. All which he said to be rid of me, because he

did scruple on so holy a journey to spend money that had been gained by

robbery and murder: besides, he would not put me to too great expense,

and said openly that I had already done more for him than I owed him or

he could hope to repay: upon which we fell into a friendly dispute,

which same was so pleasant a quarrel that I have never heard the like,

for we talked of nothing but this, that each one said he had not yet

done for his fellow so much as one friend should for another, nay, was

yet far from making up for the benefits he had received. Yet all this

would not move him to take me for a companion, till I perceived that he

had a disgust both at Oliver's money and mine own godless life:

therefore I made shift with a lie and persuaded him that my intent to

reform my life did move me to go to Einsiedeln: and should he hinder me

from so good a work, and I thereupon should die, he should hardly

answer for it: by which I persuaded him to suffer me to visit that holy

place with him, especially since I (though 'twas all lies) made an

appearance of great penitence for my wicked life, and moreover did

persuade him I had laid on myself a penance to go to Einsiedeln on peas

even as he. But this quarrel was scarce over ere we fell into another,

for Herzbruder was too full of scruples: and hardly would he suffer me

to use the commandant's pass, because 'twas made out for me to go to my

regiment.

"How now!" said he, "is it not our intent to better our lives and to go

to Einsiedeln? And now see, in heaven's name wilt thou make a beginning

with deceit and blind men's eyes with falsehood? 'He that denieth Me

before the world him will I deny before My heavenly Father,' saith

Christ. What faint-hearted cowards be we! If all Christ's martyrs and

confessors had done the same there would be few saints in heaven. Let

us go in God's name and under His protection whither our holy intent

and desires lead us, and let God contrive for us the rest: for so will

He bring us in safety where our souls shall find peace." But when I set

before him how man should not tempt God, but suit himself to the times,

and use such means as could not be done without, and specially because

to go on pilgrimage was an unwonted thing for the Soldatesca, so that

if we revealed our purpose we should be accounted rather deserters than

pilgrims, which might bring us great trouble and danger: and chiefly

how the holy apostle St. Paul, to whom we could not compare ourselves,

had wonderfully suited himself to the times and needs of this world, at

the last he consented that I should get a pass to go to my regiment.

With this we passed out of the town at the shutting of the gates, with

a trusty guide, as we would go to Rotweil; but turned off short by a

by-way and came the same night over the Switzers' boundary and next

morning to a village, where we equipped ourselves with long black

cloaks, pilgrims' staves, and rosaries, and sent our guide home with a

good wage.

And here in comparison with other German lands the country seemed to me

as strange as if I had been in Brazil or China. I saw how the people

did trade and traffic in peace, how the stalls were full of cattle and

the farmyards crowded with fowls, geese, and ducks, the roads were used

in safety by travellers, and the inns were full of people making merry.

There was no fear of an enemy, no dread of plundering, and no terror of

losing goods and life and limb; each man lived under his own vine and

fig-tree, and that moreover (in comparison with other German lands) in

joy and delight, so that I held this land for an earthly Paradise,

though by nature it seemed rough as might be. So it came about that all

along the road I did but gape at this and that, whereas Herzbruder was

praying on his rosary, for which I earned many a reproof from him; for

he would have it I should pray without ceasing, to which I could not

accustom myself.

But at Zurich he found me out and told me the truth as tartly as might

be. For having rested the night at Schaffhausen, where the peas did

mightily gall my feet, and I fearing to walk upon them next day, I had

them boiled and put into my shoes again, and so came happily to Zurich,

while he found himself in sorry plight, and said to me, "Brother, thou

hast great favour of God, that notwithstanding the peas in thy shoes

thou canst walk so well." "Yea," said I, "dear Herzbruder: but I did

boil them, or I had not been able so far to walk upon them."

"God-a-mercy!" says he, "what hast done? Thou hadst better have put

them out of thy shoes if thou didst but act a mockery with them. I fear

me lest God punish thee and me alike. Take it not evil of me, brother,

if I of brotherly love do tell thee in plain German what I have at

heart, namely this, that I fear, unless thou dealest otherwise with

God, thine eternal salvation standeth in jeopardy: I do assure thee, I

love no man more than thee, yet I deny not that if thou betterest not

thyself I must scruple to bear such love to thee further." At which I

was struck so dumb with fear that I could not at all recover myself,

but freely confessed to him I had put the peas in my shoes not for

piety but to please him, that he might take me with him on his journey.

"Ah, brother," quoth he, "I see thou art far from the way of salvation,

peas or no peas: God give thee a better mind; for without such cannot

our friendship endure."

From that time forward I followed him sorrowfully as one going to the

gallows; for my conscience began to smite me; and as I reflected on all

manner of things, all the tricks I had played in my life did pass

before mine eyes: and first I lamented that my lost innocence, that I

had brought out from the forest and in the world had in so many ways

forfeited; and what increased my trouble was this, that Herzbruder

spake now but little with me, and looked not upon me save with sighs,

so that it seemed to me as he were certain of my damnation and lamented

it.

_Chap. ii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS, BEING TERRIFIED OF THE DEVIL, WAS

CONVERTED

In such fashion we came even to Einsiedeln, and so into the church even

as the priest was casting out an evil spirit: which was to me a new and

strange sight, wherefore I left Herzbruder to kneel and pray as much as

he listed and went off from curiosity to see such a spectacle. But

hardly had I drawn nigh when the evil spirit cried out of the poor man,

"Oho! rascal, doth ill-luck send thee hither? I did think to find thee

with Oliver in our hellish abode when I should return, and now I see

thou art to be found here. Thou adulterous, murderous whoremonger,

canst thou think to escape us? O ye priests, have naught to do with

him: he is a worse hypocrite and liar than I: he doth but mock and make

a jest of God and religion." Thereupon the exorcist commanded the

spirit to be silent, for none would believe him as being an arch-liar.

"Yes, yes," he answered, "ask this runagate monk's companion and he can

well tell you that this atheist is not afraid to boil the peas upon

which he vowed to travel hither." Upon which I knew not whether I stood

on my head or my heels, hearing all this and all men staring upon me:

but the priest rebuked the spirit and bade him be silent: yet would not

that day cast him out. In the meanwhile came Herzbruder, even as I

looked for very terror more like a dead than a live man, and between

hope and fear knew not what to be at. So he comforted me as best he

could, assuring the bystanders, and especially the good fathers, that

in my life I had never been a monk, but certainly a soldier that

perhaps might have done more evil than good: and added, the devil was a

liar and had made the story of the peas much worse than it really was.

Yet was I so confounded in spirit that 'twas with me even as if I

already felt the pains of hell, so that the priests had much ado to

comfort me: yea, they bade me go to confession and communion, but the

spirit cried again out of the man possessed, "Yes, yes: he will make a

fine confession, that knoweth not even what confession is: and indeed

what would ye have of him? for he is of a heretic mind and belongeth to

us: yea, his parents were more of Anabaptists than Calvinists...." But

at that the exorcist again commanded the spirit to hold his peace and

said to him, "So will it grieve thee the more if this poor lost sheep

be snatched out of thy jaws and gathered into the fold of Christ": at

which the spirit began to roar so fearfully that 'twas terrible to

hear: yet in that grisly song I found my greatest comfort; for I

thought if I could not again enjoy God's favour the devil would not

take it so ill.

Now although I was then in no wise prepared for confession, and though

in my lifetime it had never come into my thoughts, but I had always for

mere shame feared it as the devil fears holy water, yet at that moment

I felt in me such repentance for my sins and such a desire to do

penance and to lead a better life that forthwith I asked for a

confessor; at which sudden conversion and amendment of life Herzbruder

rejoiced greatly; for he had perceived and well knew that so far I had

belonged to no religion. Thereafter I openly professed myself of the

Catholic Church, went to confession and to mass after absolution

received, with all which I felt so light and easy at my heart that 'tis

not to be expressed: and what is most marvellous is this, that the

devil in the possessed man henceforward left me in peace, whereas

before my confession and absolution he cast up against me certain

knaveries I had committed, with such particularities as he had been

ordained for naught else but to point out my sins: yet the hearers

believed him not, as being a liar, especially since my honourable

pilgrim's dress shewed me in another light.

In this gracious place we abode fourteen days, and there I thanked God

for my conversion, and marked the miracles that were there done: all

which did incite me to some shew of piety and godliness. Yet did the

same last but as long as it might: for even as my conversion took its

beginning, not from love of God but from dread and fear of damnation,

so did I by degrees become lukewarm and slothful, because I little by

little forgot the terror that the Evil One had struck into me. So when

we had sufficiently viewed the relics of the saints, the vestments, and

other remarkable things of the abbey, we betook ourselves to Baden,

there to spend the winter.

