we was boy and gel at school. [_Grabs his hand._] And how is it, Den?
Purt good, I guess, eh?
DAN [_smothering_]. Oh, fairish, fairish, fairish!
DAISY. And, like myself, Den, you ain’t married yet, are you?
DAN. Not yet--not yet.... Nor no notion o’t. [_Backs away._]
DAISY [_sits down_]. Draw up a chair, Den, and let’s have a gibber
about the old schooldays....
DEEGAN [_after a pause_]. Come, boy; have you nothing to say for
yourself?
DAN. I don’t mind much about my schooldays. I never was many days at
the school.
DAISY. Waal, set right down, Den, and I’ll stir up your recollection
some.
DEEGAN [_brings another chair_]. Come forward, boy.
DAN [_aside_]. God help me now, amen! [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Now, both of you are aware of what I have in mind. So I want
no delays. Making a match is like swopping horses--the less one knows
about the other the better.... You have my permission to proceed. [_He
goes into the room and shuts the door._]
DAISY [_making eyes at DAN_]. Say, Den, ain’t this dinky? A-setting
at our own fireside, like Darby and Joan, ain’t we? [_Draws her chair
closer._] What a swell picture-postal we’d take--and you with your arm
round me--eh?
DAN [_bounces up_]. The Lord stand between me and the snares of
Satan, amen!
DAISY. What’s the trouble, Den?
DAN. I’m a dacent boy. That’s the trouble.
DAISY [_rising_]. But, my dear Den, we gotta get married, or dad will
be so mad.
DAN [_retreats, and is followed by DAISY_]. That’s nice talk--about
marriage--afore you know me five minutes.... Keep back now. Don’t
surround me.
DAISY. You ain’t skeert, Den, are you?
DAN. Oh, I can defend myself--if it comes to that!... Keep back....
Don’t swarm in on me. [_Moves backwards._]
DAISY [_following him_]. If you ain’t skeert, why run back aways,
like that? Why not halt and talk?
DAN [_warding her off_]. Don’t crowd me, now! Keep a civil distance
off me.... [_Moves on._]
DAISY. Now, Denny, you know blamed well you just love your own Daisy.
Ain’t it so? Mind, I ain’t a gel to chase a man around.
DAN. Back, back, back! [_Picks up the shovel._]
DAISY [_halts_]. Look ahyar, young man. Are we going to make a
contract, yea or nay? Now speak.
DAN. No contracts ... no contracts.... I’m not a marrying man....
DAISY. Then I guess that ends the courtship. Let’s tell dad. [_She
goes towards the room._]
DAN. Hi, wait a minute! [_Scratches his head._] That would be
twartin’ him....
DAISY [_comes back_]. How now, Denny? Changed your mind, have you?
DAN [_feebly_]. I dunno what to do.... God help me, amen!
DAISY [_taking his arm_]. Let’s set down like sensible folks, Denny,
and I’ll tell you what to do. [_They sit down._] Now, Den, this ain’t no
boy-and-gel love-affair. This is a deal. Your dad has seen my papers and
they suit him. He needs my money to finish this here house, and you
can’t have the dollars without Daisy. [_Draws closer._] Now, Den, it’s
your move.... Don’t be skeert to offend me....
_DENIS M’GOTHIGAN and ROSE come in back. DENIS is a sturdy
little farmer with a full beard._
DENIS. Well, are ye foolin’ another gerril, Dan? Is’t not enough to
fool my daughter, without foolin’ the whole naberhood?
DAN [_jumps up_]. I’m in flames, but this is a judgment! [_Stands
gazing blankly at DENIS._] Mind, my fader’s in that room, Denis. If he
comes out he’ll martyr me.
DENIS. Oh, the sooner he hears what I have to say the better.
[_Shouts._] I’ve no cows grazed with James Deegan, LL.D. I disregard the
ould lan’ grabber or the breed of him....
_OLD DEEGAN comes from the room._
DAN [_wringing his hands_]. Oh, I wisht the ground would open its
mouth and swalley me!
DEEGAN. Small farmers have large voices. Whom are you threatening
now, Denis?
DENIS. I’m come to see about this match between your fool son and my
daughter. It was noan of my seekin’ nor my makin’. But the job’s done
now, and I’ll make him toe the line, or I’ll know for why. He’ll not
make a laughin’-stock of my daughter. [_Stamps his foot._] I’m damned if
he will!
DEEGAN. Have you anything in writing, Denis?
DENIS. No, but I’ve good eye-witness. Paul Twyning seen and heard the
engagement....
_PAUL comes in back._
PAUL. Who’s taking Paul’s name in vain? Paul Twyning is a stranger in
your midst and doesn’t want his name mixed up in this rural squabble at
all.
DAN. That’s right, Paul. Deny everything.
DENIS [_hotly to PAUL_]. Ye were an eye-witness! Ye were an
eye-witness! [_Menaces PAUL._] If ye deny it, I’ll smash ye!
PAUL [_flies off the handle_]. Hell recaive the mongrel in the nine
counties of Ulster can put them up to Paul Twyning! [_Squares out._]
Come on now--the whole three of you! [_Knocks the hat off DENIS._] Come
on, I say! For three month in this barren country has left me
blue-moulding for a fight....
DEEGAN. Order! I’ll not have my house turned into a Dublin
doss-house.
DAN. That’s right, fader. You know the law.
DEEGAN [_slaps DAN_]. How dare you speak a word, sir! I’ll take the
belt to you later.
DAN. God help me, amen. I’m always blamed.
DEEGAN. Denis M’Gothigan, promise or no promise, you have no case. My
prodigal son has nothing here but the name.
DENIS. Ho, heth, we’ll see about that! The prodigal can claim for
sarvent’s wages.... Oh, by the holy, you’ll not twist Denis.... I’ve a
witness and a ring and a conversation-lozenger....
DAN. It’s a lie!
ROSE. Oh, Dan, Dan!
DENIS. Hand me that lozenger, gerril. [_ROSE gives him a big broad
sweet._] Wait till the jury hears this. [_Reads._]
“I love you very dearly,
And if you love me,
In spite of wind and weather
We shall married be.”
DAN. It’s a lie. I never had that lozenger in my possession. It was a
wee peppermint I give her....
ROSE. Oh, Dan, Dan!
DAN. Oh, it’s easy for you to “Dan, Dan.” But it’s me’s fighting for
my life.
ROSE. And there’s the ring. [_Holds up her hand._]
DAN. That’s not my ring at all. It’s Paul Twyning’s ring. He picked
it up--or stole it from the pilgrims--at Lisdoonvarna.
PAUL. Dan Deegan, mind what you’re saying, or I’ll clout you one on
the ear.
DAN. I mind rightly what I’m saying. I’m in flames, but I mean to
clear myself!
DEEGAN. Denis M’Gothigan, the courts are open to you. But I think it
my duty to inform you that the defendant is about to emigrate....
DAN [_bursts out crying_]. A bad end to you, Paul Twyning!... This is
what comes of bad company.... I was a happy boy till I met you....
[_Sobs bitterly._]
PAUL. The prayers of the wicked hath no travalley. Dan! You’ve gone
the pace and must take the consequences.
ROSE [_crying_]. Don’t emigrate him, Mr. Deegan. I don’t care about
myself ... but don’t emigrate Dan.
DENIS [_grabs ROSE_]. Come on, m’gerrill! I’ll have noan of this
whumpering.... I’ll have damages, or rid the country of him. [_Leads
ROSE out back._]
PAUL. You’ll be another Columcille, Dan. You won’t even get back to
Ireland blindfolded.... [_Looks about the floor._] Well, begorry, after
I searching the whole place, outside and in, there is my spatula!
[_Picks it up and goes into the room._]
DEEGAN [_roars at DAN_]. Go and take off your good clothes--you
damned prodigal scoundrel, you!
_DAN goes into the room blubbering._
DAISY [_rising_]. I feel downright sorry for you, Mr. Deegan. I do.
DEEGAN. I’m obliged to you, Miss Mullan. But this is not my first
trouble of the kind. I had to banish four other sons and two daughters
for disobedience, and this lad’s by far the worst of the lot.
DAISY. It’s a plum shame the way your family have treated you. Here
you are with a noo house and a large farm, and no one to look after you
but a few servants. It’s a downright crime. [_The room door is opened
cautiously, and DAN is seen to listen._] Why, my dear friend, what you
want is a good-hearted young woman to look after you and take an
interest in you.
DEEGAN. I wish I had thought of that fifteen years ago.... I’m too
old now.
DAISY. Too old! Why, you’re a fresher man than your son Dan. In
America a man of your age is dancing and flirting and only beginning to
enjoy life.
DEEGAN. It’s good of you to flatter an old man. [_Lays his hand on
her shoulder_] If I had met you ten or twelve years ago, I might have
put a certain question to you.
DAISY. If you’d met me ten years ago, you’d have met a comparatively
poor gel, for I’ve made all my money in the last decade.... But ain’t it
better late than never?
DEEGAN [_animated_]. Mind what you’re saying, Daisy. My heart is
younger than my face.
DAISY. I know fine what I’m saying, Jimes. And I repeat--ain’t it
better late than never?
DEEGAN. You would give me a new lease of life, Daisy.
DAISY. I sure would, dear.
DEEGAN. I’m not after your money, Daisy. I would make you an
assignment of everything I possess in the world.
DAISY. And I’d take care you wanted for nothing, dear.... I’d have
your house and garden the talk of this here settlement.... Out there in
front of the door I’d have a double hedge of sweet-pea....
DEEGAN [_drops on one knee and takes her hand_]. Daisy, will you
marry me...?
DAN [_shouts_]. Paul, Paul! Quick! The ould man’s down on his
knees.... Good God! the man that shook hands with Parnell himself....
_PAUL dashes from the room._
PAUL. Congratulations ... congratulations! Is it all settled?
DAISY. Why, sure! He’s asked me to marry him, and my answer is--Yaas!
PAUL. And I have great pleasure in being a witness. [_Aside_] And ten
to one I’ll be called.
