How Apuleius was sold to two brethren, whereof one was a Baker, and the
other a Cooke, and how finely and daintily he fared.
THE Souldier that payed never a peny for me, by the commandement of his
Captaine was sent unto Rome, to cary Letters to the great Prince, and
Generall of the Campe. Before he went, he sold me for eleven pence to
two of his Companions, being Servants to a man of worship, whereof one
was a Baker that baked sweet bread and delicates, the other a Cooke,
which dressed fine and excellent meats for his Master. These two lived
in common, and would drive me from place to place, to carry such things
as was necessary, insomuch that I was received by these two, as a third
Brother, and Companion, and I thought I was never better placed, then
with them: for when night came that Supper was done, and their
businesse ended, they would bring many good morsels into their Chamber
for themselves. One would bring Pigs, Chickens, fish, and other good
meates, the other fine bread, pasties, tarts, custards and other
delicate Junkets dipped in hony. And when they had shut their chamber
doore, and went to the bains: (O Lord) how I would fill my guts with
these goodly dishes: neither was I so much a foole, or so very an Asse,
to leave the dainty meats, and to grind my teeth upon hard hay. In this
sort I continued a great space, for I played the honest Asse, taking
but a little of one dish, and a little of another, wherby no man
distrusted me. In the end, I was more hardier and began to devoure the
whole messes of the sweet delicates, which caused the Baker and the
Cooke to suspect, howbeit they nothing mistrusted me, but searched
about to apprehend the theefe. At length they began to accuse one
another of theft, and to set the dishes and morsels of meat in order,
one by another, because they would learne what was taken away, whereby
one of them was compelled to say thus to his fellow: Is it reason to
breake promise and faith in this sort, by stealing away the best meat,
and to sell it to augment thy good, and yet neverthelesse to have thy
part in the residue that is left: if our partnership doe mislike thee,
we will be partners and brothers in other things, but in this we will
breake of: for I perceive that the great losse which I sustain, will at
length be a cause of great discord betweene us. Then answered the
other, Verily I praise thy great constancy and subtilnesse, in that
(when thou hast secretly taken away the meat) [thou] dost begin to
complaine first, whereas I by long space of time have suffered thee,
because I would not seeme to accuse my brother of theft, but I am right
glad in that wee are fallen into communication of the matter, least by
our silence, like contention might arise betweene us, as fortuned
betweene Eteocles and his Brother. When they had reasoned together in
this sort, they swore both earnestly, that neither of them stale or
tooke away any jote of the meate, wherefore they concluded to search
out the Theefe by all kind of meanes. For they could not imagin or
thinke, the Asse who stood alone there, would eate any such meates,
neither could they thinke that Mice or Flyes, were so ravenous, as to
devouer whole dishes of meat, like the Birds Harpies which carried away
the meates of Phineus the King of Archadia. In the Meane season while I
was fed with dainty morsels, I gathered together my flesh, my skin
waxed soft, my haire began to shine, and was gallant on every part, but
such faire and comely shape of my body, was cause of my dishonour, for
the Baker and Cooke marvelled to see me so slick and fine, considering
I did eate no hay at all. Wherefore on a time at their accustomed
houre, they went to the baines, and locked their chamber doore. It
fortuned that ere they departed away, they espyed me through a hole,
how I fell roundly to my victuals: then they marvelled greatly, and
little esteemed the losse of their meate, laughed exceedingly, calling
the servants of the house, to shew them the greedy gorge and appetite
of the Asse. Their laughing was so immoderate that the master of the
house heard them, and demanded the cause of their laughter, and when
hee understood all the matter, hee looked through the hole likewise,
wherewith he took such a delectation that hee commanded the doore to be
opened, that hee might see mee at his pleasure. Then I perceiving every
man laugh, was nothing abashed, but rather more bold, whereby I never
rested eating, till such time as the master of the house commanded me
to be brought into his parler as a novelty, and there caused all kinds
of meates which were never touched to be set on the table, which
(although I had eaten sufficiently before, yet to win the further
favour of the master of the house) I did greedily devoure and made a
cleane riddance of all the delicate meates. And to prove my nature
wholly, they gave mee such meates as every Asse doth abhorre: for they
put before mee beefe and vinegar, birds and pepper, fish and verjuice:
in the meane season they that beheld mee at the table did nothing but
laugh. Then one of the servants of the house sayd to his master, I pray
you sir give him some drinke to his supper: Marry (quoth hee) I thinke
thou saist true, for it may be, that to his meate hee would drinke
likewise a cup of wine. Hoe boy, wash yonder pot, and fill it with
wine, which done, carry it to the Asse, and say that I have drunke to
him. Then all the standers by looked on, to see what would come to
passe: but I (as soone as I beheld the cup) staied not long, but
gathering my lips together, supped up all the wine at one draught. The
master being right joyfull hereat caused the Baker and Cooke which had
bought me, to come before him, to whom he delivered foure times as much
for me, as they paid, which done he committed me to one of his rich
Libertines, and charged him to looke well to me, and that I should
lacke nothing, who obeied his masters commandement in every point: and
to the end he would creepe further into his favour, he taught me a
thousand qualities. First he instructed me to sit at the table upon my
taile, and how I should leape and dance, holding up my former feete:
moreover hee taught me how I should answer when any body spake unto me,
with nodding my head, which was a strange and marvailous thing, and if
I did lacke drinke, I should looke still upon the pot. All which things
I did willingly bring to passe, and obeyed his doctrine: howbeit, I
could have done all these things without his teaching, but I feared
greatly lest in shewing my selfe cunning without a master, I should
pretend some great and strange wonder, and thereby be throwne out to
wild beasts. But my fame was spred about in every place, and the
qualities which I could doe, insomuch that my master was renowned
throughout all the Country by reason of mee. For every man would say:
Behold the Gentleman that hath an Asse, that will eate and drinke with
him, that will dance, and understand what is said to him, will shew his
fantasie by signes. But first I will tell you (which I should have done
before) who my master was, and of what country. His name was Thiasus,
hee was borne at Corinth, which is a principall towne of Achaia, and he
had passed many offices of honor, till hee had taken upon him the
degree Quinquenuall, according as his birth and dignity required, who
to shew his worthinesse, and to purchase the benevolence of every
person, appointed publike joyes and triumphs, to endure the space of
three dayes, and to bring his endeavour to passe, he came into Thessaly
to buy excellent Beasts, and valiant fighters for the purpose.