_Chap. iii._: HOW THE TWO FRIENDS SPENT THE WINTER

There did I hire a cheerful parlour and a chamber for us, such as the

visitors to the baths do commonly use to have, especially in summer:

which be mostly rich Switzers that do resort here more to pass the time

and make a show than to take baths for any disease. So also I bargained

for our food, and Herzbruder, seeing how princely I began, counselled

me frugality, and reminded me of the long hard winter that we had yet

to pass, for he dreamt not that my money would hold out so long; and I

should need all I had, he said, for the spring when we should depart:

for much money was soon spent if one ever took from it and never added

to it: 'twas blown away like smoke and was certain never to return,

etc. At such loyal counsel I could no longer conceal from Herzbruder

how rich my treasury was, and how I was minded to spend it for the good

of both of us, since its extraction and growth were so unholy that I

could not think to buy lands with it; and even if I were not minded to

spend it so as to maintain so my best friend on earth, yet it were but

right that he, Herzbruder, should enjoy Oliver's money in revenge for

the insult he had before received from him before Magdeburg. And when I

knew myself to be in all safety, I drew off my two shoulder-bags,

divided the ducats and pistoles, and said to Herzbruder he might

dispose of this money at will, and spend and disburse it as he would,

so that it might best profit us both.

When he saw, besides the greatness of my faith in him, how much the

money was, with which I, without him, could have been a pretty rich

man, "Brother," says he, "since I have known thee thou hast done naught

but shew thy constant love and truth to meward. But tell me, how

thinkest thou that I can ever repay thee? I speak not of the money, for

this perchance might in time be repaid, but of thy love and faith, and

especially of the exceeding trust thou hast in me, which is not to be

estimated. In a word, brother, thy noble soul doth make me thy slave,

and the favour thou shewest me is more easy to admire than to repay. O

honest Simplicissimus, into whose mind it never entereth (even in these

godless days in which the world is full of knavery) to think how poor,

needy Herzbruder might with this fair stock of money make off and in

his place leave thee in want! Of a surety, brother, this proof of true

friendship bindeth me more to thee than if a rich lord should give me

thousands. Only I beg thee, my brother, remain master guardian and

steward of thine own money. For me 'tis enough that thou art my

friend."

To this I answered, "What strange discourses be these, my honoured

Herzbruder? Ye give me to understand ye are much bounden to me, and yet

will ye not see to it that I spend not my money vainly and to your

damage and mine!" And so we disputed with one another childishly

enough, because each was drunken with love of the other: thus was

Herzbruder made at once my steward, my treasurer, my servant, and my

master: and in our time of leisure he told me of his life and by what

means he was known and promoted by Count Götz, whereupon I told him how

I had fared since his father (of pious memory) died: for until then we

had never had so much time. But when he heard I had a young wife in

Lippstadt, he did reprove me that I had not repaired to her rather than

with him to Switzerland, for that had been more fitting, and was my

duty moreover: and when I would excuse myself, that I could not find it

in my heart to leave him, my best friend, in misery, he persuaded me to

write to my wife and tell her of my condition, with the promise to

visit her as soon as might be: to that I did add excuses for my long

absence, namely, all manner of contrarious happenings, though greatly I

had desired to be with her long ere now.

Meanwhile Herzbruder, learning from the public prints that it stood

well with General Count Götz, and that in particular he would succeed

in his vindication before his Imperial Majesty, would be set free, and

even again receive command of an army, sent an account of how he stood

to that general at Vienna, and wrote also to the Bavarian army on the

score of his baggage that he had there: yea, and began to hope his

fortunes would again flourish. Upon which we concluded to part in the

spring, he going to the said count, and I to my wife at Lippstadt: yet

not to pass the winter in idleness we did learn from an engineer to

make more fortifications on paper than the kings of France and Spain

together could build: so too I made acquaintance with certain

alchymists that, because they saw I had money at my back, would teach

me to make gold, an I would but bear the expense of it: yea, and I do

believe they had persuaded me thereto had not Herzbruder given them

their congé, saying that he that possessed such an art would not need

to go about like a beggar, nor to ask others for money.

But though Herzbruder did receive from Vienna a gracious answer from

the said count and fine promises, I heard no single word from

Lippstadt, though on several post-days I did write in duplicate. Which

put me in ill humour and was the cause that that spring I went not to

Westphalia, but obtained from Herzbruder that he should take me with

him to Vienna and let me share in his hoped-for good fortune. So with

my money we equipped ourselves like two cavaliers, both in clothing,

horses, servants, and arms, and travelled by Constance to Ulm, where we

embarked upon the Danube, and from thence in eight days came safely to

Vienna.

_Chap. iv._: IN WHAT MANNER SIMPLICISSIMUS AND HERZBRUDER WENT TO THE

WARS AGAIN AND RETURNED THENCE

Things be strangely ordered in this changeful world; 'Tis said he that

should know all things would soon be rich: but I say he that always

could seize his opportunity would soon be great and powerful. For many

a skinflint or cheese-parer (both which honourable titles are given to

misers) gets rich enough by knowing and using some knack of gain: yet

is he not therefore great, but is and remaineth always of less

estimation than when he was poor: but he that can make himself great

and powerful, him riches follow after close. So did luck, that is wont

to give power and riches, look on me favourably for once, and gave me

when I had been some eight days in Vienna opportunity in hand to mount

upon the rungs of fame without hindrance: yet I did it not. And why? I

hold 'twas because my fate had willed for me another road, namely, that

along which my foolishness did lead me.

For the Count von der Wahl, under whose command I had before made

myself famous in Westphalia, was even then in Vienna when I came

thither with Herzbruder: which last was at a banquet when divers

Imperialist councillors of war were present with the Count of Götz and

others, where the talk was of all manner of strange fellows, soldiers

of different qualities, and famous partisans: and there was mention

made of the huntsman of Soest, and such famous exploits of him told

that some wondered at the youth of the fellow and lamented that the

crafty Hessian colonel Saint André had hung a weight round his neck so

that he must either lay aside the sword or serve under Swedish colours:

for the said Count von der Wahl had found out all the trick which the

same colonel had played me at Lippstadt. Herzbruder, that was there

present and would fain have forwarded my interest, asked for indulgence

and leave to speak, and said he knew that huntsman of Soest better than

any man in the world, which was not only a good soldier that feared not

the smell of powder, but also a good rider, a perfected fencer, an

excellent professor of musquetry and artillery, and besides all this

one that would yield place to no engineer in the world: that he had

left not only his wife (that had been so shamefully imposed upon him),

but all that he had at Lippstadt, and again sought the emperor's

service, and so had in the last campaign served under the Count of

Götz, and being then taken by the troops of Weimar and desiring to

return to the Imperialists, had with his comrade slain a corporal and

six musqueteers that had pursued them and would bring them back, and

had earned rich booty thereby, and so had come with him to Vienna with

intent to offer his service once more against his Imperial Majesty's

enemies, provided only he could have such terms as suited him: for as a

common soldier he would serve no more.

By this time the worshipful company were so flustered with good liquor

that they must satisfy their curiosity to see the huntsman: to which

end Herzbruder was sent to fetch me in a coach: who on the way

instructed me how I should carry myself among these persons of quality,

since my fortune in time to come depended on this. So when I came to

them, at first I answered all questions very short and sententiously,

so that they began to admire me as one who said nothing that had not a

prudent meaning: in a word, I so presented myself that I pleased all,

besides this, that I had from Count von Wahl the reputation of a good

soldier. But with all this I got drunk, and well can I believe that in

that condition I proved to all how little I had been at court. And this

was the end of it all: that a colonel of foot promised me a company in

his regiment, which I refused not: for I thought, "To be a captain is

indeed no trifle." Yet Herzbruder next day rebuked me for my folly, and

said, had I but held out longer I had risen to high rank.

So was I presented to a company as their captain, which company,

although with me 'twas in respect of officers fully staffed, yet

counted no more than seven privates that could stand sentry. Besides,

my under-officers were such old cripples that I must needs scratch my

head when I looked upon them. And so it came about that in the next

engagement, which happened not long after, I was with them miserably

beaten: in which affair Count von Götz lost his life and Herzbruder his

testicles, which were shot away: and I had my share in the leg though

'twas but a trifling wound. Whereupon we betook ourselves to Vienna,

there to be cured, and also because we had there left all our property.

But besides these wounds, which were soon healed, there appeared in

Herzbruder other evil symptoms which the doctors could not at first

recognise, for he was paralysed in all his extremities like a choleric

person whom his gall doth plague, to which complexion he was no more

given than to anger. Nevertheless he was counselled to take the waters,

and to that end the Griesbach in the Black Forest was commended to him.

