["In this crisis the best we can do is to keep our eye on Mr.
Asquith."--"_The Daily Chronicle's" report of Lord SAYE AND SELE at
Worthing._]
O keep your eye on DAVID,
The demigod of Wales,
Before whose furious onset
Dukes turn their timid tails;
Whom Merioneth mystics
Praise in delirious distichs,
And matched with whose statistics
MUNCHAUSEN'S glory pales.
O keep your eye on WINSTON,
And mind you keep it tight,
For nearly every Saturday
You'll find he takes to flight;
Now eloquent and thrilling,
Now simply cheap and filling,
And now bent on distilling
The purest Party spite.
O keep your eye on HALDANE,
Ex-Minister of War,
The sleek and supple-minded
And suave Lord Chancellor,
Whose brain, so keen and subtle,
Moves swifter than a shuttle,
Obscuring, like the cuttle,
Things that were plain before.
O keep your eye on MORLEY
(Well-known as "Honest John"),
The peccant paragrapher
Who still is holding on;
But, though his strange position
Excited some suspicion,
We've CURZON'S frank admission
Of joy he hasn't gone.
O keep your eye on LULU
Who Greater Britain sways
From distant Woolloomooloo
To Nova Scotia's bays;
Whose sumptuous urbanity,
Combined with well-groomed sanity
And freedom from profanity,
Stirs DAVID'S deep amaze.
O keep your eye on BIRRELL,
So wholly free from guile,
Conspicuous by his absence
From Erin's peaceful isle;
Who wakes from floor to rafter
The House to heedless laughter,
Careless of what comes after
Can he but raise a smile.
O keep your eye on MASTERMAN,
Dear DAVID'S henchman leal,
Whose piety and "uplift"
Make ribald Tories squeal;
In every public function
Displaying the conjunction
Of perfect moral unction
With perfect Party zeal.
Last, keep your eye on ASQUITH,
And he will bring you through,
No matter what his colleagues
May say or think or do;
For in the dirtiest weather
He moulted not a feather,
And safely kept together
His variegated crow.
* * * * *
The Siamese Twin.
"DERBYSHIRE.--To sell, handsome well-built and superbly finished
semi-detached Mouse, containing two entertaining, six bed rooms,
dressing-room, and excellent bathroom."--_Advt. in "Manchester
Guardian"._
We had no idea a mouse had so much accommodation.
* * * * *
"It was our intention before now to say a kindly word for 'The New
Weekly.' We trust we are not too late yet."
_Westminster Gazette._
No. The paper after three weeks or so is still alive. But our green
contemporary should have had more confidence in it.
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN ASQUITH TO THE RESCUE!