than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that when the King’s Jester went in to his wife she
said, “Thou, wherefore hast thou come so early?” and said he, “By Allah,
the Sultan hath much and important business and said to me:—Hie thee
home, and tarry there and return not to me save after the third day.”
Now when the four men who were closeted together heard these words they
were perplext as to their affair, and said one to other, “What shall we
do? Indeed we are unable to sit out three days in this stead.” Hereupon
the Pieman said to them, “Nay, rather let us play a prank whereby we may
escape,” and said they, “What may be the device thou wouldest devise?”
Quoth he, “Whatso I do that do ye look upon and then act in like guise,”
and so speaking he arose and taking his minced meat fell to sticking it
upon his skin until he was like a leper covered with sores.[416] Then he
went forth the closet to the husband of his mistress, and cried, “The
Peace be upon you!” The man returned his salute and asked him, “What art
thou?” to which he made answer, “I am the Prophet Job the Ulcered, where
is the way out of this?” “Here,” cried the Jester, upon which Job passed
out of the door and went about his business and on such wise made his
escape. Next the Herbalist stood up and opening his basket brought out
fragrant herbs and fell to scattering them over his sconce and about it
and over his ears,[417] till such time as all his face was hidden in
greens, after which he also went out and accosting the house-master
said, “The Peace be upon you!” And when the man returned the salam he
asked him, “Hath Job the Ulcered passed by thee on this path?” “Indeed
he hath,” said the other; “but what mayst thou be?” “I am Al-Khizr, the
Green Prophet” (upon whom be The Peace),[418] and so saying he brushed
by the Droll and passed through the door. Now when the second lover had
gone forth and escaped, the Flesher arose and donning the ram’s skin set
its horns upon his head and began crawling out of the closet upon all
fours, hands and knees, until he stood before the husband of his
beloved, and said to him, “The Peace be upon you!” “And upon you be The
Peace,” returned the other, “What mayst thou be?” “I am Iskandar, Lord
of the Two Horns,” cried the other; “say me, have there passed by thee
Job the Ulcered and Al-Khizr the Green Prophet (upon whom be The
Peace)?” Quoth the house-master, “They went by this place and forewent
thee.” So the third lover passed through the doorway and escaped, and
presently the Shaykh of the Pipers rose to his feet and applying the
mouthpiece of his pipe to his lips went up to his mistress’s mate and
said, “The Peace be upon you!” and on the man returning his salam, asked
him, “Hath it so happened that Job the Ulcered and Al-Khizr the Green
Prophet and Iskandar Lord of the Two Horns passed this way?” “They
have,” answered the other, “What art thou?” Cried he, “I am
Isráfíl,[419] and ’tis my design forthright to blow the Last Trump.”
Hereupon the Droll straightway arose and laid hands upon him crying,
“Yállah, Yállah,[420] O my brother, blow not at all until we shall have
gone, I and thou, to the Sultan.” So saying he took him by the hand and
fared forth with him and ceased not faring until he had carried him into
the presence, when the King asked, “Wherefore hast thou arrested this
man?” Answered he, “O King of the Age, this is our Lord Israfil and
’twas his intent to blow the Last Trump, so I forbade him therefrom
until such time as I had brought him for thee to look upon, lest haply
he might so have done without thy knowledge, and said I to myself:—By
Allah, better set him before the Sultan ere he sound his Trumpet.