And so doth fortune suddenly change. For Herzbruder just before had

been minded to marry a young lady of quality, and to that end to get

him made a Freiherr and me a nobleman: but now must he make other

plans; for having lost that by which he had meant to propagate his

family, and being, moreover, threatened with a tedious sickness ensuing

upon that loss, in which he would have need of good friends, he made

his will, and appointed me heir of all his property, the more so

because he saw how for his sake I cast my fortune to the winds and gave

up my command, that I might bear him company to the Spa and there wait

on him till he should recover his health.

_Chap. v._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS RODE COURIER AND IN THE LIKENESS OF

MERCURY LEARNED FROM JOVE WHAT HIS DESIGN WAS AS REGARDS WAR AND PEACE

So as soon as Herzbruder could ride we despatched our money (for now we

had but one purse in common) by way of banker's draft to Basel,

equipped ourselves with horses and servants, and made our way up the

Danube to Ulm and thence to the Spa before mentioned, for now 'twas May

and pleasant travelling. There did we hire a lodging: but I rid to

Strassburg, not only to receive in part our money which we had conveyed

thither by way of Basel, but also to inquire for the medicos of

experience that should prescribe for Herzbruder recipes and the manner

of his taking the baths. These came to me, and were of opinion that

Herzbruder had indeed been poisoned, yet was the poison not strong

enough to kill him offhand, and therefore it had made its way into his

limbs, from whence it must be evacuated by drugs, antidotes and

sweating-baths, which cure would last some eight weeks or so. At that

Herzbruder remembered at once when and by whom that poison had been

given him; namely, by them that would have had his place in the army:

and when he further learned from the physicians that his cure needed no

spa, then was he assured the field-surgeon had by his enemies been

bribed to send him so far away: yet did he resolve to complete his cure

there at the spa, for 'twas not only a healthy air but also there was

cheerful company among the bathing-guests.

This time would I not waste: for I had a desire to see my wife once

more: and since Herzbruder needed me not greatly, I did open to him my

project, which he did praise, and advised me I should visit her, giving

me also certain trinkets of price which I should on his behalf present

to her, and therewith beg her pardon for that he had been the cause why

I had not before sought her out. With that I rode to Strassburg, and

not only provided myself with moneys but inquired also how I might

prosecute my journey in the safest way: whereupon I found 'twas not to

be accomplished by a horseman riding alone; for the roads were made

unsafe by the parties sent out from so many garrisons of the two

contending armies. So I got me a pass for a post-rider of Strassburg,

and drew up certain letters to my wife, her sisters, and her parents,

as I would send him with them to Lippstadt: yet feigned to be of a

different mind, took back the pass from the messenger, sent back my

horse and servant, and disguised myself in a red and white livery: in

that I journeyed by ship to Cologne, which was at that time neutral

between the two parties.

And first I must go to visit my Jupiter, that had aforetime appointed

me his Ganymede, to ask how it fared with the property I had left

there: but him I found quite brain-sick again and full of anger against

the human race. "O Mercury," says he, as soon as he saw me, "what news

from Münster? Do men conceive they can make peace without my good will?

Nay, never! they did have peace. Why kept they it not? Was not vice

everywhere triumphant when they provoked me to send them war? And how

have they deserved that I should give them peace again? Have they since

been converted? Are they not become worse, and do they not run into war

as to a festival? Or have they perchance repented them by reason of the

famine that I sent among them, whereof so many thousands died of

hunger? Or hath the grievous pestilence terrified them to better their

ways, whereby so many millions were cut off? Nay, nay, Mercurius, they

that remain, that did see these dreadful sufferings with their own

eyes, have not only not repented, but be grown worse than ever they

were. And if they have not been turned by so many sore plagues, nor

have ceased to live in godless wise in the midst of such trial and

tribulation, what will they do if I should grant them again the

delights of golden peace? Then must I fear lest, as once did the

giants, so they now should try to storm my heaven. But such overweening

I will check in good time and leave them to perish in their war." But I

knowing how one must go about with this god if one would make him hear

reason, "Oh, great god," says I, "all the world doth sigh for peace and

promise great amendment: why wilt thou then continue to refuse them

such?" "Yea," answered Jupiter, "doubtless they sigh: yet not for my

sake but their own: not that each may praise God under his own vine and

fig-tree, but that they may enjoy the fruit thereof in peace and

delight. Of late I asked of a scurvy tailor, should I give him peace?

He gave me answer, 'twas the same to him, that must ply his needle as

well in peace as in war: and the like answer I got from a brazier,

which said if he could get no bells to found in peace time, yet in time

of war he had enough to do with cannon and mortars. So likewise, a

smith replied to me and said, 'Though I have no ploughs and hay-carts

to mend in war-time, yet have I so many war-horses and army waggons to

deal with that I can well afford to do without peace.' Lookye then,

dear Mercurius, why should I grant them peace? True there be some that

do desire it, yet only as I say, for their belly's sake and their

pleasure: contrariwise there be others that will still have war, not

because 'tis my will, but because 'tis for their profit. And just as

the masons and carpenters desire peace, to earn money by the building

again of ruined houses, so others that be not sure of earning a living

by their handicraft in time of peace do hope for the continuing of war,

wherein they can steal."

Now when I found my Jupiter so to go about with these matters, I could

well conceive that he, with so confused a mind, could give me little

account of mine own, and so I made not my business known to him, but

took the bull by the horns, and away by by-paths well known to me, to

Lippstadt, where I inquired for my father-in-law as I were a messenger

from foreign parts, and learned at once that he, with his wife, had

quitted this world six months before, and secondly, that my dear wife,

having been delivered of a man-child, that was now with her sister, had

in like manner straightway, after her lying-in, quitted this mortal

scene. Upon that I delivered to my brother-in-law the writings which I

had before addressed to my father-in-law, to my wife, and to him, my

wife's brother. Who would have entertained me himself, to learn from

me, as from a messenger, how it fared with Simplicissimus and of what

rank he was now. In the end mine own sister-in-law did at length

converse with me, I telling of myself all the good I knew; for my

pock-pitted face had so marred and changed me that no man could know me

more, save Herr von Schönstein: and he, as my true friend, did hold his

tongue. But I telling her at length how Herr Simplicissimus had many

fine horses and servants and rode abroad in a black-velvet coat all

trimmed with gold, "Yea," said she, "I did ever believe he was of no

such low descent as he gave himself out to be: the commandant of this

place did ever persuade my late parents, with great assurances, that

they had made a good match with him for my sister, which had ever been

a virtuous maiden: yet of all that I myself could never look for a good

ending. Nevertheless did he content himself and resolve to take upon

him either Swedish or Hessian service in the garrison here: and to that

end would he fetch hither his goods that he had left at Cologne: which

turned out ill, and he himself was by clean roguery spirited away into

France, leaving my sister, that had had him to husband but for four

weeks, yea, and a half-dozen of citizens' daughters likewise, with

child by him; all which one after another, and my sister last of all,

were brought to bed of boys. So since my father and mother were dead,

and I and my husband without hope of children, we did adopt my sister's

child to be the heir of all our property, and with the help of the

commandant here did get possession of his father's money at Cologne;

which same might be reckoned at three thousand gulden; and so the young

lad when he shall come of age shall have no cause to count himself

among the paupers. Yea, I and my husband do love the child so much that

we would not yield him up to his own father though he came in person to

fetch him away: moreover, he is the comeliest of all his half-brothers,

and so like to his father as he had been cut out on his very pattern:

and I know if my brother-in-law did but hear what a fair son he hath he

would not delay to come hither were it but to see the little

sweetheart."

The like talk my sister-in-law held, by which I might well perceive her

love to my child, which now ran about in his first breeches, and

rejoiced mine heart: and with that I brought out the trinkets that

Herzbruder had given me to present on his behalf to my wife: which,

said I, Master Simplicissimus had given me to deliver to his wife for a

salutation: who being dead, I accounted it fair to leave the same for

his child: all which my brother-in-law and his wife received with joy,

and were convinced thereby that I had no want of means, but must indeed

be a fellow of a different sort from that which they had fancied me to

be. So now I pressed for leave to be gone, and having obtained such, I

begged in the name of Simplicissimus to kiss Simplicissimus the

younger, that I might tell the same to his father for a token. And this

being done with the goodwill of my sister-in-law, my nose and the

child's began at once and together to bleed, till I thought my heart

would break: yet did I hide my feelings, and that none might have time

to mark the cause of this sympathy, I took myself off at once, and

after fourteen days of much trouble and danger came again to the spa in

beggar's garb: for on the way I had been plundered and stripped.