_Curtain_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACT II
_The following day--forenoon._
_A drinking-room in Patrick Deegan’s public-house. There is a door to
the kitchen, one to the bar, and a side door to the yard._
_PATRICK DEEGAN, a big, rough man with a whiskey nose, comes in
from the bar, followed by PAUL TWYNING and DAN DEEGAN._
PATRICK. Now don’t all spake at once. Keep you your tongue in your
teeth, Dan, and let Paul Twyning that has travelled the world and seen
something in his time tell me about this calamity.... One thing we all
know: if Mullan had the ould man on his knees, she never let him up till
he settled the business.
_MRS. DEEGAN, a grey-haired woman with a troubled face, looks in
from the bar._
MRS. DEEGAN. Patrick dear, won’t you let me come in and hear the rest
of it?
PATRICK. Away to blazes, you, and mind the bar! If I want your advice
I’ll for send you. I never had an hour’s luck since the day I tane you.
MRS. DEEGAN. Well, well. Maybe you’ll get rid of me, and you’ll have
good luck then. [_She turns to go._]
PATRICK. Here! bring us a taste of something to drink.... What’s
yours, Paul?
PAUL. Plain whiskey.
DAN. Me a wee taste of wine.
PATRICK. Wine the devil! [_To MRS. DEEGAN_] Three glasses of whiskey
from the wee jar in the gas-meter. Fly now!
MRS. DEEGAN [_comes back_]. Patrick Deegan, are you wild mad? If you
taste whiskey this day and your father coming in--I know what ’ill
happen. He’ll sign this house over to Daisy Mullan, and we’ll be left
homeless....
PATRICK. Shut up your long face and bring the whiskey. Could I do
business without a good rosener to steady me? Fly now.
MRS. DEEGAN. Oh, very well. You’ll see who’s right and who’s wrong
before the chapel bell rings six. [_She goes out to the bar._]
PATRICK. Take sates, boys. I couldn’t sit down myself, I’m that
through-over.
_PAUL and DAN sit down at the table. MRS. DEEGAN comes in with
three glasses on a tray._
PAUL. Here’s good luck and good health....
PATRICK. Don’t drink a minute, Paul. I want to ask you one question.
Are you on our side or the ould man’s? Mind, a five-pound note never
raired Pat Deegan. If you help me to manœuvre him into making me an
assignment of this house the day--I’ll not forget a friend.
PAUL. I’m dead again the ould man on principle.
PATRICK. That’s the style, by Mozes! On what principle, Paul?
PAUL. That a man of seventy-five should be thinking about his sowl
instead of his honeymoon.
PATRICK. A new proverb, by Mozes! We’ll drink to that afore we say
another word. [_Raising his glass_] Here’s a plague on the ould Yankee
Mullan that has brought all this trouble on quiet, dacent people.
_All drink._
MRS. DEEGAN. Patrick dear, Jim’s in the bar. Won’t you let me stay
and hear what you’re going to do?
PATRICK. Aye, certainly, Janey.... Heth, I don’t know who has a
better right to hear the outs and ins of it than my own Janey. [_MRS.
DEEGAN sits._] Now, Paul, you’re the man I want to hear. What’s your
opinion of the whole tragedy?
PAUL. Well, in the first place, I think your father--God forgive
him--has treated his fine family worse than the mud on the road. Four
sons and two daughters banished, the boy Dan about to be pushed out with
the grey ribs in his hair, and yourself a cottier with no more fixity of
tenure than one of Clanricarde’s tenants in the evil days.
PATRICK [_grabs MRS. DEEGAN_]. D’ye hear that? D’ye hear what a smart
man that has paraded the world says? Is them my own words a-fifty times
over?
MRS. DEEGAN. Oh, indeed, many a time you said that, Patrick.
PATRICK. Purceed, Paul.
PAUL. And the worst--the saddest feature of all--James Deegan is an
able man.
PATRICK. Able! A man that shook hands with Parnell himself. A man
that addressed the gowned judges in the Four Courts of Dublin. Aye, by
Mozes, he’s an able man!
PAUL. But, like every great man of ancient or modern times, James
Deegan has made a mess in the last lap.
PATRICK. Aye, look at ould Gladstone, and Parnell himself.
PAUL. I almost despair of my own sex when I see James Deegan--a
white-haired man, as grave and solemn as his own memorial--making love
on his two knees to an ould washed-out Yankee cook.
PATRICK. By Mozes, it’s no wonder you despair.
MRS. DEEGAN. Now you’ll blether on till he comes in. Then you’ll have
less to say.
PAUL. The lady is right. He’ll be in soon, for we passed him and his
fiancée in the trap within half a mile of town. Myself and Dan were in
the creamery-waggon, and we covered up with empty sacks that he wouldn’t
see us.
MRS. DEEGAN. In God’s name, will Daisy Mullan take him?
PAUL. Would a duck swallow a dew-worm?
MRS. DEEGAN. Has she property in America?
PAUL. I don’t know about the property, but she has more deeds and
documents in her vanity-bag than would do the Congested Districts
Boord.... And she’ll have more before night comes, for he’ll sign the
farm over to her this day in front of an attorney....
PATRICK. Oh, my head, my head! [_Holds his head._] By Mozes, I’m
wake!
MRS. DEEGAN. Why didn’t you take her yourself, Dan, if she wants a
man?
PAUL. Poor Dan has his own troubles.... Isn’t he pledged to Rose
M’Gothigan?
PATRICK. What! Pledged to who?
PAUL. Keep cool now, for pity’s sake.... How could Dan be wise and
his father a fool? He’d the misfortune to speak to Rose, and she
consented....
PATRICK [_reaching for DAN_]. For two straws I’d bring the win’pipe
out in my hand! I see it all now. You were sitting humpt up beside her
the whole night of the dance.... It’s you has riz the devil in the ould
man.... [_Reaches again._] I’ll fetch the win’pipe....
DAN. Don’t touch me now! I’m in flames, if I’ll stand it.
PAUL. Leave Dan alone, Patrick. Isn’t he well enough punished, and he
about to be shipped to a foreign shore?
_JIM DEEGAN, a thin boy of eighteen, comes in from the bar._
JIM. I say, I say! My granda’s away driving up the street, with a
woman in the trap....
PATRICK. And did he not think worth his while to stop at the door?
JIM. He never looked in as much as.
PAUL. He’s taking Daisy up to the bank. She has a Yankee draft to
cash, and he’s going to endorse it.
PATRICK. He’ll rue that, by Mozes! I never seen a Yankee draft yet
worth tuppence. [_To JIM_] Away you out to the bar, boy.... Away now,
afore I lift something and split your skull.
JIM. What’s wrong, da?
PATRICK. Away, and don’t ask so many questions. You’d talk as much as
your mother.... Away--afore I lift this table and brain you.
JIM. Is my granda going to marry that woman, da?
PATRICK. Aye, he wants a wife instead of a coffin.... Go on, now,
like a good wee son, and mind the bar. That’s a boy!
JIM. And will he not lay me the farm--and me called for him?
DAN. Flames to you! what right have you to the farm?
JIM. Da, won’t you....
PATRICK. Will you go and mind the bar? [_Makes a race at him._] By
Mozes, I’ll lame you! [_JIM runs out._] Your mother has you spoiled.
PAUL [_rising_]. I don’t want the ould man to know I’m in the town at
all, for he left me plastering the parlour room.... I’ll sit in the
kitchen and sip a bottle of stout.... Come along, Dan.
_PAUL and DAN go off right._
PATRICK. This is a tragedy! Daisy Mullan ’ill revenge herself on
me....
MRS. DEEGAN [_rising_]. What has Daisy Mullan against you?
PATRICK. I coorted her awhile about thirty years ago.
MRS. DEEGAN. Och, she was lucky didn’t get you. She’ll have forgot
all about it.
PATRICK. Will she indeed! She’ll mind it rightly. [_Looks wild._]
I’ll go and get blind drunk....
MRS. DEEGAN. You’ll do nothing of the kind. You’ll leave everything
to me. Who knows but this is all for good? If he ships Dan, we might be
able to stop the wedding, and then Jim would get the farm after all.
PATRICK. If you can manage that I’ll buy you the best pair of
slippers in Ballybullion. I will, by Mozes!
_JIM rushes in._
JIM. I say, I say! My granda’s away into the yard ... the woman’s in
the bank. And Denis M’Gothigan and his daughter Rose is away into
Attorney Dawson’s....
MRS. DEEGAN. Well, well! One thing at once. You’re like all the
Deegans--you won’t make anything smaller. [_To PATRICK_] Go out,
Patrick, and help your father to put in the mare ... and don’t let on
you know a ha’porth.
PATRICK. I’ll be as nice as ninepence at first. But if he doesn’t
sign this house over to me this day I’ll give him and ould Daisy a
wedding-present, by Mozes! [_Goes out the side-door to the yard._]
JIM. Ma, what’s wrong?
MRS. DEEGAN. Don’t bother me, son.
JIM. My granda looks powerful stern.
MRS. DEEGAN. Well, be you very glad to see him when he comes in, and
remind him that you’re called for him.
JIM. Heth, I will, ma. But if he doesn’t lay me the farm or gimme six
hunnert pound, I’ll tell him another story some day!
MRS. DEEGAN [_with energy_]. Here, listen to me. Take the wee bottle
and sixpence, and tell the druggist to fill it for your ma.... And don’t
let anybody see what you’re getting.... Just slip the wee bottle to the
druggist. He’ll know what you want.
JIM. All right, ma. [_Goes out quickly._]
MRS. DEEGAN [_removes the tray_]. He’ll sign nothing over to Daisy
Mullan this day if I can stop it!... The old viper--what does he want
with a woman?
_OLD DEEGAN comes in at the side door. He carries a whip and a
rug, and is looking very spry._
DEEGAN. Well, how’s all here?
MRS. DEEGAN [_fussing_]. Och, granda dear, and is this yourself!
[_Shakes hands and laughs._] Upon my word, granda, you’re getting
fresher looking every day.
