_March 23._--During the course of a heated debate Mr. Joshua Dredgwood,
M.P., said that, in spite of the Parliament Act, the House of Lords
still dominated the situation. If there was a General Election next week
it would be fought on a cry of the Proletariat against the Peers. The
entire Liberal Party rose to its feet and cheered the speaker for seven
minutes, waving hats, order papers and pocket-handkerchiefs.
_March 24._--Answering a question put by Mr. Connor Shaw, the PREMIER
stated that he had decided to retire from the House of Commons and lead
the Party from the House of Lords. The entire Liberal Party was
convulsed with irrepressible enthusiasm and cheered the PREMIER'S
announcement for nine minutes, many Members removing their collars and
ties and waving them in delirious excitement.
_March 25._--A reference to the Welsh Church Bill by a member of the
Opposition elicited an epoch-making remark from Mr. Haydn Tooth, M.P. He
said that the English Church blocked every measure of social reform so
effectually that unless it was immediately disestablished and every
archbishop and bishop deported to the Antarctic regions civil war would
break out in a week. All records were broken by the Liberal Party, who
rose as one man and cheered Mr. Tooth's declaration for ten minutes,
many Members standing on their heads and waving their legs with
epileptic fervour.
_March 26._--Immediately after Question time the PRIME MINISTER asked to
be allowed to make a brief statement. Amid profound silence he stated
that he had decided, with the cordial approval of his colleagues, to
create a new Ministry of Public Worship, to be held by the Archbishop of
CANTERBURY, and that he would himself assume the archbishopric on the
following day. The frenzied delight of the entire Liberal Party on
hearing this momentous announcement beggars description. The cheering
lasted fifteen minutes, and when the vocal chords of the Members were
exhausted by the strain they rolled about on the floor of the House for
nearly half-an-hour.
_March 27._--A tremendous impression was created by Mr. James Board, the
Labour Member, during the discussion of the Plumage Bill. After
observing that fine feathers might make fine birds he went on to say
that lawn sleeves were no palliation of the assumption of dictatorial
and autocratic powers. The entire Liberal Party cheered the statement
for twenty minutes, and then continued the demonstration with
mouth-organs and megaphones for close upon an hour and a-half.
_March 30._--The PREMIER, bidding farewell to the House of Commons,
announced that he had with infinite regret accepted his own resignation
of the Archbishopric of Canterbury, and would in future be known as
Super-Archimandrite of the Isle of Man. The entire Liberal Party were
still cheering the announcement when we went to press.
* * * * *
"Wanted, for country house, a good ODD MAN, more outside than
inside."
_Advt. in "Guardian"._
The oddness of one's outside is, of course, more apparent.
* * * * *