_Chap. vi._: A STORY OF A TRICK THAT SIMPLICISSIMUS PLAYED AT THE SPA

So being returned, I found Herzbruder rather worse than better, though

the doctors and apothecaries had plucked him cleaner than any pigeon:

nay, more: he seemed to me now to be childish, nor could he walk

straight. I did hearten him up as best I could, but his was an ill

plight; himself perceiving well by his loss of strength that he could

not last long; and his chief comfort was this, that I should be by his

side when he should close his eyes. Contrariwise I was merry, and

sought my pleasure where I thought to find it: though in such wise that

Herzbruder lacked none of my care. Yet because I knew myself now for a

widower, the fine weather and my young blood enticed me to wantonness,

whereunto I did fully give myself over; for the fear that had possessed

me at Einsiedeln I had now quite forgot. Now there was at the spa a

fair lady[36] that gave herself out to be a person of quality, yet was

to my thinking more "mobilis" than "nobilis": to this man-trap did I

pay my constant court as to one that seemed a bona roba, and in brief

space of time did obtain not only free entry to her but also all such

favours as I could desire. Yet had I from the first a disgust at her

lightness, and so did devise how I might in all courtesy be rid of her:

for methought she had her eye more on my purse than on me for a

bridegroom: yea, and did persecute me with hot and wanton glances and

the like tokens of her burning love wheresoever I might be, till I must

be shamed both for her sake and mine own.

At that time there was at the baths a rich Switzer of quality: from

whom was stolen not only his money, but his wife's jewellery, which was

of gold, silver, pearls, and precious stones. And since 'tis as

grievous to lose such things as 'tis hard to get them, therefore the

said Switzer would move heaven and earth to come by them again, and did

even send for the famous devil-driver of the Goatskin,[37] which

did so plague the thief by his charms that he must needs restore the

stolen goods to their proper place: for which the wizard earned ten

rix-dollars.

With this enchanter I had fain conversed: but, as I then conceived, it

could not be, without lessening of my dignity (for at that time I

thought no small beer of myself). So I did engage my servant to be

drunk with him that same night (having learned he was a toper of the

first quality) to see if by such means I could have his acquaintance:

for so many strange things were told to me of him that I could not

believe till I had heard them from himself. To that end did I disguise

myself as a strolling quack, and sat down by him at table to see if he

could guess or the devil could tell him who I was: yet could I mark no

such knowledge in him, but he would drink and drink, taking me for that

which my raiment proclaimed me, yea, and drank some few glasses to my

health, yet shewed more respect to my knave than to me. For to him he

told in all confidence that if he that had robbed the Switzer had

thrown but the smallest part thereof into running water and so shared

the booty with the devil, it had been impossible either to name the

thief or to get back the goods.

To all these silly conceits I listened, and wondered how the father of

deceits and lies can by so small a thing bring men into his clutches. I

could easily conceive that this was a clause in our enchanter's

indenture with the devil, and perceive how such a trick could not help

the thief if only another exorcist were fetched in to detect the theft,

in whose compact this condition was not to be found: and so charged my

knave, that could steal better than any gipsy, to make the man drunk

and then steal his ten rix-dollars, and presently thereafter to cast a

couple of batzen into the river Rench. This he did with all diligence,

and when the witch-doctor next morning missed his money, he betook

himself to a thicket by the bank of the Rench, doubtless to confer with

his familiar spirit: by whom he was so ill-handled that he came off

with a face all bruised and scratched; whereat I felt such pity for the

poor old rogue that I gave him back his money and sent him a message

that, since he now could see what a traitorous, evil spirit the devil

was, he might renounce his service and company, and turn to God again:

which warning brought me but little profit, for presently my two fair

horses sickened and died by witchcraft; and what else could I expect?

for I lived like Epicurus in his stye and never did commend my goods to

God's care: why, therefore, should the wizard not be able to revenge

himself on me?

_Chap. vii._: HOW HERZBRUDER DIED AND HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS AGAIN FELL TO

WANTON COURSES

With the spa I was the more pleased the longer I stayed, for not only

did the guests increase daily, but the place and the manner of life

also delighted me hugely. I joined acquaintance with the merriest that

resorted thither and did begin to learn courtesy and compliment,

wherewith I had till then troubled myself but little: and so was

counted as of the nobility, my people calling me ever "noble captain";

for no mere soldier of fortune did ever gain so high a post at that age

at which I still was. So with these rich fops I made, and they with me,

not acquaintance only but sworn friendship; and pastime, play, eating,

and drinking were all my work and care, which robbed me of many a fair

ducat without my much perceiving or marking of it: for my purse was yet

fairly heavy with Oliver's legacy.

Meanwhile things went from bad to worse with Herzbruder, till at last

he must pay the debt of nature, all doctors and physicians now

deserting him on whom they had fattened so long. So he confirmed once

more his last will and testament and made me heir of all he had to

receive from his late father's property. And in return I gave him a

noble funeral and sent his servants on their way with mourning and

money withal.

Yet his disease heartily vexed me, and especially because he had been

poisoned: and though I could not change that, yet it changed me: for

now I eschewed all company and sought only for solitude to give a

hearing to my sad thoughts: to which end I would hide myself in some

thicket and there would muse, not only upon what a friend I had lost,

but also how I should never in my life find such another one. At times

I would lay all manner of plans for my future life and yet could

resolve on none: now I thought I would to the wars again: and then

bethought me how even the poorest peasant in this land was better off

than any colonel: for into those mountains came never a foraging party.

Yea, I could well fancy what an army would find to do there in ravaging

of the country, seeing that all the farmhouses were well kept, as if in

peace-time, and all the stalls full of cattle, while in many a village

of Germany in the plains neither dog nor cat could be found. So as I

delighted myself with hearing of the sweet song of birds, and did

fancifully conceive how the nightingale should by her dulcet song

silence all other birds and force them to listen either from shame or

to steal somewhat of her pleasant strains, there came to the opposite

bank of the stream a beauty, that did move me more, because she wore

but the habit of a peasant girl, than could any fine demoiselle have

done; which took a basket from her head wherein she had a pack of fresh

butter, to sell at the spa: this did she cool in the water that it

might not melt by reason of the great heat, and meanwhile, sitting down

upon the grass, did throw aside her kerchief and her peasant hat and

wipe the sweat from her face, so that I could exactly observe her and

feed my curious eyes upon her: and truly methought I had never seen a

fairer form in my life: for the mould of her figure seemed perfect and

without blemish, her arms and hands white as snow, her face fresh and

sweet, but her black eyes full of fire and amorous looks. So as she was

packing of her butter up again I cried across to her, "Ah, maiden, 'tis

true ye have cooled your butter in the water with your fair hands, yet

with your bright eyes have ye set my heart afire." But she no sooner

saw and heard me but away she ran as if she were pursued, without

answering me a word, and so left me possessed with all the follies

wherewith fantastic lovers are wont to be tormented.

But my desire to be further illumined by this sun left me not in peace

in the solitude I had chosen, but caused me to care no more for the

song of the nightingale than for the howl of a wolf: therefore I made

my way to the spa, and did send my page in front to accost the pretty

butter-seller and to bargain with her till I should come: so he did his

best, and I, when I came, did mine also: but found a heart of stone,

and such coldness as I had never thought to find in any peasant-girl,

which made me yet more in love, especially since I, that had been much

a scholar in such schools, might well judge by such a carriage she

would not easily be befooled.

And now should I have had either a great enemy or a great friend:

either an enemy to think of and devise evil against, and so to forget

my fool's love, or a friend that should give me other counsel and warn

me from the folly I proposed. But alas! I had naught but my money,

which did but dazzle me, and my blind desires which led me astray, I

giving them the rein, and mine own impudence, that ruined me and

brought me to disaster. Fool that I was, I should have judged by our

clothes, as by an evil omen, that her love would work me woe. For I

having lost Herzbruder and the girl her parents, we were both dressed

in mourning clothes when we first met: and so what joy could our love

portend? In a word, I was properly caught in a fool's snare, and

therefore as blind and without reason as the boy Cupid himself: and

because I had no hope otherwise to satisfy my bestial desires, I did

determine to marry her.

"For how!" thought I, "thou beest by descent but a peasant's brat and

wilt never in thy life keep thy castle: and this fair champaign is a

noble land, that throughout this grisly war hath, in comparison with

other parts, maintained itself in peace and prosperity: besides, thou

hast gold enough to buy thee even the best farm in this countryside:

and now shalt thou marry with this honest peasant-girl and get thee a

lord's reputation among the country-folk. And where couldst find a

cheerfuller dwelling-place than near the spa, where thou canst, by

reason of the coming and going of the guests, see a new world every six

weeks, and so conceive how the great world doth change from one age to

another?"

Such and a thousand like plans I made, till at length I sought my

sweetheart in marriage and (yet not without pains) did obtain her

consent.