DEEGAN. I’m like the eagles, I’m renewing my youth. [_Lays down the
whip and rug and sits down at the table._]
MRS. DEEGAN. It’s nothing short of a miracle--at your great age. I
suppose you’re hard on eighty, granda.
DEEGAN. A man is just as old as he feels. I feel hard on twenty-five.
_JIM rushes in, and slips the bottle to his mother._
JIM. Och, is this my wee granda!
MRS. DEEGAN. Yes, you’ll be happy now. You’ve been wishing and
wishing your granda would come in.
JIM. Och, my dear granda! [_Hugs him._] My own dear granda that I’m
called for. Amn’t I, granda?
DEEGAN [_gives him a penny_]. There’s a penny for yourself. Go and
buy liquorice-ball.
JIM. Ah, thanks, granda. It takes yourself. [_Tries to kiss him._]
You’ll lay me more than a penny some day. Won’t you, granda?
DEEGAN. We’ll see. Go now and buy liquorice-ball. You’re getting too
old for this baby-talk.
JIM. It’s because I love my granda.... [_Goes out with hanging lip._]
MRS. DEEGAN. You oughtn’t to cut him, granda. He’s that doted on you.
DEEGAN. He’s like all the rest, he’s doted on my last will and
testament.
MRS. DEEGAN. May God forgive you, James Deegan, for thinking such a
thing, let alone say it!
DEEGAN [_shrugs_]. We won’t discuss it further.... Have you seen
Daniel?
MRS. DEEGAN. He’s about the house somewhere.
DEEGAN. I suppose he has emptied his stomach?
MRS. DEEGAN. Och, he was talking as usual, but I was busy and paid no
attention. Poor Dan has always a long story about the cruel way you
treat him.
DEEGAN. You are a wise woman--and a rare woman--to pay no attention
to stories.... Send Daniel to me. He’s in the kitchen.
MRS. DEEGAN. Och, granda, won’t you take a wee taste of something
after the drive?
DEEGAN. Not at present. I have important legal business to transact
to-day, and I always make it a rule to keep the mind clear for
business.... Tell Daniel to come forth.
MRS. DEEGAN. You were always a great business man, granda. I wish
your sons had taken after you.
DEEGAN. My sons were graceless and without understanding. Send Daniel
to me.
_MRS. DEEGAN goes to the kitchen, and PATRICK comes in._
PATRICK. Heth, that mare’s in big fettle, father. But she needs a wee
bit off her mane and tail.
DEEGAN. Her mane and tail will do me very well. But what about
yourself? You’ve had another big spill since I was here.
PATRICK [_lamely_]. It was the fair day, and I got a wee taste too
much. But I’ve tane the pledge for life, and means to keep it....
DEEGAN. Silence, sir! How dare you stand there and tell me you have
the pledge for life! Couldn’t I smell your breath the moment I entered
the yard?...
PATRICK. Aye, so you’re right. I tane a wee thim’leful this
morning....
DEEGAN. Patrick Deegan, beware! I may have to answer at the Bar of
Judgment for putting you in a public-house. Take this from me as final.
One other burst and I’ll put this licensed property to the hammer.
PATRICK. I could curse the day you ever put me in it.
DEEGAN. And I have been cursing the day ever since.
PATRICK. If you’d gimme the property at first and let me run it my
own way, I’d be a different man the day.
DEEGAN. A different man indeed! You’d be in the graveyard or the
madhouse many a year ago. [_Stands up._] But since you’ve raised the
question, I’ll settle it now, once for all. Then you’ll know where you
stand.
PATRICK. That’s all I want to know.
DEEGAN. Your name will never be in the deed of this property.... You
know now.
PATRICK. Say that again!
DEEGAN. If I don’t sell the house, I’ll leave it to your crafty wife,
and she in turn will leave it to her crafty son. There now. That’s your
settlement. [_Sits._]
PATRICK [_foaming_]. The day you do that I’ll burn it to ashes--I
will, by Mozes!
DEEGAN. And welcome. It’s well insured.
PATRICK [_boils over_]. Aye, maybe it is.... Maybe it’s well
insured.... I know nothing about that.... I’m only the tenant. But I
know this much. You’d better insure yourself. D’ye hear me? Insure
yourself ... and your ould Yankee trooper....
_DAISY comes in from the bar, her face flaming._
DAISY. Patrick Deegan, who are you calling names to? Is it me, is it?
Am I the old Yankee trooper, am I?
PATRICK. Shut up! or I’ll hinch you as far as I can hinch you out the
middle of the street.
_MRS. DEEGAN rushes in._
MRS. DEEGAN. What’s wrong--what’s wrong?
DAISY. James Deegan, am I to be treated in this low-down manner, am
I? Is this how you mean to protect me as your wife, is it?
DEEGAN [_stands up_]. Patrick Deegan, you have done a bad day’s work
for yourself and for those who come after you....
PATRICK [_wildly_]. Ah, shut up, you! You’re the great man that shook
hands with Parnell himself! You’re the great lawyer that addressed the
gowned judges in the Four Coorts of Dublin!... And here you are at
last--tane up with an ould Yankee ballad-singer, by Mozes! [_MRS. DEEGAN
grabs PATRICK and drags him out, he shouting_] Ould Yankee trooper....
Ould ballad-singer.... Ould mazawatty.
_MRS. DEEGAN gets him dragged out to the bar._
DAISY. James dear, these folks don’t want me. That woman hates me
like a snake. See the look in her eyes, and she snarls so. [_Sits
down._]
DEEGAN. She may snarl, but she can’t bite. Before we leave the town
you’ll be her landlady. [_Sits down._]
DAISY. Oh, James, how good you are. [_Looks about her._] And you bet
I’ll see they keep this place in order.
_MRS. DEEGAN hurries in with two glasses on a tray._
MRS. DEEGAN. Granda, dear, you know what Patrick is? He’s that hasty.
[_To DAISY_] He wouldn’t hurt your feelings for the world, Miss Mullan.
[_Laughs drily._] Och, sure, from what I hear, you’ll soon be one of the
family.
DAISY. Yaas! and a nice family reception I’m gitting. An old Yankee
trooper, no less.
MRS. DEEGAN. Och, who would heed Patrick Deegan?... I wish you both
many happy days.... This is just a wee taste to wet the match. A wee
special for you, granda, and a port for you, Miss Mullan.
DAISY. I sure want something after that unholy racket. [_To OLD
DEEGAN_] Drink that up, dear. It’ll do you good.
_Both drink._
MRS. DEEGAN. I hope you’ll give us the big day soon. [_Picks up the
tray._] I’ll leave you now.... Three’s a crowd. [_She goes out
smiling._]
DAISY. That’s a cruel, cruel woman, Jimes. Ain’t she, dear?
DEEGAN. A crafty lady.... You had no trouble at the bank?
DAISY. Why, I should say not. The manager, a real nice man, he just
glanced at your endorsement and smiled pleasant. [_Opens the
vanity-bag._] I got the whole wad right here. [_Shows him the roll of
paper money._]
DEEGAN. That’s too much money to carry on your person. You ought to
have left it--or part of it--in the bank.
DAISY. Not on your life, dear. My next haul can stay in the bank, but
every cent of this is going into our noo home for nice furniture and
nifty wall-paper and carpets [_putting the money back in the bag_]. I
told you I was going to make you happy and comfortable, and you bet I
am.
_JIM rushes in._
JIM. Och, my new grandma! My bonny wee Yankee grandma! [_Tries to hug
DAISY._]
DAISY [_pushing him off_]. Who the goldarn are you? [_Stands up._]
JIM. Och, don’t you know me? I’m called for my granda.... Amn’t I,
granda? Amn’t I your favourite grandchild?
DAISY. Go on--beat it. We don’t want you here at all. You’re too
darned sweet to be wholesome....
JIM. Och, you don’t know me, grandma....
DAISY. Nor I don’t want to. Go on--git! We can spare you. Skidoo.
[_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Where is Uncle Daniel, boy?
JIM. Him and Paul Twyning’s in the kitchen, drinking mulled porter.
DEEGAN. Oh, indeed! Has Paul followed the scent?
DAISY. Ain’t that for you now! And we left him plastering the room!
JIM. Him and Uncle Dan came in the creamery waggon--covered up with
empty bags that you couldn’t see them.
DEEGAN. Send both to me.
JIM. Heth, I will. It’s nice to be doing something for my dear
granda. [_Dashes off to the kitchen._]
DAISY. Say, that’s a fearfully sloppy kid, ain’t he?
DEEGAN. The mother puts him up to it.
_PAUL staggers in, followed by DAN._
PAUL [_in a tipsy voice_]. Here we are again, as large as life! And
anyone that doesn’t like my gait needn’t swing on it.
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, what are you doing in the town?
PAUL. I’m waiting for the first train to Dublin. [_Sings_]
“For the ship went down with that fair young bride
That sailed from Dooooooooblin Bay.”
DEEGAN. You’re drunk, sir.
PAUL. Not quite, but feeling nicely.... And musically inclined.
[_Sings_]
“In a pair of brand-new brogues
I rattled o’er the bogs,
And frightened all the dogs
On the rocky road to Dublin.
... Tearing away, my boys....”
DEEGAN. Silence, sir!
PAUL. Silent, O Moyle, be the roar of thy waters.
DEEGAN. Aren’t you going back to finish the plastering?
PAUL. Most emphatically never. And I’ll tell you why. I don’t want my
name appearing in these morbid breach of promises cases, and I won’t
have it. [_Takes the spatula from his pocket._] I’ve my tools and all
here.... [_Sings_]
“I’m bidding you a long farewell,
My Mary kind and true....”
DEEGAN. Be quiet, sir!
PAUL. Well, without setting it to music, I’m quit!
DAN. I’m in flames, but I’m for Dublin too! I can go wi’ Paul and be
his attender....
DEEGAN [_stands up_]. What is that you say, boy?
DAN [_cowering_]. Oh, whatever you say yourself, fader.
DEEGAN. Come with me. I’ll let you see the Dublin you’re bound for.
[_Walks unsteadily towards the door._]
DAN. The emigration agent!
