to put you a question concerning what you would have the chief business
of the Court Lady, and it is this: that I wish to hear how she ought to
conduct herself with respect to one detail which seems to me very
important; for although the excellent qualities wherewith you have
endowed her include genius, wisdom, good sense, ease of bearing,
modesty, and so many other virtues, whereby she ought in reason to be
able to converse with everyone and on every theme, still I think that
more than anything else she needs to know that which belongs to
discussions on love. For as every gentle cavalier uses those noble
exercises, elegances and fine manners that we have mentioned, as a means
to win the favour of women, to this end likewise he employs words; and
not only when he is moved by passion, but often also to do honour to the
lady with whom he is speaking, since he thinks that to give signs of
love for her is a proof that she is worthy of it, and that her beauty
and merits are so great that they compel every man to serve her.
“Hence I fain would know how this lady ought to converse on such a theme
discreetly, and how reply to him who loves her truly, and how to him who
makes a false pretence thereof; and whether she ought to feign not to
understand, whether to return his love or to refuse, and how conduct
herself.”
54.—Then my lord Magnifico said:
“It would be needful to teach her first to distinguish those who pretend
to love and those who love truly; then, as to returning love or not, I
think she ought not to be governed by any others’ wish but her own.”
Messer Federico said:
“Then teach her what are the surest and safest signs to discern false
love from true, and with what proof she ought to be content in order to
be sure of the love shown her.”
The Magnifico replied, laughing:
“I know not, for men to-day are so cunning that they make false
pretences without end, and sometimes weep when they have great wish to
laugh; hence it were necessary to send them to Isola Ferma under the
True Lovers’ Arch.[424]
“But to the end that this Lady of mine (of whom it behooves me to take
special care, since she is my creation) may not fall into those errours
wherein I have seen many others fall, I should tell her not to be quick
to believe herself loved, nor act like some who not only do not feign
not to understand when court is paid to them even covertly, but at the
first word accept all the praise that is given them, or decline it with
a certain air that is rather an invitation to love for those with whom
they are speaking, than a refusal.
“Therefore the course of conduct that I wish my Court Lady to pursue in
love talk, will be to refuse always to believe that whoever pays court
to her for that reason loves her: and if the gentleman shall be as pert
as many are, and speak to her with small respect, she will give him such
answer that he may clearly understand he is causing her annoyance.
Again, if he shall be discreet and use modest phrases and words of love
covertly, with that gentle manner which I think the Courtier fashioned
by these gentlemen will employ, the lady will feign not to understand
and will apply his words in another sense, always modestly trying to
change the subject with that skill and prudence which have been said
befit her. If, again, the talk is such that she cannot feign not to
understand, she will take it all as a jest, pretending to be aware that
it is said to her more out of compliment to her than because it is so,
depreciating her merits and ascribing the praises that he gives her to
the gentleman’s courtesy; and in this way she will win a name for
discretion and be safer against deceit.
“After this fashion methinks the Court Lady ought to conduct herself in
love talk.”
55.—Then messer Federico said:
“My lord Magnifico, you discourse of this matter as if everyone who pays
court to women must needs speak lies and seek to deceive them: if the
which were true, I should say that your teachings were sound; but if
this cavalier who is speaking loves truly and feels that passion which
sometimes so sorely afflicts the human heart, do you not consider in
what pain, in what calamity and mortal anguish you put him by insisting
that the lady shall never believe anything he says on this subject?
Ought his supplications, tears, and many other signs to go for naught?
Have a care, my lord Magnifico, lest it be thought that besides the
natural cruelty which many of these ladies have in them, you are
teaching them still more.”
The Magnifico replied:
“I spoke not of him who loves, but of him who entertains with amourous
talk, wherein one of the most necessary conditions is that words shall
never be lacking. But just as true lovers have glowing hearts, so they
have cold tongues, with broken speech and sudden silence; wherefore
perhaps it would not be a false assumption to say: ‘Who loves much,
speaks little.’ Yet as to this I believe no certain rule can be given,
because of the diversity of men’s habits; nor could I say anything more
than that the Lady must be very cautious, and always bear in mind that
men can declare their love with much less danger than women can.”