_Chap. viii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FOUND HIS SECOND MARRIAGE TURN OUT,

AND HOW HE MET WITH HIS DAD AND LEARNED WHO HIS PARENTS HAD BEEN

So I made fine preparation for the wedding: for all seemed rose-colour

to me. Not only did I buy up the whole farm whereon my bride had been

born, but began also a fine new building besides, as if I would rather

keep court than keep house: and before the wedding was over I had

already more than thirty head of cattle on the farm; for so many could

it maintain all the year round: in a word, I had the best of everything

and such fine household plenishing as only folly like mine could

devise. But soon I must whistle to a different tune, for I found my

bride too knowing; and now, all too late, was I ware of the cause why

she had been so loath to take me: and what vexed me most was that I

could tell to no man my silly plight. I knew well enough that 'twas

reasonable I must pay the piper; yet the knowledge made me not more

patient, still less better in life; nay, rather I thought to betray the

traitress, and so began to go a-grazing where I could find pasture:

which kept me rather in good company at the spa than at home, and for a

year at least I left my housekeeping to take care of itself. And for

her part my wife was as slovenly as I: an ox that I had had slaughtered

for household use she salted in baskets like pork, and when she was to

prepare a sucking-pig for me she tried to pluck it like a fowl: yea,

she would cook crayfish with a roasting-jack and trout on a spit: from

which examples a man may judge what manner of housewife I found her:

and withal she would drink freely of the good wine and share it with

her good friends: and that was a sign of my coming disasters.

Now it fell out that as I was walking down the valley with some fops of

the spa to visit a company at the lower baths, there met us an old

peasant with a goat on a string, that he wished to sell, and because

methought I had seen him before, I asked whence he came with his goat.

At which he doffed his cap and "Your worship," says he, "that I may not

tell you." "How," said I, "surely thou hast not stolen the beast?"

"Nay," answered the peasant, "but I bring him from a village there in

the valley, the which I may not mention to your worship in the presence

of a goat"[38] which caused my company to laugh, and because I changed

colour they deemed I was vexed or ashamed that the peasant did answer

me so neatly. Yet my thoughts were otherwise, for by the great wart

that this peasant had, like an unicorn, in the middle of his forehead,

I was assured 'twas my dad from the Spessart, and so would first play

the conjurer before I would make myself known and delight him with so

fine a son as my clothes shewed me to be. So I said to him, "Good

father, is not your home in the Spessart?" "Yes, your worship," says

he. "Then," said I, "did ye not some eighteen year agone have

your house and farm plundered and burnt by the troopers?" "Yea,

God-a-mercy," quoth the peasant, "yet 'tis not so long ago": but I

asked him further, "Did ye not, then, have two children, a grown

daughter and a young lad that kept your sheep?" "Nay, your worship,"

says my dad, "the daughter was my child but not the boy: yet would I

bring him up as mine own." And by that I understood I was no son of

this rough yokel: and that in part rejoiced me yet again troubled me,

for I thought now I must be some bastard or foundling, and therefore

asked my dad how he had come by the said boy or what reason he had had

to rear him as his own. "Ah," says he, "I had strange luck with him: by

war I got him and by war I lost him."

But now being afeared lest some fact should come to light that would

disgrace my birth, I turned the discourse upon the goat again and asked

if he had sold it to the hostess for cooking, which would seem strange

to me as knowing that her guests used not to eat old goat's flesh. But

"Nay, your worship," quoth the peasant, "the hostess hath goats enow

and will pay naught for such: I do bring her for the countess that is

at the spa to bathe. For Doctor Busybody hath ordered certain herbs for

this goat to eat: and the milk that she gives therefrom the doctor

taketh to make a medicine for the countess, that is to drink the milk

and so be cured: for they say the countess hath no stomach, and if the

goat help her 'twill do more than the doctor and all his sawbones

together." While he thus talked I considered how I might have further

speech with him, and so offered him for the goat a dollar more than the

doctor or the countess would give: to which he readily agreed (for

small gain will easily turn folk), yet on condition he should first

tell the countess that I had bid a thaler more: and if she would give

as much she should have the preference: if not, he would bring me the

goat and would in the evening let me know how the business stood. With

that my dad went his way and I, with my company, ours: yet could I and

would I not stay longer with them, but turned me back and went where I

found my dad again: who still had his goat, for others would not give

him so much as I: which, for so rich people, did amaze me, yet made me

not more niggardly: for I took him to my new-bought farm and paid him

for his goat, and when I had him half-foxed I asked of him whence came

the lad to him of whom we spoke to-day. "Ah, your worship," says he,

"the Mansfeld war brought him to me and the Nördlingen battle took him

away again." "And that," quoth I, "must be a merry story," and so I

begged him, since we had naught else to talk of, to tell it me to pass

the time.

With that he began, and says he, "When Mansfeld[39] lost the battle at

Höchst, his people were scattered abroad as not knowing whither to

flee: of whom many came into the Spessart, seeking woods wherein to

hide them: but though they had escaped death on the plains they found

it in the hills: for since both parties thought it their right to

plunder and murder one another on our lands, we peasants would have a

finger in their pie too. So 'twas but seldom that a farmer would go

into his woods without a musquet, for we could not bide at home with

our hoes and ploughs. And in this wild business did I light upon a fair

young lady mounted on a goodly horse, in a savage and lonesome wood,

yet not far from my farm: and just before, I had heard shots fired: and

at first I took her for a man, for she rode like such: yet when I saw

her raise hands and eyes to heaven and in a pitiful voice, though in a

strange tongue, cry aloud to God, I lowered my gun, with which I would

have fired upon her, and uncocked it; for her cries and actions did

well assure me 'twas a woman, and one in trouble withal. So we drew

near to each other, and when she saw me, 'Ah,' says she, 'if ye be a

Christian and an honest man, I pray you for God and His mercy, yea, and

for that Last Judgment before which we must all give account of our

deeds and misdeeds, to bring me to some married woman that with God's

help may deliver me of my burden!' Which words, as being of such

import, together with the gentle speech and the troubled, yet fair and

kind face of the poor lady, did compel me to such pity that I took her

horse by the bridle and led her over bush and brier to the thickest

part of the wood whither I had brought my wife, my child, my people,

and my cattle for refuge: and there within half an hour was she

delivered of that young boy of whom we did discourse to-day."

With that my dad finished his story and his glass: for I was no niggard

of my wine for him: and when he had emptied it I asked him how it fared

thereafter with the lady: to which he answered thus: "When she was

delivered she begged me to be godfather, and to bring the child to

baptism as soon as might be, and told me her own and her husband's name

that they might be written in the book of Christenings: and then did

she open her wallet wherein she had full costly trinkets, and of these

gave so many to me, to my wife and child, my maid-servant and to

another woman that was by, that we might well be content with her: but

even while she did this, and told us of her husband, she died under our

hands, having first commended the child to us. But since the tumult in

the land was then so great that none could abide in his own house, we

had much trouble to come by a clergyman that should baptize the child

and attend the funeral. Yet both being done, 'twas commanded me by our

burgomaster and our priest that I should rear the child till 'twas

grown, and for my trouble and cost should keep all the lady's property

save a few rosaries and precious stones and jewellery, which I should

keep for the child. So my wife did nourish the babe with goat's milk,

and we loved the lad, and did think when he should be grown up to give

him our daughter to wife: but after the battle at Nördlingen did I lose

both boy and girl and all that I possessed."

"Now," says I to my dad, "ye have told me a pretty tale enough and yet

forgot the best part: for ye have not told me the name of the lady or

her husband or the child." "Your honour," he answered, "I thought not

ye desired to know it: but the lady's name was Susanna Ramsay: her

husband was Captain Sternfels, of Fuchsheim, and because my name was

Melchior did I have the child baptized Melchior Sternfels, of

Fuchsheim, and so inscribed in the book."

Now from that I knew clearly that I was the true-born son of my hermit

and of Governor Ramsay's sister; but alas! far too late, for my parents

were both dead, and of my uncle Ramsay could I learn nothing save that

the Hanauers had rid themselves of him and his Swedish garrison,

whereat he had gone crazy for rage and vexation. But I treated my

godfather well with wine, and next day had his wife fetcht likewise:

yet when I declared myself to them, would they not believe it, till I

did shew them a black and hairy mole I had upon my breast.

_Chap. ix._: IN WHAT MANNER THE PAINS OF CHILD-BIRTH CAME UPON HIM, AND

HOW HE BECAME A WIDOWER

Not long after this I did take my godfather with me, and ride into the

Spessart to get certain news and certificate of my descent and noble

birth; which I gat without difficulty from the book of baptisms and my

godfather's witness: and presently thereafter visited the priest that

had dwelt at Hanau and had taken care of me: which gave me a writing to

declare where my late father had died, and that I had abode with him to

his death and thereafter for a long time with Master Ramsay, the

commandant at Hanau, under the name of Simplicissimus: yea, I had an

instrument containing my whole history drawn up by a notary out of the

mouth of witnesses; for I thought, "Who knoweth when thou wilt have

need of it?" And this journey did cost me 400 thalers, for on my return

I was captured by a party, dismounted, and plundered so that I and my

dad or godfather came off naked and hardly with our lives.

