MENELAUS [with the conviction of finality]. There are only two sorts of
women! Those who are failures and those who realize it.
ANALYTIKOS. Is not Penelope, the model wife of your cousin Ulysses, an
exception?
MENELAUS. Duty is the refuge of the unbeautiful. She is as commonplace
as she is ugly. [And then with deep bitterness.] Why didn't he marry
Helen when we all wanted her? He was too wise for that. He is the only
man I've ever known who seems able to direct destiny.
ANALYTIKOS. You should not blame the Gods for a lack of will.
MENELAUS [shouting]. Will! Heaven knows I do not lack the will to rid
myself of this painted puppet, but where is the instrument ready to my
hand?
[At this moment a SHEPHERD of Apollonian beauty leaps across the rail of
the balcony and bounds into the room. MENELAUS and ANALYTIKOS start back
in amazement.]
ANALYTIKOS. Who are you?
PARIS. An adventurer.
ANALYTIKOS. Then you have reached the end of your story. In a moment you
will die.
PARIS. I have no faith in prophets.
ANALYTIKOS. The soldiers of the King will give you faith. Don't you know
that it means death for any man to enter the apartments of the Queen?
PARIS [looking from one to the other]. Oh! So you're a couple of
eunuchs.
[Though nearly eighty this is too much for ANALYTIKOS to bear. He rushes
to call the guards, but MENELAUS stops him.]
PARIS [to ANALYTIKOS]. Thanks.
ANALYTIKOS. You thank me for telling you your doom?
PARIS. No--for convincing me that I'm where I want to be. It's taken
me a long while, but I knew I'd get here. [And then very intimately to
MENELAUS.] Where's the Queen?
MENELAUS. Where do you come from?
PARIS. From the hills. I had come down into the market-place to sell
my sheep. I had my hood filled with apples. They were golden-red like a
thousand sunsets.
MENELAUS [annoyed]. You might skip those bucolic details.
PARIS. At the fair I met three ancient gypsies.
MENELAUS. What have they to do with you coming here?
PARIS. You don't seem very patient. Can't I tell my story in my own way?
They asked me for the apple I was eating and I asked them what they'd
give for it.
MENELAUS. I'm not interested in market quotations.
PARIS. You take everything so literally. I'm sure you're easily bored.
MENELAUS [with meaning]. I am.
PARIS [going on cheerfully]. The first was to give me all the money she
could beg, and the second was to tell me all the truth she could learn
by listening, and the third promised me a pretty girl. So I chose----
[He hesitates.]
ANALYTIKOS. You cannot escape by spinning out your tale.
PARIS. Death is the end of one story and the beginning of another.
MENELAUS. Well! Well! Come to the point. Which did you choose?
PARIS [smiling]. Well, you see I'd been in the hills for a long while,
so I picked the girl.
ANALYTIKOS. It would have been better for you if you had chosen wisdom.
PARIS. I knew you'd say that.
ANALYTIKOS. I have spoken truly. In a moment you will die.
PARIS. It is because the old have forgotten life that they preach
wisdom.
MENELAUS. So you chose the girl? Well, go on.
PARIS. This made the other cronies angry, and when I tossed her the
apple one of the others yelped at me: "You may as well seek the Queen of
Sparta: she is the fairest of women." And as I turned away I heard their
laughter, but the words had set my heart aflame and though it costs me
my life, I'll follow the adventure.
ANALYTIKOS [scandalized]. Haven't we heard enough of this?
MENELAUS [deeply]. No! I want to hear how the story ends. It may amuse
the King. [He makes a sign to ANALYTIKOS.]
PARIS. And on the ship at night I looked long at the stars and dreamed
of possessing Helen. [ANALYTIKOS makes an involuntary movement toward
the balcony but MENELAUS stops him.] Desire has been my guiding Mercury;
the Fates are with me, and here I am!
ANALYTIKOS. The wrath of the King will show you no mercy.
PARIS [nonchalantly]. I'm not afraid of the King. He's fat, and--a fool.