56.—Then my lord Gaspar said, laughing:
“Would you not, my lord Magnifico, have this admirable Lady of yours
love in return even when she knows that she is loved truly? For if the
Courtier were not loved in return, it is not conceivable that he should
go on loving her; and thus she would lose many advantages, and
especially that service and reverence with which lovers honour and
almost adore the virtue of their beloved.”
“As to that,” replied the Magnifico, “I do not wish to give advice; but
I do say that I think love, as you understand it, is proper only for
unmarried women; for when this love cannot end in marriage, the lady
must always find in it that remorse and sting which things illicit give
her, and run risk of staining that reputation for chastity which is so
important to her.”
Then messer Federico replied, laughing:
“This opinion of yours, my lord Magnifico, seems to me very austere, and
I think you have learned it from some preacher—one of those who rebuke
women for loving laymen, in order to have themselves the better part
therein. And methinks you impose too hard a rule on married women, for
many of them are to be found whose husbands bear them the greatest
hatred without cause, and affront them grievously, sometimes by loving
other women, sometimes by causing them all the annoyances possible to
devise; some against their will are married by their fathers to old men,
infirm, loathsome and disgusting, who make them live in continual
misery. If such women were allowed to be divorced and separated from
those with whom they are ill mated, perhaps it would not be fitting for
them to love any but their husbands; but when, either by enmity of the
stars or by unfitness of temperament or by other accident, it happens
that the marriage bed, which ought to be a nest of concord and of love,
is strewn by the accursed infernal fury with the seed of its venom,
which then brings forth anger, suspicion and the stinging thorns of
hatred to torment those unhappy souls cruelly bound by an unbreakable
chain until death,—why are you unwilling that the woman should be
allowed to seek some refuge from the heavy lash, and to bestow on others
that which is not only spurned but hated by her husband? I am quite of
the opinion that those who have suitable husbands and are loved by them,
ought not to do them wrong; but the others wrong themselves by not
loving those who love them.”
“Nay,” replied the Magnifico, “they wrong themselves by loving others
than their husbands. Still, since not to love is often beyond our power,
if this mischance shall happen to the Court Lady (that her husband’s
hate or another’s love brings her to love), I would have her yield her
lover nothing but her spirit; nor ever let her show him any clear sign
of love (either by words or by gestures or by any other means) by which
he may be sure of it.”
57.—Then messer Roberto da Bari said, laughing:
“I appeal from this judgment of yours, my lord Magnifico, and think I
shall have many with me; but since you will teach married women this
rusticity, so to speak, do you wish also to have the unmarried equally
cruel and discourteous?—and complaisant to their lovers in nothing
whatever?”
“If my Court Lady be unmarried,” replied my lord Magnifico, “and must
love, I wish her to love someone whom she can marry; nor shall I account
it an errour if she shows him some sign of love: as to which matter I
wish to teach her one universal rule in a few words, to the end that she
may with little pains be able to bear it in mind; and this is, let her
show him who loves her every token of love except such as may imbue her
lover’s mind with the hope of obtaining something wanton from her. And
it is necessary to give great heed to this, for it is an errour
committed by countless women, who commonly desire nothing more than to
be beautiful: and since to have many lovers seems to them proof of their
beauty, they take every pain] to get as many as they can. Thus they are
often carried into reckless behaviour, and forsaking that temperate
modesty which so becomes them, they employ certain pert looks with
scurrile words and acts full of immodesty, thinking that they are gladly
seen and listened to for this and that by such ways they make themselves
loved: which is false; for the demonstrations that are made to them
spring from desire excited by a belief in their willingness, not from
love. Wherefore I wish that my Court Lady may not by wanton behaviour
seem to offer herself to anyone who wants her and to do her best to lure
the eyes and appetite of all who look upon her, but that by her merits
and virtuous conduct, by her loveliness, by her grace, she may imbue the
mind of all who see her with that true love which is due to all things
lovable, and with that respect which always deprives him of hope who
thinks of any wantonness.
