upon our veins, eyes, mouths and sides, and seems as if it would make us
burst, so that with all our effort it cannot be restrained,—I will leave
Democritus to tell, who could not even if he were to promise.[191]
46.—“Now the occasion and as it were the source from which the laughable
springs, lies in a kind of distortion; for we laugh only at those things
that have incongruity in them and that seem amiss without being so. I
know not how to explain it otherwise; but if you think of it yourselves,
you will see that what we laugh at is nearly always something that is
incongruous and yet is not amiss.
“Next I will try to tell you, as far as my judgment shall show me, what
the means are that the Courtier ought to use for the purpose of exciting
laughter, and within what bounds; because it is not seemly for the
Courtier to be always making men laugh, nor yet by those means that are
made use of by fools or drunken men, by the silly, the nonsensical, and
likewise by buffoons. And although these kinds of men seem to be in
demand at courts, yet they deserve not to be called Courtiers, but each
by his own name, and to be held for what they are.
“Moreover we must diligently consider the bounds and limits of exciting
laughter by derision, and who it is we deride; for laughter is not
aroused by jeering at a poor unfortunate nor yet at an open rascal and
blackguard, because the latter seems to merit greater punishment than
that of being ridiculed, and the mind of man is not prone to flout the
wretched, unless they boast of their wretchedness and are proud and
saucy. We ought also to treat with respect those who are universal
favourites and beloved by all and powerful, for by jeering at these
persons a man may sometimes bring dangerous enmities upon himself. Yet
it is proper to flout and laugh at the vices of those who are neither so
wretched as to excite pity, nor so wicked as to seem worthy of capital
punishment, nor so great that a touch of their wrath can do much harm.
47.—“Again, you must know that from the same occasion whence we draw our
laughable witticisms, we may likewise draw serious phrases of praise or
censure, and sometimes by using the same words. Thus in praising a
generous man who shares all he has with his friends, we are wont to say
that what he has is not his own; the same may be said in censuring a man
who has stolen or by other evil means acquired what he possesses. Also
we say, ‘That lady is of great price,’ meaning to praise her for
discretion and goodness; the same thing might be said in dispraise of
her, implying that anyone may have her.
“But for this purpose we have a chance to use the same situations
oftener than the same words. Thus recently a lady being at mass in
church with three cavaliers, one of whom served her in love,[192] a poor
beggar came up and taking his stand before the lady began to beg alms of
her; and he repeated his petition several times to her with much
importunity and pitiful groaning; yet for all that she gave him no alms,
nor still did she refuse it to him with a sign to go in peace, but
continued to stand abstracted as if she were thinking of something else.
Then the cavalier in love said to his two companions:
“‘You see what I have to expect from my lady, who is so hard-hearted
that she not only gives no alms to that naked starving wretch who is
begging it of her so eagerly and often, but she will not even send him
away. So much does she delight to see a man languishing in misery before
her and vainly imploring her pity.’
“One of his two friends replied:
“‘This is not hardness of heart, but a silent lesson from the lady to
teach you that she is never pleased with an importunate suitor.’
“The other replied:
“‘Nay, it is a warning to him that while she never grants what is asked
of her, still she likes to be entreated for it.’
“You see how the lady’s failure to send the poor man away, gave rise to
one saying of grave censure, one of moderate praise, and another of
biting satire.
48.—“Proceeding now to declare the kinds of pleasantries that are
pertinent to our subject, I say that in my opinion there are three
varieties, although messer Federico mentioned only two: namely, that
which consists in rendering the effect of a thing by means of urbane and
amusing long narrative, and that which consists in the swift and keen
readiness of a single phrase. But we will add a third sort called
practical joking, in which long narratives and short sayings have place,
and also some action.
