In the meantime, good Squire Marcos, with all his prudence,

experienced in the course of a few days that the plan he had devised

to quench Donna Mergelina's flame produced a directly opposite

effect. The lady on the second night not hearing me sing, asked why

we had discontinued our concerts, and the reason of my absence. He

told her I was so busy as not to have a moment to spare for

relaxation. She seemed satisfied with that excuse, and for three

days longer bore the disappointment of all her hopes like a heroine;

but at the end of that period, my martyr to the tender passion lost

all patience, and said to her conductor, You are playing false with

me, Marcos; Diego has not discontinued his visits without a cause.

This mystery must be unravelled. Speak, I command you; conceal

nothing from me! Madam, answered he, making use of another

subterfuge, since the truth must be told, it has often happened to

him to find the cloth taken away at home after the concert; he cannot

run the risk any longer of going to bed without his supper. What,

without his supper! exclaimed she in an agony, why did not you tell

me so sooner? Go to bed without his supper! O! the poor little

sufferer! Go to him this instant, and let him come again this

evening; he shall not go home starving any more, there shall always

be a luncheon for him.

What do I hear? said the squire, affecting astonishment at this

language; O, Heaven, what a reverse! Is this you, madam, and are

these your sentiments? Well-a-day! Since when are you so

compassionate and tender-hearted? Since, replied she significantly,

since you have lived in this house, or rather since you disapproved

my disdainful manners, and have labored to soften the acrimony of my

temper. But, alas! added she, in a melting mood, I have gone from

one extreme to the other. Proud and insensible as I was, I am become

too susceptible--too tender. I am enamoured of your young friend

Diego, and I cannot help myself; his absence, far from allaying my

ardor, only adds fuel to the fire. Is it possible, resumed the old

man, that a young fellow with neither face nor person should have

inspired so strong a passion? I could make allowance for your

feelings, if they had been set afloat by some nobleman of

distinguished merit.... Ah! Marcos, interrupted Mergelina, I am not

like the rest of my sex; or, rather, spite of your long experience,

your penetration is but shallow if you fancy merit to have much share

in our choice. Judging by myself, we all leap before we look. Love

is a mental derangement, forcibly drawing all our views and

attachments into one vortex--a species of hydrophobia. Have done

then with your hints that Diego is not worthy of my tenderness; that

he has it is enough to invest him with a thousand perfections too

ætherial for your gross sight, and perhaps too unsubstantial for any

but a lover's perception. In vain you disparage his features or his

stature; in my eyes he was created to undo, and encircled by the hand

of Nature with the glories of the opening day. Nay, more, there is a

thrilling sweetness in his voice; his touch on the guitar has the

taste of an amateur, and the execution of a professor. But, madam,

subjoined Marcos, do you consider who Diego is? The meanness of his

station.... My own is very little better, interrupted she again;

though were I of noble birth, it would make no difference in my

sensations.

The result of that conference was that the squire, concluding he

should make no impression on the mind of his mistress, gave over

struggling with her obstinacy, as a skilful pilot runs before the

storm, though it carries him out to sea from his intended port. He

did more: to satisfy his patroness, he paid me a visit, took me

aside, and, after having related what had passed between them: You

see, Diego, said he, that we cannot dispense with the performance of

our concerts at Mergelina's door. Absolutely, my friend, that lady

must see you again; otherwise she may commit some act of desperation

fatal to her good name. I was not inexorable, but answered Marcos

that I would attend with my guitar early in the evening; and

dispatched him to his mistress with the happy tidings. He executed

his office, and the impassioned dame was out of her wits with joy, in

the delicious prospect of hearing and seeing me in a few hours.

A most disagreeable circumstance, however, was very near

disappointing her in that hope. I could not leave home before night,

and, for my sins, it was dark as pitch. I went groping along the

street, and had got, may be, half way, when down from a window came

upon my head the contents of a perfuming-pan, which did not tickle my

olfactory nerves very pleasantly. I may say that not a whiff was

wasted, so exactly had the giver taken measure of the receiver. In

this situation I was at a loss on what to resolve: to go back by the

way I came, what an exhibition before my comrades! It was

surrendering myself to all their nasty witticisms. Then, again, go

to Mergelina in such a glorious trim, that hurt my feelings on the

other side. I determined, at length, to get on towards the

physician's. The old usher was waiting for me at the door. He said

that Doctor Oloroso was gone to bed, and we might amuse ourselves as

we liked. I answered that the first thing was to purify my drapery,

at the same time relating my misfortune. He seemed to feel for me,

and showed me into a hall where his mistress was sitting. As soon as

the lady got wind of my adventure, and had confirmed the testimony of

her nose by the evidence of her eyes, she mourned over me as

grievously as if my miseries had been mortal; then, apostrophising

the absent cause of my foul array, she uttered a thousand

imprecations. Well, but, Madam! said Marcos, do moderate this

ecstasy of grief; consider that such casualties will happen; there is

no occasion to take on so bitterly. Why! exclaimed she with

vehemence, why would you debar me from the privilege of weeping over

the injuries of this tender lamb, this dove without gall, who does

not so much as murmur at the affront he has sustained? Alas! why am

I not a man at this moment to avenge him!

She uttered numberless soothing expressions besides, to mark

distinctly the excess of her devotion, and her actions corresponded

with her words; for while Marcos was employed in wiping me down with

a towel, she ran into her chamber and brought out a box furnished

with every variety of perfumes. She burned sweet-smelling drugs, and

perfumed my clothes with them, after which she drenched me in a

deluge of essences. The fumigation and aspersion ended, this

bountiful lady went herself and fetched, from the kitchen, bread,

wine, and some good slices of roast mutton, set by on purpose for me.

She forced me to eat, and, taking a pleasure in waiting on me,

sometimes carved for me, and sometimes filled my glass, in spite of

all that Marcos and myself could do to anticipate her condescension.

When I had done supper, the gentlemen of the orchestra struck the

key-note, and tuned their sweet voices to the pitch of their guitars.

We played and sung to the heart's delight of Mergelina. To be sure

we took care to carol none but amorous ditties; and, as we sung, I

every now and then leered at her with such a roguish meaning, as to

throw oil upon the fire, for the game began to be interesting. The

concert, though the acts were long, was not tedious. As for the

lady, to whom hours seemed to fly like seconds, she could have been

content to exhaust the night in listening, if the old squire, with

whom the seconds seemed to lag like hours, had not hinted how late it

was. She gave him the trouble of enforcing his moral on the lapse of

time by at least ten repetitions. But she was in the hands of a man

not to be turned aside from his purpose; he let her have no rest till

I was gone. Sensible and provident as he was, seeing his mistress

given up to a mad passion, he dreaded lest our harmony should be

resolved by some discord. His fears were ominous: the physician,

whether his mind misgave him of some foul play, or the spirit of

jealousy, hitherto on its good behavior, had a mind to harass him

gratuitously, bethought himself of quarrelling with our concerts. He

did more, he put a broad negative upon them; and, without assigning

his reasons for acting in this violent way, declared that he would

suffer no more strangers to come about his premises.

Marcos acquainted me with this mortifying declaration, particularly

levelled against my rising hopes. I had begun bobbing at this dainty

cherry, and did not like to lose my game. Nevertheless, to act the

part of a faithful reporter and true historian, I must own my

impatience did not affect my health or spirits. Not so with

Mergelina, her feelings were more alive than ever. My dear Marcos,

said she to her usher, it is only from you that I look for succor.

Contrive, I beseech you, that I may see Diego in private. What do

you require? asked the old man, with a reproachful accent. I have

been but too indulgent to you. I am not a person to crown your

wanton wishes at the expense of my master's honor, your good fame,

and my own eternal infamy--the infamy of a man whose past life has

been one continued series of faithful service and exemplary conduct.

I had rather leave the family than stay in it on such scandalous

conditions. Alas! Marcos, interrupted the lady, frightened out of

her wits at these last words, you wring my heart by talking in this

manner. Obdurate man! Can you bear the thought of sacrificing her

who lays all her present agony to your account? Give me back my

former pride, and that savage soul you have taken from me. Why am I

no longer happy in my very imperfections? I might now have been at

peace, but your rash counsels have robbed me of the repose I then

enjoyed. You, the corrector of my manners, have tampered with my

morals.... But why do I rave, unhappy wretch that I am? why upbraid

you thus wrongfully? No, my guardian angel, you are not the fatal

source of all my miseries; my evil destiny had decreed these tortures

to await me. Lay not to heart, I conjure you on my knees, these

transports of a disordered imagination. Oh mercy! my passion drives

me mad; have compassion on my weakness; you are my sole support and

stay; if, then, my life is not indifferent to you, deny me not your

aid.

At these words, her tears flowed in fresh torrents, and stifled her

lugubrious accents. She took out her handkerchief, and, throwing it

over her face, fell into a chair, like a person overcome by her

affliction. Old Marcos, who was perhaps one of the most tractable

go-betweens in the world, could no longer steel his heart against so

touching a spectacle. Pierced to the quick, he even mingled his

tears with those of his mistress, and spoke to her in a softened

tone: Ah! madam, why are you thus bewitching! I cannot hold out

against your sorrowful complaints; my virtue yields under the

pressure of my pity. I promise you all the relief in my power. No

longer do I marvel at the oblivious influence of passion over duty,

since mere sympathy can mislead my footsteps from its thorny paths.

Thus did this pander, whose past life had been one continued series

of faithful service and exemplary conduct, sell himself to the devil

to feed Mergelina's illicit flame. One morning he came and talked

over the whole business with me, saying, at his departure, that he

had a scheme in his head, to bring about a private interview between

us. At the thought, my hopes were all re-kindled; but they glimmered

tremblingly in the socket at a piece of news I heard two hours

afterwards. A journeyman apothecary in the neighborhood, one of our

customers, came in to be shaved. While I was making ready to trim

his bushy honors, he said, Master Diego, do you know anything about

your friend, the old usher, Marcos de Obregon? Is not he going to

leave Doctor Oloroso? I said, No. But he is, though, replied he; he

will get his dismission this very day. His master and mine were

talking about it just now in my hearing, and their conversation was

to the following effect: Signor Apuntador, said the physician, I have

a favor to beg of you. I am not easy about an old usher of mine, and

should like to place my wife under the eye of a trusty, strict, and

vigilant duenna. I understand you, interrupted my master. You want

Dame Melancia, my wife's directress, and indeed mine for the last six

weeks, since I have been a widower. Though she would be very useful

to me in housewifery, I give her up to you, from a paramount regard

to your honor. You may rely upon her for the security of your brow;

she is the phoenix of the duenna tribe--a spring-gun and a man-trap

set in the purlieus of female chastity. During twelve whole years

that she was about my wife, whose youth and beauty, you know, were

not without their attractions, I never saw the least semblance of

manhood within my doors. No, no! By all the powers! That game was

not so easily played. And yet I must let you know that the departed

saint, Heaven rest her soul! had in the outset a great hankering

after the delights of the flesh; but Dame Melancia cast her in a new

mould, and regenerated her to virtue and self-denial. In short, such

a guardian of the weaker sex is a treasure, and you will never have

done thanking me for my precious gift. Hereupon the doctor expressed

his rapture at the issue of the conference; and they agreed, Signor

Apuntador and he, on the duenna's succeeding the old usher on this

very day.