Furthermore I do pray for thy welfare, O King of the Age, inasmuch as
thou hast married me to this dame because I had fear of her lest she
company with strange men. But I found her a saintly woman who admitted
none of mankind save that to-day when I went forth from thee at
morning-tide I turned me homewards and going into my house caught with
her three Prophets and one Archangel and this is he who intended to blow
the Last Trump.” Hereupon quoth the Sultan to him, “O Man, art thou
Jinn-mad? How canst thou have found with thy spouse any of the Prophets
as thou sayest?” And quoth he, “By Allah, O King of the Age, whatso hath
befallen me that I have reported to thee nor have I hidden from thee
aught.” The King asked, “Which was he of the Prophets thou foundest
beside thy wife?” and he answered, “The Prophet Job (on whom be The
Peace) and after him came forth to me from a closet the Prophet Al-Khizr
(on whom be The Peace!), and after him Iskandar Lord of the Two Horns
(on whom be The Peace!) and lastly this the fourth is the Archangel
Israfil.” The Sultan marvelled at his words, and exclaimed “Laud to the
Lord! Verily this man whom thou entitlest Israfil is naught but the
Shaykh of my Pipers.” “I wist naught, O King of the Age,” said the
other, “but I have related to thee what hath occurred and what I beheld
and eyewitnessed.” Hereupon the Sultan understood that the wife had
friends who forgathered with her, and who had served her husband with
such sleight, so he said to the musician, “O man, unless thou tell me
truly what happened I will cut off thy head.” Thereupon the Shaykh of
the Pipers arose, and kissing ground before the Sultan, said to him, “O
King of the Age, give me promise of immunity and I will relate to thee
all that befel.” Quoth the King, “’Tis upon condition that thou tell no
lies;” and quoth the other, “O King of the Age, verily, I will shun
leasing.”[421] So the King gave him a pledge of safety, and the Shaykh
described everything that had been done and kept nothing back, and when
the King heard the story and the trick which had been wrought by the
woman’s friends he marvelled thereat and cried, “Allah kill all
womankind,[422] the fornicatresses, the adulteresses, the traitresses!”
After which he despatched a posse of the Chamberlains to bring into his
presence the four persons.——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of
day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her
sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how
enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with
that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to
survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Sixtieth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the King despatched a posse of his Chamberlains
to bring into his presence the four persons who were lovers to the
Droll’s wife, and he found the first to be a Pieman who had claimed the
rank of our lord Job (on whom be The Peace!) and the second to be a
Market-Gardener who sold savoury herbs and all manner fragrant growths,
and he had made himself out to be Al-Khizr (on whom be The Peace!), and
the third to be a Butcher who had passed himself off as Iskandar, Lord
of the Two Horns (on whom be The Peace!); whilst the fourth, whom the
Jester had brought, and who declared that he was the Archangel Israfil,
and was about to blow the Last Trump, proved to be the Shaykh of the
Pipers. Now when the four were before the King he gave orders to
castrate them all save the Shaykh,[423] this being the award of him who
lewdly frequenteth the women of the royal household. Hereupon they
gelded them, and each one who was made a eunuch died without stay and
delay; and the Droll divorced his wife and sent her about her business.
I have also by me (said Shahrazad) another tale concerning the wiles of
womankind, and it is that of
THE GATE-KEEPER OF CAIRO AND THE CUNNING SHE-THIEF.[424]
It is related that in Misr of Káhir there was a man who had reached the
age of fourscore and ten years, and he was a chief-Watchman of the ward
in the service of the Wáli; a brave man withal, and one not wont to be
startled or afeard. Now one night as he was going around about the city
with the Chief of Police, and he was returning to the guard-house[425]
before break o’ day that he might perform the Wuzú-ablution, and at the
call to dawn-prayers he might rise and repeat them, it so fortuned that
when he was about to stand up to his orisons, according to the custom of
him, suddenly a purse fell before him upon the ground. As soon as he had
done with his devotions he arose and gazed around to see who had thrown
him that bag of money, but he could find nobody; so he took it up and
opened it, when an hundred dinars met his sight. Hereat he wondered; but
on the following day when he had washed and was praying, behold, a
second purse was cast at his feet; so he waited until he had finished
his orisons and then stood up and looked around to see who had thrown
it. Thereupon, as he failed to find any, he took it up and opened it and
again beheld an hundred dinars, a matter which filled him with wonder.
