"When we arrive in London," he said, "you will lunch with me." I
protested that the honour was enormous, but I was to arrive in London at
1.30 and must needs proceed at 1.50.
"You will lunch with me," he pursued, adding significantly as I still
protested, "at the Savoy."
After further argument, "It is the soldier's duty to obey," I said, and
we enquired at St. Pancras as to later trains. The conclusion of the
matter was that by exerting duress upon my taxidriver I just caught the
4.17, which got me to ---- at 7.15, ten minutes after the hungry and
houseless sixteen.
You don't think this is particularly funny; well, no more did the
sixteen. But it was a very, very happy luncheon. Remember that we have
subsisted on ration beef and ration everything else for some months, and
you will believe me when I tell you that, upon seeing a menu in French
(our dear allies!), opening with _crème_ and concluding with _Jacques_,
we told the waiter to remove the programme and give us the foodstuffs.
"Start at the beginning," said the C.O., "and keep on at it till you
reach the end. Then stop."
"Stop, Sir?" I asked.
"Ay, stop," said he, "and begin all over again" ... and so when we got
to the last liqueur, I held it up and said, "Sir, if I may, your very
good health," meaning thereby that I forgave him not only all the harsh
things he has said to me in the past, but even all the harsher things he
proposes to say to me in the future.
From the monotony of training we have only occasional relief in the
actual, as for instance when we are kept out of bed all night, Zepping.
But this is a poor game, Charles; there is not nearly enough sport in it
to satisfy the desires of a company of enthusiasts, armed with a rifle
and a hundred rounds of ball ammunition apiece. We feel that the officer
of the day, who inspects the shooting party at 9.30 P.M. and then sends
it off about its business, is trifling with tragic matter when he tells
us: "Now, remember; no hens!"
Yours ever, HENRY.
* * * * *
[Illustration: LESSONS FROM THE NATURAL WORLD.
_The Shirker._ "NICE BIRD! SAY 'POLLY SCRATCH A POLL!'"
_The Bird._ "JOHNNY, GET YOUR GUN!"]
* * * * *
"The battle that has been raging for several months has now
ended in a distinct triumph for the high-necked corsage."
_Tatler._
Good. Now we can devote our attention to the other war on the Continent.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Village Wit_ (_to victim of ill-timed revelry_).
"WOTCHER, WILLIAM? HOW WAS JOFFER WHEN YOU LEFT?"]
* * * * *