This news, which I thought probable, and turned out to be true,

disturbed the pleasurable ideas, just beginning to flow afresh, and

renovate my soul. After dinner, Marcos completed the convulsion, by

confirming the young drug-pounder's story: My dear Diego, said the

good squire, I am heartily glad that Doctor Oloroso has turned me

off; it spares me a world of trouble. Besides that it hurt my

feelings to be invested with the office of a spy, endless must have

been the shifts and subterfuges to bring you and Mergelina together

in private. We should have been rarely gravelled! Thanks to Heaven,

I am set free from all such perplexing cares, to say nothing of their

attendant danger. On your part, my dear boy, you ought to be

comforted for the loss of a few soft moments, which must have been

dogged at the heels by a thousand fears and vexations. I relished

Marcos' sermon well enough, because my hopes were at an end--the game

was lost. I was not, it must be confessed, among the number of those

stubborn lovers who bear up against every impediment; but though I

had been so, Dame Melancia would have made me let go my hold. The

established character of that duenna would have daunted the

adventurous spirit of a knight-errant. Yet, in whatever colors this

phoenix of the duenna tribe might have been painted, I had reason to

know, two or three days afterwards, that the physician's lady had

unset the man-trap and spring-gun, and given a stop to this watch-dog

of lubricity. As I was going out to shave one of our neighbors, a

civil old gentlewoman stopped me in the street, and asked me if my

name was Diego de la Fuenta. I said, Yes. That being the case,

replied she, I have a little business with you. Place yourself this

evening at Donna Mergelina's door; and when you are there, give a

signal, and you shall be let in. Vastly well! said I, what must the

signal be! I can take off a cat to the life: suppose I was to mew a

certain number of times! The very thing, replied this Iris of

intrigue; I will carry back your answer. Your most obedient, Signor

Diego! Heaven protect the sweet youth! Ah! you are a pretty one!

By St. Angès, I wish I was but sweet fifteen, I would not go to

market for other folks! With this hint, the old procuress waddled

out of sight.

You may be sure this message put me in no small flutter. Where now

was the morality of Marcos? I waited for night with impatience, and,

calculating the time of Doctor Oloroso's going to bed, took my

station at his door. There I set up my caterwauling, till you might

hear me ever so far off, to the eternal honor of the master who

instructed me in that imitative art. A moment after, Mergelina

opened the door softly with her own dear hands, and shut it again

with me on the inside. We went into the hall, where our last concert

had been performed. It was dimly lighted by a small lamp, which

twinkled in the chimney. We sat down side by side, and began our

tender parley, each of us overcome by our emotions, but with this

difference, that hers were all inspired by pleasure, while mine were

somewhat tainted by fear. In vain did the divinity of my adorations

assure me that we had nothing to fear from her husband. I felt the

access of an ague, which unmanned my vigor. Madam, said I, how have

you eluded the vigilance of your directress? After what I have heard

of Dame Melancia, I could not have conceived it possible for you to

contrive the means of sending me any intelligence, much less of

seeing me in private. Donna Mergelina smiled at this remark, and

answered: You will no longer be surprised at our being together

to-night, when I tell you what has passed between my duenna and me.

As soon as she came to her place, my husband paid her a thousand

compliments, and said to me: Mergelina, I consign you to the guidance

of this wary lady, herself an abstract of all the virtues: in this

glass you may look without a blush, and array yourself in habits of

wisdom. This extraordinary personage has for these twelve years been

a light to the ways of an apothecary's wife of my acquaintance; but

how has she been a light to them? ... why, as ways never were

enlightened before: she turned a very slippery piece of mortal flesh

into a downright nun.

This panegyric, not belied by the austere mien of Dame Melancia, cost

me a flood of tears, and reduced me to despair. I fancied the din of

eternal lectures from morning till night, and daily rebukes too harsh

to be endured. In short, I laid my account in a life of

wretchedness, beyond the patience of a woman. Keeping no measures in

the expectation of such cruel sufferings, I said bluntly to the

duenna, the moment I was alone with her: You mean, no doubt, to

exercise your tyranny most wantonly on my poor person; but I cannot

bear much severity, I warn you beforehand; I give you, moreover, fair

notice, that I shall be as savage as you can be. My heart cherishes

a passion, which not all your remonstrances shall tear from it: so

you may act accordingly. Watch me as closely as you please; it is

hard if I cannot outwit such an old thing as you. At these taunting

words, I thought this saracen in petticoats was going to give me a

specimen of her discipline. But, so far from it, she smoothed her

brow, relaxed her surly features, and, primming up her mouth into a

smile, promulgated this comfortable doctrine: Your temper charms me,

and your frankness calls for a return. We must have been made for

one another; Ah! lovely Mergelina, little do you fathom my character;

to be deceived by the fine compliments of your husband the Doctor, or

by my Tartar contour! There was never a creature more fortified

against moral prejudices! My inducement for getting into the service

of jealous husbands is to lend myself to the enjoyments of their

pretty wives. Long have I trodden the stage of life in masquerade;

and I may call myself doubly happy, in the spiritual rewards of

virtue, and the temporal indulgences of the opposite side. Between

ourselves, mine is the system of all mankind in the long run. Real

virtue is a very expensive article: plated goods look just as well,

and are within the reach of all purchasers.

Put yourself under my direction. We will make Doctor Oloroso pay the

piper to our dancing, or I am no duenna. By my troth, he shall go

the way of Signor Apuntador and all mankind. There is no reason why

the forehead of a physician should be smoother than the brow of an

apothecary. Poor dear Apuntador! What fun have we had with him, his

wife and I! A charming woman, that wife of his! A dear little

creature, open to all mankind, and prejudiced by none! Well! she is

at peace, and has not left her fellow behind her! Take my word,

short as her time was, she made the most of it. Let me see how many

rampant chaps have been brought to their bearings in that house,

without the dear, deluded husband being waked out of his evening's

nap! Now, madam, you may see me in my true light; and assure

yourself, whatever might be the abilities of your old usher, you will

not fare the worse for going further. If he was a benefit to you, I

shall be a blessing.

You may judge for yourself, Diego, continued Mergelina, how well I

took it of the duenna, that she laid herself open so frankly. I had

taken her virtue to be of the impenetrable cast. Look you, now, how

much women are liable to be scandalized. But her character of plain

dealing won my heart at once. I threw my arms about her neck in a

rapture, which bespoke my warm and tender feelings at the thoughts of

such a mother-abbess. I gave her carte blanche of all my private

thoughts, and put in for a speedy tête-à-tête with your own dear

self. She met me on my own ground. This very morning she engaged

the old woman who spoke to you to take the field: she is an old

stager--a veteran in the service of the apothecary's wife. But the

best of the joke in this comedy, added she, in a paroxysm of

laughter, is that Melancia, on my assurance that my husband's habit

is to pass the night without stirring, is gone to bed by his side,

and drones out my useless office at this moment. So much the worse,

madam, said I then to Mergelina; your device is more plausible than

profitable. Your husband is very likely to wake, and discover the

fraud. He will not discover anything about it, replied she with no

little urgency; set your heart at rest about that, and let not an

empty fear poison the fountains of a pleasure which ought to drown

every vulgar and earthly consideration in the arms of a young lady

who is yours forever and ever.

The old doctor's help-mate, finding that her assurances had little

effect upon my courage, left no stone unturned to put me in heart

again; and she had so many encouraging ways with her, that a very

coward must have plucked up a little. My thoughts were all with

Jupiter and Alemena; but at the very moment that the urchin Cupid,

with his train of smiles and antics, was weaving a garland to

compliment the crisis of our endeavors, we were stopped in our career

by an importunate knocking at the street door. In a moment, away

flew love, and all his covey, like game at the report of a

fowling-piece. Mergelina popped me, like an article of household

furniture, under the hall table, blew out the lamp, and, by previous

agreement with her governess, in the event of so unlucky an accident,

placed herself at the door of her husband's bedchamber. In the

meantime, the knocking continued with reiterated violence, till the

whole house resounded. The physician awoke suddenly, and called

Melancia. The duenna flung herself out of bed, though the doctor,

taking her for his wife, begged of her not to disturb herself. She

ran to her mistress, who, catching hold of her in the dark, began

calling Melancia! and told her to go and see who was at the door.

Madam, answered the directress, here I am at your service, go to bed

again if you please; we shall soon know who it is. During this

parley, Mergelina, having undressed, got into bed to the doctor, who

had not the least suspicion of the farce that was playing. To be

sure the stage was darkened, and the actresses had very little

occasion for a prompter; one of them was familiar with the boards,

and the other only wanted a rehearsal or two to be perfect in her

part.

The duenna, in her night gown, made her appearance soon after, with a

candle in her hand. Good doctor, said she to her master, have the

goodness to get up. Our neighbor Fernandez de Buendia, the

bookseller, is in an apoplectic fit: you are sent for; time presses.

The physician got on his clothes as fast as he could, and went out.

His wife, in her bed gown, came into the hall with the duenna. They

dragged me from under the table more dead than alive. You have

nothing to fear, Diego, said Mergelina; put yourself in proper order.

At the same time she told me how things were in two words. She had

half a mind to renew our amorous intercourse; but the directress knew

better. Madam, said she, your husband may possibly be too late to

help the bookseller to the other world, and then he will return

immediately. Besides, added she, observing me benumbed with fright,

it would be all lost labor upon this poor youth! He is not in a

condition to answer your demands. You had better send him home, and

defer the debate till to-morrow evening. Donna Mergelina was sorry

for the delay, as well knowing that a bird in hand is worth two in

the bush; and I flatter myself she was disappointed at not putting a

cuckold's nightcap on the doctor's head.

As for me, less grieved at having drawn a blank in the lottery of

love, than rejoiced at getting my neck out of an halter, I returned

to my master's, where I passed the remainder of the night in

moralizing on the scene I had left. For some time, I was in doubt

whether to keep my appointment on the following evening. I thought

it was a foolish business from first to last; but the devil, who is

always lurking for his prey, or rather taking possession of us as his

lawful property, whispered in my ear that I should be a great fool to

pack up my alls when the prize was falling into my hands. Mergelina,

too, with opening and unfathomable charms! The exquisite pleasures

that awaited me! I determined to stick to my text; and promising

myself a larger share of self-possession, took my station the next

evening, at the doctor's door, between eleven and twelve, in a most

spirit-stirring humor. The heavens were completely darkened--not a

star to prate of my whereabout. I mewed twice or thrice to give

warning of my being in the street; and, as no one answered my signal,

I was not satisfied with going over the old ground, but ran up and

down the cat's gamut from bass to treble, and from treble to bass,

just as I used to sol-fa with a shepherd of Olmédo. I tuned my

fundamental bass so musically, that a neighbor on his return home,

taking me for one of those animals whose mewings I counterfeited,

picked up an unlucky flint lying at his feet, and threw it at me with

all his force, saying, The devil fetch that tom cat! I received the

blow on my head, and was so stunned for the moment, that I was very

near falling backwards. I found the skin was broken. This was

enough in all conscience to give me a surfeit of gallantry; so that,

my passion oozing out with my blood, I made the best of my way

homewards, where I rendered night hideous by my howling, and knocked

all the family up. My master probed my wound, and played the true

surgeon on it; he pronounced the consequences to be uncertain. He

did all he could to make them certain; but flesh will heal in spite

of the faculty; and there was not a scar remaining in three weeks.

