"A shadow has come across my way of late,--a great disappointment.
I think I mentioned it to you before. A doctor, an acquaintance of
mine, has often told me that I studied and read too much.... It is
hard for me to realize this, but he insists on a year's rest from
study. This will postpone my entrance to Meadville for two years, I
fear. I confess to great disappointment over this. I will be past
twenty-five when I get to Meadville; and yet there is another side.
I have often questioned my fitness for this great work. I wish to
be cautious. I do believe that I have a noble gospel to preach. 'To
preach,'--but first to live it. And, in shame I confess it, I have
not lived it. It will therefore be a good thing if in these two
years I give myself to growth in manhood. But enough of this. These
matters must be dealt with in the closet,--the soul's closet....
After my taste of Montreal fellowship I am sick with loneliness
here. It is fearful, at times, this longing for one friend even,
and finding none. But it must be borne without grumbling. And now I
must stop. The doctor would object to even this light piece of
writing. Thank you kindly for sending me the 'Register' and
'Unity.' It is very good of you to look after me so much. Be
assured that your kindness is giving great encouragement to a
lonely one who, amid much opposition and misunderstanding from his
dearest ones, is making at least a _little_ honest effort to be
true to himself and God. I would that I were fully faithful; but it
is not so. Still I think your seed will yet bear fruit, and spring
up in a life devoted to the uplifting of mankind. My deepest
prayer is for this. I trust your health will improve. Still more do
I trust that you may continue to grow nearer God, and help others
to do so, as you have helped me."