I DON THE PAJAMAS
"By Jove, Jenkins, they fit like a dream!"
I twisted before the glass and surveyed the pajamas with much
satisfaction. They looked jolly right from every point. Moreover, with
all their easy looseness, there was not an inch too much. They had a
comfortable, personal feel.
"Lucky thing they weren't made originally for some whale like Jack
Billings--eh, Jenkins?" I commented musingly.
Behind his hand Jenkins indulged in what is vulgarly known as a snicker.
"Mr. Billings, sir, he couldn't get one shoulder in 'em, much less
a--h'm--leg," he chuckled. "They'd be in ribbons, sir!"
I yawned sleepily, and Jenkins instantly sobered to attention. He held
his finger over the light switch as I punched a pillow and rolled over
on the mattress.
"All right," I said; "push the jolly thing out." And with a click
darkness fell about me.
"Good night, sir," came Jenkins' voice softly.
"Night," I murmured faintly, and I was off.
Sometime, hours later, I awoke, and with a devilish yearning for a
smoke. It often takes me that way in the night.
I climbed out in the blackness and found my way into the other room. I
remembered exactly where I had dropped my cigarette case when we were
fooling with the pajamas by the table, and I found it without
difficulty.
In the act of stooping for it, my hand clutched the edge of the table
and I felt a spot yield under the pressure of my thumb. It was the
button controlling the bell to Jenkins' room.
"Lucky thing he sleeps like a jolly porpoise," I reflected.
I pushed a wicker arm-chair into the moonlight and breeze by a window,
and pulling a flame to a cigarette, leaned back, feeling jolly comfy.
For the breeze was ripping and delicious, and the delicate silk of the
pajamas flowed in little wavelets all the way from my heels to my neck.
And, thinking of the pajamas, I tried to fix my mind on it that I must
tell Jenkins to have me write that chap, Mastermann, and send him
another lot of those devilish good cigars he liked. I tried to recall
what Jenkins had said was the name of the brand--something deuced
clever, I remembered that much.
I was just about dropping off, when I heard some one hurrying along the
private hall leading from the back. Jenkins himself popped into the
room.
"Did you ring, sir?" he inquired, and advanced quickly.
And then, before I could think about it to reply, he halted suddenly,
almost pitching forward. Then, with a kind of wheezy howl, he sprang to
the wall. Next instant, I was blinking under the dazzling electrolier.
"Here, I say! Shut off that light!" I remonstrated, half blinded.
I heard a swift rush across the rugs, and the next thing I knew I was
roughly jerked from out my chair; strong fingers clutched my throat, and
I found myself glaring into a frightened but resolute face.
"Jen-Jenkins!" I tried to gasp, but only a gurgle came.
I was so taken unawares, I knew it must be some dashed dream. Perhaps
another minute, and I would wake up. But he gripped me tighter and shook
me like a rag.
"Say, who are you?" he hissed. "How did you get in here?"
And then, of course, I knew that he was crazy. Whether he was crazy in a
dream or crazy with me awake, I couldn't guess. It made very little
difference, anyhow, for I knew that in another minute I should be either
dream dead or real dead; and dash me if I could see any odds worth
tossing for in either, you know.
But I don't belong to the athletic club quite for nothing, and have
managed to pick up a few tricks, you know. So with the decision to chuck
the dream theory, I shot my leg forward with a mix-up and twist that
made Jenkins loosen his clutch and stagger backward.
"What's the matter with you?" I gasped, advancing toward him. "Are you
trying to murder me?" But I was so hoarse, the only word that came out
plainly was "murder."
Jenkins uttered a howl. "Help, Mr. Lightnut! Murder!"
"You old fool!" I cried, exasperated. "Come here!"
He was coming. He seized a light chair and swung it behind his head.
Then he rushed me with a shout.
"Oh, Mr. Lightnut!"
"Gone clear off his nut!" was my thought. As he swung the chair, I
ducked low, and man and chair went crashing to the floor. But he was up
again in a jiffy and dancing at me.
"Mr. Lightnut, sir, why don't you help me?"
"Help you--you jolly idiot?" I muttered indignantly. Then my voice
raised: "I've a mind to kill you!"
With a yell, he made a kangaroo jump and swung at me again.
"He says he's going to kill me, Mr. Lightnut!" he panted as I dodged
again. "Help me--wake up, sir!"
Wake up? Wake up, indeed, when I had never been so devilish wide awake
in all my life! I was _sure_ now about that. I moved toward him
cautiously.
"Stop your row!" I cried angrily; "you'll have somebody in. Think I want
the police up here?"
With a glare at me, Jenkins darted past me to the bedroom I had just
left. Its light switch clicked, and then back through the brightened
doorway he sprang and dashed for a wall cabinet at the side. He began
tugging at its little drawer. And suddenly I remembered the revolver
there, an old forty-five from a friend in Denver--and loaded!
My spring to intercept him was quick, but not quick enough. Half-way to
him I pulled up under the compelling argument of the long blue barrel
pointed at my head.
"Here! Look out, you fool--it's loaded!" I warned, backing away to the
window.
Jenkins advanced. "What have you done with him?" he panted hoarsely.