DAISY. Say, Jimes, ship him Red Star. It’s sure a smart service. I
got here in eight days....
DAN. I wish to God, amen, you’d went to the bottom of the sea!
DEEGAN [_returns unsteadily to his chair_]. My head feels somewhat
light. [_Sits down._]
DAISY. Same here, Jimes.... [_Her hat tilts to one side._] A sort of
dopey feeling....
_PATRICK ushers in MR. O’HAGAN._
PATRICK [_in a surly voice_]. Atturney Hagan to see you.
O’HAGAN. I was just setting out for your place, Mr. Deegan, when I
heard you were in town. [_Shakes hands._] How’s the health?
DEEGAN. Very well, thank you. What can I do for you?
O’HAGAN. Haven’t you a son named Daniel?
DEEGAN. Unfortunately I have.
O’HAGAN. Well, seems he has got himself mixed up with Rose
M’Gothigan--a daughter of Denis’s.
DAN. It’s a falsehood! I never spoke to the girl in my life.
O’HAGAN. Oh, is this the boy himself? [_Smiles at DAN._] The girl
tells a different story, Dan. She and her father are in about law this
morning....
DAN. Let them law away.... I’m stainless. Get the prayer-book and
swear me....
O’HAGAN [_to OLD DEEGAN_]. Denis M’Gothigan has the ball at his own
toe this time, Mr. Deegan. What are we going to do about it?
DEEGAN. Fight it.
DAN. That’s right, fader. Fight it.
O’HAGAN. If you take my advice you’ll give the girl a few pounds and
settle it.
DAN. In God’s name do, fader. Settle it. You never know what they
might swear.
DEEGAN [_to O’HAGAN_]. This thick-witted boy has nothing.
PAUL. Oh, he has something--he has a guilty conscience. I heard him
with my own ears popping the question, and saw him with my own eyes
putting the ring on her finger. If that isn’t a clear case for the
plaintiff, I’ll eat my spatula.
O’HAGAN. Now, Mr. Deegan, you hear that yourself. You wouldn’t be mad
enough to fight a case like that. [_He whispers to PATRICK, who goes
out._] We must settle this case, James. We haven’t a leg to stand on.
DAISY [_in a sleepy voice_]. Se’l it, dear ... se’l it. We don’t want
no law-suits ... we want peace.
_PATRICK brings in DENIS M’GOTHIGAN and ROSE._
O’HAGAN. Now, Denis, you have no case. But Mr. Deegan doesn’t want to
strive with a good neighbour....
DENIS. Ho! Is this the Four Courts?
O’HAGAN. It’s just as well for you it isn’t the Four Courts, or you’d
go home broke.
DENIS. Whisht! If we’ve no case, it would be a pity to take up your
valuable time. [_Takes ROSE’S hand._] Come on, m’ gerril. The Lord
Chancellor O’Hagan says we’ve no case. That ring on your finger and that
conversation-lozenger in your pocket is sadly agen us.... [_Leads ROSE
towards the door._]
O’HAGAN. Come back, Denis. You’re very quick at running away. It’s my
opinion you don’t want a settlement. But you must be saved from
yourself.... Dan Deegan has nothing. A man of straw. But his father is
ready to consider a settlement....
DENIS [_leading ROSE back_]. That’s better whiskey, Mr. Hagan. That’s
a lash better than having no case at all.
O’HAGAN. Now, now, Denis. Don’t be too sarcastic. If we reach a
settlement there must be no bitterness after.... Now, Denis, we’re
prepared without prejudice to offer your daughter five pounds.
DENIS. Yaha! yaha! Well, damn my picther if that’s not the best joke
ever you cracked, Hagan. [_To ROSE_] Come on, gerril. I can buy you a
pair of garters without these damages....
O’HAGAN. Then stand and say it yourself, Denis.
DENIS. Well. Without prejudice, three hundert pounds in goold.
O’HAGAN. Ah, bosh! No jury would give you more than a tenner, and
then you couldn’t get tenpence from Dan.
DENIS. I could rid the country of him.
DEEGAN. I’ll do that without you. I’m shipping him myself.
DAN [_sobbing_]. I don’t want to crass the seas.... I’m too ould, and
I’m no skolard....
DENIS. You’re not too ould to destroy young gerrils!... You and your
conversation-lozengers is a danger to the parish.
DAN [_weeping_]. Don’t paint me blacker than I am, Denis. [_Sobs
quietly._]
O’HAGAN. This is a very pathetic case. The poor boy doesn’t want to
leave the green hills and dales of holy Ireland.
DENIS. He should lave the gerrils alone, well.
O’HAGAN. Ah, for shame, Denis. You were young yourself.... Any white
jury would forgive Dan for passing a lozenger to lovely Rose
M’Gothigan.... Look at the eye in her head. One glance of it would kill
a man like the lightning. [_To ROSE_] I’ll engage you wouldn’t like to
see your Willy Reilly banished--would you, now?
ROSE. Indeed no, sir. [_Sniffs._] It’s not me that’s driving him
across the seas.
DAN. God bliss you, Rose, amen!
DENIS. Be quiet, gerril! I’ll have noan of this saft nonsense.... I
know right well what O’Hagan’s flowery talk amounts to....
PAUL [_rising_]. Let Paul Twyning speak a word.... The solution of
this problem is as plain as the nose on your face. Let James Deegan and
Denis M’Gothigan give the lovers a modest start in life--sure, the costs
of a Dublin law-suit would buy them ten acres and a cow.
DENIS. I’m game. I’m raisonable.
O’HAGAN. Now, Mr. Deegan, what do you say?
DEEGAN. If one penny would buy them a freehold I wouldn’t give it.
PAUL [_hotly_]. No, bedamned to you for a pig-headed, selfish ould
slave-driver! You’d sooner put them aboord the emigrant ship.
O’HAGAN. Oh, oh! This is going too far.
DEEGAN. Not at all. Let the vagrant have his say.
PAUL. And the vagrant shall have his say! Ireland, north, south,
east, and west, is lowzy with your kind. There was more happiness on the
Irish homestead when you were paying the rack-rent and eating the
lumpers.
PATRICK. Oh, the holy truth!
PAUL. Since the ould generation of farmers got cheque-books, they
never smiled again.
PATRICK. Oh, Mozes, true!
PAUL. The omnipotent God knows what you’ll be like if ever you get
Home Rule. I wouldn’t like to be Dan Deegan and vote Labour.
DAN. Devil a vote you’d have if you were me.
PAUL. But I’d like well to be the first Irish Chancellor. Then I’d
bring back the smile to the ould Deegan faces. I’d give them just what
acres they could till, at a smart rent to the States, and there’d be
plenty of land left for the boys.
O’HAGAN. That’s Lalor.
PAUL. And it’s Twyning, too!
DEEGAN. And it’s everybody like you--tramps and paupers.
PAUL. Including your son Dan, who is more destitute and hopeless than
any tramp or pauper I’ve met. [_Points at DAN._] Just look at that
product of yourself and ninety-five acres of freehold. No more spine in
his back than a lizard, and so bulldozed and browbeaten that he’d swear
a lie before he’d own the simplest truth.
DAN. It’s the God’s holy truth, amen.
PAUL. Standing there with grey head and shaking limbs, you’d think
he’d killed a priest instead of given a conversation-lozenger to Rose
M’Gothigan. [_Loudly_] And Dan Deegan is legion. And Ould Deegan is
legion. You drive the youth to the four winds, and then bleat and pray
and send them shamrocks in exile.... Ah, gimme a drink somebody.
PATRICK [_rising_]. Come on wi’ me, Paul! By Mozes, you’re as
powerful as Paul and the Corinthians! [_He lugs PAUL out to the bar._]
DEEGAN. There’s a Labour leader lost in that frothy scoundrel.
O’HAGAN. There is some truth in him, too. So let us profit by it....
Now, Denis, what is the very lowest figure you can accept?
DENIS. Three hundert pound--in goold.
O’HAGAN. Good lord! [_To OLD DEEGAN_] Mr. Deegan, how far are you
prepared to go?
DEEGAN. A single penny of mine will never rattle in a M’Gothigan’s
pocket.
DENIS. Come on, Rose. We’ll see the Four Courts, after all.
ROSE. Good-bye, Dan.
DAN. Good-bye, Rose, amen.
_DENIS and ROSE go out._
DEEGAN [_to DAN_]. Step you out to the yard, sir. I want to speak
with Mr. O’Hagan.
DAN. Yes, fader. [_Goes out._]
DAISY. Jimes, I feel awful sleepy and queerish.... I believe that
wine was doped, I do.
DEEGAN. I’m certain of it. My own feet and legs are tingling, but the
mind is clear.
_MRS. DEEGAN comes in._
MRS. DEEGAN. You’ll take a cup of tea, granda?
DEEGAN. I want first to know what you put in that drink you gave us?
MRS. DEEGAN. Lord bless us, granda! Such a question to ask me. It was
a fresh bottle....
DEEGAN. That will do. I’ve heard drug stories about this house, but
now I’m convinced.
DAISY. I’m darned sure you put suthin in my port.... Dope or
suthin.... I can’t keep my eyes awake.
MRS. DEEGAN. Ach, you’re beside yourselves, the both of you! [_Goes
out to the kitchen._]
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan, this lady, Miss Mullan, and I have arranged to
get married. She has considerable property in America, and I want to
make her an assignment of these licensed premises and the farm.
O’HAGAN. As from your marriage day?
DEEGAN. Exactly so.
O’HAGAN [_shakes hands with DAISY_]. Congratulations, Miss Mullan.
DAISY. Thank you. I guess I’ll want a good smart lawyer to look after
my interests in America.
O’HAGAN. Your husband will be able to direct you to an excellent man.
[_To DEEGAN_] You want this matter arranged to-day, Mr. Deegan?
DEEGAN. Immediately. Then the M’Gothigans can proceed with their
writs.
O’HAGAN. By Jove, good!... You didn’t attend the Four Courts for
nothing.
DAISY. Ain’t he jest a dandy! I’m sure proud of my fiancé.
O’HAGAN. I’ll have the document ready in a few minutes. Will you come
across to the office and sign?