“Moreover, he who is loved by such a woman ought to content himself with
her every slightest demonstration, and to prize a single loving look
from her more than complete possession of any other woman; and to such a
Lady I should not know how to add anything, unless to have her loved by
so excellent a Courtier as these gentlemen have described, and to have
her love him also, to the end that they may both attain their complete
perfection.”
58.—Having thus far spoken, my lord Magnifico was silent; whereupon my
lord Gaspar said, laughing:
“Now, in sooth, you will not be able to complain that my lord Magnifico
has not described a most excellent Court Lady; and henceforth, if such
an one is found, I admit that she deserves to be esteemed the Courtier’s
equal.”
My lady Emilia replied:
“I engage to find her, provided you will find the Courtier.”
Messer Roberto added:
“Verily it cannot be denied that the Lady described by my lord Magnifico
is most perfect: nevertheless, as to those last conditions of love,
methinks he has made her a little too austere, especially when he would
have her deprive her lover of all hope, by words, gestures and
behaviour, and do all she can to plunge the man in despair. For as
everyone knows, human desires do not spend themselves upon those things
whereof there is not some hope. And although a few women may have indeed
been found, haughty perhaps by reason of their beauty and worth, whose
first word to anyone who paid them court was that he must never expect
to have anything from them that he wished,—yet afterwards they have been
a little more gracious to him in look and manner, so that by their
kindly acts they have somewhat tempered their haughty words. But if this
Lady by acts and words and manner removes all hope, I think our
Courtier, if he is wise, will never love her; and thus she will have the
imperfection of being without a lover.”
59.—Then the Magnifico said:
“I do not wish my Court Lady to remove hope of everything, but only of
wanton things, which (if the Courtier be as courteous and discreet as
these gentlemen have described him) he will not only not hope for, but
will not even wish for. Because if the beauty, behaviour, cleverness,
goodness, knowledge, modesty, and the many other worthy qualities that
we have given the Lady, are the cause of the Courtier’s love for her,
the end of his love will necessarily be worthy too: and if nobility,
excellence in arms and letters and music, if gentleness and the
possession of so many graces in speech and conversation, be the means
whereby the Courtier is to win the lady’s love, the end of that love
must needs be of like quality with the means whereby it is attained.
“Moreover, just as there are divers sorts of beauty in the world, so too
there are divers tastes in men; and thus it happens that when they see a
woman of that serious beauty, which (whether she be going or staying or
joking or jesting or doing what you will) always so tempers her whole
behaviour as to induce a certain reverence in anyone who looks upon
her,—many are abashed and dare not serve her; and lured by hope, they
oftener love attractive and enticing women, so soft and tender as to
display in words and acts and looks a certain languourous passion that
promises easily to pass and be changed into love.
“To be safe against deceits, some men love another sort of women, who
are so free of eye and word and movement as to do the first thing that
comes into their mind with a certain simplicity which does not hide
their thoughts. Nor are there lacking other generous souls,
who—(esteeming that worth is shown in difficulty, and that it would be a
victory most sweet to conquer what to others seems unconquerable), in
order to give proof that their valour is able to force a stubborn mind
and persuade to love even wills that are contrary and recusant
thereto,—readily turn to love the beauties of those women who by eyes
and words and behaviour show more austere severity than the others.
Wherefore these men who are so self-confident, and who account
themselves secure against being deceived, willingly love certain women
also who by cunning and art seem to conceal a thousand wiles with
beauty; or else some others, who along with their beauty have a
coquettishly disdainful manner of few words and few laughs, with almost
an air of prizing little every man who looks upon them or serves them.
