How a certaine Matron fell in love with Apuleius, how hee had his
pleasure with her, and what other things happened.
When he had bought such things as was necessary, he would not returne
home into his Countrey in Chariots, or waggon, neither would he ride
upon Thessalian Horses, or Jenets of France, or Spanish Mules, which be
most excellent as can be found, but caused me to be garnished and
trimmed with trappers and barbs of Gold, with brave harnesse, with
purple coverings, with a bridle of silver, with pictured cloths, and
with shrilling bells, and in this manner he rode upon me lovingly,
speaking and intreating me with gentle words, but above all things he
did greatly rejoyce in that I was his Servant to beare him upon my
backe, and his Companion to feed with him at the Table: After long time
when we had travelled as well by Sea as Land, and fortuned to arrive at
Corinth, the people of the Towne came about us on every side, not so
much to doe honour to Thiasus, as to see me: For my fame was so greatly
spread there, that I gained my master much money, and when the people
was desirous to see me play prankes, they caused the Gates to be shut,
and such as entered in should pay money, by meanes whereof I was a
profitable companion to them every day: There fortuned to be amongst
the Assembly a noble and rich Matron that conceived much delight to
behold me, and could find no remedy to her passions and disordinate
appetite, but continually desired to have her pleasure with me, as
Pasiphae had with a Bull. In the end she promised a great reward to my
keeper for the custody of me one night, who for gaine of a little money
accorded to her desire, and when I had supped in a Parler with my
Master, we departed away and went into our Chamber, where we found the
faire Matron, who had tarried a great space for our comming: I am not
able to recite unto you how all things were prepared: there were foure
Eunuches that lay on a bed of downe on the ground with Boulsters
accordingly for us to lye on, the Coverlet was of cloth of Gold, and
the pillowes soft and tender, whereon the delicate Matron had
accustomed to lay her head. Then the Eunuches not minding to delay any
longer the pleasure of their Mistresse closed the doores of the Chamber
and departed away: within the Chamber were Lamps that gave a cleare
light all the place over: Then she put off all her Garments to her
naked skinne, and taking the Lampe that stood next to her, began to
annoint all her body with balme, and mine likewise, but especially my
nose, which done, she kissed me, not as they accustome to doe at the
stews, or in brothel houses, or in the Curtain Schools for gaine of
money, but purely, sincerely, and with great affection, casting out
these and like loving words: Thou art he whom I love, thou art he whom
I onely desire, without thee I cannot live, and other like preamble of
talke as women can use well enough, when as they mind to shew or
declare their burning passions and great affection of love: Then she
tooke me by the halter and cast me downe upon the bed, which was
nothing strange unto me, considering that she was so beautifull a
Matron and I so wel bolded out with wine, and perfumed with balme,
whereby I was readily prepared for the purpose: But nothing grieved me
so much as to think, how I should with my huge and great legs imbrace
so faire a Matron, or how I should touch her fine, dainty, and silken
skinne, with my hard hoofes, or how it was possible to kisse her soft,
pretty and ruddy lips, with my monstrous mouth and stony teeth, or how
she, who was young and tender, could be able to receive me.
And I verily thought, if I should hurt the woman by any kind of meane,
I should be throwne to the wild Beasts: But in the meane season she
kissed me, and looked in my mouth with burning eyes, saying: I hold
thee my canny, I hold thee my noose, my sparrow, and therewithall she
eftsoones imbraced my body round about, and had her pleasure with me,
whereby I thought the mother of Miniatures did not ceaseless quench her
inordinate desire with a Bull. When night was passed, with much joy and
small sleepe, the Matron went before day to my keeper to bargain with
him another night, which he willingly granted, partly for gaine of
money, and partly to finde new pastime for my master. Who after he was
informed of all the history of my luxury, was right glad, and rewarded
my keeper well for his paine, minding to shew before the face of all
the people, what I could doe: but because they would not suffer the
Matron to abide such shame, by reason of her dignity, and because they
could finde no other that would endeavour so great a reproach, at
length they obtained for money a poore woman, which was condemned to be
eaten of wilde beasts, with whom I should openly have to doe: But first
I will tell you what tale I heard concerning this woman. This woman had
a husband, whose father minding to ride forth, commanded his wife which
he left at home great with child, that if she were delivered of a
daughter, it should incontinently be killed. When the time of her
delivery came, it fortuned that she had a daughter, whom she would not
suffer to be slaine, by reason of the naturall affection which she have
unto her child, but secretly committed her to one of her neighbours to
nurse. And when her husband returned home, shee declared unto him that
shee was delivered of a daughter, whom (as hee commanded), shee had
caused to be put to death. But when this child came to age, and ready
to be married, the mother knew not by what meanes shee should endow her
daughter, but that her husband should understand and perceive it.