DEEGAN. If I’m not there when it’s ready, you can bring it over here.
O’HAGAN. With pleasure. [_Goes out._]
DAISY. Jimes dear, we must coax Paul Twyning to come back and finish
the plastering, else our marriage will be held up for weeks.
DEEGAN. I have thought of that. We must get the ruffian back.
_He rings a small bell on the table, and JIM rushes in._
JIM. Och, does my dear grandpa want me? [_Tries to kiss him._] You
are not angry at me, granda? sure you’re not?
DAISY. Give him a keek, Jimes! Hully gee, he does make me hot!...
Look ahyar, slobber! you get your message and beat it. Go while the
going’s good.
JIM. It’s a great sin for you to put in between granda and his
favourite grandchild.
DAISY. Here, skip! Else I’ll rise and fetch you one.
DEEGAN. Be off, boy. Tell Paul Twyning to come here.
JIM. My granda ... has turned clean agen me.... [_Goes out
sniffing._]
DAISY. Shucks! that kid gives me a bilious attack. I’d love to hitch
him to a post and whale the everlasting daylight out of him.
_PAUL staggers in._
PAUL [_with a grand gesture_].
“You know, my friends, with what a brave Carouse
I made a Second Marriage in my house;
Divorced old barren Reason from my bed,
And took the daughter of the Vine to spouse....”
I forget the rest of it at the moment....
DEEGAN. Never mind the rest of it. Are you coming back to finish the
plastering?
PAUL. My answer is No.
DAISY. But I say y’are! And I’m going to make it worth your while
to.... [_She opens the vanity-bag._]
_OLD DEEGAN leans back and falls asleep._
PAUL. Of course, a request from a young bride-to-be puts a different
complexion on it.
DAISY [_takes out the roll of money and hands PAUL a pound-note_].
Thar’s five dollars.
PAUL. With all due respect to the dollars--this is a pound-note.
DAISY. Yaas; that’s five dollars.
PAUL [_bowing_]. The strike is over. Work in all departments will
commence to-morrow morning. [_Looking at OLD DEEGAN_] Is your fiancé
asleep?
DAISY. I reckon he’s dozing--and I’m jest dying to. [_Yawns._]
PAUL. Well, don’t let me keep you awake. [_Goes to the bar door and
stands with the knob in his hand._]
DAISY [_yawning_]. Ah, yah, my ... I could jest ... sleep.... [_Leans
back and sleeps._]
PAUL [_goes over and blows gently in their faces_]. Have you crossed
the Rubicon? [_No answer._] Do you not hear Cupid himself speaking to
you? [_No answer. After a pause, he takes the roll of money and other
papers from DAISY’S bag and slips out the side door._]
_MRS. DEEGAN comes in, with tea on a tray._
MRS. DEEGAN. Lord save us! [_Lays down tray._] Wake up and take this
cup of tea. [_Pause._] Wake up. [_She glances nervously about the
kitchen, then goes through DAISY’S bag and finds it empty. She calls
PATRICK from the bar._]
PATRICK [_coming in_]. What’s wrong here?... Did you dose them?
MRS. DEEGAN. Not so loud--you fool!
PATRICK. It would be no harm to see what ould Daisy has in the
bag....
MRS. DEEGAN. For shame, man! Would you stoop to such a thing?
PATRICK. I’d stoop to anything this minute.... Take away that tray.
_MRS. DEEGAN goes out with the tray, and PATRICK goes through
DAISY’S bag._
Not a rupee, by Mozes!
_O’HAGAN, PAUL and DAN come in from the bar._
O’HAGAN [_document in hand_]. What’s the matter? Are they drunk or
sleeping?
PATRICK. They’re both. They killed a whole bottle of spacial whiskey.
_MRS. DEEGAN comes in._
O’HAGAN. I want his signature to this paper.
MRS. DEEGAN. Granda’s not in a fit condition to sign any paper.
PATRICK. Now, Hagan, I know and you know what’s in that paper. You’d
lay me out on the street.
_OLD DEEGAN wakes up and sits, listening._
O’HAGAN. I can’t help that, Patrick.
PAUL. Give me room to speak a word.... Mr. O’Hagan, you live straight
across the street, and many a bright pound Patrick Deegan has sent your
way in the last twenty years. Is that right?
O’HAGAN. Quite right. Many a pound indeed.
PAUL. And many another he could throw your way in the next twenty
years. Is that so?
O’HAGAN. Quite true.
PAUL. Now, I make bould to say that you’ve no sympathy with your
moribund client marrying on the edge of the grave and robbing his own
childer?
O’HAGAN. I certainly don’t think it’s right.
PAUL. Then it’s your duty to stop the match. Your duty to your
client, to your neighbour, and yourself. And Patrick Deegan will make it
worth your while both now and now-after.
PATRICK. Paul, I know you’re a smart man, but I can’t see what you’re
driving at.
PAUL. No, God help you altogether, you’re a dull lot. Why, James
Deegan, in his present state of coma, will sign one paper as fast as
another--if his hand is properly held--and I suggest, Mr. O’Hagan, that
we assign the farm to Dan and the pub. to Patrick.
PATRICK [_grabs PAUL’S hand_]. My life on you, ould Dublin!
MRS. DEEGAN. Yes, Paul Twyning has a head on him. He’s not all
splutter and nonsense.
PAUL. Now, Mr. O’Hagan, what do you say to it? Deegan brothers will
give you ten pounds apiece.
MRS. DEEGAN. Patrick will give twenty and Dan thirty.
PAUL. Fifty pounds, Mr. O’Hagan. No lawyer since the Stone Age ever
refused fifty pounds.
O’HAGAN. Then I’ll be first to gain the distinction. I disapprove of
James Deegan’s plans, but that’s his own affair. I won’t sell my old
client in his sleep.
DEEGAN [_yawns_]. Thank you, Mr. O’Hagan. You’re your father’s son.
PAUL. We were only trying to tempt him, Mr. Deegan, but he’s
incorruptible.... God works wonders now and then. Here stands a lawyer
an honest man.
DEEGAN [_rubs his eyes_]. I suppose you want my signature, Mr.
O’Hagan?
O’HAGAN. Yes, sir. This is ready. [_Takes out his fountain-pen._]
DEEGAN. I’ll sign in one moment. [_Rises unsteadily and wakes
DAISY._] Wake up! This is no place to fall asleep.
DAISY. Yea ... eh? ... what?
DEEGAN. Wake up. We’re going home.
_DAISY sits up and arranges her hat._
_OLD DEEGAN puts on his specs., scans the document, and signs
it._
DAISY [_screams_]. Oh, Jimes! Oh, gee! My money and papers--six
hundred pounds--all gone! Stolen!
DEEGAN [_scans the faces about him; then to DAISY_]. Your money and
papers are not far away. [_Looks hard at PATRICK and MRS. DEEGAN._]
Neither is the thief!
_PATRICK staggers against the wall, and MRS. DEEGAN faints on
the floor._
PAUL [_loudly_]. Water! water! And brandy for me!
_Curtain_
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ACT III
_Three days later. Time: evening._
_The same Scene as in Act I._
_PAUL TWYNING is mixing mortar on the kitchen floor._
_ROSE M’GOTHIGAN comes in back. She has a small parcel in her
hand._
PAUL. Lord bless me, Rose, have you ventured in here again?
ROSE. Aren’t the Deegans all away in the town?
PAUL. But they may be here any minute.
ROSE. My father’s in the town, too, and Daisy Mullan’s visiting my
mother. And she’s crying sore about something.... So I just come out.
PAUL. Isn’t that all over now? I didn’t think Daisy had a single tear
left in her reservoir. America soon dries up the tears, Rose.
ROSE. Well, she’s crying bitter about something.
PAUL. Let us make a stagger at cause and effect. Wasn’t there a young
gentleman, not unlike a bank clerk, called on Daisy this forenoon?
ROSE. Sure it was me seen him first! From the Bank he was.
PAUL. Well, it could happen that his visit has something in common
with Daisy’s tears. The young banker called here, and whispered
something to ould Deegan, and it must have been something of ghastly
importance for ould Deegan turned as white as paper and had to lean his
body against the wall. Then he and the young banker druv off to town.
ROSE. Druv off to the bank. My father followed them in to see if he
could find out what was wrong.
PAUL. And Dan’s in the town buying his Yankee outfit.
ROSE. Yes, he’s for Philadelphy on Saturday.... [_Holds out parcel_]
Give Dan that, Paul, when he comes in.... It’s a muffler....
PAUL. Ach, wait and give the sowl the muffler yourself.... Sure,
you’ll see him before he takes the water.
ROSE. I may and I mayn’t. My father and me had a great battle last
night, and I’m going to service. Give Dan that, Paul, and tell him Rose
wished him luck.
PAUL [_takes parcel_]. Well, well. The coorse of true love never runs
smooth, and this is no exception.
ROSE. And good-bye to yourself, Paul.
PAUL [_takes her hand_]. I’m to blame for all this trouble, Rose.
I’ve riz a devil that I can’t lay.
ROSE. Oh, don’t say that, Paul.
PAUL. But I meant well, Rose. The first time I limped up to your door
you fed me and gimme a welcome change of socks.... And poor Dan gimme a
left-foot boot and said his father wanted a plasterer.
ROSE. Dan’s kind.
PAUL. Kind but unstable. I’d no sooner got this job than I commenced
plotting a match between yourself and Dan, for match-making is my hobby;
but, faith, I soon found that Dan was a shifty hero.
ROSE. He’s afraid of his father.
PAUL. That’s putting it mild enough, God knows. Mortal terror would
apply to it.
ROSE [_releases her hand_]. I must be going, Paul.... If my father
knew I was in here he’d kill me.
_DAN DEEGAN comes in back. He is wearing a cheap new raincoat, a
new hat, and carries a blackthorn and a tin box plastered with
gaudy American labels._
PAUL. Ah, sure here is Willy Reilly himself!
DAN. No sconcing now, Paul Twyning! I’m in flames if I’ll stand it!
You’re the means of getting me banished.
