THE MISSIONARY COLLEGE.
1. Mr. World and Miss Church-Member visit the great college and are
strongly influenced in favor of Satan’s teachings concerning missionary
work.
The fellowship of Mr. World and Miss Church-Member grew increasingly
delightful as they journeyed forth from the Festival. In their company
were a few church-members who had also enjoyed the physical pleasures
of the Festival and who preferred to reach Heaven by the most convenient
path.
The merry band of companions soon reached a certain Missionary Station
which was controlled by pilgrims from the King’s Highway. The travelers
were all very much amused at seeing tracts and other pieces of
literature scattered over the Highway in front of the station.
“How much one can get for nothing!” sneeringly remarked Mr. Bigot, as
he pointed to the literature strewn across the way.
“Surely there can be no harm in looking at such pieces of paper,” said
Mrs. Lucre-Love as she lifted a booklet from the path and commenced
a quiet perusal of it. “And what is it all about?” queried another who
saw the eyes of Mrs. Lucre-Love fixed intently on the pamphlet.
“Oh, it is nothing new! Only the old monotonous story of the heathen,
followed by the usual appeal for funds. Evidently it is some sharper’s
scheme to rob the people of their money.”
Mr. World was near enough to hear her answer and with evident disgust
he asked: “Where can one get reliable information on this subject,
anyhow?”
“At one of the Missionary Colleges, of course,” answered two or three
in unison. “Yes, and I know from past experience that you will soon
be at one. This station and this literature is all the evidence we
need,” added Mrs. Lucre-Love.
Mr. World and Miss Church-Member thence walked alone and soon beheld
the great Missionary College whose higher domes kissed the lower clouds
of heaven.
“Surely some great missionary enthusiast must have erected these
edifices,” said Miss Church-Member as they were turning to enter the
section devoted to Home Missionary Work.
The entrance ways were so crowded with students and visitors that Mr.
World escorted his companion with difficulty to the plaza toward which
the twenty-one halls of this section converged.
The view of this part of the College from the plaza was at once
beautiful and inspiring.
Hall No. 4 was the first place they decided to enter. Over the door
these words were hung:
HOME MISSION WORK FINANCIALLY CONSIDERED.
Having reached the interior, Miss Church-Member, in particular, was
surprised to see the many busy thousands in the large rooms of the
hall, and to note with what carefulness every item of expense was kept
of all the Home Mission Work of the world.
Then they sought the main lecture-room whose large seating capacity
was already well taken with a motley crowd of students and visitors.
The lecturer was a woman of shrewd appearance. Her face was void of
sympathy and her voice somewhat masculine. Her address was over one-half
finished when the two companions entered, They listened carefully to
her words which were in part as follows:
“We are not to worship money, yet we are to guard against squandering
it. The person who wastes one dollar sets a bad example to others and
brings injury to himself. Woman is criticized for wastefulness in
dress. I stand here to defend her, not because she is altogether
innocent, but because her accusers are equally guilty in the same and
in other directions. The money wasted in Home Missionary Work would
feed the starving of all the world. Where does this money come from?
The greater part of it comes from the purses of those who are burdened
with all manner of financial obligations. What right have such people
to rob others of their dues in order to support Home Mission Work? O,
that the time may soon come when consistency will be manifested, and
so much money no longer wasted in this sentimental manner!”
The speaker proceeded, but the interest of the two listeners was
flagging; so they quietly left the room.
They next entered Hall No. 17, devoted to “_The Results of Home
Missionary Work_.” But after remaining a very short time Miss
Church-Member declared that she was interested more directly in
Foreign Missionary Work.
In deference to her wishes he at once accompanied her to the second
section of the Missionary College, which was much larger than the
first. Miss Church-Member led the way into one of the large halls where
Satan, through his agents, gave special instruction concerning “_The
Condition of the Heathen._” They listened to four speakers from whose
brief addresses they received food for thought.
The first speaker expounded the theory that “_Ignorance is Bliss_,”
and declared that the heathen were happy and comfortable in their
present condition.
The second lecturer argued, at greater length, that the heathen were
free from all responsibility as long as they were left alone, and that
if God held them accountable, then their vague worship answered for
a good conscience, and therefore they would reach Heaven by a simpler
path.
The third speaker declared that the heathen were now as God had made
them, and therefore just as they should be. To establish this theory
he used garbled arguments of predestination.
The fourth assured the audience that the heathen, in due order, would
rise to loftier conceptions by the same natural processes as the
civilized peoples of to-day have risen from their rude primitive
conditions.