This continued till the third day at morning-tide, when he had washed as
was his wont and stood up to his prayers, and lo and behold! another
purse was dropped at his feet. Herewith he cut short his devotions, and
turning him round saw beside him a girl whose years had reached fifteen;
so he seized her and said, “Who art thou, and what is the reason of thy
throwing at my feet every day a purse of an hundred gold pieces, and
this is the third time; argal the sum amounteth to three hundred. What
may be this case?” Said she, “O my lord, my name is Fátimah, and my wish
and will is a matter which thou canst bring to an end for me by means of
thy tongue!” Quoth he, “What is’t thou wantest of me?” and quoth she,
“’Tis my intent that on the morrow I sham drunkenness with wine and cast
myself before the mansion of the Kazi of the Army.[426] Thou shalt find
me there strown upon the ground and dressed in all the best of my
clothes and finest ornaments. So when thou shalt come to that quarter
and espy me lying there in drink do thou bid the Linkman move the links
to and fro; then come forward, O Mukaddam,[427] and investigate the case
and examine me, and say the Wali:—This girl is in liquor. The Chief of
Police shall reply to thee:—Take her and carry her to the watch-house
and keep her there till daybreak.”——And Shahrazad was surprised by the
dawn of day, and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then
quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister
mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this
compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the
Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night, and that
was
The Seven Hundred and Sixty-first Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that quoth the girl to the Mukaddam, “And when thou
shalt have found me drunken with wine, the Wali shall bid thee:—Take her
to the watch-house and there keep her till daybreak. Hereto do thou
object:—No! this were not suitable: I will cry upon someone of the
quarter and will awake the Kazi of the Army, for that she belongeth to
his ward. Then assemble all thy folk and say to them:—Verily this girl
is in liquor and not mistress of herself at such time; needs must she be
of a great family and daughter to grandees; therefore ’twere not proper
that we take her with us to the watch-house; nor let any hold her in his
charge save the Kazi of the Army till morning and until such time as she
shall have recovered her senses and can fare to her own folk.” Hereupon
quoth the Mukaddam to her, “Easy enough!” and quoth she, “An thou act on
this wise and my success be from thy hand, I will give thee five hundred
dinars besides the three hundred.” “This matter is not far to us,”[428]
said he; so she left him and went away. Now when it was the season after
night-prayers, the Chief of Police came forth his quarters and,
repairing to the watch-house and taking the Mukaddam and his men, would
have threaded the highways of Cairo as was his wont, but the head
Gate-Keeper forewent him and took the direction of the quarter wherein
dwelt the Kazi of the Army; the Wali unknowing the while what was in the
man’s thought. They ceased not faring until they entered that part of
the town wherein stood the Judge’s house, and when they approached it,
lo and behold! the Mukaddam found a something strown upon the ground. So
said he to the Linkman who carried the light, “O my son, do thou shake
the torch,” and when he moved the link to and fro it illumined the whole
quarter. Then the Gate-Keeper came forward; and, looking at what was
lying there, found it to be a damsel in liquor dressed out with
sumptuous dress and adorned with all her ornaments: so he said to the
Wali, “O my Chief,[429] this girl is drunken with wine and hath fallen
on the ground;” and said the Chief of Police, “Take her up and carry her
to the watch-house until morning.” Hereupon quoth the Mukaddam, “No!
this were not fitting; nor is it possible for the like of this girl. She
is in the ward of the Kazi al-’Askar, to whose household haply she
belongeth or to some great man in the quarter, and we fear lest befal
her of evil matters some matter and we shall come to be transgressors.”
Hereupon, after applying some remedy to the damsel, they made her sit up
and presently they called aloud upon the people of the quarter and awoke
the Judge and when all the folk came out in a body the Wali said to
them, “Look ye upon this girl; peradventure you may know whose daughter
she is.” They came forward and examined her and found her garbed in
sumptuous garments and trickt out with the whole of her ornaments,
whereupon the Chief of Police and the Mukaddam of the Watchmen said to
them, “Indeed ’tis not possible for us to remove yon maiden from this
place; so do you take her to your homes until morning-tide when she
shall recover and be able to care for herself and then fare to her own
folk.” Hereat they made agreement that none should lodge her in his
house save the Kazi of the Army; so a party of the servants raised her
and led her to his mansion and set her in a chamber hard by the open
saloon; after which each and every of them fared forth to sleep in his
own place. On this wise it befel the Wali and the Mukaddam and the Kazi
and the folk of the ward; but as regards the affair of the damsel whom
they found stretched on the ground as one drunken, she on entering the
Kazi’s abode pulled herself together and recovered herself, for that she
had wrought all this wily work for the special purpose of being led into
the house there to carry out her wish and will. Presently the Judge lay
down and was drowned in slumber and knew not what Allah had destined to
him from the plans and projects of the girl who, rising up at midnight,
opened the door of her chamber leading into the saloon where the Kazi
al-’Askar kept all his hoards and coin[430] and dresses and belongings.