PAUL. I’ll leave you now, Dan, for you’re in a dangerous mood.
[_Gives ROSE parcel._] You can deliver that yourself. [_He goes out
back._]
ROSE. Maybe you wouldn’t take this, Dan? It’s a wee present.
DAN. Your fader met me in the town and flew at me like a tager!...
Hunted me into Pat’s yard and affronted me ....
ROSE. He’s in a terrible pucker.
DAN. He vows he’ll have my blood afore I put my fut on the boat.
ROSE. I’m going away, Dan ... to service.
DAN. Aye, so he said.... You’ll be well away.... I wish, Rose, you
were coming with myself ... across the raging main ... the angry
deep.... The emigration agent says I’ll make my fortune in six weeks
herding sheep in Philadelphy.... Will you come, Rose--to the land of the
setting sun?
ROSE. Not now, Dan. But if you send for me I’ll go.
DAN. That’s settled.... I’ll be as true as the stars above. [_Takes
the parcel._]
ROSE. It’s only a muffler.
DAN. The very thing I wanted.... I’ll wear it on deck of the good
ship ... and be thinking of yourself, Rose....
_DENIS M’GOTHIGAN’S angry voice is heard in the yard._
ROSE. Oh, Dan, Dan! My father!
DAN [_wildly_]. I’m in flames, but he’ll murder us!... In here ... in
here!
_They both go into the cupboard._
PAUL [_coming in back_]. I told you they weren’t here, Denis. But
you’re that misdoubtful. [_DENIS comes in._] Now search the house....
DENIS. They’re in here. They’re in this house somewhere. [_DENIS has
taken drink._] If I get my thumb on Dan I’ll not lave much of him to go
to Americky. [_Rushes over and looks into the room._] They’re not in
here....
PAUL. Nor they can’t be upstairs, for the stairs are blocked....
DENIS. You’d try to smuggle them out if you could! But you’ll not
fool Denis! I’ll stand outby and watch the house--if I stand for a week!
[_He goes out back._]
PAUL [_speaks up to the ceiling_]. If you’re up there, for heaven’s
sake lie low.... For Denis is out for blood.
_DAISY MULLAN comes in back._
DAISY. Say, Paul Twyning, I’m in a power of trouble, and I gotta talk
to someone or bust.
PAUL. Well--talk. It’s more humane than the other. [_Points
upstairs._] But don’t talk too loud, for Dan Deegan and Rose are hiding
up there from Denis....
DAISY. Denis is waiting outside. He sure looks wild.... But that
ain’t my trouble, I don’t mind telling you I’ve got myself in the soup
with both feet. [_Glances upwards_] They couldn’t hear me up there,
could they?
PAUL. Not if you talk in that key.
DAISY. I don’t know how it is, but I got a hunch that you’re the sort
of feller would stick to a gel in trouble....
PAUL. Go easy, now. I’m a plasterer myself.
DAISY. Waal, I ain’t no plasterer. Nor I ain’t joshing, neither. I’m
too blamed unhappy right now. I’m waiting every minute to be
arrested....
PAUL [_astonished_]. Arrested! Taken into custody? A prisoner? For
what, in the name of the whole Twelve Apostles?
DAISY [_breaks down_]. About that bank draft.... It was faked up. I
thought it would have to go back to America, and that would gimme time
to skip ... but seems it was spotted in London.... [_Sobs._]
PAUL. My sowl, this is a bad onion!
DAISY. It’s frightful.... The bank manager sent for me and old Deegan
... but I was too skeert to go in.... Oh, I dunno whadda do.... [_Sobs
loudly._]
PAUL. Now listen to me. Whatever else a lady may do in my presence,
she mustn’t dissolve in tears ... for that would render me as soft in
the brain as Dan Deegan himself. [_Sits down beside her._] May I call
you “Daisy,” just to comfort you?
DAISY. If you like.... Sure you ain’t married?
PAUL. Glory be to God, no. I’ve been the whole seven kinds of galoot,
but I’m still single.
DAISY. I don’t want no joshing. I want help.
PAUL. Very well now. If you dry your eyes and promise not to wet them
again, I’ll see what can be done. But if you do another weep, I’ll take
to my heels, and you’ll never see me again.
DAISY [_pulls herself together_]. Waal, I’ll try to.... But I’m in a
power of trouble.... I ain’t a professional crook.
PAUL. That’s obvious ... or you wouldn’t break down over a trifle
like this.
DAISY. I was trying to get even with old Deegan, but my plans
miscarried and landed me in the wash.... The goldarned old grabber! he
was the means of me quitting home at first. He grabbed our bit of land
and left us high and dry.
PAUL. So I’ve been told. Then, I suppose, you meant to marry ould
Deegan and grab the whole ninety-five acres?
DAISY. No, seh! Not on your life. I wouldn’t marry old Deegan--nor
his fool son--not if they owned the landscape.... I just meant to fix up
a match and then clear out with all I could rake up.
PAUL. A very meritorious idea.
DAISY. But now the whole thing has gone flop, and I ain’t got a cent
to meet that draft.... Old Deegan thinks I got that money, but I
ain’t.... True to heaven, Paul Twyning, that money was stolen in Pat
Deegan’s saloon. Patrick or his wife, or yon goat of a son, swiped the
lot--papers and all.
PAUL. Were the papers valuable?
DAISY. The papers wasn’t worth a cent. I was cook to a retired
broker, and fished ’em out of the trash-basket.
PAUL [_laughs_]. Awh, that’s delicious! It’s a great pity the law has
power to step in and spoil so fine a joke.
DAISY [_produces a cablegram_]. And I’d this cable cooked up and sent
me by a friend.
PAUL [_scanning it and grinning expansively_]. You’re not slow,
Daisy! My sowl, there’s not a slow joint in your body. [_Hands back the
cablegram._] Keep that cable like the sight of your eye, for ’twill come
in useful anon.
DAISY [_starts_]. I hear Deegan’s car.... I hear it coming.... Oh, I
can’t stick it.... I’m all nerves. [_Shakes violently._]
PAUL. Listen to me, girl. Stiffen up and cut out them shivers. You’ve
every decent card in the pack, and I’ve the Joker. If you play half a
game we’ll sweep the board....
DAISY. You think?
PAUL. No, I’m sure. Pay attention to this. Ould Deegan--the great lay
lawyer--has made you an assignment of himself and his property. If he
dares to go back on the contract, you hold out hard for a thousand
pound.
DAISY. But the fake draft--how about it?
PAUL. Tell them it’s a good draft. Tell them you paid your money for
it in New York like a decent girl, and if it isn’t in order, the bank is
to blame, not you.
DAISY. But I got it in the trash-basket....
PAUL. The broad Atlantic is rowling between you and the
trash-basket.... Brazen it out on my lines, and you’ll win your case....
_The car is heard coming into the yard._
DAISY [_looks out back window_]. They’re all here ... Patrick and
Mrs. Deegan ... and O’Hagan.... [_Turns in._] Oh, Paul, where can I
go?... I can’t stay here....
PAUL. Go into the room, and listen carefully to the drift of our
discourse.... I’ll give a professional cough when I want you to come
out. [_DAISY goes towards the room._] And I’m saying. If O’Hagan asks
you any impertinent questions, refer him to your American solicitors.
And if he wants to know the name of your solicitors say Brown and
Fitzgerald, Broadway, New York. And if he wants a broker--refer him to
Funk and Wignell, Wall Street....
DAISY. I hope he don’t ask no questions.... [_She goes into the
room._]
PAUL [_gets busy mixing mortar, and sings_]
“Daisy, Daisy, gimme your answer, do;
For I’m half crazy all for the love of you.
’Twon’t be a stylish marriage,
For we can’t afford a carriage,
But you’ll look nate upon the sate
Of a bicycle built for two.”
_OLD DEEGAN, O’HAGAN, PATRICK and MRS. DEEGAN come in._
PATRICK. Here’s the tramp vagabone now.... We’ll get the saddle on
the right horse, by Mozes!
DEEGAN. Silence, sir, and let Mr. O’Hagan conduct the proceedings.
_The table is brought to the centre and OLD DEEGAN and O’HAGAN
sit down. The others stand._
O’HAGAN [_opens his attaché_]. Twyning, we’ve proof that you stole
the money and papers from Miss Mullan’s bag.
PAUL [_leans on the shovel_]. It’s a blessid thing I haven’t a weak
heart, Mr. O’Hagan, or I’d fall dead with apoplexy.
O’HAGAN. We’re not here to mince matters. You took the money, and we
can prove it.
PAUL. If you can’t prove it, ’twill be a black day for you. But go
on. Prove it.
O’HAGAN. Patrick Deegan, what are you prepared to swear?
PATRICK [_excited_]. I can swear Paul Twyning left me in the bar, and
went into the snug, where my father and Daisy Mullan was sleeping, and
rifled the bag and slipt out the side dure.
PAUL. Was that the reason yourself staggered like a drunk cock and
your wife fainted on the flure, when the whillabillo went up that the
money was stolen?
O’HAGAN. Patrick has made a clean breast of it. He admits having
examined the bag, as a precautionary measure, but found it empty.
DEEGAN. Patrick and his wife are not guilty. The sum was too large
for them. Neither of them is honest, but they wouldn’t have the nerve to
steal six hundred pounds.
PATRICK [_with uplifted hand_]. May I fall dead if I lie! The bag was
empty.
PAUL. Your intention was good, Patrick. Your father may think you’re
not bold enough to risk a big sum, but I think your father is mistaken.
The man who would put in his hand would take out the goods.
PATRICK. You took the money, Twyning! And I thought you were an
honest man--after all them speeches you made.
PAUL. So I was--a paragon of virtue--till I entered your opium-den.
O’HAGAN. This is all beside the point.... You were the only person,
Twyning, that actually saw the roll of money. Miss Mullan gave you a
pound-note, and put the rest in her bag. Is that right?
PAUL. Perfectly correct. I’d be long sorry to deny receipt of a gift.
O’HAGAN. And you saw the roll of notes in her hand?