Wherefore shee discovered the matter to her sonne, who was the husband
of this woman, condemned to be eaten of wild beasts: For shee greatly
feared least hee should unawares fancie or fall in love with his owne
sister. The young man understanding the whole matter (to please and
gratify his mother) went immediately to the young maiden, keeping the
matter secret in his heart, for feare of inconvenience, and (lamenting
to see his sister forsaken both of mother and father) incontinently
after endowed her with part of his owne goods, and would have married
her to one of his especial and trusty friends: But although hee brought
this to passe very secretly and sagely, yet in the end cruell fortune
sowed great sedition in his house. For his wife who was now condemned
to beasts, waxed jealous of her husband and began to suspect the young
woman as a harlot and common queane, insomuch that shee invented all
manner of meanes to dispatch her out of the way. And in the end shee
invented this kind of mischiefe: She privily stale away her husbands
ring, and went into the country, whereas she commanded one of her
trusty servants to take the ring and carry it to the mayden. To whom he
should declare that her brother did pray her to come into the country
to him, and that she should come alone without any person. And to the
end shee should not delay but come with all speed he should deliver her
the ring, which should be a sufficient testimony of the message. This
mayden as soone as she had received the ring of her brother, being very
willing and desirous to obey his commandement: (For she knew no
otherwise but that he had sent for her) went in all hast as the
messenger willed her to doe. But when she was come to the snare and
engine which was prepared for her, the mischievous woman, like one that
were mad, and possessed with some ill spirit, when the poore maiden
called for helpe with a loud voyce to her brother, the wicked harlot
(weening that she had invented and feined the matter) tooke a burning
firebrand and thrust it into her secret place, whereby she died
miserably. The husband of this maiden but especially her brother,
advertised of her death, came to the place where she was slain, and
after great lamentation and weeping, they caused her to be buried
honourably. This yong man her brother taking in ill part the miserable
death of his sister, as it was convenient he should, conceived so great
dolour within his mind and was strucken with so pestilent fury of
bitter anguish, that he fell into the burning passions of a dangerous
ague, whereby he seemed in such necessity, that he needed to have some
speedy remedy to save his life. The woman that slew the Maiden having
lost the name of wife together with her faith, went to a traiterous
Physician, who had killed a great many persons in his dayes and
promised him fifty peeces of Gold, if he would give her a present
poyson to kill her husband out of hand, but in presence of her Husband,
she feined that it was necessary for him to receive a certaine kind of
drink, which the Maisters and Doctours of Physicke doe call a sacred
Potion, to the intent he might purge Choller and scoure the interiour
parts of his body. But the Physitian in stead of that drinke prepared a
mortall and deadly poyson, and when he had tempered it accordingly, he
tooke the pot in the presence of the family, and other neighbours and
friends of the sick yong man, and offered it to his patient. But the
bold and hardy woman, to the end she might accomplish her wicked
intent, and also gaine the money which she had promised the Physitian,
staid the pot with her hand, saying: I pray you master Physitian,
minister not this drinke unto my deare Husband, untill such time as you
have drunke some part thereof your selfe: For what know I, whether you
have mingled any poyson in the drinke or no, wherein I would have you
not to be offended: For I know that you are a man of wisedome and
learning, but this I do to the intent the conscience and love that I
beare to the health and safeguard of my husband, may be apparent. The
Physitian being greatly troubled at the wickednesse of this mischievous
woman, as voyd of all counsell and leysure to consider of the matter,
and least he might give any cause of suspition to the standers by, or
shew any scruple of his guilty conscience, by reason of long delay,
tooke the pot in his hand, and presently drunke a good draught thereof,
which done, the young man having no mistrust, drunke up the residue.
