_Question._ Can you tell me the best possible regulations in the
universe?
_Answer._ Certainly English Common Law.
_Q._ Is English Common Law accessible to everyone?
_A._ Certainly, and if a litigant please, he or she (for sex makes no
difference) can become his or her own advocate.
_Q._ When a litigant prefers to conduct a case in person, does the
proceeding invariably save expense?
_A._ Not invariably, because a litigant may have odd views about the
importance of evidence and the time of professional advisers.
_Q._ When a litigant is afflicted with this lack of knowledge what is
the customary result?
_A._ That the defendants have to undergo the expense of a
several-days' trial with counsel to match.
_Q._ Supposing that a journalist, sharply but justly, criticises the
actions of a man of straw--what can the man of straw do?
_A._ With the aid of some speculative Solicitor, he can commence an
action for libel.
_Q._ What benefit does the speculative Solicitor obtain?
_A._ The speculative Solicitor, if he can persuade a judge and jury
to agree, will get his costs, and if the journalist wins he will find
that the prosecutor or plaintiff is, indeed, a man of straw.
_Q._ Is there any redress?
_A._ None; but a wise journalist will never criticise sharply.
* * * * *
THE PICK OF THE R.A. PICTURES. No. 2.
No. 139. _Ca donne a penser._ Not a more suggestive pose does any
portrait possess throughout the Galleries. It is described _tout
court_ as "ALBERT BRASSEY, Esq.," and 'tis the work (and the pleasure)
of W. W. OULESS, R.A. "'Tis a fine work!" says BOB to 'ARRY. "O'
course," returns 'ARRY JOKER. "Great! _'Ow less_ could be expected of
'im tho', I dun no." It represents an undecided moment in Mr. ALBERT
BRASSEY'S life. It is as if he were Mr. "_All but_" BRASSEY,
and wasn't quite certain of what he should do next. There is the
writing-desk,--shall he indite a letter? If he does so, shall he
take off his thick-fur coat? Or shall he go hunting, since he has on,
underneath the furrin' fur, the pink of hunting perfection? Likewise
he has his whip and his horn, also his boots! He's "got 'em on!" He's
"got 'em _all_ on!" Or shall he hail the 5,000-ton yacht that's lying
in the roads just a few yards from his open window, and go out for a
cruise? He looks happy, but puzzled.
[Illustration: No. 543. _The_ Picture of the Year. Lamp-light reading;
or, Mr. Punch among the Pretty Pets. "_Dulce est dissipere in joco_."
H. H. La Thangue.]
No. 167. _The Right Hon. H. H. Fowler, M.P._ "Presentation Portrait,"
painted by ARTHUR S. COPE. "When the Right Hon. Gentleman rose to
speak, the House, with the exception of a clerk at the table and
two small boys (whose presence within the precincts has never been
satisfactorily accounted for) was empty."--_Extract from The Imaginary
Times Parliamentary Report of that date._
No. 350. _Mrs. Keeley at the age of Eighty-six._ Looking so well and
sprightly, that the Artist must have been at considerable pains to
induce her to sit still just one moment for her portrait. Long may she
remain with us! Our compliments to the Artist, JULIA B. FOLKARD.
No. 434. Mr. SOMERSCALES has given us the best sea-piece of the year.
It shows a "_Corvette shortening sail to pick up a shipwrecked crew_."
"A sale in sight appeared!"--and as the picture, so it is said, was
immediately sold, so also were those who came too late to make a bid.
No. 524. _Gentleman writing._ "A nice quiet corner for a little
composition away from all those speaking likenesses." J. W. FORSTER.
No. 533. This is a sad-looking little girl, painted by WILLIAM CARTER.
She has an unsettled expression. Is she suffering from what the Clown
calls "teezy-weezies-in-the-pandenoodles," and, as Sir JOHN MILLAIS'S
"_Bubbles_" served P**RS for an advertisement, is it beyond the range
of probability that this, being associated with the name of "CARTER,"
should be intended as a pictorial advertisement for the well-known
"L-ttle L-v-r P-lls"?
