"But I thought," I said, "that I heard you say a little while ago that
you never bought fewer than three two-shilling books a week, and
sometimes more?"
His purple took on a darker richer shade, which I subsequently
discovered indicated the approach of mirth. He began to make strange
noises, which in time I found meant laughter.
For a while he gave himself up to chromatic rumblings. At last, able to
speak, he replied to me. "So I did say," he said; "so I did say I bought
three two-shilling books a week. But not books to read"--here he became
momentarily inarticulate again--"not books to read, but those little
two-shilling books of stamps in red covers that you get at the
post-office. I don't know where I should be without them."
Shade of CARNEGIE!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Injured Party (who has just been turned out of a
public-house, explaining his little grievance_). "NOW, WHAT D'YOU SHAY,
CONSHABLE? D'YOU THINK I'M INTOXICATED?"
_Constable._ "YES, I SHOULD CERTAINLY SAY YOU WERE."
_Injured Party._ "WELL, I'M QUITE WILLING TO BE _ANALYSED_."]
* * * * *
Musical Criticism.
"Sir John French had stultified himself singing the order."--_Irish
Independent._
Personally we sing it over to ourselves in the bath every morning--all
except the last two paragraphs.
* * * * *
Messrs. BELL quote the following appreciative notice of one of their
spelling books:--
"The spelling exercises, largely alliterative--e.g., 'A Beach-tree,
a sandy beach'--are quite attractive, and once in the mind remain
there."--_School Guardian._
This attractive way of spelling "beech-tree" will not, we hope, remain
indefinitely in the minds of our readers.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First Clubman._ "WELL, HOW ARE YOU?"
_Second Clubman._ "ER--SO-SO, PERHAPS. LAST WEEK I THOUGHT I WAS IN FOR
RHEUMATIC FEVER, BUT JUST MANAGED TO STAVE IT OFF, AND TO-DAY A TWINGE
IN MY LEFT SHOULDER SUGGESTS--WELL, IT MAY BE NEURITIS OR----"
_First Clubman._ "MY DEAR CHAP, I DIDN'T MEAN IT _LITERALLY_."]
* * * * *