During all this time, I heard not a word from Mergelina. The

probability is that Dame Melancia, to wean her impure thoughts from

me, engaged her in some better sport. However, I did not concern

myself about the matter; but left Madrid, to continue my tour of

Spain, as soon as I found myself perfectly recovered.

_CHAPTER VIII._

_THE MEETING OF GIL BLAS AND HIS COMPANION WITH A MAN SOAKING CRUSTS

OF BREAD AT A SPRING, AND THE PARTICULARS OF THEIR CONVERSATION._

Signor Diego de la Fuenta related some other adventures which had

since happened to him; but they were so little worthy of

preservation, that I shall pass them by in silence. Yet there was no

getting rid of the recital, which was tedious enough: it lasted as

far as Ponte de Duero. We halted in that town the remainder of the

day. Our commons at the inn consisted of a vegetable soup, and a

roast hare, whose genus and species we took especial pains to verify.

At daybreak on the following morning we resumed our journey, after

having replenished our flask with some very tolerable wine, and our

wallet with some pieces of bread, and half the hare we had left for

supper. When we had gone about two leagues, we waxed hungry; and,

espying, at about two hundred yards from the high road, some

spreading trees which threw an agreeable shade over the plain, we

made up to the spot, and rested on our arms. There we met with a man

from seven to eight and twenty, who was dipping crusts of bread into

a spring. He had a long sword lying by him on the grass, with a

soldier's knapsack, of which he had eased his shoulders. We thought

his air and person better than his attire. We accosted him with

civility, and he returned our salutation. He then offered us his

crusts, and asked, with a smile, if we would take pot-luck with him.

We answered in the affirmative, provided he had no objection to our

clubbing our own breakfast, by way of making the meal more

substantial. He agreed to it with the utmost readiness, and we

immediately produced our provisions, which were not unacceptable to

the stranger. What is all this, gentlemen, exclaimed he, in a

transport of joy; here is ammunition for an army! By your forecast,

you must be commissaries or quartermasters. I do not travel with so

much contrivance, for my part; but depend a good deal on the chances

of the road. At the same time, though appearances may be against me,

I can pay, without vanity, that I sometimes make a very brilliant

figure in the world. Would you believe that princely honors are

commonly bestowed on me, and that I have guards in attendance? I

comprehend you, said Diego; you mean to tell us, you are a player.

You guess right, replied the other; I have been an actor for these

fifteen years at least. From my very infancy, I was sent on the

boards in children's parts. To deal freely, rejoined the barber,

shaking his head, I do not believe a word of it. I know the players;

those gentry do not travel on foot, like you, nor do they mess with

St. Anthony. I doubt whether you are anything better than a

candle-snuffer. You may, quoth the son of Thespis, think of me as

you please; but my parts, for all that, are in the first line: I play

the lovers. If that be the case, said my companion, I wish you much

joy, and am delighted that Signor Gil Blas and myself have the honor

of breakfasting with so eminent a character.

We then began to pick up our crumbs, and to gnaw the precious relics

of the hare, bestowing such hearty smacks upon the bottle, as to

empty it very shortly. We were all three so deeply engaged in the

great affair of eating, that we said very little till we had

finished, when we resumed our conversation. I wonder, said the

barber to the player, that you should be so much out at elbows. For

a theatrical hero, you have but a needy exterior! I beg pardon if I

speak rather freely. Rather freely! exclaimed the actor; ah! by my

troth, you are not yet acquainted with Melchior Zapata. Heaven be

praised! I have no mind to see things in a wrong light. You do me a

pleasure by speaking so confidently, for I love to unbosom myself

without reserve. I honestly own I am not rich. Here, pursued he,

showing us his doublet lined with playbills, this is the common stuff

which serves me for linings; and if you are curious to see my

wardrobe, you shall not be disappointed. At the same time he took

out of his knapsack a dress, laced with tarnished frippery; a shabby

head-dress for a hero, with an old plume of feathers; silk stockings

full of holes; and red morocco shoes, a great deal the worse for

wear. You see, said he again, that I am very little better than a

beggar. That is astonishing, replied Diego; then you have neither

wife nor daughter? I have a very handsome young wife, rejoined

Zapata, and yet I might just as well be without her. Look with awe

on the lowering aspect of my horoscope. I married a personable

actress, in the hope that she would not let me die of hunger; and, to

my cost, she is cursed with incorruptible chastity. Who the devil

would not have been taken in as well as myself? There was but one

virtuous princess in a whole strolling company, and she, plague take

her! fell into my hands. It was throwing with bad luck most

undoubtedly, said the barber. But then, why did not you look out for

an actress in the regular theatre at Madrid? You would have been

sure of your mark. You are perfectly in the right, replied the

stroller; but the mischief is, we underlings dare not raise our

thoughts to those illustrious heroines. It is as much as an actor of

the prince's company can venture on; nay, some of them are obliged to

match with citizens' daughters. Happily for our fraternity,

citizens' daughters, nowadays, contract theatrical notions; and you

may often meet with characters among them, to the full as eccentric

as any bona roba of the green-room.

Well! but have you never thought, said my fellow traveller, of

getting an engagement in that company? Is it necessary to be a

Roscius for that purpose? That is very well of you! replied

Melchior, you are a wag, with your Roscius! There are twenty

performers. Ask the town what it thinks of them, and you will hear a

pretty character of their acting. More than half of them deserve to

carry a porter's knot. Yet, for all that, it is no easy matter to

get upon the boards. Bribery or interest must make up for the defect

of talent. I ought to know what I say, since my debut at Madrid,

where I was hissed and cat-called as if the devil had got among the

grimalkins, though I ought to have been received with thunders of

applause; for I whined, ranted, and offered all sorts of violence to

nature's modesty: nay, I went so far as to clench my fist at the

heroine of the piece; in a word, I adopted the conceptions of all the

great performers; and yet that same audience condemned, by bell,

book, and candle, in me, what was thought to be the first style of

playing in them. Such is the force of prejudice! So that, being no

favorite with the pit, and not having wherewithal to insinuate myself

into the good graces of the manager, I am on my return to Zamora.

There we shall all huddle together again, my wife and my

fellow-comedians, who are making but little of the business. I wish

we may not be obliged to beg our way out of town--a catastrophe of

too frequent occurrence!

At these words, up rose the stage-struck hero, slung across him his

knapsack and his sword, and made his exit with due theatric pomp:

Farewell, gentlemen; may all the gods shower all their bounties on

your heads! And you, answered Diego with corresponding emphasis, may

you find your wife at Zamora, softened down in her relentless virtue,

and in comfortable keeping. No sooner had Signor Zapata turned upon

his heel, than he began gesticulating and spouting as he went along.

The barber and myself immediately began hissing, to remind him of his

first appearance at Madrid. The goose grated harsh upon his

tympanum; he took it for a repetition of signals from his old

friends. But, looking behind him, and seeing that we were diverting

ourselves at his expense, far from taking offence at this merry

conceit of ours, he joined with good humor in the joke, and went his

way, laughing as hard as he could. On our part, we returned the

compliment in kind. After this, we got again into the high road, and

pursued our journey.

_CHAPTER IX._

_THE MEETING OF DIEGO WITH HIS FAMILY; THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES IN LIFE;

GREAT REJOICING ON THE OCCASION; THE PARTING SCENE BETWEEN HIM AND

GIL BLAS._

We stopped for the night at a little village between Moyados and

Valpuesta; I have forgotten the name: and the next morning, about

eleven, we reached the plain of Olmédo. Signor Gil Blas, said my

companion, behold my native place. So natural are these local

attachments, that I can hardly contain myself at the sight of it.

Signor Diego, answered I, a man of so patriotic a soul as you profess

to be, might, methinks, have been a little more florid in his

descriptions. Olmédo looks like a city at this distance, and you

called it a village; it cannot be any thing less than a corporate

town. I beg its township's pardon, replied the barber; but you are

to know that after Madrid, Toledo, Saragossa, and all the other large

cities I have passed through in my tour of Spain, these little ones

are mere villages to me. As we got further on the plain, there

appeared to be a great concourse of people about Olmédo: so that,

when we were near enough to distinguish objects, we were in no want

of food for speculation.

There were three tents pitched at some distance from each other; and,

hard-by, a bevy of cooks and scullions preparing an entertainment,

Here, a party was laying covers on long tables set out under the

tents; there, a detachment was crowning the pitchers of Tellus with

the gifts of Bacchus. The right wing was making the pots boil, the

left was turning the spits and basting the meat. But what caught my

attention more than all the rest, was a temporary stage of

respectable dimensions. It was furnished with pasteboard scenes,

painted in a tawdry style, and the proscenium was decorated with

Greek and Latin mottoes. No sooner did the barber spy out these

inscriptions, than he said to me: All these Greek words smell

strongly of my uncle Thomas's lamp. I would lay a wager he has a

hand in them, for, between ourselves, he is a man of parts and

learning. He knows all the classics by heart. If he would keep them

to himself it would be very well, but he is always quoting them in

company, and that people do not like. But then, to be sure, he has a

right, because this uncle of mine has translated ever so many of the

Latin poets and hard Greek authors with his own hand and pen. He has

got all antiquity at his finger's ends, as you may know by his

ingenious and profound criticisms. If it had not been for him, we

might never have learned that the Athenian schoolboys cried when they

were flogged; we owe that fact in the history of education to his

fundamental knowledge of the subject.

After my fellow-traveller and myself had looked about us, we had a

mind to inquire what these preparations were for. Going about on the

hunt, Diego recognized in the manager, Signor Thomas de la Fuenta, to

whom we made up with great eagerness. The schoolmaster did not

recollect the young barber at first, such a difference had ten years

made. But when convinced of his being his own flesh and blood, he

gave him a cordial embrace, and said, with much appearance of

kindness, Ah! here you are, Diego, my dear nephew, here you are,

restored after your wanderings to your native land. You come to

revisit your household gods, your Penates; and heaven delivers you

back, safe and sound, into the bosom of your family. O, happy day!

happy in all the proportions of arithmetic! A day worthy to be

marked with a white stone, and inserted among the Fasti! We have

annals in abundance for you, my friend; your uncle Pedro, the

poetaster, has fallen a sacrifice at the shrine of Pluto: to speak to

the comprehension of the vulgar, he has been dead these three months.

That miser, in his lifetime, was afraid of wanting

necessaries--_Argenti pallebat amore_. Though the great were heaping

wealth upon his head, his annual expenditure did not amount to ten

pistoles. He had but one miserable attendant, and him he starved.

This crazy fellow, more wrong-headed than the Grecian Aristippus, who

ordered his slaves to leave all their costly baggage in the heart of

Lybia, as an incumbrance on their march, heaped up all the gold and

silver he could scrape together. And to what end? for those very

heirs whom he refused to acknowledge. He died worth thirty thousand

ducats, shared between your father, your uncle Bertrand, and myself.

We shall be able to do very well for our children. My brother

Nicholas has already married off your sister Theresa to the son of a

magistrate in this place--_Connubio junxit stabili propriamque

dicavit_. These very hymeneals, greeted auspiciously by all the

nuptial powers, have we been celebrating for these two days with all

this pomp and luxury. These tents in the plain are of our pitching.

