I hav often had grave doubts, which waz ov the most importance, the
bustle ov men or the hurry ov pissmires.
It iz a grate deal eazier tew look upon thoze who are below us with
pitty, than tew look upon thoze who are abuv us, without envy.
Good common sense iz az helthy az onions, we often see thoze who are
good, simply bekauze they haint got sense enuff tew be bad, and thoze
who are bad just bekause they haint got sense enuff tew be good.
The man who don't kno _himself_ iz a poor judge ov the other phellow.
Envy iz sutch a constant companyun, that if we find no one abuv us to
envy, we will envy thoze below us.
Whoever iz a sedate old man at 20, will be apt tew be a frivilous yung
one at 60.
Thare iz no servitude in life so oppressive az tew be obliged tew
flatter thoze whom we don't respekt enuff to praze.
Wit, without sense, iz like a razor without a handle.
We mingle in sosiety, not so mutch tew meet others az to eskape
ourselfs.
The truly innosent are thoze who not only are guiltless themselfes, but
who think others are.
To meet death without betraying enny emoshun iz tew be simply az
courageous az a beast.
Persekuted for rhighteousness sake, iz quite common in this
world--persekuted for the devil's sake iz not so common.
Don't be afrade, yung man, tew make a blunder once in a while most all
the blunders are made by the sincere and honest.
I must respekt thoze, I suppose, who never make enny blunders, but I
don't luv them.
I like them kind of folks, who, if they do once in a while weigh out a
pound with only 13 ounces in it, are just az apt tew make the next pound
weigh 19 ounces.
I luv mi phailings. It iz theze that make me pheel that i have that
tutch ov natur in me that makes me brother tew every man living.
The greatest blessing that the great and good God can bestow on enny
human being iz humility.
Thare iz a grate deal ov poetry in gin; but the poetry and the gin, both
ov them, are kussid poor.
Thare iz sum excuse for a man being a loafer in the country, whare even
natur once in a while takes the liberty to loaf a little; but in a big
citty, whare all suckcess depends upon aktivity, a loafer iz a failure,
except it be to paste advertisements onto.
How natral it iz for a man, when he makes a mistake, to korrekt it by
kussing sumboddy else for it.
I never diskuss politiks nor sektarianism; i beleave in letting every
man fight hiz rooster hiz own way.
Pride seems tew be quite equally distributed; the man who owns the
carriage and the man who drives it seem tew have it just alike.
If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big
ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his
hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.
Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu
hav.
Fortune sumtimes shows us the way, but it iz energy that achieves
suckcess.
The richest man in the world is the one who dispizes riches the most.
_Trusting to luck_ is only another name for _trusting to lazyness_.
Fortune never takes enny boddy by the hand, but she often allows them to
take her by the hand.
Avarice and lazyness makes the most digusting kind ov a mixtur.
Two thirds ov what is called _love_ iz nothing but jealousy.
Sekrets are like the meazles--they take eazy and spred eazy.
The eazyest thing for our friends to diskover in us, and the hardest
thing for us to diskover in ourselfs, iz that we are growing old.
We sumtimes hit a thing right the fust blow, but most always a suckcess
iz the result ov menny failures.
The heart rules the hed, bekauze the pashuns rule the judgement.
Advice iz like kissing--it don't kost nothing, and iz a pleazant thing
to do.
One ov the most diffikult, and at the same time one ov the most
necessary, things for us old phellows to know, iz that we aint ov so
mutch ackount now az we waz.