Meanwhile things went ill at home: for as soon as my wife knew her

husband was a nobleman she not only did play the great lady, but did

neglect all housekeeping; which I bore in silence because she was big

with child: moreover, misfortune came on my cattle and robbed me of my

chiefest and best: all which 'twould have been possible to endure, but

O Gemini! misfortunes came not singly: for even then while my wife was

delivered, the maid was brought to bed likewise: and the child she bore

was indeed like to me, but that which my wife had was so like to the

farm-servant as it had been cut on the pattern of his face. Nay, more!

for the lady of whom I writ above did in the same night cause one to be

laid at my door with notice in writing that I was the father: and so

did I get a family of three at once, and could not but expect that

others would creep out of every corner, which caused me not a few grey

hairs. But so will it fare with whoever doth follow his own bestial

lusts in such a godless and wicked way of life as I had led.

And now what to do! I must have the baptism and be soundly punished by

the magistrate: and the government being then Swedish, and I an old

soldier of the emperor, the score was the heavier to pay: all which was

but the preface to my complete ruination the second time. And although

all these manifold disasters did greatly trouble me, yet my wife

contrariwise took all lightly; yea, did mock at me day and night about

the fine treasure that had been laid at my door and for which I had

paid so dearly: yet had she but known how 'twas with me and the maid

she would have plagued me yet worse: but that good creature was so

complacent as to let herself be persuaded with as much money as I

should other ways have been fined for her sake, to swear her child to a

fop that had at times visited me the year before and had been at the

wedding, but whom otherwise she knew not. Yet must she go a-packing,

for my wife did suspect what I thought of her and the farm-servant, yet

dared not hint thereat: for else had I proved to her that I could not

at once be with her and with the maid. Yet all the while I was

tormented with the thought that I must rear a child for my servant, and

mine own sons should not be my heirs, and yet must I hold my peace and

be glad that none else knew of it: and with such thoughts did I daily

torment myself, while my wife revelled every hour in wine; for since

our marriage she had so used herself to the bottle that 'twas seldom

away from her mouth, and she herself scarce went to bed any night but

half-drunk: by which means she robbed her child of its nourishment and

so inflamed her inward parts that soon after they fell out, and so made

me a widower the second time, which went so my heart that I wellnigh

laughed myself into a sickness.

_Chap. x._: RELATION OF CERTAIN PEASANTS CONCERNING THE WONDERFUL

MUMMELSEE

So now did I find myself restored to mine ancient freedom, but

with a purse pretty well emptied of gold, and yet a great household

overburdened with cattle and servants. Therefore I took my

foster-father Melchior to be as my father, and my foster-mother, his

wife, to be my mother, and young bastard Simplicissimus that had been

laid at my door I made my heir, and handed over to these two old people

house and farm, together with all my property save a few yellow-boys

and jewels that I had saved and kept hidden to meet extreme need: for

now had I conceived such a loathing for the company and society of all

women that I had determined, having fared so ill with them, never to

marry again. So this old couple, which in matters rustic could hardly

meet their likes for skill, presently arranged my housekeeping in

different fashion. For they got rid of such cattle and servants as were

of no use, and in their place had for the farm such as would bring

profit. So my old dad and my mammy bade me be of good cheer, and

promised if I would let them manage all to keep me ever a good horse in

the stable and myself so well furnished that I could now and then drink

my measure of wine with any honest companion. And presently I was ware

of what manner of people now managed my estate: for my foster-father

with the labourers tilled the ground, and bargained for cattle and

wood and resin sharper than any Jew, while his wife gave herself to

cattle-breeding and contrived to save the milk-penny and keep it better

than ten such wives as I had had. In such wise my farmyard was in short

space furnished with all needful implements and cattle small and great,

so that soon 'twas esteemed one of the best in that country-side: and I

meanwhile took my walks abroad and gave myself up to contemplations,

for when I saw how my foster-mother earned more by her bees alone, in

wax and honey, than my wife had gained from cattle, swine, and all the

rest together, I could well conceive that in other matters she would

not be caught napping.

Now it happened on a time that I took my walk in the spa, more for the

sake of a draught of fresh water than, according to my former usage, to

make acquaintance with the fops: for I had begun to imitate the

thriftiness of my parents, who counselled me I should not much consort

with folk that so wantonly wasted their own and their father's goods.

Yet I joined myself to a company of men of moderate rank who even then

were in discourse concerning a strange matter, namely, of the

Mummelsee, which said they was bottomless, and which was situate on one

of the highest mountains near by: and they had sent for several old

peasants and would have them to tell all that one and the other had

heard of this wondrous lake, to whose stories I hearkened with great

delight, though I held them all to be as vain fables as be some of

Plinius's tales.

For one said if any man should tie up an odd number of things such as

peas or pebbles, or what not, in a kerchief, and let it down into the

water, presently the number would be even. And if one should drop in an

even number, at once it became odd. Others, and indeed the most part,

declared, and confirmed what they said by examples, that if a man

should throw in one or more stones, however fair the skies might be

till then, at once there would arise a terrible storm with fearful

rain, hail and hurricane. From that they came to all manner of strange

histories that had happened there, and what wondrous appearances of

earth- and water-spirits had there been seen and how they had talked

with mankind. One told how on a time, as certain herdsmen were keeping

cattle by the lake, there arose a brown ox out of the water that mixed

with the other cattle, but there followed him a little mannikin to

drive him back into the lake; who would not obey till the little man

had sworn that if he did not come back he should suffer all the ills of

human kind. At which words ox and man again sank into the lake. Another

said it happened at a time when the lake was frozen over that a

peasant, with his oxen and sundry trunks of trees, such as we hew

planks out of, passed over the lake without harm; but when his dog

would follow him the ice broke, and so the poor beast fell in and was

never seen again. And yet another swore 'twas solemn truth that a

huntsman following in the track of game was passing by the lake, and

there saw a water-spirit sitting with a whole lapful of coined money

and playing therewith; at whom when he would have shot, the spirit sank

into the water, and cried, "Hadst thou but prayed me to help thee in

thy trade, I would have made thee and thine rich for life."

Such and the like tales, which seemed to me all as fables with which we

do amuse our children, did I hearken to, and never deemed it possible

that there could be such a bottomless lake upon a high mountain. But

there were other peasants, and those old and credible men, that

affirmed that within their own and their father's memory high and

princely persons had journeyed to behold the said lake, and that a

reigning Duke of Würtemberg had caused a raft to be made, and had put

out into the lake thereupon to sound its depth: but that after the

measures had already let down nine thread-cables (which is a measure of

length better understanded of the peasants' wives of the Black Forest

than of me or any other geometer) with a sinking-lead, and yet had

found no bottom, the raft, contrary to the nature of wood, began to

sink, so that they that were upon it must perforce give up their

purpose and make all haste to land, and so to this day can be seen the

fragments of the raft on the shore of the lake, with the arms of

Würtemberg and other matters carved upon the wood for a memorial of

this history. Others called many witnesses to prove that a certain

archduke of Austria had desired to drain the lake, but was by many

dissuaded and at the petition of the people of the land the plan given

up, for fear lest the whole country might be drowned and destroyed.

Furthermore, the said noble princes had caused barrels full of trout to

be put into the lake; all which in less than an hour died before their

eyes and floated away through the outlet of the lake, notwithstanding

that the stream that flows under the mountain on which the lake lies

and through the valley that takes its name therefrom produces by nature

such fish, and that the outlet of the lake is into the said stream.

