I continued to pass my time with the Queen my mother, greatly
to my satisfaction, until after the battle of Moncontour. By
the same despatch that brought the news of this victory to the
Court, my brother, who was ever desirous to be near the Queen
my mother, wrote her word that he was about to lay siege to St.
Jean d'Angely, and that it would be necessary that the King should
be present whilst it was going on. She, more anxious to see him
than he could be to have her near him, hastened to set out on
the journey, taking me with her, and her customary train of
attendants. I likewise experienced great joy upon the occasion,
having no suspicion that any mischief awaited me. I was still
young and without experience, and I thought the happiness I enjoyed
was always to continue; but the malice of Fortune prepared for
me at this interview a reverse that I little expected, after
the fidelity with which I had discharged the trust my brother
had reposed in me.
Soon after our last meeting, it seems, my brother Anjou had taken
Le Guast to be near his person, who had ingratiated himself so
far into his favour and confidence that he saw only with his
eyes, and spoke but as he dictated. This evil-disposed man, whose
whole life was one continued scene of wickedness, had perverted
his mind and filled it with maxims of the most atrocious nature.
He advised him to have no regard but for his own interest; neither
to love nor put trust in anyone; and not to promote the views or
advantage of either brother or sister. These and other maxims
of the like nature, drawn from the school of Machiavelli, he was
continually suggesting to him. He had so frequently inculcated
them that they were strongly impressed on his mind, insomuch
that, upon our arrival, when, after the first compliments, my
mother began to open in my praise and express the attachment I
had discovered for him, this was his reply, which he delivered
with the utmost coldness: "He was well pleased," he said, "to have
succeeded in the request he had made to me; but that prudence
directed us not to continue to make use of the same expedients, for
what was profitable at one time might not be so at another." She
asked him why he made that observation. This question afforded the
opportunity he wished for, of relating a story he had fabricated,
purposely to ruin me with her.
He began with observing to her that I was grown very handsome,
and that M. de Guise wished to marry me; that his uncles, too,
were very desirous of such a match; and, if I should entertain a
like passion for him, there would be danger of my discovering to
him all she said to me; that she well knew the ambition of that
house, and how ready they were, on all occasions, to circumvent
ours. It would, therefore, be proper that she should not, for the
future, communicate any matter of State to me, but, by degrees,
withdraw her confidence.
I discovered the evil effects proceeding from this pernicious
advice on the very same evening. I remarked an unwillingness
on her part to speak to me before my brother; and, as soon as
she entered into discourse with him, she commanded me to go to
bed. This command she repeated two or three times. I quitted her
closet, and left them together in conversation; but, as soon as
he was gone, I returned and entreated her to let me know if I had
been so unhappy as to have done anything, through ignorance, which
had given her offence. She was at first inclined to dissemble with
me; but at length she said to me thus: "Daughter, your brother
is prudent and cautious; you ought not to be displeased with
him for what he does, and you must believe what I shall tell
you is right and proper." She then related the conversation she
had with my brother, as I have just written it; and she then
ordered me never to speak to her in my brother's presence.
These words were like so many daggers plunged into my breast.
In my disgrace, I experienced as much grief as I had before joy
on being received into her favour and confidence. I did not omit
to say everything to convince her of my entire ignorance of what
my brother had told her. I said it was a matter I had never heard
mentioned before; and that, had I known it, I should certainly
have made her immediately acquainted with it. All I said was to
no purpose; my brother's words had made the first impression; they
were constantly present in her mind, and outweighed probability
and truth. When I discovered this, I told her that I felt less
uneasiness at being deprived of my happiness than I did joy when
I had acquired it; for my brother had taken it from me, as he
had given it. He had given it without reason; he had taken it
away without cause. He had praised me for discretion and prudence
when I did not merit it, and he suspected my fidelity on grounds
wholly imaginary and fictitious. I concluded with assuring her
that I should never forget my brother's behaviour on this occasion.
Hereupon she flew into a passion and commanded me not to make
the least show of resentment at his behaviour. From that hour
she gradually withdrew her favour from me. Her son became the
god of her idolatry, at the shrine of whose will she sacrificed
everything.