Now she had appointed her people to meet her at that house, so they came
and carried off the whole of what was in the saloon nor did they leave
aught therein, at all, at all, save only the matting. And when dawned
the morn, the Kazi of the Army arose and repaired to the saloon, as was
his wont, for the purpose of dressing but he found therein nothing
except the matting. So he buffeted his face with his palms and wailed
aloud whereat a party of his servants came to him and asked, “What is
the matter with thee, O our lord the Kazi?” then, on going into the
saloon they remarked that it had been gutted of everything. So they went
from him and threw open the door of the chamber wherein they had placed
the damsel but they found her nowhere.——And Shahrazad was surprised by
the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine,
and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this
compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King
suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Sixty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Kazi’s folk went and threw open the door of
the chamber wherein the damsel had slept; and, when they found nothing
therein, they were certified it was she who had carried away the good.
After such fashion it happened to these; but as regards the action of
the Judge, he took horse and wended his way to the Sultan, and he ceased
not wending till he had entered the presence and salam’d and blessed the
Sovran who returned his salute. Then cried he, “O King of the Age, there
hath befallen me that which is so-and-so, and I have a claim on the
Chief of Police and the Mukaddam of the watch, for that indeed they were
the men who bade me admit the girl into my home, and this guest of mine
hath left me nor muchel nor little.” Hereupon the King bade summon the
men with their many, and when they came before him, he bade strike off
the heads of the two head men; but they said to him, “O King of the Age,
grant us three days’ respite and, if aught discover itself to us and we
rid ourselves of the responsibility, we shall be saved; but an we avail
not thereto, the sword of the Sultan is long.” “Go forth,” cried the
King; “I have granted you a three days’ delay; if you bring the offender
’tis well, and if not, your heads shall be in lieu thereof and eke so
your families and your properties.” Hearing this they sued for
dismissal, and the Wali went forth to search in this way and wander in
one direction and the Mukaddam in another. They roamed about Cairo for
two full-told days, but naught happened to them until the third about
the call to noontide-prayers, when the Mukaddam entered a narrow street
on the side of the city to the west, and behold, a door opened and a
speaker spake saying, “O Mukaddam, who is behind the door?” So he turned
towards the sound and said, “’Tis well,” and the other cried, “Come thou
and draw near to me.” He did so and approached the entrance when
suddenly he saw the damsel who had shammed drunkenness[431] and whom
they had introduced into the Kazi al-’Askar’s house. Now when he
accosted her and recognised her, he seized her and she asked him,
“Wherefore dost thou arrest me and what is thine intent to do with me?”
“We will carry thee to the Sultan,” answered he, “and I and the Wali
shall be set free. During the last three days I have done nothing but
wander about in search of thee who hast wrought for us such work and
after hast fled from us.” Quoth the girl, “O clever one, had I designed
the ruin of you I had never made myself manifest to thee, nor couldst
thou have met me or forgathered with me: however, I will now work at
freeing you from the hands of the Sultan, that both thou and the Wali
may escape and that you twain may take from the Judge of the Army
whatever of good you want and will.” Quoth he, “How shall we do?” and
quoth she, “I have by me a white slave-girl the very likeness of myself
and at this time I have dressed her in my dresses and decorations and
have cut her throat, and by my cleverness and force of heart I have
caused her be carried to a ruin hard by the Kazi’s house and have had
her buried therein and have set over her a slab.” So do thou fare hence
and taking the Wali seek the Sultan and say him:—“We have wandered about
Misr, the whole thereof, but we have found naught of our want, and now
nothing remaineth to us save the house of the Kazi al-’Askar; so we
desire to search therein and, if we find that damsel murthered, we will
gather together the folk of the quarter who saw us before that they may
look upon her; and be the Judge also standing by that we may ask the
people:—What say ye concerning this maiden? when haply they may reply,
This is the girl which was drunken with wine. And as soon as they shall
bear witness that it is the same, you twain shall stay behind to
converse with the Judge as ye desire and take from him whatever you wish
and will; and he shall sue you for grace and for aidance. Then will he
go up to the King and report to him saying:—I have found my debtor and I
have recovered from him all my good; whereupon you shall be set free and
eke I shall be freed. And finally do ye come hither to me and we will
divide all the plunder I have taken from the Kazi’s house.” Now when the
damsel had made the old Watchman understand these words, he left her,
and going to the Wali, informed him of the whole affair and reported all
that the girl had communicated to him of treachery and plottings,
whereupon the Chief of Police took horse, and accompanied by the
Mukaddam, rode to the Palace,——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn
of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth
her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy story, O sister
mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this
compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the
Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that
was
The Seven Hundred and Sixty-fifth Night,