_Chap. xi._: OF THE MARVELLOUS THANKSGIVING OF A PATIENT, AND OF THE

HOLY THOUGHTS THEREBY AWAKENED IN SIMPLICISSIMUS

These last did so affirm what they said that I now began almost

entirely to believe them, and they did so move my curiosity that I

determined to visit this wondrous lake. But of those that with me had

listened to the whole story one judged one way and another another,

from which sufficiently appeared their different and contradictory ways

of thinking. For my part I said the German name Mummelsee[40]

sufficiently declared that there was about the thing, as about a

masquerade, some disguise, so that none might fathom either its nature

or its depth, which had never yet been discovered, though such high

personages had attempted it. And with that I betook me to the same

place where a year before I had seen my departed wife for the first

time and drank in the sweet poison of love. And there I laid myself

down on the green grass in the shade, yet took no heed as I had done

before to what the nightingales did sing, but rather pondered on the

changes I had suffered since then. I represented to myself how in that

very place I had begun to be in place of a free man a slave of love,

and how since then I had become from an officer a peasant, from a rich

peasant a poor nobleman, from a Simplicissimus a Melchior, from a

widower a husband, from a husband a cuckold, and from a cuckold a

widower again; moreover, from a peasant's brat I had proved to be the

son of a good soldier, and yet again the son of my old dad. Then again

I reflected how fate had robbed me of my Herzbruder, and in his place

had provided me with two old married folk. I thought of the godly life

and decease of my father; the piteous death of my mother; and, further,

of the manifold changes which I had undergone in my lifetime, till I

could no longer refrain myself from tears. And even while I reflected

how much good money I in my lifetime had possessed and squandered away,

and began to lament therefore, there came two good soakers or

winebibbers on whom the gout had fastened in their limbs, whereby they

were crippled and needed both the baths and to drink the waters: these

set themselves down by me, for 'twas a fair place to rest, and each

bewailed to the other his sad case as thinking that they were alone. So

said the one, "My doctor hath sent me here either as one of whose

healing he despaired or else as one that with others might help him to

repay my host here for the keg of butter he sent him: I would I had

either never seen him in my life or else that he had at the first sent

me to the spa, for so should I either have more money than now or else

be sounder, for the waters suit my case right well." And "Ah" says the

other, "I thank my God that He hath given me no more money to spare

than what I have, for had my doctor known that I had more behind he had

never counselled me to come to the spa; but I must have shared all

between him and his apothecaries, that for this cause do oil his palms

year by year--yea, even though I should have died and perished in the

meanwhile. These greedy fellows send not men like us to so healthful a

place till they be well assured they can help us no more, or else find

us pigeons they can pluck no longer: and if the truth must be

confessed, he that once deals with them, and of whom they know that he

has money, must pay them only to this end, that they keep him sick."

And much more evil had these two to say of their doctors, but I care

not to tell it all: otherwise might the gentlemen of that profession

take it amiss and some time or other give me a dose that should purge

my soul out of my body. Nay, I do but mention it for this cause,

because this second patient, in giving thanks to God that He had given

him no more wealth, so comforted me that I banished clean out of my

mind all vexations and heavy thoughts that had assailed me on the score

of money: and I did resolve to strive no more for honour nor gold nor

for aught else that the world loveth. Yea, I determined to be a

philosopher and to devote myself to a godly life, and in especial to

lament mine own impenitence and to endeavour myself, like my dear

departed father, to ascend to the highest degree of piety.

_Chap. xii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS JOURNEYED WITH THE SYLPHS TO THE

CENTRE OF THE EARTH

Now this desire to visit the Mummelsee increased with me when I learned

from my foster-father that he had been there and knew the way thither;

but when he heard that I likewise would go, "And what will ye gain,"

says he, "by going thither? My son with his old dad will see naught

else but the picture of a pond lying in the midst of a great wood, and

when he hath paid for his present taste with sore distaste, he will

have naught but repentance and weary feet (for a man can hardly come to

the place by riding) and the way back instead of the way thither. Nor

should ever any man have had me to go thither had I not been forced to

flee there when Doctor Daniel (by which he meant Duc d'Anguin[41])

marched with his troops down through the country to Philippsburg." Yet

my curiosity would not be turned aside by his dissuasion, but I got me

a fellow that should guide me thither; so my father, seeing my fixed

intent, said, since the oat-crop was gathered in, and there was neither

hoeing nor reaping to be done on the farm, he would even go with me and

shew the way. For he loved me so that he would fain not let me out of

his sight, and since all the people of the country believed I was his

true-born son, he was proud of me; and so behaved to me and to all

others as a poor man might well do in respect of a son whom good

fortune, without his own help and assistance, had turned into a fine

gentleman.

So together we set off over hill and dale and came to the Mummelsee;

and that before we had gone six hours, for my dad was as lively as a

cricket and as good a traveller as any young man. And there we consumed

what meat and drink we had brought with us, for the long journey and

the high mountain on which the lake lieth had made us both hungry and

thirsty. So having refreshed ourselves I did inspect the lake, and

found lying in it certain hewn timbers which my dad and I took to be

the remains of the Würtemberg raft: and I by geometry took or estimated

the length and breadth of the water (for 'twas far too wearisome to go

round the lake and measure it by paces or feet), and entered the

dimensions, by means of the scale of reduction, in my tablets. And

having done this, the sky being completely clear and the air windless

and calm, I must needs try what truth was in the legend that a storm

would arise if any should throw a stone into the lake; having already

found those stories I had heard, how the lake would suffer no trout to

live in it, to be true, by reason of the mineral taste of the waters.

So to make trial of this, I walked along the lake to the left, where

the water, which elsewhere is as clear as a crystal, doth begin, by

reason of the monstrous depth, to shew as black as coal, and therefore

is so dreadful of appearance that the mere look of it doth terrify.

And there I began to cast in stones as great as I could carry; my

foster-father or dad not only refusing to help me, but warning and

begging me to give over, as much as in him lay: but I went busily on

with my work, and such stones as by reason of their size and weight I

could not carry, I rolled down till I had cast more than thirty such

into the lake. Then began the sky to be covered with black clouds, in

which terrible thundering was heard, so that my dad, which stood on the

other side of the lake by the outlet, lamenting over my work, cried out

to me that I should escape, lest we be caught by the rain and the

dreadful storm, or even a worse mishap chance to us. But in despite of

all I answered him, "Father, I will stay and await the end even though

it rained pitchforks." "Yea, yea," answered he, "ye act like all madcap

boys, that care not if the world perish."

But I, while I listened to his scolding, turned not mine eyes away from

the depths of the lake, expecting to see certain bladders or bubbles

rising up from the bottom, as is wont to happen when stones are thrown

into deep water whether still or running. Yet saw I naught of the kind,

but was ware of certain creatures floating far down in the depths,

which in form reminded me of frogs, and flitted about like sparks from

a mounting rocket which in the air doth work its full effect: and as

they came nearer and nearer to me they seemed to grow larger and more

like to the human form: at which at first great wonder took hold of me,

and at last, when I saw them hard by me, a great fear and trembling.

"Ah," said I then to myself in my terror and wonder, and yet so loud

that my dad, that stood beyond the lake, could hear me, though the

noise of the thunder was dreadful, "how great are the wondrous works of

the Creator! yea, even in the womb of the earth and the depths of the

waters!" And scarce had I said these words when one of these sylphs

appeared upon the waters and answered me, "Aha, and thou dost

acknowledge that before thou hast seen aught thereof: what wouldst say

if thou wert for once in the Centrum Terrae and beheldest our dwelling

which thy curiosity hath disturbed?"

Meanwhile there rose up here and there more of such water-spirits, like

diving birds, all looking upon me and bringing up again the stones I

had cast in, which amazed me much. And the first and chiefest among

them, whose raiment shone like pure gold and silver, cast to me a

shining stone of the bigness of a pigeon's egg and green and

transparent as an emerald, with these words: "Take thou this trinket,

that thou mayst have somewhat to report of us and of our lake." But

scarce had I picked it up and pocketed it when it seemed to me the air

would choke or drown me, so that I could not stand upright but rolled

about like a ball of yarn, and at last fell into the lake. Yet no

sooner was I in the water than I recovered, and through the virtue of

the stone I had upon me could breathe in water instead of air: yea,

I could with small effort float in the lake as well as could the

water-spirits, yea, and with them descended into the depths; which

reminded me of nothing so much as of a flock of birds that so descend

in circles from the upper air to light upon the ground.

But my dad having beheld this marvel in part (namely, so much of it as

was done above the water), made off from the lake and home again as if

his head were on fire. And there he told the whole history; but

especially how the water-spirits had brought back those stones that I

had cast into the lake, in the midst of the thunderstorm, and had laid

them where they came from, but in exchange had taken me down with them.

So some believed him but most accounted it a fable. Others conceived

that I had, like another Empedocles of Agrigentum (which cast himself

into Mount Aetna that all might think, since he was nowhere to be

found, that he was taken up to heaven), drowned myself in the lake, and

charged my father to spread such tales about me to gain for me an

immortal name: for, said they, it had long been marked by my

melancholic humour that I was half-desperate.

Others would fain have believed, had they not known my strength of

body, that my adopted father had himself murdered me to be rid of me

(being a miserly old man) and so be master alone on my farm: so that at

this time naught else but the Mummelsee and me and my departure and my

foster-father could be talked of or discoursed on either at the spa or

in the countryside.

