1. Do not suffer this subject to occupy a very prominent place in your
thoughts. To be constantly ruminating upon it, can hardly fail of
exerting an injurious influence upon your mind, feelings, and
deportment; and you will be almost certain to betray yourself, in the
society of gentlemen, and, perhaps, become the subject of merriment, as
one who is anxious for a husband.
2. Do not make this a subject of common conversation. There is, perhaps,
nothing which has a stronger tendency to deteriorate the social
intercourse of young people than the disposition to give the subject of
matrimonial alliances so prominent a place in their conversation, and to
make it a matter of jesting and mirth. There are other subjects enough,
in the wide fields of science, literature, and religion, to occupy the
social hour, both profitably and pleasantly; and a dignified reserve on
this subject will protect you from rudeness, which you will be very
likely to encounter, if you indulge in jesting and raillery in regard to
it.
3. Do not speak of your own private affairs of this kind, so as to have
them become the subject of conversation among the circle of your
acquaintances. It certainly does not add to the esteem of a young lady,
among sensible people, for her to be heard talking about her beaux.
Especially is this caution necessary in the case of a matrimonial
engagement. Remember the old adage:
"There's many a slip
Between the cup and the lip;"
and consider how your feelings would be mortified, if, after making such
an engagement generally known among your acquaintances, anything should
occur to break it off. In such case, you will have wounded feeling
enough to struggle with, without the additional pain of having the
affair become a neighborhood talk.
4. Do not make an engagement a long time before you expect it to be
consummated. Such engagements are surrounded with peril. A few years may
make such changes in the characters and feelings of young persons as to
destroy the fitness and congeniality of the parties; while, if the union
had been consummated, they would have assimilated to each other.
In short, let me entreat you to cultivate the most delicate sense of
propriety in regard to everything having the most distant relation to
this matter; and let all your feelings, conversation, and conduct, be
regulated upon the most elevated principles of purity, refinement, and
religion; but do not carry your delicacy and reserve to the extreme of
_prudery_, which is an unlovely trait of character, and which adds
nothing to the strength of virtue.
Your affectionate Brother.