"Where is he?"
"Where's who?" I asked savagely, for I was getting devilish tired of it
all. But for the publicity, I should have yelled from the window.
"Where's Mr. Lightnut?" he demanded.
"Oh, he's all right." I decided to adopt that soothing tone that I had
read somewhere was the proper caper with lunatics.
"Where?" Jenkins insisted, pushing nearer.
And dashed if I knew what to answer; for, if I made a mistake, it might
be serious, by Jove! Perhaps some jocular reply would be safest--might
divert his attention, you know.
The open window gave me an idea.
"Why, do you know," I said pleasantly, "I just chucked him down into the
street."
It sounded like a cannon cracker, that gun! The shower of splintered
glass from the picture between the windows barely missed me. But I never
waited a second--for this last devilish straw was too much, don't you
know, and something had to be done. I leaped for the weapon as it struck
the hardwood floor between us, jerked from Jenkins' hand by the
unfamiliar upward kick. Another instant and I was poking the muzzle into
his side.
"I've just had enough of this, you fool!" I cried impatiently. "Here,
take a good look at me!" I pushed my face closer. "Look at me, I tell
you!"
By Jove, he shuddered! His eyes, wide distended with terror, rolled to
the ceiling.
"I can't," he whispered; "I just can't--anything but that! Only,
please--please don't kill me, too."
"Kill you?" I said, frowning sternly as he gave a furtive glance. "I
certainly will, if you don't take a good look at me!"
He gave a sort of despairing sigh and closed his eyes so tightly the
lashes disappeared. "All right, then," he said sullenly; "you may kill
me!"
The way with these lunatics, I thought. Next thing, he would be begging
and insisting that I kill him. I motioned to the door of my guest-room
and gave him a push.
"In there," I said, "and keep perfectly quiet."
And as he shot inside, I closed the door and locked it. I just had to
take the chance of his hurting himself against the walls and furniture;
I didn't believe he was so crazy he would undertake the six-story leap
to the ground. Listening, I heard something like a sob. Then I caught my
name.
"Poor Mr. Lightnut," came chokingly; "the kindest, gentlest master!" And
then more sobs and gulps.
By Jove, under his insane delusion, the poor beggar was grieving for me;
not thinking of himself at all, you know. I felt my eyes grow a bit
moist, somehow, and all at once my heart went heavy. Thought how long
poor old Jenkins had been with me--ever since I was out of college, you
know--five years--and remembered how devilish faithful and attached he
had always been. Poor old Jenks! It was awful his going off this way! I
recalled how he had taken to seeing things, earlier in the evening, and
had made me see them, too, dash it! One thing I determined: whatever had
to be done with him, he should have the finest of attention.
I knew that I ought to telephone to somebody or something, but dashed if
I had any idea who or where. Oddly enough, not a soul seemed to have
been roused by the pistol shot, but I saw by the little clock that it
was close to three--the hour in a bachelor apartment house when
everybody is asleep, if they're going to sleep at all.
I decided that the best thing to do first was to get into some clothes.
And with this thought I was turning away, when it occurred to me to make
an effort to see if poor Jenkins seemed more rational now or had gone to
sleep.
I tapped upon the door. "Are you asleep?" I asked softly.
A howl of positive terror came back.
"I'm a-keeping quiet," he cried, "but don't let me hear your voice
again, or I'll jump right out of the window."
I shook my head sadly and tiptoed into my room, where I slipped
hurriedly out of the pajamas and into some clothes; then back I went to
the telephone. It was on my little writing-desk close to the door
confining Jenkins.
I lifted the receiver with a sigh.
"Hello, central," I began, responding to the operator. "I say, will you
give me 'information?'"
A loud shout suddenly sounded from behind the closed door, and there
came a frantic double-pounding of fists.
"Mr. Lightnut--Mr. Lightnut!" screamed Jenkins. "Oh, Mr. Lightnut,
you're back--you're alive--I can hear your voice! This is Jenkins, Mr.
Lightnut; yes, sir, Jenkins. They've got me locked in!"
I clapped the receiver on the hook and sprang to the door, unlocking
it. Jenkins almost tumbled into my arms. By Jove, for a second I hung in
the wind, he acted so crazy still; at least, it seemed so just at first.
The fellow threw his arm about my neck and laughed--laughed and cried,
dash it--and just wringing my hands and carrying on--Oh, awful! And even
when I got him into a chair, he just sat there laughing and crying like
a jolly old silly, patting my hand, you know, and wiping his eyes, what
time they were not devouring me.
"Has he gone, sir?" he gasped huskily. "Did he jump from the window?"
But I waved all questions aside.
"After you've had some sleep," I insisted. "Then I'll tell you the whole
jolly story." And I just got him to his room myself, despite his
distress and protests over my attention.
"Thank you, sir, and good night," he said as I left him. And he murmured
placidly, "I guess we're all right now."
But I was not so sure as to _him_, when I viewed the broken chair and
scattered fragments of glass--ominous reminders of the scene through
which I had passed. And so, though I threw the pistol on top of a
bookcase, I spent the rest of the night upon the soft cushions of my big
divan.