“Now the first, which consists in continuous talk, is of such sort as
almost to amount to story-telling. And to give you an instance: just at
the time when Pope Alexander the Sixth died and Pius the Third was
created pope,[193] your fellow Mantuan, my lady Duchess, messer Antonio
Agnello,[194] being at Rome and in the palace, happened to speak of the
death of the one pope and of the other’s creation, and in discussing
this with some of his friends, he said:
“‘My Lords, even in the days of Catullus[195] doors began to speak
without a tongue and to listen without ears, and thus to reveal
adulteries. Now, although men are not of such worth as they were in
those times, it may be that the doors (many of which are made of antique
marbles, at least here in Rome) have the same powers that they then had;
and for my part I believe that these two here could clear away all our
doubts if we cared to learn from them.’
“Then the gentlemen present were very curious, and waited to see how the
affair was going to end. Whereupon messer Antonio, continuing to walk up
and down, raised his eyes as if by chance to one of the two doors of the
hall in which they were strolling, stopped a moment, and pointed out to
his companions the inscription over it, which was the name of Pope
Alexander, followed by a V and an I, signifying Sixth as you know; and
he said:
“‘See what the door says: _Alessandro Papa vi_, which means that he
became pope by the violence that he used, and that he accomplished more
by violence than by reason. Now let us see if from the other we can
learn anything about the new pope.’ And turning to the other door as if
by accident, he showed the inscription, N PP V, which signified
_Nicolaus Papa Quintus_;[196] and he at once said: ‘Alas, bad news; this
one says, _Nihil Papa Valet_.’
[Illustration:
POPE ALEXANDER VI
RODERIGO LENZUOLI (BORGIA)
1431-1503
]
Reduced from Alinari’s photograph (no. 17412) of a part of the fresco,
“The Resurrection,” in the Borgian Apartments in the Vatican, by
Bernardino di Betto di Biagio, better known as Pinturicchio,
(1454-1513).
49.—“Now you see how elegant and admirable this kind of pleasantry is,
and how becoming to a Courtier, whether the thing that is said be true
or not; because in such a case it is allowable for a man to fabricate as
much as he pleases, without blame; and in speaking the truth, to adorn
it with a little falsity, overstating or understating as the occasion
requires. But in these matters perfect grace and true cleverness consist
in picturing forth what we wish to say, with both word and gesture, so
well and with such ease that they who hear may seem to see before their
eyes the thing we tell them. And this graphic method is so effective
that it sometimes adorns and makes highly amusing a thing that in itself
is neither very jocular nor clever.
“And although this kind of narrative requires gesture and the aid of the
speaking voice, its quality is sometimes found in written compositions
also. Who does not laugh, when, in the Eighth Day of his Decameron,[197]
Giovanni Boccaccio tells how the priest of Varlungo tried to chant a
_Kyrie_ and a _Sanctus_ on discovering that his Belcolore was in the
church. There are amusing narratives also in his stories of
Calandrino,[198] and in many others. Of the same sort seems to be the
raising of a laugh by mimicry or imitation, as we say,—wherein I have
thus far seen no one more admirable than our friend messer Roberto da
Bari.”[48]
50.—“This would be no small praise,” said messer Roberto, “if it were
true; because I should of course try to imitate the good rather than the
bad, and if I could make myself like some men I know, I should deem
myself very fortunate. I fear, however, that I know how to imitate only
those things which excite laughter, and which you just now said consist
essentially in the imperfect.”
Messer Bernardo replied:
“Imperfect, yes; but not unpleasantly so. And you must know that this
imitation of which we are speaking, cannot be without cleverness; for
besides the way of governing words and gestures and setting before our
hearers’ eyes the face and manners of the man we are speaking of, we
must needs be discreet, and pay great heed to the place and time, and to
the persons with whom we are speaking, and not descend to buffoonery or
go beyond bounds;—which rules you observe admirably and therefore know
them all, I think. For in truth it would little befit a gentleman to
make faces, to weep and laugh, and mimic voices, to wrestle with himself
as Berto[65] does, or dress like a clown before everyone, like
Strascino,[199]—and things of that kind, which are very fitting in those
men because it is their profession.
“But for us it is needful to give only a fleeting and covert imitation,
always preserving the dignity of a gentleman, without uttering foul
words or performing acts that are less than seemly, without contorting
the face or person beyond measure; but to order our movements in such
fashion that whoever hears and sees us may from our words and gestures
imagine far more than what he sees and hears, and so be moved to
laughter.