_Chaps. xiii.-xvi._ contain merely a farrago of nonsense conveyed in

conversations with the prince of the Mummelsee, who explains to

Simplicissimus the construction of the "earth's crust" and the nature

of sylphs, and in turn is treated by him to an account of earthly

affairs, on which he makes the usual commonplace satirical remarks (see

the Introduction).

_Chap. xvii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS RETURNED FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE

EARTH, AND OF HIS STRANGE FANCIES, HIS AIRCASTLES, HIS CALCULATIONS;

AND HOW HE RECKONED WITHOUT HIS HOST

Meanwhile the time drew near that I should return home; therefore the

king bade me declare my wishes, whereby I understood he was minded to

do me a favour. So I said, no greater kindness could be shewn me than

to cause a real medicinal spring to rise on my farm. "And is that all?"

answered the king, "I had thought thou wouldst have taken with thee

some of these great emeralds from the American Sea and have asked to

bear them with thee back to earth. Now do I see that there is no greed

among you Christians." Therewith he handed to me a stone of strange and

glittering colours, and said, "Put this in thy pouch, and wheresoever

thou layest in on the ground, there will it begin to seek the Centre of

the Earth again, and to pass through the most fitting mineralia, till

it come back to us, and for our part we will send thee a noble mineral

spring, that shall work thee such good and profit as thou hast deserved

of us by thy declaration of the truth." So thereupon the prince of the

Mummelsee took me again under his charge, and passed with me through

the road and the lake by which we had come. And this way back seemed to

me far longer than the way thither, so that I reckoned it at three

thousand five hundred German-Swiss miles well measured; but doubtless

the cause that the time seemed so long to me was that I had no speech

of my escort, save that I learned from them they were from three to

five hundred years old and lived all this time without the least

disease.

For the rest, I was in fancy so rich with my spring that all my wits

and all my thoughts were busied with this, to wit, where I should plant

it and how turn it to profit. And first I had my plans for the fine

buildings that I must set up that the bathing-guests might be properly

accommodated, and I for my part might gain great hire for lodgings.

Then I devised already by what bribes I could persuade the doctors to

prefer my new miraculous spa to all the others, yea, even to that of

Schwalbach, and so procure for me a crowd of rich patients: in my

fantasy I even levelled whole mountains lest they that came and went

should find the way wearisome to travel: already I hired sharp-witted

drawers, sparing cooks, careful chambermaids, watchful grooms, spruce

intendants of the baths and springs, and already I thought of a place

where in the midst of the wild mountains by my farm I might plant a

fine level pleasure-garden, and there rear all manner of rare plants,

that the bathing-guests and their wives that came from foreign parts

might walk therein, where the sick might be cheered and the sound might

be amused and exercised with all manner of sports and pastimes. Then

must the doctors, for a reward, write me a noble treatise on my spring

and set down on paper its healing qualities; and this I would have

printed with a fine plate wherein my farm should be depicted and a

ground plan thereof given; by reading which any absent patient might at

once believe and hope himself in health again. Then would I have all my

children fetched from Lippstadt, to have them taught all that was

needful to know of my new watering-place; for 'twas my intent to

scarify my guests' purses well though not their backs. With such rich

fancies and overweening castles in the air I came again into the upper

world, for this oft-mentioned prince brought me again to land from his

Mummelsee with dry clothes; and there I must forthwith cast from me the

talisman that he had at first given me when he fetched me away; else

had I either been choked in the air or must have plunged my head under

the water again, such was the effect of the said stone. Which being

done, and he having taken it to him again, we commended each other to

the protection of the most High, as men that should never meet again;

so he with his people dived under and sank into his depths; but I with

my stone which the king had given me went thence as full of joy as if I

had fetched the golden fleece home from Colchis.

But alas! my joy, of which I vainly hoped for the everlasting

continuance, endured not long, for hardly was I gone from that lake of

wonders when I began to go astray in that monstrous wood, for I had

not marked from what direction my dad had brought me to the lake. Yet I

went some way on before I was aware of my mistake, ever making

calculations how I could plant that noble spring on my farm, and build

round it, and earn for myself a peaceful revenue as proprietor thereof.

In this way I unawares strayed further and further from the place

whither I desired to come and, worst of all, I found it not out till

the sun was sinking and I was helpless. For there I stood in the midst

of a wilderness like Simple Simon, without food or arms, of which I

might well have need during the night that was coming on. Yet I found

comfort in my stone that I had brought with me from the very bowels of

the earth. "Patience, patience!" said I to myself: "this will again

repay thee for all sufferings undergone. All good things take time, and

fine rewards be not won without great toil and labour: else would every

fool need but to wipe his beard to get possession at will of even such

a noble spring as thou hast in thy poke."

And having spoken thus I got with my new resolve new strength, so that

I went forward with a bolder gait than heretofore, although night now

overtook me. The full moon indeed shone on me brightly, but the tall

fir-trees kept the light from me more than the deep sea had done that

very day; yet I made my way on, till about midnight I was ware of a

fire afar off, to which I straightway walked, and saw from a distance

that there were certain woodmen about it, resin-gatherers; and though

such folk be not at all times to be trusted yet my necessity compelled

me and my own courage urged me on to speak to them. So I came quietly

behind them and said, "Good night or good day or good morrow or good

even, gentlemen: for tell me what hour it is that I may know how to

greet ye." With that the whole six stood or sat there all a-tremble

with fear and knew not what to answer me. For I, being of great stature

and just at that time, by reason of mourning for my late wife, being in

black raiment; and in especial having a terrible cudgel in mine hand,

on which I leaned like a wild man of the woods, my figure seemed to

them dreadful. "How," says I, "will none answer me?" Yet they stayed

yet a good while in amazement, till at last one came to himself well

enough to ask, "Who be the gentleman?" By that I heard they must be of

the Swabian nation; which men esteem as simple-minded yet with little

cause: so I said I was a travelling scholar, but newly come from the

Venusberg, where I had learned a heap of wondrous arts. "Oho," quoth

the eldest woodman, "Praise God; for now do I believe that I shall live

to see peace again, because the wandering scholars are on their travels

anew!"

_Chap. xviii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS WASTED HIS SPRING IN THE WRONG PLACE

In this wise we came to converse with one another, and I found so much

courtesy among them that they invited me to sit down and offered me a

piece of black bread and thin cow's milk cheese, both of which I did

thankfully accept. At last they became so familiar with me that they

hinted I should, as a travelling scholar, tell their fortunes: and I,

knowing somewhat of physiognomies and palmistry, began to tell to one

after the other such stuff as I deemed would content them, that I might

not lose credit with them; for in spite of all I was not at my ease

among these wild woodmen. Then would they learn curious arts from me:

but I fobbed them off with promises for the next day, and desired they

would suffer me to rest a little. And having so played the gipsy for

them. I laid myself down a little apart, more to listen and to perceive

how they were minded than as having any great desire to sleep (though

my appetite thereto was not lacking); and the more I snored the more

wakeful they appeared. So they put their heads together and began to

dispute one against another who I might be: they held that I could be

no soldier because I wore black clothing, nor no townsman-blade, that

could so suddenly appear far from all men's dwellings in the Muckenloch

(for so was the wood called) at so unwonted a time. At the last they

resolved I must be a journeyman Latinist[42] that had lost his way, or,

as I myself had declared, a travelling scholar, because I could so

excellently tell fortunes. "Yea," says another, "yet he knew not all

for that reason: 'tis some wandering soldier, maybe, that hath so

disguised himself to spy out our cattle and the secret ways of the

wood. Aha! if we knew that we would so put him to sleep that he should

forget ever to wake again." But another quickly took him up, that held

the contrary and would have me to be somewhat else. Meanwhile I lay

there and pricked up my ears and thought, "If these clodhoppers set

upon me, two or three of them will need to bite the dust before they

make an end of me." But while they took counsel and I tormented myself

with fears, of a sudden I found myself lying in a pool of water. O

horrors! now was Troy lost and all my splendid plans gone to naught,

for by the smell I perceived 'twas mine own mineral spring. With that,

for very rage and despite, I fell into such a frenzy that I wellnigh

had fallen on those six peasants and fought them all. "Ye godless

rogues," says I to them, and therewith sprang up with my terrible

cudgel, "by this spring that welleth forth where I have lain ye well

may see who I am; it were small wonder if I should so trounce ye all

that the devil should fetch ye, because ye have dared to cherish such

evil thoughts in your hearts," and thereto I added looks so threatening

and terrible that all were afraid of me. Yet presently I came to myself

and perceived what folly I committed. "Nay," thought I, "'tis better to

lose the spring than one's life, and that thou canst easily forfeit if

thou attack these clowns." So I gave them fair words again, and before

they could recollect themselves: "Arise," said I, "and taste of this

noble spring which ye and all other woodmen and resin-gatherers will

henceforth be able to enjoy in this wilderness through my help."