(_At a well-known Universal Emporium several Champions have been engaged
to demonstrate the art of golf in the Games Department._)
[Illustration: SIR GREGORY PILLKINGTON M.D., F.R.C.P., ETC., ETC., WILL
BE IN ATTENDANCE IN THE DRUG DEPARTMENT, WHERE ALL CUSTOMERS MAY EXHIBIT
THEIR TONGUES FREE OF CHARGE.]
[Illustration: IN THE ART DEPARTMENT, SIR WILLIAM DAUBER, R.A., WILL
GIVE A DEMONSTRATION ON THE LAYING ON OF COLOUR TO EVERY PURCHASER OF A
SIXPENNY BOX OF PAINTS.]
[Illustration: A SPECIAL LINE OP DANCING PUMPS IN THE BOOT DEPARTMENT.
_Shopman._ "I THINK YOU'LL FIND THEM FIT, SIR, WHEN THE FOOT HAS WORKED
DOWN INTO THEM. WILL YOU TRY A TURN, SIR? MADAME PAVLOVINA, FORWARD,
PLEASE!"]
[Illustration: A SPECIAL FEATURE OF THE GENT'S READY-TO-WEAR CLOTHING
DEPARTMENT WILL BE THE ATTENDANCE, DAILY, OF A SUPER-"NUT" (FROM THE
GAIETY OR DALY'S), WHO WILL GIVE FREE ADVICE TO EACH PURCHASER OF EASTER
OUTFITS.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Golfer (who has just been run over_). "GEE! WHAT LUCK!
THAT WAS A NEAR THING. THEY MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY PET CLEEK."]
* * * * *