I never waz mutch ov a favourite, not even with miself, and often think
i am what yu kall me, a "_strapping monster_."
Dont let this little mistake on yure part worry yu, for i luv frankness,
and think just az mutch ov yu az i did before.
_Artless Jane._--In repli tew yure long letter, i will state promptly, I
kant see enny objekshuns tew yure lover kissing yu, not if yu want tew
hav him.
Theze things are all regulated by the law ov _supply_ and _demand_.
If thare iz a demand for it, the supply iz generally on hand.
I dont think it iz best tew be too extravagant in theze matters, for
kissing iz like all other hily konsentrated goods, a little ov it goes a
good ways.
Too mutch kissing is like molassis kandy, it spiles the hanker for plain
vittles.
But yure own good taste will decide when yu hav bin kisst enuff.
_Pretty Ruth._--Yu tell me that yure lover haz trifled with yure
pheelings, and fled.
This has alwus been the trubble, and alwas will be, whare kourting iz
did in a kareless way.
Courting iz business, and iz jist az mutch ov a game az hi lo jak.
If you let yure opponent see yure jak, he will be very apt teu swing and
ketch it.
Yu shouldn't let yure lover see yure pheelings tew mutch, but make
beleave that yu haint got no jak in yure hand.
We all ov us luv what we have tew work the hardest for, and prize it the
most when we do git it.
I hav seen the game ov hi lo jak, that I am a talking about, played in
this way, and it waz well played too.
The phellow held a king, and a ten spot, and the gall held a jack, and a
duce.
The phellow swung for the jack with his king, and kaught the duce, and
then the gall swung with her jak, and kaught his 10 spot.
Theze kind ov galls never hav tew advertise for runaway lovers.
_Gay Betsey._--Mi opinyun ov oysters, on the haff shell, remains
unchanged. I konsidder them better vittles than ever jupiter, or hiz
wife Juno, swallowed, altho they had the pick ov all the best provishuns
in their day.
But i kant say that a woman kan take an oyster, oph from a shell,
without spileing the effekt.
It iz one ov them gimnastik feats, that they should alwas praktiss fust,
for a long time, in the subdued stilness ov sum private pantry.
I kant tell yu whether an oyster haz got enny pheelings or not, but i
kno they hav excellent taste, espeshily the saddle roks.
They hav more taste than judgement, and tho they are called muscles,
they have no muskaler strength.
They are also called "bivalves" bi the unlearned, but this iz a
vulgarism.
The true name iz "good-bye valves," a term of affeckshun applied tew
them, when they waz fust swallowed whole oph from the haff shell.
If you will ponder into history, az i hav, yu will find menny sitch
thing az this tew provoke yure gratitude and wisdum.
Giv mi love tew yure sister Amelia, and tell her, that i say, she haz
got what but phew wimmin hav, who hav got az mutch buty, she haz got a
sweet temper.
A sweet temper always grows brighter with age, while buty iz extra
hazardous, and perishable goods.