Pedro's three heirs have each a booth of his own, and we defray the

expenses of the day alternately. I wish you had come sooner, you

might have seen the whole progress of our festivities. The day

before yesterday--the wedding-day--your father gave his treat. It

was a superb entertainment, succeeded by running at the ring. Your

uncle, the mercer, regaled us, yesterday, with a fête champêtre, and

paid the piper handsomely. There were ten of the best grown boys,

and ten young girls, dressed out in pastoral weeds; all the frippery

in his shop was brought out to prank them up. This assemblage of

Ganymedes and Houris ran through all the mazes of the dance, and

warbled forth a thousand tender and spirit-stirring lays. And yet,

though nothing was ever more genteel, the effect was not thought

striking; but that must be owing to the bad taste of the

spectators--the simplicity of pastoral is lost upon the present age.

To-day, the wheels are greased by your humble servant; and I mean to

present the burgesses of Olmédo with a pageant of my own

invention--_Finis coronabit opus_. I have got a stage erected, on

which, God willing, shall be represented by my scholars a piece of my

own composing, entitled and called, _The Amusements of Muley

Bugentuf, King of Morocco_. It will be played to perfection, for my

pupils declaim like the players of Madrid. They are lads of family

at Penafiel and Segovia, boarders with me. They know how to touch

the passions! To be sure they have rehearsed under my tuition; their

emphasis will seem as if struck in the mint of their master--_ut ita

dicam_. With respect to the piece I shall not say a word about

it--you shall be taken by surprise. I shall simply state that it

must produce a deep impression on the audience. It is one of those

tragic subjects which harrow up the soul, by images of death

presented to the senses in all their fearful forms. I am of

Aristotle's mind, terror is a principal engine. O! if I had written

for the stage, I would have introduced none but bloody tyrants, and

death-dispensing heroes. Not all the perfumes of Arabia should have

sweetened this blood-polluted hand; I would have been up to my elbows

in gore. There would have been tragedy with a vengeance; principal

characters! ay, guards and attendants should all have been sprawling

together. I would have butchered every man of them, and the prompter

into the bargain. In a word, I refine upon Aristotle, and border on

the horrible--that is my taste. These plays to tear a cat in, are

the only things for popularity; the actors live merrily on their own

dying speeches, and the authors roll in luxury on the devastation of

mankind.

Just as this harangue was over, we saw a great crowd of both sexes

coming out of town into the plain. Who should it be, but the

new-married couple, attended by their families and friends, with ten

or twelve musicians in the van, producing a most obstreperous din of

harmony. We went up to them, and Diego introduced himself. Peals of

congratulation were immediately rung through the assembly, and every

one was eager to shake him by the hand. He had enough upon his

shoulders to receive all their fraternal embraces. Relations and

strangers, all were for having a pull at him. At length his father

said, You are welcome, Diego. You find your kinsmen living upon the

fat of the land, my friend. I shall say no more at present: a nod is

as good as a wink. Meanwhile the company went forward upon the

plain, took their stations under the tents, and sat down to table. I

kept close to my companion, and we both dined with the happy couple,

who appeared to be suitably matched. The meal was not soon over, for

the schoolmaster had the vanity to give three courses, for the

purpose of cutting out his brothers, who had not been so magnificent

in their hospitalities.

After the banquet, all the guests expressed their longings to see

Signor Thomas's play, not doubting but the performance of so

extraordinary a genius would deserve all their ears. We came in

front of the stage; the musicians had taken possession of the

orchestra, for the overture and act-tunes. While every one was

waiting in profound silence for the rising of the curtain, the actors

appeared on the boards; and the author, with the piece in his hand,

sat down at the wing, in the prompter's place. Well might he call it

a tragedy; for, in the first act, the King of Morocco, by way of

diversion, shot an hundred Moorish slaves with arrows; in the second,

he beheaded thirty Portuguese officers, taken prisoners by one of his

captains; and, in the third and last, this monarch, surfeited with

long-indulged libertinism, set fire with his own hands to the

seraglio where his wives were confined, and reduced it to ashes with

its inhabitants. The Moorish slaves, as well as the Portuguese

officers, were puppets on a very curious construction; and the

palace, built of pasteboard, looked very naturally in flames by means

of an artificial firework. This conflagration, accompanied by a

thousand piercing cries, issuing from the ruins, concluded the piece,

and the curtain dropped upon this amiable entertainment. The whole

plain resounded with the applause of this fine tragedy; which spoke

for the good taste of the poet, and proved that he knew where to look

out for a subject.

I did not suppose there was any thing more to be seen after _The

Amusements of Muley Bugentuf_; but I was mistaken. Kettle-drums and

trumpets announced a new exhibition--the distribution of prizes--for

Thomas de la Fuenta, to give additional solemnity to his Olympics,

had made all his boys, as well day-scholars as boarders, write

exercises; and on this occasion he was to give to those who had

succeeded best, books bought at Segovia out of his own pocket. All

at once were brought upon the stage two long forms out of the school,

with a press, full of old, worm-eaten books, in fine, new bindings.

At this signal, all the actors returned upon the stage, and took

their places round Signor Thomas, who looked as big as the head of a

college. He had a sheet of paper in his hand, with the names of the

successful candidates. This he gave to the King of Morocco, who

began calling over the list with an authoritative voice. Each

scholar, answering to his name, went humbly to receive a book from

the hands of the bum-jerker; after this, he was crowned with laurel,

and seated on one of the two benches, to be exposed to the gaze of

the admiring company. Yet, desirous as the schoolmaster might be to

send the spectators away in good humor, he brought his eggs to a bad

market; for, having distributed almost all the prizes to the

boarders, according to the usual etiquette of pedagogues, that those

who pay most must necessarily be the cleverest fellows, the mammas of

certain day-scholars caught fire at this instance of partiality, and

fell foul of the disciplinarian thereupon: so that the festival,

hitherto so much to the glory of the donor, seemed likely to have

ended to the same tune as the carousal of the Lapithæ.

BOOK THE THIRD.

_CHAPTER I._

_THE ARRIVAL OF GIL BLAS AT MADRID. HIS FIRST PLACE THERE._

I made some stay with the young barber. At my departure, I met with

a traveller of Segovia passing through Olmédo. He was returning with

four mules from a trading expedition to Valladolid, and took me by

way of back carriage. We got acquainted on the road, and he took

such a fancy to me that nothing would serve him but I must be his

guest at Segovia. He gave me free quarters for two days, and, when

he found me determined to leave him for Madrid under convoy of a

muleteer, he troubled me with a letter, begging me to deliver it in

person according to the superscription, without hinting that it was a

letter of recommendation. I was punctual in calling on Signor Matheo

Melendez. He was a woollen-draper, living at the gate of the Sun, at

the corner of Trunkmaker street. No sooner had he broken the cover

and read the contents, than he said, with an air of complacency,

Signor Gil Blas, my correspondent, Pedro Palacio, has written to me

so pressingly in your favor, that I cannot do otherwise than offer

you a bed at my house; moreover, he desires me to find you a good

master, and I undertake the commission with pleasure. I have no

doubt of suiting you to a hair.

I embraced the offer of Melendez the more gratefully because my funds

were getting much below par; but I was not long a burden on his

hospitality. At the week's end, he told me that he had mentioned my

name to a gentleman of his acquaintance, who wanted a

valet-de-chambre, and, according to present appearances, the place

would not be long vacant. In fact, this gentleman happened to make

his appearance in the very nick. Sir, said Melendez, pushing me

forward, you see before you the young man as by former advice. He is

a pupil of honor and integrity. I can answer for him as if he was

one of my own family. The gentleman looked at me with attention,

said that my face was in my favor, and hired me at once. He has

nothing to do but to follow me, added he; I will put him into the

routine of his employment. At these words, he wished the tradesman

good morning, and took me into the High-street, directly over against

St. Philip's church. We went into a very handsome house, of which he

occupied one wing; then going up five or six steps, he took me into a

room secured by strong double doors, with an iron grate between.

From this room we went into another, with a bed and other furniture,

rather neat than gaudy.

If my new master had examined me closely, I had all my wits about me

as well as he. He was a man on the wrong side of fifty, with a

saturnine and serious air. His temper seemed to be even, and I

thought no harm of him. He asked me several questions about my

family; and, liking my answers, Gil Blas, said he, I take you to be a

very sensible lad, and am well pleased to have you in my service. On

your part you shall have no reason to complain. I will give you six

rials a day board wages, besides vails. Then I require no great

attendance, for I keep no table, but always dine out. You will only

have to brush my clothes, and be your own master for the rest of the

day. Only take care to be at home early in the evening, and to be in

waiting at the door--that is your chief duty. After this lecture, he

took six rials out of his purse, and gave them to me as earnest. We

then went out, he locked the doors after him, and, taking care of the

keys, My friend, said he, you need not go with me, follow the devices

of your own heart; but on my return this evening, let me find you on

that staircase. With this injunction, he left me to dispose of

myself as seemed best in my own eyes.

In good sooth, Gil Blas, said I in a soliloquy, you have got a jewel

of a master. What! fall in with an employer to give you six rials a

day for wiping off the dust from his clothes, and putting his room to

rights in the morning, with the liberty of walking about and taking

your pleasure like a schoolboy in the holidays! By my troth! it is a

place of ten thousand. No wonder I was in a hurry to get to Madrid,

it was doubtless some mysterious boding of good fortune prepared for

me. I spent the day in the streets, diverting myself with gaping at

novelties--a busy occupation. In the evening, after supping at an

ordinary not far from our house, I squatted myself down in the corner

pointed out by my master. He came three quarters of an hour after

me, and seemed pleased with my punctuality. Very well, said he, this

is right, I like attentive servants. At these words, he opened the

doors of his apartment, and closed them upon us again as soon as we

got in. As we had no candle, he took his tinder-box, and struck a

light. I then helped him to undress. When he was in bed, I lighted,

by his order, a lamp in his chimney, and carried the wax-light into

the antechamber, where I lay in a press-bed without curtains. He got

up the next day between nine and ten o'clock; I brushed his clothes.

He paid me my six rials, and sent me packing till the evening. My

mysterious master went out himself, too, not without great caution in

fastening the doors, and we parted for the remainder of the day.

Such was the course of life, very agreeable to me. The best of the

joke was, that I did not know my master's name. Melendez did not

know it himself. The gentleman came to his shop now and then, and

bought a piece of cloth. My neighbors were as much at a loss as

myself; they all assured me that my master was a perfect stranger,

though he had lived two years in the ward. He visited no soul in the

neighborhood, and some of them, a little given to scandal, concluded

him to be no better than he should be. Suspicions got to be more

rife; he was suspected of being a spy of Portugal, and it was thought

but fair play to give a hint for my own good. This intimation

troubled me. Thought I to myself, should this turn out to be a fact,

I stand a chance for seeing the inside of a prison at Madrid. My

innocence will be no security; my past ill-usage makes me look on

justice with antipathy. Twice have I experienced that if the

innocent are not condemned in a lump with the guilty, at least the

rights of hospitality are too little regarded in their persons to

make it pleasant to pass a summer in the purlieus of the law.

I consulted Melendez in so delicate a conjuncture. He was at a loss

how to advise me. Though he could not bring himself to believe that

my master was a spy, he had no reason to be confident on the other

side of the question. I determined to watch my employer, and to

leave him if he turned out to be an enemy of the state; but then

prudence and personal comfort required me to be certain of my fact.