The Physitian would have gone immediately home to receive a
counterpoyson, to expell and drive out the first poyson: But the wicked
woman persevering in her mischiefe, would not suffer him to depart a
foot, untill such time as the poyson began to worke in him, and then by
much prayer and intercession she licensed him to goe home: By the way
the poyson invaded the intrailes and bowels of the whole body of the
Physitian, in such sort that with great paine he came to his owne
house, where he had scarce time to speake to his wife, and to will her
to receive the promised salitary of the death of two persons, but he
yeelded up the ghost: And the other young man lived not long after, but
likewise dyed, amongst the feined and deceitfull teares of his cursed
wife. A few dayes after, when the young man was buried and the funerall
ended, the Physitians wife demanded of her the fifty peeces of gold
which she promised her husband for the drinke, whereat the ill disposed
woman, with resemblance of honesty, answered her with gentle words, and
promised to give her the fifty peeces of gold, if she would fetch her a
little of that same drinke, to proceed and make an end of all her
enterprise. The Physitians wife partly to winne the further favour of
this rich woman, and partly to gaine the money, ranne incontinently
home, and brought her a whole roote of poyson, which when she saw,
having now occasion to execute her further malice, and to finish the
damnable plot, began to stretch out her bloody hands to murther. She
had a daughter by her husband (that was poysoned) who according to
order of law, was appointed heire of all the lands and goods of her
father: but this woman knowing that the mothers succoured their
children, and received all their goods after their death, purposed to
shew her selfe a like parent to her child, as she was a wife to her
husband, whereupon she prepared a dinner with her owne hands, and
empoysoned both the wife of the Physitian and her owne daughter: The
child being young and tender dyed incontinently by force of the drinke,
but the Physitians wife being stout and strong of complexion, feeling
the poison to trill down into her body, doubted the matter, and
thereupon knowing of certainty that she had received her bane, ran
forthwith to the judges house, that what with her cryes, and
exclamations, she raised up the people of the towne, and promising them
to shew divers wicked and mischievous acts, caused that the doores and
gates were opened. When she came in she declared from the beginning to
the end the abhomination of this woman: but shee had scarce ended her
tale, when opening her falling lips, and grinding her teeth together,
she fell downe dead before the face of the Judge, who incontinently to
try the truth of the matter, caused the cursed woman, and her servants
to be pulled out of the house, and enforced by paine of torment to
confesse the verity, which being knowne, this mischievous woman farre
lesse then she deserved, but because there could be no more cruell a
death invented for the quality of her offence, was condemned to be
eaten with wild beasts. Behold with this woman was I appointed to have
to doe before the face of the people, but I being wrapped in great
anguish, and envying the day of the triumph, when we two should so
abandon our selves together, devised rather to sley my selfe, then to
pollute my body with this mischievous harlot, and so for ever to
remaine defamed: but it was impossible for me so to doe, considering
that I lacked hands, and was not able to hold a knife in my hoofes:
howbeit standing in a pretty cabin, I rejoyced in my selfe to see that
spring time was come, and that all things flourished, and that I was in
good hope to find some Roses, to render me my humane shape. When the
day of triumph came, I was led with great pompe and benevolence to the
appointed place, where when I was brought, I first saw the preamble of
that triumph, dedicated with dancers and merry taunting jests, and in
the meane season was placed before the gate of the Theater, whereas on
the one side I saw the greene and fresh grasse growing before the entry
thereof, whereon I greatly desired to feed: on the other side I
conceived a great delectation to see when the Theater gates were
opened, how all things was finely prepared and set forth: For there I
might see young children and maidens in the flowre of their youth of
excellent beauty, and attired gorgiously, dancing and mooved in comely
order, according to the order of Grecia, for sometime they would dance
in length, sometime round together, sometime divide themselves into
foure parts, and sometime loose hands on every side: but when the
trumpet gave warning that every man should retire to his place, then
began the triumph to appeare. First there was a hill of wood, not much
unlike that which the Poet Homer called Idea, for it was garnished
about with all sort of greene verdures and lively trees, from the top
whereof ran downe a cleare and fresh fountaine, nourishing the waters
below, about which wood were many young and tender Goates, plucking and
feeding daintily on the budding trees, then came a young man a
shepheard representing Paris, richly arrayed with vestments of Barbary,
having a mitre of gold upon his head, and seeming as though he kept the
goates. After him ensued another young man all naked, saving that his
left shoulder was covered with a rich cloake, and his head shining with
glistering haires, and hanging downe, through which you might perceive
two little wings, whereby you might conjecture that he was Mercury,
with his rod called Caduceus, he bare in his right hand an Apple of
gold, and with a seemely gate went towards him that represented Paris,
and after hee had delivered him the Apple, he made a signe, signifying
that Jupiter had commanded him so to doe: when he had done his message
he departed away. And by and by, there approached a faire and comely
mayden, not much unlike to Juno, for she had a Diademe of gold upon her
head, and in her hand she bare a regall scepter: then followed another
resembling Pallas, for she had on her head a shining sallet, whereon
was bound a garland of Olive branches, having in one hand a target or
shield: and in the other a speare as though she would fight: then came
another which passed the other in beauty, and presented the Goddesse
Venus, with the color of Ambrosia, when she was a maiden, and to the
end she would shew her perfect beauty, shee appeared all naked, saving
that her fine and dainty skin was covered with a thin smocke, which the
wind blew hither and thither to testifie the youth and flowre of the
age of the dame. Her colour was of two sorts, for her body was white as
descended from heaven, and her smocke was blewish, as arrived from the
sea: After every one of the Virgins which seemed goddesses, followed
certaine waiting servants, Castor and Pollus went behind Juno, having
on their heads helmets covered with starres. This Virgin Juno sounded a
Flute, which shee bare in her hand, and mooved her selfe towards the
shepheard Paris, shewing by honest signes and tokens, and promising
that hee should be Lord of all Asia, if hee would judge her the fairest
of the three, and to give her the apple of gold: the other maiden which
seemed by her armour to be Pallas, was accompanied with two young men
armed, and brandishing their naked swords in their hands, whereof one
named Terror, and the other Feare; behind them approached one sounding
his trumpet to provoke and stirre men to battell; this maiden began to
dance and shake her head, throwing her fierce and terrible eyes upon
Paris and promising that if it pleased him to give her the victory of
beauty, shee would make him the most strong and victorious man alive.