No. 535. Portrait (presumably) of _C. R. Fletcher Lutwidge, Esq._ By
ST. GEORGE HARE. Ha! Ha! Ha! By St. George you Ha're bound to laugh
directly you look at it. You can't help it. "C. R. F. L." is chuckling
to himself and saying, "Ha! Ha! I've just thought of _such_ a funny
thing! Ha! Ha! Ha!" And he _is_ enjoying it so! As the song says, "O
Mister (I forget the name), what a funny little man you are!"
No. 553. This, by Mr. MARKHAM SKIPWORTH, is a portrait of _Dr. E. Ker
Gray, LL.D_ of St. George's Chapel, Mayfair. "KER GRAY!" it ought to
be "Ker Scarlet."
No. 862. _Portrait of a Gentleman_, by PHIL R. MORRIS, A. The
Portrait, annoyed at being next to SIDNEY COOPER'S, R A., "_Be it ever
so humble, &c._," representing head of a jackass, and some sheepish
sheep, is evidently saying to itself, "Hang the Hanging Committee!
They show me as next door to a donkey."
No. 888. _The Wedding Gifts._ The pretty Bride is a bit frightened at
seeing the Groom leading up two bare-back'd steeds. "Oh!" she cries,
"I can't ride _them_! Why (_to her husband_) did you give me these?"
"My dear," says he, "why not? Here are the bare-backed steeds, and
you've already got the Ring." S. E. WALLER.
No. 892. "_Your Health!_" A Birthday Party at Mr. ERNEST HART'S.
Painted by S. J. SOLOMON. As a subject, the wisdom of SOLOMON is
questionable as a specimen of Hacademie Hart--ahem! However, to the
toast of "_Your Health_!" as addressed to Mr. ERNEST HART, Master SOL
might have added the words, "_Most Ernestly and Hartily_."
No. 928. _Exhibition of Miss Biffin_, "who has no legs to speak of."
"If you saw my ancles," said _Miss Mowcher_, "I should go home and
kill myself." But ARTHUR HACKER, whose capital work it is, calls it
"_Circe_."
No. 937. "_It might have been_," by F. STUART SINDICI, represents
NAPOLEON and WELLINGTON out walking together, in 1847, near the Horse
Guards. "It might have been" _if_ .... But it wasn't--though F. STUART
SINDICI went nap on it, and dreamt it. Why shouldn't JULIUS CAESAR and
Lord BROUGHAM have hobnobbed together over Pommery '74 at FRASCATI'S
in Regent Street, or why shouldn't the Great Duke of MARLBOROUGH and
Admiral HAMILCAR of Carthage, after leaving _Hoi Adelphoi_ at the
theatre, have taken supper at RULE'S in Maiden Lane? Why not? "It
might have been"--of course; why, when you come to think of it,
there's hardly anything that mightn't have been, _if_ it had only
taken place. Such possible subjects would fill the most vast picture
gallery in the _Chateau d'If_.
[Illustration: An Artist's work "on the Line."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: PICK OF THE PICTURES.
(_New Gallery, Regent Street. Summary of Sixth Summer Exhibition._)]
[Illustration: No. 40. The Bather Bothered. Appropriately painted by
Mr. Waterhouse, R.A. "Why," exclaims the horrified nymph, "he's lying
on my clothes!"]
[Illustration: No. 216. Night-Mares. Neptune's Horses, but more
suggestive of Night Mares. Walter Crane.]
[Illustration: No. 22. "Mr. G." in Churchwarden Church. "Here endeth
the Second Reading." Sydney P. Hall.]
[Illustration: No. 195. Hurried Moments! An Elopement!! "Never mind
your things!" he shouted, at the same time that, catching her up and
holding her in his strong right arm, he started off at a fast run.
"Better to lose your clothes than miss your train!" C. W. Mitchell.]
[Illustration: No. 27. Posed and Painful! Standing for her photograph,
and feels that the head-rest is no rest for the head. J. J. Shannon.]
[Illustration: No. 96. The Haunted Glen; or, The Bird-nesting
Trespasser Conscience-struck. "Oh! I'll pretend I don't see them!"
Hon. John Collier.]
[Illustration: No. 92. "'Fling' Defiance!" Professor Herkomer's
Heel-and-toe lads, "Jock and Charlie," back themselves against (No.
108) Mr. Alfred Hartley's "Harry and Neil,'" sons of Lord Rosebery,
attired as they are for a reel or a fling, or any form of National
Sc(h)ottische dance.]