“Then there are certain other men who deign to love only those women who
in face and speech and every movement carry all elegance, all gentle
manners, all knowledge, and all the graces heaped together,—like a
single flower composed of all the excellences in the world. Thus if my
Court Lady have a dearth of those loves that spring from evil hope, she
will not on that account be left without a lover; for she will not lack
those loves that spring both from her merits and from her lovers’
confidence in their own worth, whereby they will know themselves to be
worthy of being loved by her.”
60.—Messer Roberto still objected, but my lady Duchess held him in the
wrong, supporting my lord Magnifico’s argument; then she continued:
“We have no cause to complain of my lord Magnifico, for I truly think
that the Court Lady described by him may stand on a par with the
Courtier, and even with some advantage; for he has taught her how to
love, which these gentlemen did not do for their Courtier.”
Then the Unico Aretino said:
“It is very fitting to teach women how to love, for rarely have I seen
any that knew how: since they nearly all accompany their beauty with
cruelty and ingratitude towards those who serve them most faithfully and
deserve the reward of their love by nobility of birth, gentleness and
worth; and then they often give themselves a prey to men who are very
silly, base, and of small account, and who not only love them not, but
hate them.
“So, to avoid such grievous errours as these, perhaps it was well to
teach them first how to make choice of a man who shall deserve to be
loved, and then how to love him; which is not needful in the case of
men, who know it but too well of themselves. And here I can be a good
witness; for love was never taught me save by the divine beauty and
divinest behaviour of a Lady whom it was beyond my power not to adore,
wherein I had no need of art or any master;[425] and I think that the
same happens with all who love truly. Hence it were fitting to teach the
Courtier how to make himself loved rather than how to love.”
61.—Here my lady Emilia said:
“Then discourse of this now, my lord Unico.”
The Unico replied:
“Methinks reason would require that ladies’ favour should be won by
serving and pleasing them; but by what they deem themselves served and
pleased, I think must needs be learned from ladies themselves, who often
desire things so strange that there is no man who would imagine the
same, and sometimes they do not themselves know what they desire. Hence
it is right that you, my Lady, who are a woman and so must surely know
what pleases women, should undertake this task, to do the world so great
a benefit.”
Then my lady Emilia said:
“The very great favour that you always find with women is good proof
that you know all the ways by which their grace is won; hence it is
quite fitting that you should teach them.”
“My Lady,” replied the Unico, “I could give a lover no more useful
warning than to look to it that you have no influence over the lady
whose favour he seeks; for such good qualities as the world once thought
were in me, together with the sincerest love that ever was, have not had
so much power to make me loved as you have to make me hated.”
62.—Then my lady Emilia replied:
“My lord Unico, God forbid that I should even think, much less do,
anything to make you hated; for besides doing what I ought not, I should
be esteemed of little sense for attempting the impossible. But since you
urge me thus to speak of that which pleases women, I will speak; and if
you shall be displeased, blame yourself for it.
“I think, then, that whoever would be loved must love and be lovable;
and that these two things suffice to win women’s favour.
“Now to answer that which you accuse me of, I say that everyone knows
and sees that you are very lovable; but whether you love as sincerely as
you say, I am very much in doubt, and perhaps the others too. For your
being too lovable has brought it to pass that you have been loved by
many women: and great rivers divided into many parts become little
streams; so love, bestowed upon more than one object, has little
strength. But these continual laments of yours, and complaints of
ingratitude in the women you have served (which is not probable, in view
of your great merits), are a certain sort of mystery to hide the
favours, contentments and pleasures attained by you in love, and to
assure the women who love you and have given themselves to you, that you
will not betray them; and hence also they are content that you should
thus openly display feigned love for others to hide their real love for
you. So, if the women whom you now pretend to love are not so ready to
believe it as you would like, the reason is because this artfulness of
yours in love is beginning to be understood, not because I make you
hated.”
63.—Then my lord Unico said:
“I do not wish to try again to confute your words, because I at last
perceive that it is as much my fate not to be believed when I say truth,
as it is yours to be believed when you say untruth.”
