The possum iz a fello ov the Southern and Western States. He owns a
sharp noze, a keen eye, a lean head, a phat boddy, and a poor tail.
He enjoys roots, chickens, grass, eggs, green korn, and little mice, and
eats what he steals, and steals what he eats.
Hiz boddy is kivvered with a hairy kind ov phur, ov a dirty white
complexion; hiz feet and fingers resemble the rackoon, hiz ears are a
trifle smaller than the mules, and hiz tail iz az round az an eel, and
az free from capilliaryness as the snaiks stummuk.
The possum's tail bothers me. I hav looked at it bi the hour; i hav
studdyed it, and tried tew parse it; i hav figgered on it az cluss az i
would a proposishun in Euklid; i hav hung over it az fondly az a kemist;
i hav fretted and wondered, hav got mad, wept and swore, and kant tell
to this day whi a possum should hav a hairless caudel.
If some philosophik mind, out ov a present job, will explain this tale
to me, and sho me the mercy ov it, i will explain to him, free from
cost, the pucker ov the persimmon, or the vital importance thare iz in
being bolegged, two misterys which are only known to the Billings
family.
The possum iz a lonesum and joyless vagabond, living just near enuff to
the smoke ov a chimbly tew pick up a transient goslin or a ten dollar
bill, or ennything else that aint stuck fast.
Thare iz only one man in this visionary world who seems tew hav an
affinity, ov a moral natur, for the possum, and that iz a darkey. They
are the nigger's poultry and roast lamb.
The possum, in poor condishun, is az phull ov phatt as a tallo kandle in
the month ov august, but having et possum miself, and biled awl from
necessity, i am full ov the opinyun that between the two mi choice would
be never agin to take either.
Possums alwus hav twins when they hav ennything, and sumtimes an extra
one, and they suckle their yung on an entire different principal from
the goose.
Their skins are a subject of traffick, and are worth in market from nine
to ten cents a piece, provided the tail is amputated. A possum's tail iz
not only worthless, but iz a damage to any enterprizing man.
Theze skins are colored and made into mink muffs, and sold for
twenty-five dollars a head, tew thoze whoze early edukashun has bin
neglekted.
Thare iz only one thing about a possum's skin different from a hoss
hide, they don't shed their hair, evry hair is drove in and clinched on
tuther side.
Possum's hav butiful white natral teeth, and their mouth iz az full ov
them az a kow hide boot iz ov shu pegs.
But say what yu will about theze comick geniuses ov natur, they hav got
two things that they own and no other animul, feathered, or hairy,
possesses them so mutch.