PAUL. Thank my God I’m not blind. I saw the rowl distinctly, and it
as thick as my arm.
O’HAGAN. And you meant to catch the first train to Dublin, did you
not?
PAUL. That was my intention. And that’s where your case falls down.
For if I’d annexed yon rowl of money, I’d have hired a special.... Just
fancy me coming back to plaster this duck-house at five bob a day, and I
a millionaire! Why, ten hours later, I’d be sauntering down Grafton
Street, with a cane in one hand and my suède gloves in the other.
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan, you are on the wrong track. I told you all along
that Paul Twyning was not the thief. I am convinced that Daisy Mullan
has the money and papers concealed....
PAUL. But why on earth should Daisy Mullan rob her own nest?
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. We’ll go across to her own house and ask her....
PAUL. You won’t have to cross the wet fields.... I think Daisy is
upstairs....
O’HAGAN. Ah, just what I feared! A conspiracy. [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN [_angrily_]. What is Daisy Mullan doing up my stairs?
PAUL. It’s my opinion she’s choosing wall-paper for the
bridal-chamber....
_PAUL coughs conspicuously, and DAISY comes from the room._
DAISY. Quite a crowd here, ain’t the’?
O’HAGAN. What were you doing up my client’s stairs, madam?
DAISY. Up your client’s stairs? Your client ain’t got no stairs. This
house is mine, stairs and all. See?
O’HAGAN. You’d better throw off that brazen cloak, and realise where
you stand....
DAISY. Say, what’s a-biting of you, dear?
O’HAGAN. Your fake draft is returned--worthless. Do you know what
that means?
DAISY. Yaas. It means you folks don’t know nuthin about drafts. My
draft was O.K.
O’HAGAN. The local bank holds Mr. Deegan responsible for the money.
If you hand us the six hundred pounds we can settle with the bank and
avoid further trouble. If you don’t, Mr. Deegan can have you arrested.
DEEGAN. And I will.
DAISY. The money’s somewhere in the Deegan family. I sure ain’t got
it. I was drugged and robbed in Patrick Deegan’s awful den. [_Flaring
up._] What the all-sparkling hades do I care about the dab of money,
compared with the loss of deeds and documents!
O’HAGAN. Why were you carting all those valuable papers around with
you? Have you no solicitors?
DAISY. That’s my own business, smart Alick! B’gee, you may hear from
my solicitors in a way you won’t like, and soon.
O’HAGAN. The sooner the better. Who are your solicitors?
DAISY. Messrs. Brown and Fitzgerald, Noo York.
O’HAGAN. And your brokers?
DAISY. Funk and Wignell, Wall Street. You cable rightaway and ask if
Miss Daisy Mullan, of Lincoln Avenoo, is O.K. or not. I’ll pay the
cable.
O’HAGAN. Good. I will. [_Jots down the names._] Any cable address, do
you know?
DAISY. They sure have, but my memory ain’t serving.
PAUL. I should say “Fitz” would get the one and “Funk” the other.
O’HAGAN. Thank you. I didn’t ask for your assistance.
PAUL. Oh, don’t mention it. I’m always glad to assist you without
asking.
O’HAGAN. Mr. Deegan, I think we ought to cable one of those firms
before we proceed further.
DEEGAN. If you think such firms exist by all means cable them.
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. We should have a reply in ten hours....
PAUL. What! A message from New York in ten hours? I’m afraid that’s
too quick. [_Coughs at DAISY._]
DAISY. Nonsense! Why, I got this cablegram yesterday from
Philadelphia in four hours. [_Takes it out._]
O’HAGAN. May I have a look at that, please?
DAISY. Why, sure. Ain’t you never seen a cable? [_Hands it to him._]
O’HAGAN [_surprised_]. Mr. Deegan, this is important.
DEEGAN. What is it?
O’HAGAN. It’s about house property. [_Reads_] “Would lease or buy
property on Mount Airy. Cable lowest price. Spalding.” [_Hands back the
cable._] Who is Spalding?
DAISY. Why, Rupert G. Spalding--one of my tenants. He wants to buy
the whole block and make a departmental store--the second largest in the
world.
PAUL [_drily_]. The Yanks are a go-ahead people.
O HAGAN [_perplexed_]. Mr. Deegan, that cablegram puts another
complexion on the case. [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Who is to settle with the local bank? That’s the main point.
DAISY. Why, dear, ain’t the local bank got you and me both for
security? I guess this slight misunderstanding won’t make no difference
in our affections, will it?
DEEGAN. It will make all the difference in the world. You have your
property on Mount Airy, and I have mine on solid ground. There will be
no alliance.
PATRICK. That’s sense, by Mozes!
MRS. DEEGAN. It takes granda.
DAISY. And how about the assignment, granda?
DEEGAN. Mr. O’Hagan will answer that question.
O’HAGAN. Without marriage the assignment is waste-paper.
DAISY. But who huffs at the wedding? Not me.
O’HAGAN. My client has changed his mind.
PAUL [_loudly_]. Then, bedam, if he has changed his mind he’ll pay
for it. Your client promised on his two knees to wed her, and if he goes
back on that promise he must take the consequences. [_To DAISY_] I’m
going to see fair play, stranger. I saw your fiancé at your feet and
heard you accepting him. If there is justice left on earth I’m going to
see you get a share of it.... Go now and get your hat and vanity-bag,
and we’ll settle with the bank and then see a lawyer....
DAISY. Settle with the bank, did you say?
PAUL. Certainly. Settle with the bank. That cablegram in your pocket
is good for a million. And your breach of promise case is good for a
cowld thousand.
DAISY. Paul Twyning, that’s my plan in a capsule. If you back me up
in it I’ll make granda Deegan and his ten-cent lawyer sit up and howl.
PAUL. Back you up, is it? Paul Twyning has spoken. That is enough....
Go now and get ready for the bank, and hire your cousin Darby to drive
us in state.
DAISY [_animated_]. I sure will.... Why, I’d depend my life on Paul
Twyning right now.
PAUL. Bring your vanity-bag and all papers.
DAISY. Sure thing. [_Hurries out._]
PAUL [_despondently_]. Well, I’ve been called the proudest man in all
Dublin, but I’m going now to be the meanest clod in all Ireland. I won’t
waste words. Daisy Mullan is a retired cook, and an adventuress.
_Uproar._
DEEGAN. Silence! Go on, Paul. You astonish me.
PAUL. She has that six hundred pounds safe and sound, but not another
brown penny in the world.
DEEGAN [_in triumph_]. O’Hagan, was I right or wrong?
O’HAGAN. Right, right.... Wonderful ... man.
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, how did you discover this, my friend?
PAUL. I was talking to her for a quarter of an hour before you come
in, and I sent her upstairs lest she give us the slip altogether....
_DAN DEEGAN jumps out of the cupboard._
DAN. I’m in flames, but Paul Twyning’s a just man! I was hid in there
the whole time him and Daisy was talking, and heard every word they
said. She told him she was cook for a retired broker and got all her
property--draft and all--in the trash-basket.
PAUL [_piously_]. See that, now! It always pays to do the straight
thing.... Who ever’d have thought of Dan being in there all the time!
DEEGAN. Come forward, Daniel.
DAN. Yes, fader.
DEEGAN. Swear to the truth of that statement with uplifted hand.
DAN [_with hand up_]. Afore you and God, fader, I’m telling the
truth, amen.... She said you grabbed her people’s bit of land, and she
come back to get revenge.
O’HAGAN. That’s the solution now.... She’d the cablegram and all
cooked for the purpose.... Paul Twyning, I’m ashamed to look in your
honest face.... I hope you can forgive us all.
PAUL. To err is human; to forgive, divine. I freely forgive you all.
_They murmur thanks, and PATRICK shakes hands with PAUL._
DAN. Is that all you want with me, fader?
DEEGAN. That’s all at present. For once in your life you have done me
a small service.
DAN. Well, I’m going to hide in here again.
_DENIS M’GOTHIGAN comes in fuming._
DENIS. Now I want no colyfoxin’! My daughter’s in this house
somewhere, and I mean to find her.... [_To DAN_] Where’s my Rose?
DAN. The Lord knows that, Denis, amen.... I hain’t seen her this six
weeks.
_ROSE comes from the cupboard crying._
PAUL. Now, Dan! Let the whole world see whether you’re good enough to
tie Rose M’Gothigan’s shoestrings. That blackthorn in your hand is not
solely for ornamentation.
DAN [_rushes beside ROSE and draws the blackthorn_]. I’m in flames,
but I’ll defend my own Rose to the death! I’ll have to fight the Blacks
and Red Indians in Philadelphy, and I may as well practise a bit at
home.... Now, Denis, I daar you!
PAUL [_with a loud laugh_]. Emancipated! Behold Dan Deegan
emancipated!
DENIS. I’ll not leave this house till Rose comes home ... and I’ll
give her a wiggin’ when she comes.... [_Sits down._]
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, will you give Mr. O’Hagan and me a word in
private?
PAUL. I will not. There has been far too much privacy and duplicity
already. I’ll answer your questions here and now, or not at all.
DEEGAN. Well, I’m not very clear as to your plans.
PAUL. I can soon clear the air. Daisy and I are going to settle with
the bank. When we get that done she’ll want me to go with her to a
lawyer to frame up a case aginst Mr. Deegan. But I’ll turn on my heel
and say, “Begone, adventuress! Paul Twyning is not a blackmailer!”
_The DEEGANS applaud._
DENIS. Yaha, yaha!
PAUL. What are you “yahaing” about, Denis?
DENIS. At your honesty. What else?
PAUL. Now I knocked the hat off before, Denis, but I’ll knock the
head off this time! [_Severely_] You’re an impudent little wart and
ill-set. If you were man’s size I’d clout you one. If you articulate
again, I’ll give you a bloody mouth.
PATRICK. Ould Dublin on the Liffey, by Mozes! Would fight with his
own shadow.... Go on, Paul.
PAUL. And now for my own terms.
DEEGAN. Oh!
PAUL. Why do you ejaculate? As a man of the world, you didn’t expect
a stranger to cultivate wrinkles over your affairs for nothing, did you?