“Say rather, my lord Unico,” replied by lady Emilia, “that you do not
love as you would have us believe; for if you loved, all your desire
would be to please your beloved lady and to wish what she wishes,
because this is the law of love; but your thus complaining of her
denotes some deceit, as I said, or indeed gives proof that you wish what
she does not wish.”
“Nay,” said my lord Unico, “indeed I wish what she wishes, which is
proof that I love her; but I complain that she does not wish what I
wish, which is a token that she loves me not, according to that same
rule that you have cited.”
My lady Emilia replied:
“He who begins to love ought also to begin to please his beloved and
bend himself wholly to her wishes, and govern his by hers; and make his
own desires her slaves, and his very soul like unto an obedient
handmaid, nor ever think of aught but to let it be transformed, if
possible, into that of his beloved, and to account this as his highest
happiness; for they do thus who love truly.”
“Assuredly,” said my lord Unico, “my highest happiness would be to have
a single wish rule her soul and mine.”
“It rests with you to have it so,” replied my lady Emilia.
64.—Then messer Bernardo interrupted and said:
“Certain it is that he who loves truly bends all his thoughts to serve
and please the lady of his love, without being shown the way by others;
but as these loving services are sometimes not clearly perceived, I
think that besides loving and serving it is further necessary to make
some other demonstration of his love so evident that the lady cannot
hide her knowledge that she is loved; yet with such modesty withal that
he may not seem to have small respect for her. And since you, my Lady,
began to tell how the lover’s soul must be the obedient handmaid of his
beloved, I pray you explain this secret also, which seems to me very
important.”
Messer Cesare laughed, and said:
“If the lover is so modest that he is ashamed to tell her of his love,
let him write it to her.”
My lady Emilia added:
“Nay, if he is as discreet as becomes him, he ought to be sure of not
offending her before he declares himself to her.”
Then my lord Gaspar said:
“All women like to be sued in love, even though they mean to refuse that
which they are sued for.”
The Magnifico Giuliano replied:
“You are very wrong; nor should I advise the Courtier ever to employ
this method, unless he be certain of not being repulsed.”
65.—“Then what is he to do?” said my lord Gaspar.
The Magnifico continued:
“If he must speak or write, let him do it with such modesty and so
warily that his first words shall try her mind, and shall touch so
ambiguously upon her wish as to leave a way and certain loophole that
may enable her to feign not to see that his discourse imports love, to
the end that he may retreat in case of difficulty and pretend that he
spoke or wrote to some other end, in order to enjoy in safety those
intimate caresses and coquetries that a woman often grants to him who
she thinks accepts them in friendship, and then withholds them as soon
as she finds they are received as demonstrations of love. Hence those
men who are too precipitate and venture thus presumptuously with a kind
of fury and stubbornness, often lose these favours, and deservedly; for
every noble lady regards herself as little esteemed by him who rudely
wooes her before having done her service.
66.—“Therefore in my opinion the way that the Courtier ought to take to
make his love known to the Lady, seems to me to be by showing it to her
in manner rather than in words;—for verily more of love’s affection is
sometimes revealed in a sigh, in reverence, in timidity, than in a
thousand words;—next by making his eyes to be faithful messengers to
bear the embassies of his heart, since they often show the passion that
is within more clearly than the tongue itself or letters or other
couriers: so that they not only disclose thoughts, but often kindle love
in the beloved’s heart. Because those quick spirits that issue from the
eyes, being generated near the heart, enter again by the eyes (whither
they are aimed like an arrow at the mark), and naturally reach the heart
as if it were their abode, and mingling with those other spirits there
and with that subtle quality of blood which they have in them, they
infect the blood near the heart to which they have come, and warm it,
and make it like themselves and ready to receive the impression of that
image which they have brought with them. Travelling thus to and fro over
the road from eyes to heart, and bringing back the tinder and steel of
beauty and grace, little by little these messengers fan with the breath
of desire that fire which glows so ardently and never ceases to burn
because they are always bringing it the fuel of hope to feed on.