“Moreover in our imitation we ought to avoid too stinging jibes,
especially at deformities of face or person; for while bodily defects
often furnish excellent material for laughter to a man who uses them
with discretion, yet to employ this method too bitterly is the act not
only of a buffoon but of an enemy. So, although it be difficult, in this
regard we must, as I have said, keep to the manner of our friend messer
Roberto, who mimics all men and not without marking their defects
sharply even to their face, and yet no one is annoyed or seems to take
it amiss. And I will give no instance of this, because in him we see
countless examples of it every day.
51.—“Another thing excites much laughter, although it is included under
the head of narration; and that is to describe gracefully certain
defects of others,—unimportant ones however and undeserving greater
punishment, such as follies, sometimes mere absurdities or sometimes
accompanied by a quick and pungent dash of liveliness; likewise certain
extreme affectations; sometimes a huge and well-constructed lie. As
when, a few days since, our friend Cesare told of a delightful
absurdity, which was that finding himself before the Podestà of this
place,[200] he saw a peasant come in to complain of being robbed of a
donkey. The fellow told of his poverty and of the trick played upon him
by the thief, and then, to make out his loss the heavier, he said:
‘Masters, if you had seen my donkey, you would have better understood
how much cause I have to grieve; for when he had his pack on, he looked
like a very Tullius.’[201]
[Illustration:
ERCOLE D’ESTE
DUKE OF FERRARA
1431-1505
]
Reduced from a photograph, specially made by Mansell, of an anonymous
bas-relief in the South Kensington Museum,—possibly the work of
Sperandio di Bartolommeo de’ Savelli (1425?-1500?).
“And one of our friends, meeting a flock of goats with a great he-goat
at their head, stopped and said with a look of admiration: ‘See what a
he-goat! He looks like a Saint Paul.’[202]
“My lord Gaspar tells of having known an old servant of Duke Ercole of
Ferrara,[203] who offered the duke his two sons as pages; but before
they could begin their service, both the boys died. When the duke heard
this, he condoled with the father kindly, saying that he was very sorry,
for the only time when he had seen them, they had seemed to him very
pretty and gentle boys. The father replied: ‘My Lord, you saw nothing;
for within the last few days they had grown far handsomer and more
virtuous than I could possibly have believed, and already they sang
together like two sparrow-hawks.’
“And not long since one of our doctors stood looking at a man who had
been condemned to be flogged about the piazza, and taking pity on him,
because (although his shoulders were bleeding freely) the poor wretch
walked as slowly as if he had been out for a stroll to pass the time,
the doctor said to him: ‘Step out, poor fellow, and make haste to be
done with your pain.’ Whereat the goodman turned, and gazing at the
doctor as if amazed, he stood awhile without speaking, and then said:
‘When you come to be flogged, you will go your own gait; so I choose to
go mine now.’
“You surely must still remember that absurd story which my lord Duke[2]
lately told of a certain abbot, who, being present one day when Duke
Federico[26] was discussing what to do with the great mass of earth that
had been excavated to lay the foundations of this palace, which was then
building, said: ‘My Lord, I have thought of an excellent place to put
it. Give orders to have an immense pit made, and it can be put in
without further difficulty.’ Duke Federico replied, not without
laughter: ‘And where shall we put the earth to be dug out of this pit of
yours?’ The abbot continued: ‘Have it made large enough to hold both.’
And so, for all the duke repeated several times that the larger the pit
was made, the more earth would be dug out of it, the man could never get
it into his brain that it could not be made large enough to hold both,
and kept replying: ‘Make it so much the larger.’ Now you see what good
judgment this abbot had.”
52.—Then messer Pietro Bembo said:
“And why do you not tell the story of your friend the Florentine
commander who was besieged in Castellina[204] by the Duke of Calabria?
Finding one day some poisoned crossbow missiles that had been shot in
from the camp, he wrote to the duke that if the warfare was to be
carried on so barbarously, he too would have medicine put on his cannon
shot, and then woe to the one who had the worst of it.”[205]
Messer Bernardo laughed, and said:
“Messer Pietro, if you do not hold your peace, I will tell all the
things I have seen and heard about your dear Venetians (which are not
few), and especially when they try to play the horseman.”
