_The Message Finished--Mr. Sumner says it is not Grammatical--The
Major's Excuse--Mr. Sumner Finds Fault with the Major's Spelling--The
Major Stumps Him--He Gives His Views on "Edication"--Mr. Lincoln
Proposes a Connundrum--The Major Tells a Story--Mr. Seward's Opinion on
the War._
WASHINGTON, Dec. 6th, 1862.
_To the Editers of The Cawcashin:_
SURS:--Wal, I'm glad to say that Congriss has got together, an the
Messige has been red an digested. He wouldn't let Seward or Chase have
enything to do with it, but he jest mauled it all out himself. The next
day arter the Messige was sent in, Sumnure cum in an sed the Messige
warn't exactly grammatikal in all its parts. I telled him that "I
guessed ef he had to work around short corners as the Kernel did,
without gettin tripped up, he would find it mity hard work to get
everything jest according to grammer." I telled him "grammer warn't of
eny ackount wile the rebellyun lasted--that, like the Constitushin, the
grammer was suspended, or locked up where habus korpus couldn't get at
it. In fact," ses I, "Mr. Sumnure, I think that eny man who talks about
its bein necessary to obsarve the laws of grammer, or any other laws,
wen a nashin is in a deth struggle with traiturs, is a disloyal person,
an orter to be sent to Fort La Fieit." Wen I sed this, Sumnure turned
all sorts of colors, an ses he, "Wal, Majer, perhaps you're rite about
grammer; but I think you orter spell the President's name rite in your
letters. It's a disrespect to the Cheef Majestrate not to do it."
"Wal," ses I, "Mr. Sumnure, I've got my own idees on spellin. Spellin
is a good deel like sparkin the gals--it's jest as a feller takes a
noshin. My idee is, ef I spell a word so as to git its sound, I'm rite,
an I don't keer wat you say, it's the only rule of spellin that holds
good in the long run. Now," ses I, "ef L-i-n-k-i-n don't spell Linkin,
what on arth does it spell?" That seemed to stump him. "But," ses he,
"Majer, there's some ginneral rules that orter be observed--rules that
the schools all use." "Wal," ses I, "I don't know much about schools,
an I guess the Kernel don't nether. I went to school six weeks, an the
Kernel ses he went six months. School larnin is mity poor truck to put
into a feller's hed onless he's got a good deal of brains there.
There's more edicated fools now in the world than there are fools of
eny other kind, an there's a great menny of them, Lord knows. And," ses
I, "it's those edicated fools that make all the trubbil."
"Why, Majer," ses he, "you ain't an enemy to edication, I hope."
"Wal, no, Mr. Senator, I ain't no enemy to edication; I only hate
edicated fools."