After the minutes of the last meeting had been read and approved, each
"Owl," as is their custom, lit his cigar, shook out his feathers, and
story-telling commenced, the President leading off as usual.
"I never can hear of a man's gitting his head broke," said the
President, "but I call to mind the wonderful accident that occured at
Austin, Texas, twenty years ago.
"A man was thrown from his horse, while riding at full speed into town,
and striking against the sharp edge of a potash kettle, which lay beside
the road, his head was split down to his collar-bone, each half hanging
over his shoulders like a pair ov epaulettes.
"This man was taken up for dead, but recovered, by skillful treatment,
and was elected county judge afterward on the strength of this
accident."
"A very good story, and undoubtedly true," said the Vice-President
"Owl," "but I don't think it quite so miraculous as the different
escapes that Joe French, a friend of mine, a clerk on one of the
Mississippi steamboats, has passed safely through.
"His last adventure was on the high-pressure steamer Hurricane.
"As she was passing Natches, on a down trip, she blew up, and filled the
air with every kind of fragments.
"Joe was sent up about two hundred and fifty feet, and there being a
strong wind at the time, he was carried over onto the center of the
city, and fell through the roof of a jewelry store.
[Illustration]
"After passing down through three stories of the building, he struck on
his feet, by the side of the proprietor of the concern, who demanded
five hundred dollars for the damages done to his building.
"'I can't pay so much money,' said Joe, 'but i will give you two hundred
and fifty, _and I have often settled for this price before_.'"
"Bully for Joe French," said one of the "Owls." "But let me tell you a
little story about an attorney by the name of Gersh' Buckley, who
practiced law at Burlington, Iowa, a few years ago.
"Gersh had a case, in the county court, which he lost, and in settling
with his client was charged by the other attorney with taking less than
the customary fees.
"Gersh plead quietly to the charge. 'But, gentlemen,' said he, '_I done
all in my power to sustain the honor of the profession, I took all the
money the man had_.'"
At this point, one of the "Owls," more noted for his gravity than any of
the rest, mounted his perch, and begged to be heard, as follows:
"Talking about steamboats reminds me of a circumstance which occurred on
the lower Mississippi, in the year 1840. I had been down to New Orleans
and was on my return, having taken passage on the fast side-wheel
steamer, Fanny Birch.
"Twenty-five miles up the river we overtook the Memphis Belle, an
opposition boat, just leaving a woodyard. Rosin and pine was soon the
order ov exercises, and both boats were quickly side by side in a
close-contested race.
"Suddenly word was passed along the boat, 'Man overboard!'
"The captain, rushing aft, inquired of the clerk if the man had paid his
passage.
"'Yes!' shouted the clerk.
"'Then go ahead on her, engineer!' was the captain's order."
"Owl" number five plumed his feathers and opened his short but
silvery-toned beak, as follows:
"Out in Nevada, during a race week, a rider was thrown from a horse and
taken up insensible. As he lay on a stretcher near the judges' stand
many wagers were made among the sporting fraternity present, upon his
death or recovery.
"A surgeon present proposed to bleed the boy, but the gamblers
interposed, for, they said, it would seriously _affect the fairness of
the bets_."
"I don't believe that story," said "Owl" Number Six: "but here is one
which has been in our family for over forty years, and we all know it to
be true:
"An old gentleman--who, by the way, was almost entirely deaf, had
brought a suit against one of his neighbors, claiming certain damages.
The case was one which the justice thought ought not to go to a jury,
but should be settled between the parties. He therefore instructed the
attorney to ask the old gentleman what he would take to settle the suit.
The lawyer, putting his mouth near the deaf man's ear, said, in a loud
tone:
"'The court wants to know what you will take.'
"Turning his eye blandly toward the judge's bench, the old gentleman
replied:
"'Thank the squire for me, and tell him I will take a leetle Santy
Cruise rum without sugar.'"
"Owl" Number Seven, looking uncommon wise, got off the following:
"Two shad fishermen got into a dispute lately about a fish net, which
they both laid claim to, and, as the war of words was reaching its
hight, a son of one of the beligerents coming upon the scene, cried out
to his venerable parent:
"'Old man, don't let him git the start of you--_call him a thief and a
liar first_.'"
"That puts me in mind," said the next "_Owl_," of a story, not at all
similar, but more funny I think, than the one we have just listened to.
"Over in Jersey, an honest old Dutchman, who followed gardening for a
living, had been to the neighboring town to do a little trading at the
stores, and having taken his wife with him, both ov them got _unco_
tight.
"On their way home the old woman fell, out of the wagon, as they were
crossing a salt meadow, and was not missed untill the old gent reached
home. The neighbors going back to search for the missing wife, found her
stuck fast in the mud of the marsh, and talking in a maudlin manner, to
the rising tide which had risen up, and just began to play about her
lips. '_Not another drop, hot, nor cold; not another drop, will I
take._'"