“Do not so, I beg of you,” replied messer Pietro, “and I will keep quiet
about two other delightful tales that I know of the Florentines.”[206]
Messer Bernardo said:
“They must have rather been Sienese, who often slip in this way; as was
recently the case with one, who, on hearing some letters read in council
wherein the phrase ‘the aforesaid’ was used (to avoid such frequent
repetition of the name of the man who was spoken of), said to the man
who was reading: ‘Stop there a moment and tell me, is this Aforesaid a
friend to our commune?’”
Messer Pietro laughed, then said:
“I am speaking of Florentines, not of Sienese.”
“Speak out freely then,” added my lady Emilia, “and do not stand so much
on ceremony.”
Messer Pietro continued:
“When the Florentine Signory was waging war against the Pisans,[207]
they sometimes found their money exhausted by their great expenses; and
the method of finding money for daily needs being discussed in council
one day, after many ways had been proposed, one of the oldest citizens
said: ‘I have thought of two methods whereby we could soon get a goodly
sum of money without much trouble. And one of these is, that since we
have no revenue greater than from the customs levied at the gates of
Florence, and since we have eleven gates, let us at once have eleven
more made, and thus we shall double our revenue. The other method is to
give orders that the mints be forthwith opened in Pistoia and
Prato,[208] just the same as in Florence, and that nothing be done there
day and night but mint money, and that all the money be ducats of gold;
and in my judgment this course is the quicker and the less costly.’”
53.—There was much laughter at this citizen’s keen sagacity: and the
laughter being quieted, my lady Emilia said:
“Messer Bernardo, will you allow messer Pietro to ridicule the
Florentines in this fashion, without returning blow for blow?”
“I forgive him this affront,” replied messer Bernardo, still laughing,
“for if he has displeased me by ridiculing the Florentines, he has
pleased me by obeying you, as I also would always do.”
Then messer Cesare said:
“I heard a delightful blunder made by a Brescian who had been at Venice
this year for the feast of the Ascension, and in my presence was
describing to some of his companions the fine things that he had seen
there; and how much merchandise there was, and how much silverware,
spices, cloth and stuffs; then the Signory went forth with great pomp to
wed the sea in the Bucentaur,[209] on board of which there were so many
finely dressed gentlemen, so much music and singing, that it seemed a
paradise. And on being asked by one of his companions which kind of
music he liked best among those that he had heard, he said: ‘They all
were good; but among the rest I saw a man playing on a certain strange
trumpet, which he thrust down his throat more than two palms at every
flourish, and then he straightway drew it out and thrust it down again;
so that you never saw a greater marvel.’”
Then everyone laughed, perceiving the silly mistake of the man, who had
imagined that the player thrust down his throat that part of the
trombone which disappears by sliding into itself.
54.—Messer Bernardo then continued:
“Moreover common affectations are tedious, but they excite much laughter
when they are beyond measure: like those we sometimes hear from certain
mouths regarding greatness or courage or nobility; or sometimes from
women, regarding beauty or fastidiousness. As was not long since the
case with a lady who remained sad and abstracted at some great festival;
and when asked what she was thinking about that should make her so
gloomy, she replied: ‘I was thinking of a matter that troubles me
greatly whenever it occurs to me, nor can I lift it from my heart; and
this is, that on the universal Judgment Day, when all men’s naked bodies
must rise and appear before the tribunal of Christ, I cannot endure the
distress I feel at the thought that my body will have to be seen
unclothed among the rest.’ Being extravagant, such affectations as these
cause laughter rather than tedium.
“You all are familiar with those splendid lies so well composed that
they move to laughter. A very excellent one was but lately told me by a
friend of ours who never suffers us to be without them.”
55.—Then the Magnifico Giuliano said:
“Be that as it may, it cannot be more excellent or more ingenious than
one which a fellow-Tuscan of ours, a merchant of Lucca, affirmed the
other day as a positive fact.”