I began, therefore, to pry into his actions; and, to sound him, Sir,

said I one evening while he was undressing, I do not know how one

ought to live so as to be secure from reflections. The world is very

scurrilous! We, among others, have neighbors not worth a curse. Sad

dogs! You have no notion how they talk of us. Do they indeed, Gil

Blas, quoth he. Be it so! but what can they say of us, my friend?

Ah! truly, replied I, evil tongues never want a whet. Virtue herself

furnishes weapons for her own martyrdom. Our neighbors say that we

are dangerous people, that we ought to be looked after by government;

in a word, you are taken for a spy of Portugal. In throwing out this

hint, I looked hard at my master, just as Alexander squinted at his

physician, and pursed up all my penetration to remark upon the effect

of my intelligence. There seemed to be a hitch in the muscles of my

mysterious lord, altogether in unison with the suspicions of the

neighborhood, and he fell into a brown study, which bore no very

auspicious interpretation. However, he put a better face on the

matter, and said, with sufficient composure: Gil Blas, leave our

neighbors to discourse as they please, but let not our repose depend

on their judgments. Never mind what they think of us, provided our

own consciences do not wince.

Hereupon he went to bed, and I did the like, without knowing what

course to take. The next day, just as we were on the point of going

out in the morning, we heard a violent knocking at the outer door on

the staircase. My master opened the inner, and looked through the

grate. A well-dressed man said to him: Please your honor, I am an

alguazil, come to inform you that Mr. Corregidor wishes to speak a

word with you. What does he want? answered my pattern of secrecy.

That is more than I know, sir, replied the alguazil; but you have

only to go and wait on him; you will soon be informed. I am his most

obedient, quoth my master; I have no business with him. At the tail

of this speech, he banged the inner door; then, after walking up and

down a little while, like one who pondered on the discourse of the

alguazil, he put my six rials into my hand, and said: Gil Blas, you

may go out, my friend; for my part, I shall stay at home a little

longer, but have no occasion for you. He made an impression on my

mind, by these words, that he was afraid of being taken up, and was,

therefore, obliged to remain in his apartments. I left him there;

and, to see how far my suspicions were founded, hid myself in a place

whence I could see if he went out. I should have had patience to

have staid there all the morning, if he had not saved me the trouble.

But an hour after, I saw him walk the street with an ease and

confidence which dumb-founded my sagacity. Yet far from yielding to

these appearances, I mistrusted them; for my verdict went to

condemnation. I considered his easy carriage as put on, and his

staying at home as a finesse to secure his gold and jewels, when

probably he was going to consult his safety by speedy flight. I had

no idea of seeing him again, and doubted whether I should attend at

his door in the evening; so persuaded was I, that the day would see

him on the outside of the city, as his only refuge from impending

danger. Yet I kept my appointment; when, to my extreme surprise, my

master returned as usual. He went to bed without betraying the least

uneasiness, and got up the next morning with the same composure.

Just as he had finished dressing, another knock at the door! My

master looked through the grate. His friend the alguazil was there

again, and he asked him what he wanted. Open the door, answered the

alguazil; here is Mr. Corregidor. At this dreadful name, my blood

froze in my veins. I had a devilish loathing of those gentry since I

had passed through their hands, and could have wished myself at that

moment an hundred leagues from Madrid. As for my employer, less

startled than myself, he opened the door, and received the magistrate

respectfully. You see, said the corregidor, that I do not break in

upon you with a whole posse: my maxim is to do business in a quiet

way. In spite of the ugly reports circulated about you in the city,

I think you deserve some little attention. What is your name, and

business at Madrid? Sir, answered my master, I am from New Castile,

and my title is Don Bernard de Castil Blazo. With respect to my way

of life, I lounge about, frequent public places, and take my daily

pleasure in a select circle of polite company. Of course you have a

handsome fortune! replied the judge. No, sir, interrupted my

Mecenas; I have neither annuities, nor lands, nor houses. How do you

live then? rejoined the corregidor. I will show you, replied Don

Bernard. At the same time he lifted up a part of the hangings,

before a door I had not observed, opened that and one beyond, then

took the magistrate into a closet containing a large chest chuck-full

of gold.

Sir, said he, again, you know that the Spaniards are proverbially

indolent; yet, whatever may be their general dislike to labor, I may

compliment myself on bettering the example. I have a stock of

laziness, which disqualifies me for all exertion. If I had a mind to

puff my vices into virtues, I might call this sloth of mine a

philosophical indifference, the work of a mind weaned from all that

worldlings court with so much ardor; but I will frankly own myself

constitutionally lazy, and so lazy, that, rather than work for my

subsistence, I would lay myself down and starve. Therefore, to lead

a life befitting my fancy, not to have the trouble of looking after

my affairs, and, above all, to do without a steward, I have converted

all my patrimony, consisting of several considerable estates, into

ready money. In this chest there are fifty thousand ducats; more

than enough for the remainder of my days, should I live to be an

hundred! For I do not spend a thousand a year, and am already more

than fifty years old. I have no fears, therefore, for futurity,

since I am not addicted, Heaven be praised! to any one of the three

things which usually ruin men. I care little for the pleasures of

the table; I only play for my amusement; and I have given up women.

There is no chance of my being reckoned, in my old age, among those

libidinous gray birds to whom jilts sell their favors by troy weight.

You are a happy man! said the corregidor. They are in the wrong to

suspect you of being a spy; that office is quite out of character for

a man like you. Take your own course, Don Bernard: continue to live

as you like. Far from disturbing your peace, I declare myself your

protector; I request your friendship, and pledge my own. Ah! sir,

exclaimed my master, thrilled with these kind expressions, I accept,

with equal joy and gratitude, your precious offer. In giving me your

friendship, you augment my wealth, and carry my happiness to its

height. After this conversation, which the alguazil and myself heard

from the closet-door, the corregidor took his leave of Don Bernard,

who could not do enough to express his sense of the obligation. On

my part, mimicking my master in doing the honors of the house, I

overburdened the alguazil with civilities. I made him a thousand low

bows, though I felt for him in my sleeve the contempt and hatred

which every honest man naturally entertains for an alguazil.

_CHAPTER II._

_THE ASTONISHMENT OF GIL BLAS AT MEETING CAPTAIN ROLANDO IN MADRID,

AND THAT ROBBER'S CURIOUS NARRATIVE._

Don Bernard de Castil Blazo, having attended the corregidor to the

street, returned in a hurry to fasten his strong-box, and all the

doors which secured it. We then went out, both of us well satisfied;

he at having acquired a friend in power, and myself at finding my six

rials a day secured to me. The desire of relating this adventure to

Melendez made me bend my steps towards his house; but, near my

journey's end, whom should I meet but Captain Rolando! My surprise

was extreme, and I could not help quaking at the sight of him. He

recollected me at once, accosted me gravely, and, still keeping up

his tone of superiority, ordered me to follow him. I tremblingly

obeyed, saying inwardly, Alas! he means, doubtless, to make me pay my

debts! Whither will he lead me? There may perhaps be some

subterraneous retreat in this city. Plague take it! If I thought

so, I would soon show him I have not got the gout. I walked

therefore behind him, carefully looking out where he might stop, with

the pious design of putting my best leg foremost, if there was

anything in the shape of a trap-door.

Rolando soon dispersed my alarms. He went into a well-frequented

tavern; I followed him. He called for the best wine, and ordered

dinner. While it was getting ready, we went into a private room,

where the captain addressed me as follows: You may well be

astonished, Gil Blas, to renew your acquaintance with your old

commander; and you will be still more so, when you have heard my

tale. The day I left you in the cave, and went with my troop to

Mansilla, for the purpose of selling the mules and horses we had

taken the evening before, we met the son of the corregidor of Leon,

attended by four men on horseback, well armed, following his

carriage. Two of his people we made to bite the dust, and the other

two ran away. On this, the coachman, alarmed for his master, cried

out to us in a tone of supplication, Alas! my dear gentlemen, in

God's name, do not kill the only son of his worship, the corregidor

of Leon. These words were far from softening my comrades; on the

contrary, their fury knew no bounds. Good folks, said one of them,

let not the son of a mortal enemy to men like us escape our

vengeance. How many ornaments of our profession has his father cut

off in their prime! Let us repay his cruelty with interest, and

sacrifice this victim to their offended ghosts. The whole troop

applauded the fineness of this feeling, and my lieutenant himself was

preparing to act as high priest at this unhallowed altar, when I

interdicted the rites. Stop! said I; why shed blood without

occasion? Let us rest contented with the youth's purse. As he makes

no resistance, it would be against the laws of war to cut his throat.

Besides, he is not answerable for his father's misdeeds; nay, his

father only does his duty in condemning us to death, as we do ours in

rifling travellers.

Thus did I plead for the corregidor's son, and my intercession was

not unavailing. We only took every farthing of his money, and

carried off with us the horses of the two men whom we had slain.

These we sold with the rest at Mansilla. Thence we returned to the

cavern, where we arrived the following morning, a little before

daybreak. We were not a little surprised to find the trap open, and

still more so, when we found Leonarda hand-cuffed in the kitchen.

She unravelled the mystery in two words. We wondered how you could

have over-reached us; no one could have thought you capable of

serving us such a trick, and we forgave the effect for the merit of

the invention. As soon as we had released our kitchen wench, I gave

orders for a good luncheon. In the mean time we went to look after

our horses in the stable, where the old negro, who had been left to

himself for four and twenty hours, was at the last gasp. We did all

we could for his relief, but he was too far gone; indeed, so much

reduced, that, in spite of our endeavors, we left the poor devil on

the threshold of another world. It was very sad; but it did not

spoil our appetites; and, after an abundant breakfast, we retired to

our chambers, and slept away the whole day. On our awaking, Leonarda

apprized us that Domingo had paid the debt of nature. We carried him

to the charnel-house, where you may recollect to have lodged, and

there performed his obsequies, just as if he had been one of our own

order.

Five or six days afterwards, it fell out that, one morning on a

sally, we encountered three companies of the Holy Brotherhood, on the

outskirts of the wood. They seemed waiting to attack us. We

perceived but one troop at first. These we despised, though superior

in number to our party, and rushed forward to the onset. But, while

we were at loggerheads with the first, the two others in ambuscade

came thundering down upon us; so that our valor was of no use. There

was no withstanding such a host of enemies. Our lieutenant and two

of our gang gave up the ghost on this occasion. As for the two

others and myself, we were so pressed and hemmed in, as to be taken

prisoners; and, while two detachments convoyed us to Leon, the third

went to destroy our retreat. How it was discovered, I will briefly

tell you. A peasant of Luceno, crossing the forest, on his way home,

by chance espied the trap-door of our subterraneous residence, which

a certain young runaway had not shut down after him, for it was

precisely the day when you took yourself off with the lady. He had a

violent suspicion of its being our abode, without having the courage

to go in. It was enough to mark the adjacent parts, by lightly

peeling, with his knife, bark from the nearest trees, and so on from

distance to distance, till he was quite out of the wood. He then

betook himself to Leon, with this grand discovery for the corregidor,

who was so much the better pleased, as his son had been robbed by our

gang. This magistrate collected together three companies, to lay

hold of us, and the peasant showed them the way.

My arrival in the town of Leon was as good as that of a wild beast to

the inhabitants. Even though I had been a Portuguese general, made

prisoner of war, the people could not have been more anxious to see

me. There he goes! was the cry: that is he, the famous captain, the

terror of these parts! It would serve him right to tear him,

piecemeal, with pincers, and make his comrades join in the chorus.

