Blush--The cream ov modesty.
Ginger-pop--Gimnastik water.
Man--Live dirt.
Friends--Books, paintings, and stuft birds.
Bashfullnes--Ignorance afraid.
Conservatism--A bag with a hole to it.
Radicalism--A hole with a bag to it.
Aristocrat--A demokrat with hiz pockets filled.
Politicks--The apology ov plunder.
Tin watch--Faith without works.
Mule--A bad pun on a horce.
Patience--Faith waiting for a nibble.
Sparking--Picking buds oph from the bush.
Malice--A blind mule kicking by guess.
Eternal--God's epitaff.
Care--Cat pizen.
Faith--The soul riding anchor.
Bliss--Happiness bileing over and running down both sides ov the pot.
Marriage--An alter on whitch man lays hiz pocketbook and woman her luv
letters.
Quack--A doktor whoze science lays in hiz bill.
Hash--A boarding-hous confidence game.
Fuss--An old hen with one chicken.
Twins--2 mutch.
Boarding-School--A place whare wry coffee and flirtashun iz taught.
Experiment--Energy out ov a job.
Perfection--God in man.
Virtue--That ingredient whitch needs no foil, and without whitch nothing
else iz valuabel.
Solitude--A good place tew visit, but a poor place tew stay.
Sloth--Life in a tomb.
Health--A call loan.
Memory--The shadow that the soul casts.
Politeness--Sixty day paper.
Poverty--The only birthright that a man kant lose.
Accidents--The dismay ov phools, the wize man's barometer.
Ease--Discounted time.
Wealth--Baggage at the risk ov the owner.
Trials--Whetstuns.
Fortune--The aggregate ov possibilitys; a goddess whom cowards count by
stealth, but whom brave men take by storm.
Economy--A fust mortgage on wealth.
Enough--Jist a leetle more.
Dignity--Wisdum in tights.
Mischief--The maliss ov fun.
Cook--One who manufakters appetights.
Diseases--The whipping posts and branding irons ov luxury.
Drunkenness--Shame lost and shame found.
Cowardice--Pluck on ice.
Glutton--A man with a drunken appetight.
Examples--Foot prints in the wilderness.
Nunnery--Piety in chains.
Ignorance--Raw happiness.
Sin--A natral distemper, for which virtew haz bin discovered to be an
antidote.
Friendship--One ov love's pimps.
Envy--A disease original with Cain, but which hiz brother Abel afterward
caught, and died suddenly ov.
Belle--A female boss ov the situation.
Fancy--The flirtashun ov truth.
Sarcasm--An undertaker in tears.
Sulks--Deff and dum madness.
Courting--A hugg and kiss match, generally a drawn game.
Fiction--A lie with holiday clothes on.
Hen--A lay member.
Law--The shackels ov liberty.
Science--The literature ov truth.
Deceit--A ded wasp with a live tail.
Babys--Dividend.
Miser--A wretch who haz dug out hiz heart tew sto away hiz munny in.
Misfortunes--A band ov vagrants, who liv on what they kan steal.
Spirituolist--A curb stone broker, who sells exchange on Ben Franklin &
Co.
Inheritance--Second-hand goods, other people's leavings.
Ironclads--Vessels ov wrath.
Grave Yard--A small patch ov land, cultivated by the dead, lieing
between time and eternity.
Lap Dogs--A nucleus for affeckshun out ov a job.
Society--Burning on an alter natral rights, and then sacredly watching
over the ashes.
Jealousy--Self love.
Stingyness--The bran ov economy.
Buck Saw--An instrument ov torture.
Bragadocio--One who pulls hiz own courage by the noze.
Anxiety--Milking a kicking heifer with one hand, and holding her by the
tail with the other.
Swearing--The metalic currency ov loafers.
Judicious Benevolence--The brains ov the heart.
Blue Jay--The fop ov the forest.
Policy--"Honesty iz the best policy," but policy iz not alwus the best
honesty.
Bachelor--The hero ov a cot bedstead.
Club Houses--Whare the hen-pecked go tew sware, and smooth out their
feathers.
Lie--The cowardice ov truth.
Skunk--An athletick animal, stronger than an elephant.