DEEGAN. I expect nothing for nothing. Name your terms.
PAUL. Twenty pounds sterling. I want to hit Chicago a clout.
DEEGAN. Not unreasonable. I’ll do better, Paul. I’ll give you ten
pounds and Daniel’s ticket and portmanteau....
DAN [_wildly_]. Flames! am I not for the water?
DEEGAN. Silence, boy!... Mr. O’Hagan, has Daisy Mullan a case against
me for breach of contract?
O’HAGAN. She has. Once she settles with the bank she has a very good
case indeed. But without Paul Twyning’s evidence her case falls down.
PAUL. My sowl, with Dan’s ocean ticket and ten pounds in my fob,
she’ll have some fun serving me with a summons.
_The DEEGANS applaud._
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, you are a man of ripe understanding. If you
were in my shoes how would you meet this case?
PAUL. I’d sign the pub. over to Patrick and the farm to my son
Daniel, the said Patrick to pay me a small yearly rent, and the said
Daniel to pay me a pound a week for life, with the use of the grey mare
and trap on Sundays, market-days and Court days.
DEEGAN. Paul Twyning, you are a gifted man.... Patrick and Daniel,
would that settlement content you?
PATRICK. God bliss you, father. I’d never taste it again.
MRS. DEEGAN. It’s more than we desarve, granda.
DEEGAN [_to DAN_]. And what do you say, boy?
DAN [_lamely_]. Rose and me would be good to you, fader.... You could
do all the plannin’, and we’d do the work.... Rose can milk cows and
feed pigs and keep a house clean.
DEEGAN. That’s a wise answer, boy. I’ll speak to the priest myself,
and you’ll be married in three days.
DENIS. She’ll not come empty-handed. I’ll give her thirty pound and
the spotted cow.
DEEGAN. We neither want your spotted cow, nor your money, nor your
friendship.
PAUL. Here! Mr. Deegan, let yourself and Denis shake hands. Dammit
alive, life’s too short to quarrel, and it’s disedifying to see two good
neighbours--the backbone of the parish--at loggerheads.
DEEGAN. Denis has heard what I said. If he wishes, after that, to
shake hands, I have no objection.
DENIS. And you heard what I said, too [_shaking hands with OLD
DEEGAN_]. I’ll speak out my mind, James Deegan. I’ve been trying and
trying these thirty years past to get a good strong lawshoot agen you,
but you always wriggled out one way or other, and you’ve tricked me
agen.
DEEGAN. If I were a bit younger, Denis, I’d have met you in the Four
Courts on this case; but I’ve beaten you at home.
DENIS. I admit. But if ever I get a chance at Dan....
PAUL. Ah, quit talking, Denis.... You rural people are the devil for
law. You’d try to get a writ on a rabbit, for trespass.
DAN. Come on, Rose, till I show you the big house.... I’m in flames,
but this is a miracle. [_He takes ROSE into the room._]
PATRICK [_to MRS. DEEGAN_]. Come on, Janey, till we get a look at the
house, too. As Dan says, it’s a miracle. It is, by Mozes!
_PATRICK and MRS. DEEGAN go into the room. DAISY comes in
flashily dressed._
DAISY. Denis M’Gothigan here! Some more plotting? Some more crooked
work, eh?
PAUL. Mr. Deegan has just settled Dan’s breach case, Miss Mullan, and
I hope he’ll settle his own in due coorse.
DAISY. That’s up to himself. I don’t want no law, but I ain’t no
softy. If Mr. Deegan wants a peaceable settlement, I’m quite ready to
discuss.... I’ve figured up your assets, James Deegan, and reckon you’re
worth about five thousand pounds. Don’t you think two thousand of that’s
doo me for breach of contract?
DEEGAN. I’ll have to consult my lawyer about that.
DAISY. Waal, mind, I ain’t coming back here with my finger in my
mouth to sue for terms. If you don’t want a settlement, say so, and I’ll
see a lawyer in town.
O’HAGAN [_rising_]. Mr. Deegan, I want two words with you. Come
outside.
_OLD DEEGAN and O’HAGAN go out back._
DENIS [_rising_]. Faith, I’ll come with you. I want a drink at the
pump. [_He goes out back._]
DAISY. Paul Twyning, what game are you playing? You’ve kept me
guessing all along the line. What are you up to?
PAUL. Now for my own Waterloo!... I meant to unfold my story on the
way to town, Daisy, but I can as well unfold myself here.... I want your
sweet self, Daisy.
DAISY. Whaaaaat!
PAUL. I’ve travelled Ireland, England, and parts of Scotland, but
you’re the first woman I’ve encountered with even a suggestion of
brains. Before I say another word, Daisy, let me ask you a question.
What do you think of Paul Twyning’s intellectual equipment?
DAISY. I think you got that roll of money.
PAUL. My life on you! The money is here. [_Shows her the roll of
money._] Five hundred and ninety-nine pounds sterling. But the bank will
never thumb it. Ould Deegan can pay the bank at his leisure. After his
long reign of tyranny, a little touch of humility will do him good....
So what do you say, my honey, if we spend this rowl together?
DAISY. Do you care for me, Paul?
PAUL. If there is true love on earth, Daisy, I’ve found it. The first
time I heard your sweet voice was at M’Gothigan’s barn-dance and I
kicked off a year every time you spoke.
DAISY. And would you come to America, Paul?
PAUL. The dream of my life has been to salute the statue of Liberty
in New York harbour.
DAISY. But what security have I that you mean a square deal?
PAUL. I can give substantial bail for my good behaviour. [_Offers her
the roll of notes._] Put that in your vanity-bag, dearest.
DAISY. No, sweetheart. You hang on to it yourself.... You’re a nice
feller, and look good to me.... Kiss my hand.
PAUL. I’m glad to see you’re affectionate. [_Kisses her hand._] We’ll
pay Dublin a quiet visit, till this blows over, and then, as Dan says,
“the raging main.”
DAISY. My cousin Darby’s going to drive us in. I can pick up my
suit-case at the house, passing.
PAUL. Beautiful! We just have nice time to catch the last train ...
and Darby will drive home empty.
_OLD DEEGAN, O’HAGAN and DENIS come in._
O’HAGAN. Miss Mullan, when you settle with the bank will you come
right back here? I’ll wait here for you. And we’ll have our offer
prepared.... It won’t be ungenerous.
DAISY. Waal, we’ll see. I’ll come right back.... Paul Twyning, are
you ready?
PAUL. One moment. I want to see Dan. I want the loan of his
shower-proof, for I can’t interview bankers in this raiment.... [_He
goes into the room._]
DAISY. I believe you folks have got the soft side of Paul Twyning, I
do.
O’HAGAN. You are mistaken. There’s no soft side to Paul Twyning.
DAISY. Waal, I’m going to settle with the bank. [_Taps her bag._] The
money is here.... Not the money was stolen, but other money. And mind, I
expect a square deal when I come back.
DEEGAN. And you’ll get it.
_PAUL comes from the room, wearing DAN’S new coat and hat._
PAUL. Mr. Deegan, could you oblige me in a loan of ten pounds?
DEEGAN. Oh, I think so. [_Gives him the money._]
PAUL. I may need this and I may not, but it’s always well to have
it.... Now, Miss Mullan, is your equipage ready?
DEEGAN. Darby Mullan has his car at the gate.
DAISY. Does anyone want to come to town?
O’HAGAN. No, thanks. We all stay here till you come back.
PAUL. Well, good-bye for the present.... You won’t have long to wait.
_PAUL and DAISY go out. PATRICK, DAN, MRS. DEEGAN and ROSE come
from the room._
PATRICK. Are they away, father?
OLD DEEGAN. They’re off.... And in fifty years’ experience I’ve never
been as near beaten.... But all has turned out well in the end.... Mr.
O’Hagan has the agreements in his bag. I have no property now in the
world. You have the public-house, Patrick, and you, Daniel, have the
farm and Rose.... Let Daisy Mullan come back and do her worst....
_O’HAGAN takes out agreements and DEEGAN signs._
DAN. Just if her and Twyning ever comes back, fader....
DEEGAN. What do you mean, sir? Of course they’re coming back....
DAN [_looks out the window_]. I’m in flames, but I’ve my own notion
about them coming back! The car’s stopped at Mullan’s, getting out
shoot-cases....
DEEGAN. She wants to show off with her American trappings.
DAN. I’m in flames, but all’s not right! They’re away galloping down
the road and laughing like mad....
DEEGAN. They’ll not laugh so much when they come back and hear my
offer....
PATRICK _and_ MRS. DEEGAN. Ay, when they come back!
DAN. I’m in flames, Paul’s kissing the ould Yankee like a
steam-engine.... And she’s letting him.... [_Turns from the
window._] Honest to God, amen, fader, I believe Paul and ould
Daisy ’ill never be....
DEEGAN. Will never what, sir?
DAN. Oh, nothing, fader. Of course you know best. You’re a highly
educated man.... And anyway, Paul or no Paul, Daisy or no Daisy, I’ve
got my Rose. Amen.
_He puts his arm round her as the Curtain falls._
THE END
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Transcriber’s Notes
This file uses _underscores_ to indicate italic text. Line spacing
around stage directions, and the capitalisation of names within stage
directions, have been standardised in this edition. Other changes from
the printed original:
• p. 19: Replaced “find” with “fine” in line “We’ve a fine hall door,
sir.”
• p. 30: Replaced “Am’t” with “Amn’t” in line “Amn’t I a hero?”
• p. 39: Replaced “bag-gate” with “baggage” in line “Have I no personal
baggage at all?”
• p. 43: Removed blank line after line “I can crawl back the road I
come.”
• p. 82: Added period after scene description “His valise is lying on
the floor.”
• p. 94: Added comma to line “I’ll put off this jacket, I’m warm.”
• p. 39: Added hyphen to “conversation-lozenger” in line “And didn’t
you slip her a conversation-lozenger....”
• p. 182: Replaced “is’nt” with “isn’t” in line “It’s just as well for
you it isn’t the Four Courts.”
New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the public
domain.