Then came Venus and presented her selfe in the middle of the Theater,
with much favour of all the people, for shee was accompanied with a
great many of youth, whereby you would have judged them all to be
Cupidoes, either to have flowne from heaven or else from the river of
the sea, for they had wings, arrowes, and the residue of their habit
according in each point, and they bare in their hands torches lighted,
as though it had beene a day of marriage. Then came in a great
multitude of faire maidens: on the one side were the most comely
Graces: on the other side, the most beautifull Houres carrying garlands
and loose flowers, and making great honor to the goddesse of pleasure;
the flutes and Pipes yeelded out the sweet sound of Lydians, whereby
they pleased the minds of the standers by exceedingly, but the more
pleasing Venus mooved forward more and more, and shaking her head
answered by her motion and gesture, to the sound of the instruments.
For sometimes she would winke gently, sometimes threaten and looke
aspishly, and sometimes dance onely with her eyes: As soone as she was
come before the Judge, she made a signe and token to give him the most
fairest spouse of all the world, if he would prefer her above the
residue of the goddesses. Then the young Phrygian shepheard Paris with
a willing mind delivered the golden Apple to Venus, which was the
victory of beauty.
Why doe ye marvell, ye Orators, ye Lawyers, and Advocates, if many of
our judges now a daies sell their judgements for money, when as in the
beginning of the world one onely Grace corrupted the sentence betweene
God and men, and that one rusticall Judge and shepheard appointed by
the counsell of great Jupiter, sold his judgement for a little
pleasure, which was the cause afterward of the ruine of all his
progeny? By like manner of meane, was sentence given between the noble
Greekes: For the noble and valiant personage Palamedes was convicted
and attainted of treason, by false perswasion and accusation, and
Ulisses being but of base condition, was preferred in Martiall prowesse
above great Ajax. What judgement was there likewise amongst the
Athenian lawyers, sage and expert in all sciences? Was not Socrates who
was preferred by Apollo, above all the wise men in the world, by envy
and malice of wicked persons impoysoned with the herbe Cicuta, as one
that corrupted the youth of the countrey, whom alwaies be kept under by
correction? For we see now a dayes many excellent Philosophers greatly
desire to follow his sect, and by perpetual study to value and revolve
his workes, but to the end I may not be reproved of indignation by any
one that might say: What, shall we suffer an Asse to play the
Philosopher? I will returne to my further purpose.
After the judgement of Paris was ended, Juno and Pallas departed away
angerly, shewing by their gesture, that they would revenge themselves
on Paris, but Venus that was right pleased and glad in her heart,
danced about the Theater with much joy. This done from the top of the
hill through a privy spout, ran a floud of the colour of Saffron, which
fell upon the Goates, and changed their white haire into yellow, with a
sweet odour to all them of the Theater. By and by after by certaine
engines, the ground opened, and swallowed up the hill of wood: and then
behold there came a man of armes through the multitude, demanding by
the consent of the people, the woman who was condemned to the beasts,
and appointed for me to have to doe withall: our bed was finely and
bravely prepared, and covered with silke and other things necessary.
But I, beside the shame to commit this horrible fact, and to pollute my
body with this wicked harlot did greatly feare the danger of death: for
I thought in my selfe, that when she and I were together, the savage
beast appointed to devoure the woman, was not so instructed and taught,
or would so temper his greedinesse, as that hee would teare her in
peeces lying under mee, and spare mee with a regard of mine innocency.
Wherefore I was more carefull for the safeguard of my life, then for
the shame that I should abide, but in the meane season while my master
made ready the bed, all the residue did greatly delight to see the
hunting and pleasantnesse of the triumph, I began to thinke and devise
for my selfe. When I perceived that no man had regard to mee, that was
so tame and gentle an Asse, I stole out of the gate that was next me,
and then I ran away with all force, and came to Cenchris, which is the
most famous towne of all the Carthaginians, bordering upon the Seas
called Ageum, and Saronicum, where is a great and mighty Haven,
frequented with many a sundry Nation. There because I would avoyd the
multitude of the people, I went to a secret place of the Sea coast,
where I laid me down upon the sand, to ease and refresh my selfe, for
the day was past and the Sunne gone downe, and lying in this sort on
the ground, did fall in a sound sleepe.