MRS. LUNN. Don't you think you've said enough, Mr. Juno? This is a
matter for two women to settle. Won't you take a stroll on the beach
with my Gregory while we talk it over. Gregory is a splendid listener.
JUNO. I don't think any good can come of a conversation between Mr.
Lunn and myself. We can hardly be expected to improve one another's
morals. [He passes behind the chesterfield to Mrs. Lunn's end; seizes a
chair; deliberately pushes it between Gregory and Mrs. Lunn; and sits
down with folded arms, resolved not to budge].
GREGORY. Oh! Indeed! Oh, all right. If you come to that--[he crosses to
Mrs. Juno; plants a chair by her side; and sits down with equal
determination].
JUNO. Now we are both equally guilty.
GREGORY. Pardon me. I'm not guilty.
JUNO. In intention. Don't quibble. You were guilty in intention, as I
was.
GREGORY. No. I should rather describe myself guilty in fact, but not in
intention.
JUNO { rising and } What!
MRS. JUNO { exclaiming } No, really--
MRS. LUNN { simultaneously } Gregory!
GREGORY. Yes: I maintain that I am responsible for my intentions only,
and not for reflex actions over which I have no control. [Mrs. Juno
sits down, ashamed]. I promised my mother that I would never tell a
lie, and that I would never make love to a married woman. I never have
told a lie--
MRS. LUNN [remonstrating] Gregory! [She sits down again].
GREGORY. I say never. On many occasions I have resorted to
prevarication; but on great occasions I have always told the truth. I
regard this as a great occasion; and I won't be intimidated into
breaking my promise. I solemnly declare that I did not know until this
evening that Mrs. Juno was married. She will bear me out when I say
that from that moment my intentions were strictly and resolutely
honorable; though my conduct, which I could not control and am
therefore not responsible for, was disgraceful--or would have been had
this gentleman not walked in and begun making love to my wife under my
very nose.
JUNO [flinging himself back into his chair] Well, I like this!
MRS. LUNN. Really, darling, there's no use in the pot calling the
kettle black.
GREGORY. When you say darling, may I ask which of us you are addressing?
MRS. LUNN. I really don't know. I'm getting hopelessly confused.
JUNO. Why don't you let my wife say something? I don't think she ought
to be thrust into the background like this.
MRS. LUNN. I'm sorry, I'm sure. Please excuse me, dear.
MRS. JUNO [thoughtfully] I don't know what to say. I must think over
it. I have always been rather severe on this sort of thing; but when it
came to the point I didn't behave as I thought I should behave. I
didn't intend to be wicked; but somehow or other, Nature, or whatever
you choose to call it, didn't take much notice of my intentions.
[Gregory instinctively seeks her hand and presses it]. And I really did
think, Tops, that I was the only woman in the world for you.
JUNO [cheerfully] Oh, that's all right, my precious. Mrs. Lunn thought
she was the only woman in the world for him.
GREGORY [reflectively] So she is, in a sort of a way.
JUNO [flaring up] And so is my wife. Don't you set up to be a better
husband than I am; for you're not. I've owned I'm wrong. You haven't.
MRS. LUNN. Are you sorry, Gregory?
GREGORY [perplexed] Sorry?
MRS. LUNN. Yes, sorry. I think it's time for you to say you're sorry,
and to make friends with Mr. Juno before we all dine together.