The grief which I inwardly felt was very great and overpowered
all my faculties, until it wrought so far on my constitution as
to contribute to my receiving the infection which then prevailed
in the army. A few days after I fell sick of a raging fever,
attended with purple spots, a malady which carried off numbers,
and, amongst the rest, the two principal physicians belonging
to the King and Queen, Chappelain and Castelan. Indeed, few got
over the disorder after being attacked with it.
In this extremity the Queen my mother, who partly guessed the
cause of my illness, omitted nothing that might serve to remove
it; and, without fear of consequences, visited me frequently.
Her goodness contributed much to my recovery; but my brother's
hypocrisy was sufficient to destroy all the benefit I received
from her attention, after having been guilty of so treacherous a
proceeding. After he had proved so ungrateful to me, he came and
sat at the foot of my bed from morning to night, and appeared as
anxiously attentive as if we had been the most perfect friends.
My mouth was shut up by the command I had received from the Queen
our mother, so that I only answered his dissembled concern with
sighs, like Burrus in the presence of Nero, when he was dying by
the poison administered by the hands of that tyrant. The sighs,
however, which I vented in my brother's presence, might convince
him that I attributed my sickness rather to his ill offices than
to the prevailing contagion.
God had mercy on me, and supported me through this dangerous
illness. After I had kept my bed a fortnight, the army changed
its quarters, and I was conveyed away with it in a litter. At
the end of each day's march, I found King Charles at the door of
my quarters, ready, with the rest of the good gentlemen belonging
to the Court, to carry my litter up to my bedside. In this manner
I came to Angers from St. Jean d'Angely, sick in body, but more
sick in mind. Here, to my misfortune, M. de Guise and his uncles
had arrived before me. This was a circumstance which gave my good
brother great pleasure, as it afforded a colourable appearance
to his story. I soon discovered the advantage my brother would
make of it to increase my already too great mortification; for
he came daily to see me, and as constantly brought M. de Guise
into my chamber with him. He pretended the sincerest regard for
De Guise, and, to make him believe it, would take frequent
opportunities of embracing him, crying out at the same time;
"Would to God you were my brother!" This he often put in practice
before me, which M. de Guise seemed not to comprehend; but I,
who knew his malicious designs, lost all patience, yet did not
dare to reproach him with his hypocrisy.
As soon as I was recovered, a treaty was set on foot for a marriage
betwixt the King of Portugal and me, an ambassador having been
sent for that purpose. The Queen my mother commanded me to prepare
to give the ambassador an audience; which I did accordingly. My
brother had made her believe that I was averse to this marriage;
accordingly, she took me to task upon it, and questioned me on
the subject, expecting she should find some cause to be angry
with me. I told her my will had always been guided by her own,
and that whatever she thought right for me to do, I should do
it. She answered me, angrily, according as she had been wrought
upon, that I did not speak the sentiments of my heart, for she
well knew that the Cardinal de Lorraine had persuaded me into
a promise of having his nephew. I begged her to forward this
match with the King of Portugal, and I would convince her of my
obedience to her commands. Every day some new matter was reported
to incense her against me. All these were machinations worked up
by the mind of Le Guast. In short, I was constantly receiving
some fresh mortification, so that I hardly passed a day in quiet.
On one side, the King of Spain was using his utmost endeavours to
break off the match with Portugal, and M. de Guise, continuing
at Court, furnished grounds for persecuting me on the other.
Still, not a single person of the Guises ever mentioned a word
to me on the subject; and it was well known that, for more than
a twelvemonth, M. de Guise had been paying his addresses to the
Princesse de Porcian; but the slow progress made in bringing
this match to a conclusion was said to be owing to his designs
upon me.
As soon as I made this discovery I resolved to write to my sister,
Madame de Lorraine, who had a great influence in the House of
Porcian, begging her to use her endeavours to withdraw M. de Guise
from Court, and make him conclude his match with the Princess,
laying open to her the plot which had been concerted to ruin
the Guises and me. She readily saw through it, came immediately
to Court, and concluded the match, which delivered me from the
aspersions cast on my character, and convinced the Queen my mother
that what I had told her was the real truth. This at the same
time stopped the mouths of my enemies and gave me some repose.
At length the King of Spain, unwilling that the King of Portugal
should marry out of his family, broke off the treaty which had
been entered upon for my marriage with him.