To the corregidor! was the universal cry; and his worship began

insulting me. So, so! said he, scoundrel as you are, the powers of

justice, worn to a thread with your past irregularities, hand over

the task of punishment to me, as their delegate. Sir, answered I,

great as my crimes may have been, at least, the death of your only

son is not to be laid at my door. His life was saved by me; you owe

me some acknowledgment on that score. O! wretch, exclaimed he, there

are no measures to be kept with people of your description. And,

though it were my wish to save you, my sacred office would not allow

me to indulge my feelings. Having spoken to this effect, he

committed us to a dungeon, where my companions had no time to lament

their hard fate. They got out of confinement, at the end of three

days, to expatiate, with tragic energy, at the place of execution.

For my part, I took up my quarters in limbo, for three complete

weeks. My punishment, seemingly, was deferred, only to render it

more terrible; and I was looking out for some refinement on the

ordinary course of criminal justice, when the corregidor, having

summoned me before him, said, Give ear to your sentence. You are

free. Had it not been for you, my only son would have been

assassinated on the highway. As a father, my gratitude was due for

this service; but not being competent to acquit you in my capacity of

a magistrate, I have written up to court in your favor; have

solicited your pardon, and have obtained it. Go, then, whithersoever

it may seem good to you. But take my advice; profit by this lucky

escape. Look to your paths, and give up the trade of a highwayman

for good and all.

I was deeply impressed by this advice, and took my departure for

Madrid, in the firm determination of mending my ways, and living

quietly in that city. There I found my father and mother dead, and

what they left behind them in the hands of an old kinsman, who

administered duly and truly, as all trustees of course do. I saved

three thousand ducats out of the fire--scarcely a quarter of what I

was entitled to. But where was the remedy? There was no standing to

the quirks and evasions of the law. Just to be doing something, I

have purchased an alguazil's place. My colleagues would have set

their faces against my admission, for the honor of the cloth, had

they known my history. Luckily they did not, or at least affected

not to know it, which was just as good as the reality; for, in that

illustrious body, it is the bounden duty and interest of every member

to wear a mask. The pot cannot call the kettle hard names, thank

heaven. The devil would have no great catch in the best of us. And

yet, my friend, I could willingly unbosom myself to you without

disguise. My present occupation is much against the grain; it

requires too circumspect and too mysterious a conduct; there is

nothing to be done but by underhand dealings, gravity, and cunning.

O! for my first trade! The new one is safer, to be sure; but there

is more fun in the other, and liberty is my motto. I feel disposed

to get rid of my office, and to set out, some sunshiny morning, for

the mountains at the source of the Tagus. I know of a retreat

thereabouts, inhabited by a numerous gang, composed chiefly of

Catalonians; when I have said that, I need say no more. If you will

go along with me, we will swell the number of those heroes. I shall

be second in command. To make your footing respectable at once, I

will swear that you have fought ten times by my side. Your valor

shall mount to the very skies. I will tell more good of you than a

commander-in-chief of a favorite officer. I will not say a word

about the runaway trick; that would render you suspected of

turning nose, therefore mum is the word. What say you to it? Are

you ready to set off? I am impatient to know your mind.

Every one to his own fancy, said I, then, to Rolando; you were born

for bold exploits, and your friend for a serene and quiet life. I

understand you, interrupted he; the lady whom love induced you to

carry off, still preserves her influence over your heart, and you

doubtless lead with her that serene life of which you are enamoured.

Own the truth, Master Gil Blas; she is become a thing of your own,

and you are both living on the pistoles carried off from the

subterraneous retreat. I told him he was mistaken; and, to set him

right, related the lady's adventures and my own, while we sat at

dinner. When our meal was finished, he led back to the subject of

the Catalonians, and attempted once more to engage me in his project.

But finding me inflexible, he looked at me with a terrific frown, and

said seriously, Since you are dastard enough to prefer your servile

condition to the honor of enlisting in a troop of brave fellows, I

turn you adrift to your own grovelling inclinations. But mark me

well: a lapse may be fatal. Forget our meeting of to-day, and never

prate about me to any living soul; for if I catch you bandying about

my name in your idle talk .... you know my ways, I need say no more.

With these words, he called for the landlord, paid the reckoning, and

we rose from the table to go away.

_CHAPTER III._

_GIL BLAS IS DISMISSED BY DON BERNARD DE CASTIL BLAZO, AND ENTERS

INTO THE SERVICE OF A BEAU._

As we were coming out of the tavern, and taking our leave, my master

was passing along the street. He saw me, and I observed him look

more than once at the captain. I had no doubt but he was surprised

at meeting me in such company. It is certain that Rolando's

physiognomy and air were not much in favor of moral qualities. He

was a gigantic fellow, with a long face, a parrot's beak, and a very

rascally contour, without being absolutely ugly. I was not mistaken

in my guess. In the evening, I found Don Bernard harping on the

captain's figure, and charmingly disposed to believe all the fine

things I could have said of him, if my tongue had not been tied. Gil

Blas, said he, who is that great shark I saw with you awhile ago? I

told him it was an alguazil, and thought to have got off with that

answer; but he returned to the charge; and observing my confusion,

from the remembrance of the threats used by Rolando, broke off the

conversation abruptly, and went to bed. The next morning, when I had

performed my ordinary duties, he counted me over six ducats instead

of six rials, and said, Here, my friend, this is what I give you for

your services up to this day. Go and look out for another place. A

servant keeping such high company is too much for me. I bethought

myself of saying, in my own defence, that I had known that alguazil,

by having prescribed for him at Valladolid, while I was practising

medicine. Very good, replied my master; the shift is ingenious

enough; you might have thought of it last night, and not have looked

so foolish. Sir, rejoined I, in good truth, prudence kept me silent,

and gave to my reserve the aspect of guilt. Undoubtedly, resumed he,

tapping me softly on the shoulder, it was carrying prudence very far,

even to the confines of cunning. Go, lad; I have no farther occasion

for your services.

I went immediately to acquaint Melendez with the bad news, who told

me, for my comfort, that he would engage to procure me a better

berth. Indeed, some days after, he said, Gil Blas, my friend, you

have no notion of the good luck in store for you. You will have the

most agreeable post in the world. I am going to settle you with Don

Matthias de Silva. He is a man of the first fashion--one of those

young noblemen commonly distinguished by the appellation of beaus. I

have the honor of his custom. He takes up goods of me, on tick,

indeed; but these great men are good pay in the long run: they often

marry rich heiresses and then old scores are wiped off; or, should

that fail, a tradesman who understands his business, puts such a

price upon his articles, that if three fourths of his debts are bad,

he is no loser. Don Matthias's steward is my intimate friend. Let

us go and look for him. It will be for him to present you to his

master; and you may rely upon it, that, for my sake, he will treat

you with high consideration.

As we were on our way to Don Matthias's house, this honest shopkeeper

said, It is fit, methinks, that you should be let into the steward's

character. His name is Gregorio Rodriguez. Between ourselves, he is

a man of low birth, with a talent for intrigue, in which vocation he

has labored, till a stewardship in two distressed families completed

their ruin, and made his fortune. I give you notice, that his vanity

is excessive; he loves to see the under-servants creeping and

crawling at his feet. It is with him they must make interest, if

they have any favor to beg of their master; for, should they happen

to obtain it without his interference, he has always some shift or

other at hand to get the boon revoked, or, at least, render it of no

avail. Regulate your conduct on this hint, Gil Blas; pay court to

Signor Rodriguez in preference to your master himself, and leave no

stone unturned to get into his good graces. His friendship will be

of material service to you. He will pay your wages to the day; and,

if you have management enough to worm yourself into his confidence,

you may chance to pick up some of the fragments which fall from his

table. There are enough for a hungrier dog than you! Don Matthias

is a young nobleman, with no thought to throw away but on his

pleasures, nor the slightest suspicion how his own affairs are going

on. What a house for a steward who knows how to be a steward!

When we get to our journey's end, we asked to speak with Signor

Rodriguez. We were told that we should find him in his own

apartment. There he was, sure enough, and with him a clownish sort

of fellow, holding a blue bag, full of money. The steward, looking

more wan and yellow than a girl in a hurry for a husband, ran up to

Melendez with open arms; the draper was not behind-hand with him, and

they each hugged the other, with a show of friendship, at least, as

much indebted to art, as to nature, for its plausible effect. After

this, the next question was about me. Rodriguez examined me from top

to toe; saying, very civilly at the same time, that I was just such

an one as Don Matthias wanted, and that he would with pleasure, take

upon himself to present me to that nobleman. Thereupon, Melendez

gave him to understand how deeply he was interested in my behalf. He

begged the steward to take me under his protection; and, leaving me

with him, after plenty of compliments, withdrew. As soon as he was

gone out, Rodriguez said, I will introduce you to my master the

moment I have dispatched this honest husbandman. He called the

countryman to him forthwith, and, taking his bag, Talego, said he,

let us see if the five hundred pistoles are all right. He counted

over the money himself. As the sum was found to be exact, the

countryman took a receipt, and went away. The cash was put back

again into the bag. It was my turn next to be attended to. We may

now, said my new patron, go to my master's levee. He usually gets up

about noon; it is now near one o'clock, and must be daylight in his

apartment.

Don Matthias had, indeed, just risen. He was still in his

morning-gown, kicking his heels in a great chair, with a leg tossed

over one of the elbows, swinging backwards and forwards, and

manufacturing his own snuff. His conversation was addressed to a

footman in waiting, who officiated as a temporary valet-de-chambre.

My lord, said the steward, here is a young man, whom I take the

liberty of presenting to your lordship, in the place of him you

discharged the day before yesterday. Your draper, Melendez, has

given him a character; he undertakes for his qualifications, and I

believe you will be very well pleased with him. That is enough,

answered the young nobleman, since he has your recommendation. I

adopt him blindfold into my retinue. He is my valet-de-chambre at

once; that business is settled. Let us talk of other matters,

Rodriguez. You are come just in time. I was going to send for you.

I have a budget of bad news, my dear Rodriguez. I played with ill

luck last night: an hundred pistoles in my pocket lost, and two

hundred more on credit. You know how indispensable it is for persons

of high rank to pay their debts of honor. As for any other, it is no

matter when they are paid. Punctuality is all very well between one

tradesman and another, but they cannot expect it from one of us.

These two hundred pistoles must be raised forthwith, and sent to the

Countess de Pedrosa. Sir, quoth the steward, that is sooner said

than done. Where, prythee, am I to get such a sum? Threaten as I

will, I never touch a maravedi from your tenants. And yet your

establishment is to be kept up in style, and I am wearing myself to a

thread, in furnishing the ways and means. It is true, that hitherto,

Heaven be praised! we have rubbed on; but what witch to conjure for a

wind now, I know not; the case is desperate. All this prosing is

extremely impertinent, interrupted Don Matthias; this counting-house

talk makes me hideously nervous. So, then, Rodriguez, you really

think to undertake my reform, and metamorphose me into a plodding

manager of my own estate? A very elegant sort of pastime for a man

in my station of life; a man of rank and fashion! Grant me patience,

replied the steward; at the rate we are driving now, it is easily

calculated how soon you will be released from all those cares. You

are a very great bore, resumed the young nobleman, rather peevishly;

this brutal importunity is downright murder to one's feelings. I

hate loud music; be so good as to let me be ruined pianissimo. I

tell you I want two hundred pistoles, and I must have them. Why

then, said Rodriguez, we must have recourse to the old rascal who has

lent you so much already on usurious terms. Have recourse to the

devil, if he will do you any good, answered Don Matthias; only let me

have two hundred pistoles, and it is the same thing to me how you

manage to get them.

