"Lord, help me strive 'gainst each besetting sin."
Went to Madame Wendte's. Brought home, "Ten Great Religions,"
"Reason in Religion," and "Evolution in Religion."
Thus did Miss Ellis fortify herself for the summer vacation of the
church. Emerson's "Society and Solitude" was another book read this
vacation.
Have not lived up to my ideal the past week, and particularly
to-day. However, may the good Father pardon my shortcomings and aid
me to do better.... I feel that I have added something to my life
for the benefit of others by the rest and reading of this summer. I
hope to study up German a little, among my busy hours this winter.
I can retain so little in my head, it is discouraging to read. I
must work the harder, and believe "all is for the best," and pray,
in faith, for patience.... Mr. Wendte's first sermon--subject,
"After Vacation"--made me feel somewhat depressed, for I feel so
anxious to do for _every one_, and have not the means or strength.
[She resolves to] do my little part and not discourage [the
minister],--do my part more by showing an interest than by the
amount of work I do.... I am miserable, dyspeptic, and
disappointed.... I have felt heartily discouraged this week in
every way, but the church did me good this morning.
Mr. Noyes was succeeded as pastor at Cincinnati by Rev. Charles W.
Wendte in the fall of 1875. The idea of preaching, of carrying to others
the blessed Unitarian faith which had been her joy and strength, now
filled Miss Ellis's soul. She discussed various schemes to this end with
friends who respected her and her earnestness too much to laugh at the
(in worldly eyes) utter absurdity of her hopes, as futile as Miss
Toosey's desire to go as a missionary to Nawaub. Could she not go out
into Ohio villages and hold lay services, reading the printed prayers
and sermons of our Unitarian ministers? Great must have been the
yearning for the ministry consuming her soul, to tempt the reserved,
feeble little woman, with her deafness and dyspepsia, her incessant
cough, her love of her own room and things, her exactness and exquisite
nicety of habit, seriously to contemplate such a career. Yet, but for
absolute physical incapacity, and the dissuasions (on that account) of
her family, she would certainly have made the experiment. Or might she
not open a reading-room in the church, to be kept open all the week,
where the treasures of Unitarian literature could be dispensed? Even in
her last years she seriously meditated going to the church every Sunday
morning during the vacation to open her library and meet those who might
want books, papers, or advice. The summer vacation was always a grief to
her. She wished the church might be open every day.
Nov. 9, 1876, a rough draft of the following letter to Mr. Wendte
appears in her diary:--
"I cannot resist returning special thanks for your sermon of last
Sunday, 'To what end is your life?' I do not know when a sermon has
so fully aroused the will of my youth.... At twenty years of age,
'the object of my toil' was to live for the earthly comfort of the
family, for the good of society in general, so far as in my power,
at the same time keeping an eye to the higher interests of life by
working in and for the church.... 'The goal of my ambition' in
middle life is to labor for the spiritual welfare of those about
me; but I find myself without means to assist others.... My
preference is decidedly to labor for the higher natures of others
as well as for myself; therefore, remembering your kind offer in
your letter to me during the summer, I ask, can you suggest
anything for me to engage in, in the spreading of Christianity?
[She wishes] to devote the remainder of my life to the highest and
best I know. If you can put me in the way of assisting others as
well as myself in the highest and holiest way, I shall be ever
indebted to you. I shall be glad to so live that when I lay down my
life I shall in some measure have returned the many kindnesses of
parents, sisters, brothers, and friends, repaid the efforts of
teachers and pastors in my behalf, and proved myself a worthy child
to Him who gave me being."
At the end, however, she writes: "Didn't send it. Concluded it was
better to talk with him."
The same ideas in another form appear again in the diary as a letter to
Mr. Wendte. One of the burdens on Mr. Wendte's heart in those days was
"to find something for Miss Ellis to do." Partly to this end he devised
Sunday-school lessons in manuscript, which Miss Ellis copied each week
for all the teachers. In 1877 he appointed a Missionary Society with a
formidable list of names, the significant one among whom events proved
to be Miss Sallie Ellis, Treasurer,--she being, indeed, the "society."
The little programme says:--
"The object of the Missionary Society is to spread the knowledge
and increase the influence of Liberal religious ideas throughout
the city and State by publications, correspondence, and such other
means as may seem to it suitable and best."
During the winter of 1877-78 Miss Ellis, aided by Mr. Wendte,
distributed 1,846 tracts and 211 "Pamphlet Missions" (as baby "Unity"
was called) in twenty-six States. Miss Ellis was always scrupulously
systematic, methodical, and exact in all she did, and a huge pile of
closely written blank books gives every minutia connected with the
business details of her work. In her diary was a copy of this letter to
Mr. Wendte, dated Feb. 21, 1878:--
"Why not have a 'Mission Sunday' sometime soon? Do not announce it
previously, however; for some might feel inclined to remain at
home; but catch as many together as possible, and make them listen
to a rousing address from you,--a report of what you have done and
the letters you have received. It might not be as social or
interesting as a concert or something else; but it would not hurt
the people to listen to it, and would make the missionary work more
a reality to them, and I believe in the end an appeal from you
would bring in more money than anything else.
"I have one request to make of you, however; and that is, that you
do not bring my name out in the pulpit, unless you have occasion to
mention the names of the Missionary Society. It is merely necessary
to mention you have been assisted by one of the 'Missionary
Committee,' not saying 'Treasurer,' man or woman. I have no
objection if any one asks you privately who has done the work, to
have you tell them. I love to do good work, but wish no other
praise than to know that the recipient of the act has been
benefited thereby. I act from the mere pleasure of doing good to
others and believing it to be right, therefore deserve no
credit.... The winter's work has brought out the desire of younger
days, when a Presbyterian friend used to tell me, 'You ought to go
as a missionary to China.' I then had five little brothers and
sisters to help care for, and considered that 'mission' enough.
Since they are grown my health has been too poor to undertake
anything, but now I should like a work in life. If I have a 'taste'
or 'talent' for anything, it is for the study and the spread of
religion.... All the family are only too kind to me, which only
makes me the more anxious to use my one talent to the utmost
extent. If you know of any work I could assist in, in our
denomination, East or West, I would be much obliged to you if you
would let me know."
The first mentions in the journal of missionary work are Nov. 25, 1877,
"Mr. Wendte came to me with missionary work to do,--five hundred tracts
to distribute;" and Dec. 9, 1877, "Feel that I am doing good in lending
books and papers and distributing tracts."
Sept. 5, 1880, while visiting her sister in Philadelphia she opens a
new volume of the journal as follows:--
Too warm to venture to church. The church in Cincinnati opens
to-day. Would I might be one of the congregation! I _am_, in
spirit! In opening this book on Sunday I would dedicate it to a
high use, and open it with ascription of praise to the Giver of all
good. "Pray for us unto the Lord thy God, ... that the Lord thy God
may show us the way wherein we may walk" (Jer. xlii. 2, 3).
"Quicken thou me in thy way" (Psalms cxix. 37).