Whenever yu see a doktor who alwus travels on the jump, yu kan bet he is
looking for a job.
[Illustration: KOARSE SHOT.]
The bulk ov mankind are mere imitators of very poor originals. It iz a
grate deal eazier tew be a philosopher after a man haz had a warm meal
than it iz when he don't kno whare he iz a going tew git one.
Most men lament their condishun in life, but thare are but phew, after
all, who are superior to it.
To never dispair may be God like, but it ain't human. Affektashun looks
well in a monkey.
Trieing tew define love iz like trieing tew tell how yu kum tew brake
thru the ice, all yu kno about it iz, yu fell in, and got _ducked_.
The prinsipal importanse ov a mistery iz the mistery itself.
What makes a ghost so respektable a karakter iz, that noboddy ever saw
one.
The pedigree that we receive from our ansestors iz like the money we
receive from them, we are not expekted tew liv on the principle, but on
the accumulashun, and transmit the principle unimpaired.
A weak man wants az mutch watching az a bad one.
It iz hard work tew define human happiness, the real possessor ov it iz
the very one who kant define it.
Wealth iz no guard aginst villany, thare iz az mutch iniquity amung the
ritch az amung the poor, ackording tew their numbers.
A wize man never enjoys himself so mutch, nor a phool so little, az when
alone.
Avarice iz az hungry az the grave.
Thare iz a grate deal ov virtew in this world that iz like jewellry,
more for ornament than use.
I am satisfied that courage in men iz more often the effekt ov
konstitushun than ov principle.
About the best thing that experience kan teach us iz tew bear
misfortins, and sorrow, with kompozure.
Mans necessitys are phew, but hiz wants are endless.
Thare are menny people who not only beleave that this world revolves on
its axis, but they beleave that they are the axis.
Self-made men are most alwus apt tew be a leetle too proud ov the job.
I think thare iz az menny old phools in the world, az thare iz yung
ones, and thare iz this difference between them, the yung ones may
outgrow their pholly, but the old ones never do.
The ambishun of 9 men out of 10, if it should receive no check, would
end in their destrukshun.
A genuine aphorism, iz truth done up in a small package.
A vishus old man iz a terrible sight dispised on earth and hated in
heaven.
The avarishus man iz like the grave, he takes all that he kan lay hiz
hands on, and gives nothing back.
Bashfulness iz either the effek ov ignorance or modesty--if it iz
ignorance, edukashun changes it into impertinence--if it iz modesty, it
will kling tew a man a long az he haz got one single virtew left.
Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure
wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her az yu hav.
_Hope_ iz the germ, _Faith_ the blossom, and _Charity_ the fruit.
Thare iz this difference between a weak friend and a bitter enemy--the
one puts us oph our guard, and the other puts us on.
Whenever yu kan find a man to whom yu kan tell all yure sekrets, and
still retain hiz respekt, yu have found a friend indeed.
When a man abuzes me i will pay no more attenshon tew him than i will to
a country cur who barks at me; this will make both the dog and the man
ashamed ov themselfs.
Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the
only thing that kan make a phool endurable.
Thare ain't mutch phun in phisick, but thare iz a good deal ov phisick
in phun.
Men will forgit injurys eazier than kontempt; they had rather be hated
than not noticed.
I hav bin watching human intercourse a little lately, and i find it is
largely made up ov _grunts_, _groans_ and _growls_, varied with _huffs_,
_hoots_, and howls.