Well, he said, he hadn't a penny in his pocket, or the
price of a night's lodgin'; so I invited him to sleep
with me in this bit of a bed. And of course, he accepted.
The same man never refused anythin' he
could get for nothin' in his life.
DANNUX
I know him of old, the good-for-nothin' humbug.
PATCHA
The bed as you can see isn't very large, so when he
turned in the middle of the night, I fell out on the
floor, and when I turned he fell out. And there we
were, fallin' in and fallin' out like two drunken sailors
all night long. And when mornin' came, every bone
in my body was as sore as a carbuncle.
DANNUX
And sure 'tis myself that didn't close an eye or stretch
my limbs upon a bed at all last night, or eat a bit for
two long days, but kept walkin' the roads until I
struck this town at daybreak.
PATCHA
God help us all!
DANNUX
And where's Boulanger now, might I ask?
PATCHA
He's gone out on a little message for me. He should
be here any minute.
DANNUX
I suppose there's no use askin' you for that one pound
two and sixpence that you borrowed from my brother,
Lord Pebble, some time ago. I'm after gettin' a job
from the parish priest to set a range in his kitchen,
but I haven't either a trowel or a hammer, and unless
I can raise the price of them, I'll lose the contract.
PATCHA
And when will you get paid?
DANNUX
The instant the job is finished.
PATCHA
How much will the tools cost?
DANNUX
Three shillin's, at least.
PATCHA
I don't know if I could spare that amount, but I
might be able to give you a shillin' when Boulanger
comes back.
DANNUX
Was it to the pawnshop you sent him?
PATCHA
'Twas indeed, then. And with the only suit of clothes
I had too. We were both dead broke, and my landlady
stopped the grub yesterday mornin', And I
haven't broken my fast since. So here I am now without
a bit in the world but the shirt on my back.
DANNUX
The birds of the air or the fish in the sea couldn't be
worse off, themselves. Why didn't you make Boulanger
stay in bed and pawn his clothes instead of
your own, you fool?
PATCHA
That would be the devil's own strange way to entertain
your guest, wouldn't it?
DANNUX
That's the queerest story I ever heard.
PATCHA
Sure we must get a bit to eat somehow. 'Tis famished
I am with the hunger, as it is.
[_Brophy staggers into the room slightly intoxicated._
NEDSERS (_putting out his hand to Dannux_)
Well, well, well! How's my old pal Wellington?
Who'd ever think of finding you here! (_As they shake
hands_) There are no friends like the old ones. The
world is a small place after all. Twas in Cork we
met the last time and in Fermoy before that.
DANNUX
'Pon my word but I believe you're right.
PATCHA (_excitedly, to Nedsers_)
Where's the food I sent you for?
NEDSERS (_staggers to the side of the bed and sits down_)
Wait and I'll tell you what happened to me. All I
got on your old suit of clothes was five shillin's, and
if you don't believe me look at the ticket. (_Hands
ticket_) Well, I went into a pub to get a drop of grog,
and asked for a half shot of the best, put the five bob
on the counter, got my drink, put the change in my
pocket, and lo and behold, when I went to look for it
again, I couldn't find a trace of it high or low. Only
for that I'd have brought you somethin' to eat.
There's no use cryin' over spilt milk, is there, Dannux?
Wellington, I should have said. Well, how are you,
anyway? 'Tis a long time since we worked together.
Isn't it?
PATCHA (_catching him by the back of the neck_)
Glory be to the Lord! Is it the way you are takin'
leave of your senses? There's my only suit of clothes
in pawn, and the money you raised on them gone, and
you here with your belly full of dirty drink, and I with
my belly empty and my guts rattlin' in want of food.
'Tis you that should feel ashamed of yourself to have
me in such a condition and all on your account too.
NEDSERS
What should I feel ashamed about? Didn't I do my
best? Blame the bla'gard who stole the money out
of my pocket. What old talk you have. Didn't I
disgrace myself by goin' into a pawnshop for you?
PATCHA
What am I to do at all!
DANNUX
'Tis a bad way to be in, surely. But I think I can
see a way out of the difficulty.
NEDSERS
Good old Wellington! Good old Wellington! That's
what your namesake said before he put the comether
on Napoleon. What say, Patcha?
PATCHA
Don't be botherin' me. I'm more than disgusted with
you.
DANNUX
Now, there must be no quarrelin'. We are all friends
and we must stand by, and help each other, because
there is only the loan of ourselves in the world. I
have a job to go to, but I have no tools to work with.
And I haven't a bit on my person that would be taken
in the pawn, so I propose that Boulanger will give
me his boots and that I will pawn them, and buy the
tools I want. Then I will go to work, and when the
job, which will only take me a few hours, is finished,
I'll share the one pound one that his reverence said
he'd give me. And as he said himself, 'twas little
enough, but as times were bad he couldn't afford
any more.
PATCHA
'Twas the Lord Himself that sent you in the door to
us!
NEDSERS
Nothin' could be fairer. But look at my old boots, you
wouldn't get a lump of candy from a rag man for
them.
PATCHA
But why not give him your coat and vest? You'd
easily get eight or nine shillin's on them and that
much would buy the tools and get us all a bite to eat
as well.
NEDSERS (_taking off his coat and vest_)
Enough said! Enough said!
DANNUX (_as he wraps them up in an old newspaper_)
I wouldn't be surprised if I'd get ten shillin's on them.
And sure they can be released again as soon as I get
paid for the job.
NEDSERS
That's right, that's the way I like to hear a man
talkin'.
DANNUX (_as he takes the laces from Patcha's boots lying
near the bed, and ties up the parcel_)
What else are we here for, but to be a help and a comfort
to each other? Sure 'tis by each other we live.
(_Places the parcel under his arm, puts on his hat and
walks towards the door. Looks from one to the other_)
Good-by, Napoleon--Good-by, Boulanger. May God
bless you both.
PATCHA
What's that I hear? Aren't you comin' back with the
money and the bit to eat for us?
DANNUX
Of course I am. I only mean good-by for the time
I'll be away.
[_Exit Dannux. After he has gone Nedsers looks soberly
at Patcha_.
NEDSERS
Only for the time he'll be away!
PATCHA
What's the matter with you, at all?
NEDSERS
I think I did a foolish thing.
PATCHA
What's that you're sayin', I say?
NEDSERS
I did a foolish thing! I know I did. But that's just
like me. I brought my dacent impulses from my
mother. God forgive her!
PATCHA
Is it the way you are afraid he won't return?
NEDSERS
I'm sure of it. I know he'll never return. He's the
biggest bloody liar in the whole country and the
biggest rogue too.
PATCHA (_as he jumps out of bed with the blanket around
him_)
The saints and angels protect us all! Sure I forgot
that the parish priest is away in England on his vacation.
And we are to be flung out on the roadside
to-morrow, and in our shirts too!
CURTAIN
End of Project Gutenberg's Duty, and other Irish Comedies, by Seumas O'Brien