While he was uttering these words in a hasty and fretful tone, the

steward went out, and Don Antonio Centellés, a young man of quality,

came in. What is the matter, my friend? said this last to my master:

your atmosphere is overcast; I trace passion in the lines of your

countenance. Who can have ruffled that sweet temper? I would lay a

wager, it was that booby just gone out. Yes, answered Don Matthias,

he is my steward. Every time he comes to speak to me, I am in an

agony for a quarter of an hour or twenty minutes. He rings the

changes on the state of my affairs, and tells me that I am spending

principal and interest.... A beast! He will say next, that I have

ruined him into the bargain! My dear fellow, replied Don Antonio, I

am exactly in the same situation. My man of business is just such

another scarecrow as your steward. When the sneaking scoundrel,

after repeated demands, brings me some niggardly supply, it is just

as if he was lending me his own. He expostulates most barbarously.

Sir, says he, you are going to rack and ruin; there is an execution

out against you. I am obliged to cut him short, and beg him to

remonstrate in epitome. The worst of it is, said Don Matthias, that

there is no doing without these fellows; they are the penance

attached to our elegant indiscretions. Just so, replied

Centellés.... But listen, pursued he, bursting into a fit of

laughter; a pleasant idea has just struck me. Nothing was ever more

farcically fancied. We may introduce a _buffo caricato_ into our

serious opera, and relieve the knell of our departed goods and

chattels with a humorous divertisement. The plot is thus: let me try

to borrow from your steward whatever you want. You shall do the same

with my man of business. Then let them both preach as they please;

we shall hearken with the utmost composure. Your steward will come

and open his case to me; my man of business will plead the poverty of

the land to you. I shall hear of nothing but your extravagance; and

you will see your own in mine as in a glass. It will be vastly

entertaining.

A thousand brilliant conceits followed this flight of genius, and put

the young patricians into high spirits, so that they kept up the ball

with vivacity, if not with wit. Their conversation was interrupted

by Gregorio Rodriguez, who brought back with him a little, old man,

with a bald head. Don Antonio was for moving off. Farewell, Don

Matthias, said he, we shall meet again anon. I leave you with these

gentlemen; you have, doubtless, some state affairs to discuss in

council. O! no, no, answered my master, you had better stop; you

will not interrupt us. This warm old gentleman has the moderation to

lend me money at twenty per cent. What, at twenty per cent.!

exclaimed Centellés, in a tone of astonishment. In good truth, I wish

you joy on being in such hands. I do not come off so cheaply, for my

part: I pay through the nose for every farthing I get. My loans are

generally raised at double that per cent. There is usury, said the

father of the usurious tribe; unconscionable dogs! Where do they

expect to go when they die? I do not wonder there is so strong a

prejudice against money-lenders. It is the exorbitant profit which

some of them derive from their discounts, that brings reproach and

ill-will upon us all. If all my brethren of the blue balls were like

me, we should not be treated so scurvily; for my part, I only lend,

to do my duty towards my neighbor. Ah! if times were as good now as

in my early days, my purse should be at your service as a friend; and

even now, in the present distress of the money-market, it goes

against the grain to take a poor twenty per cent. But one would

think the money was all gone back to the mines whence it came: there

is no such thing to be had, and the scarcity compels me to depart a

little from the disinterested severity of my benevolence. How much

do you want? pursued he, addressing my master. Two hundred pistoles,

answered Don Matthias. I have four hundred here in a bag, replied

the usurer; it is only to give you half of them. At the same time he

drew, from underneath his cloak, a blue bag, looking just like that

in which farmer Talego had left five hundred pistoles with Rodriguez.

I was not long in forming my judgment of the matter, and saw plainly

that Melendez had not bragged, without reason, of the steward's

aptness in the ways of the world. The old man emptied the bag,

displayed the cash on a table, and set about counting it. The sight

set all my master's extravagant passions in a flame; the sum total

proved very striking to his comprehension. Signor Descomulgado, said

he to the usurer, I have just made a very sensible reflection: I am a

great fool. I only borrow enough to redeem my credit, without

thinking of my empty pockets. I should be obliged to give you the

trouble of coming again to-morrow. I think, therefore, it will be

best to spare your age and infirmities, and ease you of the four

hundred at once. My lord, answered the old man, I had destined half

of this money to a good licentiate, who lays out the income of his

large preferments in those pious and charitable uses for which they

were originally given to the clergy, as stewards of the poor, and

guides to the young and unwary. In pursuance of this end, it is his

great delight to wean young girls from the seductions of a wicked

world, and place them in a snug, well-furnished little box of his

own, where they may be obnoxious to his ghostly admonitions by day

and by night. But, since you have occasion for the whole sum, it is

at your disposal. Something by way of security.... O! as for

security, interrupted Rodriguez, taking a paper out of his pocket,

you shall have as good as the bank. Here is a note which Signor Don

Matthias has only just to sign. He makes over five hundred pistoles,

due from one of his tenants, Talego, a wealthy yeoman of Mondejar.

That is enough, replied the usurer, I never split hairs, but deal

upon the square. The steward insinuated a pen between his master's

fingers, who signed his name at the bottom of the note, without

reading it; and whistled as he signed, for want of thought.

That business settled, the old man took his leave of my noble

employer, who shook him cordially by the hand, saying: Till I have

the pleasure of seeing you again, good master pounds, shillings, and

pence, I am your most devoted, humble servant. I do not know why you

should all be lumped together for a set of blood-suckers; you seem to

me a necessary link in the chain of well-ordered society. You are as

good as a physician to us pecuniary invalids of quality, and keep us

alive by artificial restoratives in the last stage of a consumptive

purse. You are in the right, exclaimed Centellés. Usurers are a

very gentlemanly order in society, and I must not be denied the

privilege of paying my compliments to this illustrious specimen, for

the sake of his twenty per cent. With this banter, he came up and

threw his arms about the old man's neck: and these two overgrown

children, for their amusement, began sending him backward and forward

between them like a shuttlecock. After they had tossed him about

from pillar to post, they suffered him to depart with the steward,

who ought to have come in for his share of the game, and for

something a little more serious.

When Rodriguez and his stalking-horse had left the room, Don Matthias

sent, by the lackey in waiting, half his pistoles to the Countess de

Pedrosa, and deposited the other half in a long purse worked with

gold and silk, which he usually wore in his pocket. Very well

pleased to find himself in cash, he said to Don Antonio, with an air

of gayety: What shall we do with ourselves to-day? Let us call a

council. That is talking like a statesman, answered Centellés: I am

your man; let us ponder gravely. While they were collecting their

deliberative wisdom on the course they were to pursue for the day,

two other noblemen came in: Don Alexo Segiar and Don Ferdinand de

Gamboa; both nearly about my master's age, that is, from eight and

twenty to thirty. These four jolly blades began with such hearty

salutations, as if they had not met for these ten years. After that,

Don Ferdinand, a professed bacchanalian, made his proposals to Don

Matthias and Don Antonio: Gentlemen, said he, where do you dine

to-day? If you are not engaged, I will take you to a tavern, where

you shall quaff celestial liquor. I supped there last night, and did

not come away till between five and six this morning. Would to

Heaven! exclaimed my master, I had done the same; I should not have

lost my money.

For my part, said Centellés, I treated myself yesterday evening with

a new amusement, for variety has always its charms for me. Nothing

but a change of pleasure can make the dull round of human life

supportable. One of my friends introduced me, neck and heels, to one

of those gentry ycleped tax-gatherers, who do the government business

and their own at the same time. There was no want of magnificence,

good taste, or a well-designed set out table, but I found, in the

family itself, a highly seasoned relish of absurdity. The farmer of

the revenues, though the most meanly extracted of the whole party,

must set up for a great man; and his wife, though hideously ugly, was

a goddess in her own estimation, and made a thousand silly speeches,

the zest of which was heightened by a Biscayan accent. Add to this,

that there were four or five children with their tutor at table.

Judge if it must not have been an amusing family party.

As for me, gentlemen, said Don Alexo Segiar, I supped with Arsenia

the actress. We were six at table: Arsenia, Florimonde, a coquette

of her acquaintance, the Marquis de Zenette, Don Juan de Moncade, and

your humble servant. We passed the night in drinking and talking

bawdy. What a flow of soul! To be sure, Arsenia and Florimonde are

not strong in their upper works; but then they have a facility in

their vocation which is more than all the wit in the world. They are

the dearest madcaps, gay, romping, and rampant: they are a hundred

times better than your modest women of sense and discretion.

_CHAPTER IV._

_GIL BLAS GETS INTO COMPANY WITH HIS FELLOWS; THEY SHOW HIM A READY

ROAD TO THE REPUTATION OF WIT, AND IMPOSE ON HIM A SINGULAR OATH._

Those noblemen pursued this strain of conversation, till Don

Matthias, about whose person I was fiddling all the while, was ready

to go out. He then told me to follow him; and this bevy of

fashionables set sail together for the tavern, whither Don Ferdinand

de Gamboa proposed to conduct them. I began my march in the rear

rank with three other valets; for each of the gentlemen had his own.

I remarked, with astonishment, that these three servants copied their

masters, and assumed the same follies. I introduced myself as a new

comer. They returned my salute in form; and one of them, after

having taken measure of me very accurately, said: Brother, I

perceive, by your gait, that you have never yet lived with a young

nobleman. Alas! no, answered I, neither have I been long in Madrid.

So it appears, replied he, you smell strong of the country. You seem

timid and embarrassed; there is a hitch in your deportment. But no

matter, we will soon wear off all stiffness, take my word for it.

Perhaps you think better of me than I deserve, said I. No, resumed

he, no; there is no such cub as we cannot lick into shape; assure

yourself of that.

This specimen was enough to convince me that I had hearty fellows for

my comrades, and that I could not be in better hands to initiate me

into high life below stairs. On our arrival at the tavern, we found

an entertainment ready, which Signor Don Ferdinand had been so

provident as to order in the morning. Our masters sat down to table,

and we arranged ourselves behind their chairs. The conversation was

spirited and lively. My ears tingled to hear them. Their humor,

their way of thinking, their mode of expression, diverted me. What

fire! what sallies of imagination! They appeared like a new order of

beings. With the dessert, we sat before them a great choice of the

best wines in Spain, and left the room, to go to dinner in a little

parlor, where our cloth was laid.

I was not long in discovering that the combatants in our lists had

more to recommend them than appeared at first sight. They were not

satisfied with aping the manners of their masters, but even copied

their phrases; and these varlets gave such a facsimile, that, bating

a little vulgarity, they might have passed themselves off very well.

I admired their free-and-easy carriage; still more was I charmed with

their wit, but despaired of ever coming up to them in my own person.

Don Ferdinand's servant, on the score of his master treating ours,

did the honors; and, determined to do the thing genteelly, he called

the landlord, and said to him: Master tapster, give us ten bottles of

your very best wine; and, as you have a happy knack of doing, make

the gentlemen up stairs believe that they have drank them. With all

my heart, answered the landlord; but, Master Gaspard, you know that

Signor Don Ferdinand owes me for a good many dinners already. If

through your kind intervention I could get some little matter on

account ... O, interrupted the valet, do not be at all uneasy about

your debt: I will take it upon myself; put it down to me. It is

true, that some unmannerly creditors have preferred legal measures to

a reliance on our honor; but we shall take the first opportunity of

obtaining a replevy, and will pay you without looking at your bill.

