Anatomikally konsidered, laffing iz the sensashun ov pheeling good all
over, and showing it principally in one spot.
Morally konsidered, it iz the next best thing tew the 10 commandments.
Philosophikally konsidered, it beats Herrick's pills 3 pills in the
game.
Theoretikally konsidered, it kan out-argy all the logik in existence.
Analitikally konsidered, enny part ov it iz equal tew the whole.
Konstitushionally konsidered, it iz vittles and sumthing tew drink.
Multifariously konsidered, it iz just az different from ennything else
az it is from itself.
Phumatically konsidered, it haz a good deal ov essence and sum boddy.
Pyroteknikally konsidered, it is the fire-works of the soul.
Syllogestikally konsidered, the konklushuns allwus follows the premises.
Spontaneously konsidered, it iz az natral and refreshing az a spring bi
the road-side.
Phosphorescently konsidered, it lights up like a globe lantern.
Exsudashiously konsidered, it haz all the dissolving propertys ov a hot
whiskee puntch.
But this iz too big talk for me; theze flatulent words waz put into the
dikshionary for those giants in knolledge tew use who hav tew load a
kannon klean up tew the muzzell with powder and ball when they go out
tew hunt pissmires.
But i don't intend this essa for laffing in the lump, but for laffing on
the half-shell.
Laffing iz just az natral tew cum tew the surface as a rat iz tew cum
out ov hiz hole when he wants tew.
Yu kant keep it back by swallowing enny more than yu kan the heekups.
If a man _kan't_ laff there iz sum mistake made in putting him together,
and if he _won't_ laff he wants az mutch keeping away from az a
bear-trap when it iz sot.
I have seen people who laffed altogether too mutch for their own good or
for ennyboddy else's; they laft like a barrell ov nu sider with the tap
pulled out, a perfekt stream.
This is a grate waste ov natral juice.
I have seen other people who didn't laff enuff tew giv themselfs vent;
they waz like a barrell ov nu sider too, that waz bunged up tite, apt
tew start a hoop and leak all away on the sly.
Thare ain't neither ov theze 2 ways right, and they never ought tew be
pattented.
Sum pholks hav got what iz kalled a hoss-laff, about haffway between a
growl and a bellow, just az a hoss duz when he feels hiz oats, and don't
exackly kno what ails him.
Theze pholks don't enjoy a laff enny more than the man duz hiz vettles
who swallows hiz pertatoze whole.
A laff tew be nourishsome wants tew be well chewed.
Thare iz another kind ov a laff which i never did enjoy, one loud busst,
and then everything iz az still az a lager beer barrell after it haz
blowed up and slung 2 or 3 gallons ov beer around loose.
Thare iz another laff whitch I hav annalized; it cums out ov the mouth
with a noize like a pig makes when he iz in a tite spot, one sharp
squeal and two snikkers, and then dies in a simper.
This kind ov a laff iz larnt at femail boarding-skools, and dont mean
ennything; it iz nothing more than the skin ov a laff.
Genuine laffing iz the vent ov the soul, the nostrils ov the heart, and
iz jist az necessary for helth and happiness as spring water iz for a
trout.
Thare iz one kind ov a laff that i always did reckommend; it looks out
ov the eye fust with a merry twinkle, then it kreeps down on its hands
and kneze and plays around the mouth like a pretty moth around the blaze
ov a kandle, then it steals over into the dimples ov the cheeks and
rides around in thoze little whirlpools for a while, then it lites up
the whole face like the mello bloom on a damask roze, then it swims oph
on the air, with a peal az klear and az happy az a dinner-bell, then it
goes bak agin on golden tiptoze like an angel out for an airing, and
laze down on its little bed ov violets in the heart whare it cum from.
Thare iz another laff that noboddy kan withstand; it iz just az honest
and noizy az a distrikt skool let out tew play, it shakes a man up from
hiz toze tew hiz temples, it dubbles and twists him like a whiskee phit,
it lifts him up oph from hiz cheer, like feathers, and lets him bak agin
like melted led, it goes all thru him like a pikpocket, and finally
leaves him az weak and az krazy az tho he had bin soaking all day in a
Rushing bath and forgot tew be took out.
This kind ov a laff belongs tew jolly good phellows who are az helthy az
quakers, and who are az eazy tew pleaze az a gall who iz going tew be
married to-morrow.
In konclushion i say laff every good chance yu kan git, but don't laff
unless yu feal like it, for there ain't nothing in this world more harty
than a good honest laff, nor nothing more hollow than a hartless one.
When yu do laff open yure mouth wide enuff for the noize tew git out
without squealing, thro yure hed bak az tho yu waz going tew be shaved,
hold on tew yure false hair with both hands and then laff till yure soul
gets thoroly rested.
But i shall tell yu more about theze things at sum fewter time.