Hornets bild their nests whenever they take a noshun to, and seldom are
disturbed, for what would it profit a man tew kill 99 hornets and hav
the one hundredth one hit him with hiz javelin?
They bild their nests ov paper, without enny windows to them or back
doors. They hav but one place ov admission, and the nest iz the shape ov
an overgrown pine-apple, and iz cut up into just az menny bedrooms az
thare iz hornets.
It iz very simple tew make a hornets nest if yu kan, but i will argue
enny man 300 dollars he kant bild one that he could sell tew a hornet
for half price.
Hornets are az bizzy az their second couzzins, the bee, but what they
are about the lord only knows, they dont lay up enny honey, nor enny
money, they seem tew be bizzy only jist for the sake ov working all the
time, they are alwus in az mutch ov a hurry az tho they waz going for a
doktor.
I suppose this uneazy world would grind arownd on its axletree onst in
24 hours, even if thare want enny hornets, but hornets must be good for
sumthing, but i kant think now what it iz.
Thare haint been a bug made yet in vain, nor one that want a good job,
thare iz ever lots ov human men loafing around black smith shops, and
cider mills, all over the country, that dont seem tew be necessary for
ennything but tew beg plug tobacco and swear, and steal water-melons,
but yu let the cholera brake out once, and then yu will see the wisdum
ov having jist sich men laying around loose, they help count.
Next tew the cockroach, who stands tew the hed, the hornet haz got the
most waste stummuk, in reference tew the rest ov hiz boddy, than enny ov
the insek populashun, and here iz another mistery: what on arth duz a
hornet want so mutch reserve corps for.
I hav jist thought--tew carry hiz javelin in, thus you see, the more we
diskover about things the more we are apt to know.
It iz alwus a good purchase tew pay out our last surviving dollar for
wisdum, and wisdum iz like the misterious hens egg, it aint laid in yure
hand, but iz laid away under the barn, and yu hav got tew sarch for it.
The hornet iz an unsoshall kuss, he iz more haughty than he iz proud, he
iz a thorough bred bug, but hiz breeding and refinement haz made him
like sum other folks i kno ov, dissatisfied with himself, and everyboddy
else, too mutch good breding ackts this way sumtimes.
Hornets are long-lived--i kant state jist how long their lives are, but
i kno, from instinkt and observashun, that enny kritter, be he bug or be
he devil, who is mad all the time, and stings every good chance he kan
git, gennerally outlives all his nabers.
The only way tew git at the exact fiteing weight ov the hornet, is tew
tutch him, let him hit you once with his javelin, and you will be
willing tew testify in court that sumboddy run a one-tined pitchfork
into yer; and az for grit, i will state for the informashun ov thoze who
haven't had a chance tew lay in their vermin wisdum az freely az i hav,
that one single hornet, who feels well, will brake up a large camp
meeting!
What the hornets do for amuzement iz another question i kant answer, but
sum ov the best read, and heavyest thinkers amung the naturalists say
they hav target excursions, and heave their javelins at a mark; but i
don't imbibe this assershun raw, for i never knu enny boddy, so bitter
at heart az the hornets are, to waste a blow.
Thare iz one thing that a hornet duz that i will giv him credit for on
mi books--he alwus attends tew hiz own bizzness, and wont allow any
boddy else tew attend tew it, and what he duz iz alwuz a good job, you
never see them altering enny thing, if they make enny mistakes, it iz
after dark, and aint seen.
If the hornets made haff az menny blunders az the men do, even with
their javelins, everyboddy would laff at them.
Hornets are clear in another way, they hav found out, bi trieing it,
that all they kan git in this world, and bragon, iz their vittles, and
clothes, and yu never see one, standing at the corner ov a street, with
a twenty-six inch face on, bekauze sum bank had run oph, and took their
money with him.
In ending oph this essa, i will cum tew a stop, by concluding, that if
hornets waz a leetle more pensive, and not so darned peremptory with
their javelins, they might be guilty ov less wisdum, but more charity.
But yu kant alter bug natur, without spileing it for enny thing else,
enny more than yu kan an elephant's egg.