To have my master on your books is like so many ingots of gold. The

landlord brought us the wine, in spite of unmanly creditors; and we

drank to a speedy replevy. It was as good as a comedy to see us

drinking each other's healths every minute, under our masters'

titles. Don Antonio's servant called Don Ferdinand's plain Gamboa,

and Don Ferdinand's servant called Don Antonio's Centellés: they

dubbed me Silva; and we kept pace in drunkenness, under these

borrowed names, with the noblemen to whom they properly belonged.

Though my wit was less conspicuous than that of the other guests,

they lost no opportunity of testifying their pleasure in my

acquaintance. Silva, said one of our merriest soakers, we shall make

something of you, my friend. I perceive that you have wit at will,

if you did but know how to draw upon it. The fear of talking

absurdly prevents you from throwing out at all; and yet it is only by

a bold push, that a thousand people nowadays set themselves up for

good companions. Do you wish to be bright? You have only to give

the reins to your loquacity, and to venture indiscriminately on

whatever comes uppermost: your blunders will pass for the

eccentricities of genius. Though you should utter a hundred

extravagances, let but a single good joke be packed up in the bundle,

the nonsense shall be all forgotten, the witticism bandied about, and

your talent be puffed into high repute. This is the happy method our

masters have devised, and it ought to be adopted by all new

candidates. Besides that, I had but too strong a wish to pass for a

clever fellow, the trick they taught me appeared so easy in the

performance, that it ought not to be buried in obscurity. I tried it

at once, and the fumes of the wine contributed to my success; that is

to say, I talked at random, and had the good luck to strike out of

much absurdity some flashes of merriment, very acceptable to my

audience. This first essay inspired me with confidence. I redoubled

my sprightliness, to sparkle in rapartee; and chance gave a

successful issue to my endeavors.

Well done! said my fellow-servant who had addressed me in the street,

do not you begin to shake off your rustic manners? You have not been

two hours in our company, and you are quite another creature: your

improvement will be visible every day. This it is to wait on people

of quality. It causes an elevation, which the mind can never attain

under a plebeian roof. Doubtless, answered I, and for that reason I

shall henceforth dedicate my little talents to the nobility. That is

bravely said, roared out Don Ferdinand's servant, half seas over;

commoners are not entitled to possess such a fund of superior genius

as exists in us. Come, gentlemen, let us make a vow never to

colleague with any such beggarly fellows; let us swear to that by

Styx. We laughed heartily at Gaspard's conceit; the proposal was

received with applause, and we took this mock oath with our glasses

in our hands.

Thus sat we at table till our masters were pleased to get up from it.

This was at midnight; an outrageous instance of sobriety, in the

opinion of my colleagues. To be sure, these noble lords left the

tavern so early only to visit a celebrated wanton, lodging in the

purlieus of the court, and keeping open house night and day for the

votaries of pleasure. She was a woman from five and thirty to forty,

still in the height of her charms, entertaining in her discourse, and

so perfect a mistress in the art of pleasure, that she sold the waste

and refuse of her beauty at a higher price than the first sample of

the unadulterated article. She had always two or three other pieces

of damaged goods in the house, who contributed not a little to the

great concourse of nobility resorting thither. The afternoon was

spent in play; then supper, and the night passed in drinking and

making merry. Our masters staid till morning, and so did we, without

thinking the time long; for, while they were toying with the

mistresses, we attacked the maids. At length, we all parted when

daylight peeped in on our festivities, and went to bed each of us at

our separate homes.

My master getting up at his usual time, about noon, dressed himself.

He went out. I followed him, and we paid a visit to Don Antonio

Centellés, with whom we found one Don Alvaro de Acuna. He was an old

gentleman, who gave lectures on the science of debauchery. The

rising generation, if they wanted to qualify themselves for fine

gentlemen, put themselves under his tuition. He moulded their

ductile habits to pleasure, taught them to make a distinguished

figure in the world, and to squander their substance: he had no

qualms as to running out his own, for the deed was done. After these

three blades had exchanged the compliments of the morning, Centellés

said to my master: In good faith, Don Matthias, you could not have

come at a more lucky time. Don Alvaro is come to take me with him to

a dinner, given by a citizen to the Marquis de Zenette and Don Juan

de Moncade, and you shall be of the party. And what is the citizen's

name? said Don Matthias. Gregorio de Noriega, said Don Alvaro, and I

will describe the young man in two words. His father, a rich

jeweller, is gone abroad to attend the foreign markets, and left his

son, at his departure, in the enjoyment of a large income. Gregorio

is a blockhead, with a turn for every sort of extravagance, and an

awkward hankering after the reputation of wit and fashion, in despite

of nature. He has begged of me to give him a few instructions. I

manage him completely; and can assure you, gentlemen, that I lead him

a rare dance. His estate is rather deeply dipped already. I do not

doubt it, exclaimed Centellés; I see the vulgar dog in an almshouse.

Come, Don Matthias, let us honor the fellow with our acquaintance,

and be in at the death of him. Willingly, answered my master, for I

delight in seeing the fortune of these plebeian upstarts kicked over,

when they affect to mix among us. Nothing, for instance, ever

entertained me so much as the downfall of the toll-gatherer's son,

whom play, and the vanity of figuring among the great, have stripped,

till he has not a house over his head. O! as for that, replied Don

Alvaro, he deserves no pity; he is as great a coxcomb in his poverty

as he was in his prosperity.

Centellés and my master accompanied Don Alvaro to Gregorio de

Noriega's party. We went there also, that is Mogicon and myself,

both in ecstasy at having an opportunity of spunging on a citizen,

and pleasing ourselves with the thoughts of being in at the death of

him. At our entrance, we observed several men employed in preparing

dinner; and there issued from the ragouts they were taking up, a

vapor which conciliated the palate through the medium of the

nostrils. The Marquis de Zenette and Don Juan de Moncade were just

come. The founder of the feast seemed a great simpleton. He aped

the man of fashion with a most clumsy grace; a wretched copy of

admirable originals, or, more properly, an idiot in the chair of

wisdom and taste. Figure to yourself a man of this character in the

centre of five bantering fellows, all intent on making a jest of him,

and drawing him into ridiculous expenses. Gentlemen, said Don

Alvaro, after the first interchange of civilities, give me leave to

introduce you to Signor Gregorio de Noriega, a most brilliant star in

the hemisphere of fashion. He owns a thousand amiable qualities. Do

you know that he has a highly cultivated understanding? Choose your

own subject, he is equally at home in every branch, from the subtilty

and closeness of logic, to the elementary science of the

criss-cross-row. O! this is really too flattering, interrupted the

scot-and-lot gentleman with a very uncouth laugh. I might, Signor

Alvaro, put you to the blush as you have put me; for you may truly be

termed a reservoir as it were, a common sewer of erudition. I had no

intention, replied Don Alvaro, to draw upon myself so savory an

encomium; but truly, gentlemen, Signor Gregorio cannot fail of

establishing a name in the world. As for me, said Don Antonio, what

is so delightful in my eyes, far above the honors of logic or the

criss-cross-row, is the tasteful selection of his company. Instead

of demeaning himself to the level of tradesmen, he associates only

with the young nobility, and sets the expense at nought. There is an

elevation of sentiment in this conduct which enchants me: and this is

what you may truly call disbursing with taste and judgment.

These ironical speeches were only the preludes to a continual strain

of banter. Poor Gregorio was attacked on all hands. The wits shot

their bolts by turns, but they made no impression on the fool; on the

contrary, he took all they said literally, and seemed highly pleased

with his guests, as if they did him a favor by making him their

laughing-stock. In short, he served them for a butt while they sat

at table, which they did not quit during the afternoon, nor till late

at night. We, as well as our masters, drank as we liked, so that the

servants' hall and the dining-room were in equally high order when we

took our leave of the young jeweller.

_CHAPTER V._

_GIL BLAS BECOMES THE DARLING OF THE FAIR SEX, AND MAKES AN

INTERESTING ACQUAINTANCE._

After some hours' sleep, I got up in fine spirits; and calling the

advice of Melendez to mind, went, till my master was stirring, to pay

my court to our steward, whose vanity was rather flattered by this

attention. He received me with a gracious air, and enquired how I

was reconciled to the habits and manners of the young nobility. I

answered, that they were strange to me as yet, but that use and good

example might work wonders in the end.

Use and good example did work wonders, and that right soon. My

temper and conduct were quite altered. From a discreet, sober lad, I

got to be a lively, heedless merry-andrew. Don Antonio's servant

paid me a compliment on my transformation, and told me that there

wanted nothing but a tender interest in the lovely part of the

creation to shine like a new star dropped from the heavens. He

pointed out to me that it was an indispensable requisite in the

character of a pretty fellow, that all our set were well with some

fine woman or other; and that he himself, to his own share, engrossed

the favors of two beauties in high life. I was of opinion that the

rascal lied. Master Mogicon, said I, you are doubtless a very

dapper, lively little fellow, with a modest assurance; but still I do

not comprehend how women of quality, not having your sweet person on

their own private establishments, should run the risk of being

detected in an intrigue with a footman out of doors. O! as for that,

answered he, they do not know my condition. To my master's wardrobe,

and even to his name, am I indebted for these conquests. I will tell

you how it is. I dress myself up as a young nobleman, and assume the

manners of one. I go to public places, and tip the wink first to one

woman and then to another, till I meet with one who returns the

signal. Her I follow, and find means to speak with her. I take the

name of Don Antonio Centellés. I plead for an assignation, the lady

is squeamish about it; I am pressing, she is kind, _et cœtera_.

Thus it is, my fine fellow, that I contrive to carry on my intrigues,

and I would have you profit by the hint.

I was too ambitious of shining like a new star dropped from the

heavens, to turn a deaf ear to such counsel; besides, there was about

me no aversion to an amour. I therefore laid a plan to disguise

myself as a young nobleman, and look out for adventures of gallantry.

There was a risk in assuming my masquerade dress at home, lest it

might be observed. I took a complete suit from my master's wardrobe,

and made it up into a bundle, which I carried to a barber's, where I

thought I could dress and undress conveniently. There I tricked

myself out to the best advantage. The barber, too, lent a helping

hand to my attire. When we thought it adjusted to a nicety, I

sauntered towards Saint Jerome's meadow, whence I felt morally

certain that I should not return without making an impression. But I

could not even get thither, without a proof of my own attractions.

As I was crossing a bye-street, a lady of genteel figure, elegantly

dressed, came out of a small house, and got into a hired carriage

standing at the door. I stopped short to look at her, and bowed

significantly, so as to convey an intimation that my heart was not

insensible. On her part, to show me that her face was not less

lovely than her person, she lifted up her veil for a moment. In the

meantime the coach set off, and I stood stock still in the street,

not a little stiffened at this vision. A vastly pretty woman, said I

to myself; bless us! this is just what is wanting to make me

perfectly accomplished. If the two ladies who share Mogicon between

them are equally handsome, the scoundrel is in luck! I should be

delighted with her for a mistress. Ruminating on whence that lovely

creature had glided, and saw, at a window on the ground floor, an old

woman beckoning me to come in.