After examining some heathen relics the two companions spent some time
near-by in a hall of the same section devoted to “_The Effects of the
Gospel on the Heathen._”
Its teachers were very emphatic in their utterances. They affirmed
that the Gospel did not benefit the heathen, except that it brought
to them civilization with all its attendant responsibilities and vices.
One lecturer to whom they listened was very fiery. In a scathing manner
the speaker pronounced censure on the Christian church for her
ill-advised policy in Foreign Missionary Work.
Mr. World and his close friend left the second section of the College
without pausing to visit the recitation rooms where Satan’s Missionary
Experts were constantly teaching graded classes. In a few moments they
entered the largest edifice of the Missionary College which was erected
for the special purpose of teaching “_The Comparative Need of Home and
Foreign Missionary Work._”
Upon entering, Miss Church-Member was surprised at the interior
arrangements of the rooms and the exceptional beauty of their finish.
After a much needed rest in one of the sub-departments, they went to
one of the higher floors, hoping to hear another lecture on some
missionary theme.
Mr. World smiled as they entered the room and saw that a woman occupied
the platform. In a jovial manner he remarked that “women must be the
best missionary orators.”
The speaker was keen-eyed and shrewd, and well knew how to use sophistry
in pathos and wit. She expounded to the audience the doctrine of Satan
under whose service she was pledged to loyalty.
“We are all missionaries,” she commenced, “and cannot escape the
responsibility which is imposed upon us. Our duty is imperative. We
stand at the open door of opportunity and enter so slowly into the
fields of work all around us. When one sees rank bigotry and
narrow-mindedness on every hand, he feels like blushing that he ever
sent money to convert the heathen in far-away lands. The heathen at
our own doors are more blood-thirsty than the cannibals of distant
climes. I appeal to you all, noble women especially, to rid your minds
of the fallacy of foreign work and do the foreign work at home, even
inside your own doors. (Applause, principally among the men, in which
Mr. World heartily joined.) I must confess that, at one time, I was
almost overcome by this craze of evangelizing the world. My delusion
went so far that I could see visions of China, Africa, or the remote
islands of the sea, and even imagine that I heard voices calling me
thither. One night I dreamed a dream, the kindest of them all. I saw
a woman standing on the shore of a river, her children drowning at her
side. But she, unmindful of her own blood, was hastening to launch a
boat into the stream that she might rescue a sinking dog on the farther
shore. “Ungrateful wretch,” I cried aloud on my bed so that I was
awakened by my own voice. I was so moved by the dream that I could
sleep no more that night, but sought for some one to make known unto
me the interpretation thereof. I soon learned, to my personal shame,
that I was that woman. I then and there vowed that I would no more be
guilty of so great a crime. (Great applause, with cries of “noble
decision!” “common sense!”) From that hour I assure you that I have
been trying to evangelize the world--not the one across the river,
(applause) but the one on this side. (Applause.)
“I have been working at my own home and find a task almost too great
for me to do. If I should ever see the day when I get through with my
own family, including my husband, (great applause among the women) I
can then commence busying myself with my neighbors’ affairs and tell
them also how to become perfect. (Laughter and applause.)
“God never made a greater world than when he instituted the home. The
woman who becomes inspired with international evangelization would do
well if she would learn how to season victuals and cook them aright
(shouting and applause among the men) and to give proper care to her
home and her children. This is home missionary work.” (Continued
applause.) The speaker was about to be seated, but the applause was
rising, so she stepped forward again. “If this kind of missionary work
be adopted, then the church will no longer be drained by repeated
collections for missionary work, and that money will flow into better
channels and prove an impetus to trade.” She stepped quickly from the
stage while the final burst of applause rang loud and prolonged.
“That was the greatest and most sensible missionary speech to which
I have ever listened in my life,” chuckled Mr. World as he was moving
toward the door with his companion.
I learned from Blackana that this Missionary College of the Devil has
wrought great mischief in the missionary operations of the church, ad
that Satan glories in the fact that he has succeeded in sending these
nefarious doctrines to the hearts of so many church-members and thereby
kept a large part of the world in spiritual darkness.
Then I took a passing glance at the King’s Highway and saw a shining
pilgrim communing with God and casting his eyes over the hills of Time,
looking for the coming of his Redeemer. From his lips this prayer
arose, like sweet incense to Heaven: “O God, hasten the day when thy
church will unite and go forth into all the world to preach the Gospel,
instead of so large a part of it giving ear to the teaching of Satan’s
missionary schools, thereby delaying the coming of thy dear Son!”