Natur never makes enny blunders. When she makes a phool she means it.
I hav finally cum tew the konklusion that the majority ov mankind kan be
edukated on the back better than in the brain, for good clothes will
often make a phool respectable, while edukashun only serves tew show his
weak pints.
I never knu a man yet whoze name waz _George Washington Lafayette
Goodrich, Esq._, and who alwus sighned hiz name for the full amount, but
what waz a bigger man on paper than he waz by natur.
As a gineral thing an individual who iz neat in hiz person iz neat in
hiz morals.
Man iz mi brother, and I konsider that i am nearer related tew him thru
hiz vices than i am thru hiz virtews.
Thare iz nothing about which the world makes so few blunders, and the
individual so menny, as a man's acktual importanse among hiz fellow
critters.
A man with a very small head iz like a pin without enny, very apt tew
git into things beyond hiz depth.
The pashuns ov an old man are often like hiz teeth, they cease to
trouble him, simply bekauze the nerve is ded.
[Illustration]
The only pedigree worth transmitting iz virtew, and this iz the very
thing that kant be transmitted. Affecktashun haz made more phools than
the Lord haz.
About the nearest tew absolute insolvency that a man kan git in this
world, and think he iz dieing rich, iz to leave nothing but a pedigree
tew hiz family.
I don't pretend tew hav enny less vile pashuns than my nabors, but i do
despize the person, most heartily, who caters tew thoze i hav got.
The man who kant find enny thing to do in this world, iz az bad oph az a
yearling heffer.
Thare iz no pashun ov the human heart that promises so much and pays so
little az revenge.
Thare haint no man yet lived long enuff in this world tew doubt the
infalibility ov hiz judgement.
Thare iz this odds between a humorous lekter and a scientiffick one, yu
hav got to understand the humorous lektur tew enjoy it, but you kan
enjoy the scientiffick one without understanding it.
It iz but a step from zeal tew bigotry, but it iz a step that iz most
generally taken.
Don't lay enny certain plans for the fewter, it iz like planting tuds,
and expekting tew raze tudstools.
No man yet who had strength ov mind enuff ever resorted tew cunning.
Cunning iz haff brother tew fear, and they are both ov them weakness.
Natur once in a while makes a phool, but az a general thing phools, like
garments, are made tew order.
A man who iz good company for himself is alwus good company for others.
Genuine praize consists in naming a man's faultz to hiz face, and hiz
good qualitys tew hiz back.
One ov the best temporary cures for pride and affektashun that i hav
ever seen tried iz sea sickness; a man who wants tew vomit never puts on
airs.
A fault concealed iz but little better than one indulged in.
Witty speeches are like throwing stones at a target, the more time spent
in taking aim, the less danger thare iz in hitting the mark.
I have alwus noticed one thing, when a person bekums disgusted with this
world, and konkludes to withdraw from it, the world very kindly lets the
person went.
Woman haz no friendships. She either loves, despises, or hates.
A day in the life ov an old man iz like one ov the last days in the fall
ov the year, every hour brings a change in the weather.