“Tell it to us,” added my lady Duchess.
The Magnifico Giuliano replied, laughing:
“This merchant, so he tells the story, once finding himself in Poland,
decided to buy a quantity of sables with the intention of carrying them
into Italy and making great profit thereby. And after much effort, being
unable to enter Muscovy himself (by reason of the war that was then
waging between the King of Poland and the Duke of Muscovy), he arranged
with the help of some people of the country, that on an appointed day
certain Muscovite merchants should come with their sables to the
frontier of Poland, and he promised to be there in order to strike the
bargain. Accordingly, proceeding with his companions towards Muscovy,
the man of Lucca reached the Dnieper, which he found all frozen as hard
as marble, and saw that the Muscovites (who on account of the war were
themselves suspicious of the Poles) were already on the other bank, but
approached no nearer than the width of the river. So, having recognized
each other, the Muscovites after some signalling began to speak with a
loud voice, and to ask the price that they wished for their sables; but
such was the extreme cold that they were not heard, for before reaching
the other bank (where the man of Lucca and his interpreters were) the
words froze in the air, and remained there frozen and caught in such
manner that the Poles, who knew the custom, set about making a great
fire in the very middle of the river; because to their thinking that was
the limit reached by the warm voice before it was stopped by freezing,
and the river was quite solid enough to bear the fire easily. So, when
this was done, the words (which had remained frozen for the space of an
hour) in due course began to melt and to fall in a murmur, like snow
from the mountains in May; and thus they were at once heard very well,
although the men had already gone. But as the merchant thought that the
words asked too high a price for the sables, he would not accept the
offer and so returned without them.”[210]
56.—Thereupon everyone laughed, and messer Bernardo said:
“Of a truth the story I wish to tell you is not so ingenious; however it
is a fine one, and runs as follows:
“Speaking a few days since of the country or World recently discovered
by the Portuguese mariners,[211] and of the various animals and other
things which they bring back to Portugal, that friend of whom I told you
affirmed that he had seen a monkey of a form very different from those
we are accustomed to see, which played chess most admirably. And among
other occasions, the gentleman who had brought her, being one day before
the King of Portugal[212] and engaged in a game of chess with her, the
monkey made several moves so skilfully as to press him hard and at last
checkmated him. Being vexed, as all are wont to be who lose at that
game, the gentleman took up the king-piece (which was very large, such
as the Portuguese use) and gave the monkey a smart blow upon the head;
whereupon she leaped aside crying loudly, and seemed to ask justice of
the king for the wrong that had been done her. Then the gentleman
invited her to play again; and after refusing awhile by means of signs,
she finally began to play once more, and, as she had done the first
time, she again had the better of him. At last, seeing that she would be
able to checkmate the gentleman, the monkey tried a new trick to guard
against being struck again; and without showing what she was at, she
quietly put her right paw under the gentleman’s left elbow, which was
luxuriously resting on a taffety[213] cushion, and (quickly snatching
the cushion) with her left paw she at the same time checkmated him with
a pawn, while with her right she held the cushion over her head as a
shield against his blows; she then leaped joyfully to the king as if to
parade her victory. Now you see how wise, wary and discreet the monkey
was.”
Then messer Cesare Gonzaga said:
“It must be that this was a doctor among monkeys, and of great
authority; and I think that the Republic of Indian Monkeys sent her to
Portugal to make a name in a foreign land.”
Thereupon everyone laughed, both at the story and at the addition given
to it by messer Cesare.
57.—So, continuing the discussion, messer Bernardo said:
“You have now heard what occurs to me concerning those pleasantries that
render the effect of a thing by continuous talk; therefore it is now
well to speak of those that consist in a single saying and have a quick
keenness compressed into a phrase or word. And just as in the first
kind,—that of humourous talk,—we must in our narrative and mimicry avoid
resembling buffoons and parasites and those who make others laugh by
their sheer absurdities, so in these short sayings the Courtier must
take care not to appear malicious and spiteful, and not to utter
witticisms and _arguzie_ solely to annoy and cut to the quick; because
for the sin of their tongue such men often suffer in all their members.