“Window-wash are like Success,” I commute. “It are most pleasant to
begin at the top and work downward. Therefore I shall begin by soaping
this important outlook.”
So I amount up ladder with Hon. Bucket inclosed in my knuckles and
numberous rags embraced by my suspenders. Uply and more uply I march
until I was there looking Hon. Window in the face. So I begin to wash
him.
Mr Editor, the simplest things in life seems the most simplest when
they are not. Do it not seem easy to your educational brain for a
Japanese Schoolboy to carry sudds up ladder and apply him to window
pain by rubs of rag? And yet such work are full of complex.
No sooner I begin attacking this job than I dishcover how Hon. Window
Wash must be like a juggle in a circus. To obtain myself on that ladder
I must clasp my toes with carefulness resembling stork, at same time I
must balance Hon. Bucket by elbow, hold Hon. Rags in teeth and splatter
Hon. Window with what fingers I had left. In the meanwhile, what was
Hon. Soap doing? When he got wet his nature changed and he imagined
he was a snake. He would not stay where he was, but amuse himself by
slipping off from everywheres I put him. Every time he fall, I must
dutifully ascend down that ladder, pick him from grass, carefully
descend upwards again and attempt to hang him somewheres where he would
not make an eel of himself. I never seen soap so full of slyness.
And yet I work onwards in spite of him. With delicious accuracy I
threw sudds on Hon. Window till he seem to weep tears. Then I wipe
him elaborously with rag. Yet more I wipe, less beautiful he appear.
Greyness cover him with streaks. More rubbs. Stripes of smudge confuse
that glass. More lather I put on. Yet Hon. Window continue to look dull
& bilious. I massage him up and down with greased elbow until it was
nearly sunset of p. m. O discouraged! If diamonds is so hard to polish,
I are not surprised that nobody but policemen can afford such jewelery.
Pretty soonly I could hear voice of Hon. Mrs saluting me crossly from
below down.
“Togo,” she report, “you have been 2 hours in labour of work. How many
windows have you bathed completely?”
“Nearly one,” I corrode boastfully.
“If it take you 2 hours to wash nearly one window, how long would it
take you to cleansify 211 glass pains in this house?” This arithmatic
from her.
“422 hours,” I reject brightly. “If you will loaned me paper & pencill,
I shall be happy to estimate how many weeks that makes.”
“Xmas will arrive before then,” she agnosticate with bang of door.
I could not understood her repartee. Maybe she intend to give me Xmas
present.
When fatigue was too plenty for more exercise I stand on climax of that
ladder holding sudds bucket in thoughtful position. Great thoughts
can be obtained in such high altitudes, thusly perched with excelsior
feeling of brain. Leaning against glass forehead of that bay window I
could observe Nature acting as usual amidst houses where residences
was. Walking amongst those houses I could observe bill collectors,
insurance agents and neighbours--which show that Trouble come wherever
folks resides. “Life are similar to such scenery,” I say for smart
quotation.
While thusly I argued, some ottomobile wheels could be heard walking
below in front of house. I look downly and observe very fashionable
appearance of society--one bloated gas-machinery stopping up near feet
of ladder while one complete lady enwrapped in Arctic mouse-skins fur
sat there talking Waldorf language to a chauffer of military pattern. I
could tell she was 400 by actual count.
“Hennery,” she say to Hon. Chauffer, “ring door and pronounce that Mrs.
Diggle Clodd have arrived for slight calling visit on Mrs. Fits Gibb.”
“I do so!” This from Hon. Hennery.
While Hon. Hennery was making rings by door, I lean from ladder and
observe the elegance of that financial lady as she flopped amidst
coloured padding and showed the splandid millinary of her hat.
Great excitement by me. She were not beautiful as ladies go--and some
ladies goes considerable. Her hair was red like a blushing brick and
her face seem too wealthy to agree with anybody. Yet I was enraptured
to be standing above so much money.
I perch on ladder to imitate birds. Pretty soonly Hon. Hennery,
containing expensive boots, report back.
“Hon. Mrs. Gibbs are here where she is,” he acknowledge while opening
ottomobile door so Hon. Lady could alight down richly. Queens act
thusly when getting out of ships. I could observe the fluttering
ostriches on top of her millinary head. How expensive to estimate!
When she was snuggling forth in direction of front door, I must lean
very crooked backwards for see what was. I could not tell how it
happen, but when leastly expected--O knock! Hon. Soap slyly slip forth
from window-sill where he was setting and flop to hat of Mrs. Diggle
Clodd!!! Great mixture of plumage ensued while feathers drop with
confusion resembling 2 roosters fighting in a cyclone.
“Oh Hennery! Look upwards and see what!” she shreech.
Hennery do so, and while thusly he gazed my elbow disjoint himself
and O swash!!! That suds bucket flop forwards & spill 2 complete gals
soap-water on top of his elegance.
He show bitter expression peculiar to persons standing under Niagara.
“Who do it?” holla Hon. Hennery & Hon. Mrs.
“I no do it!” were lawyer reply for me. “Hon. Bucket must be guilty.”
“Are you not manager for that bucket?” require Hon. Hennery.
“How could I tell when he is going to shoot?” I narrate.
“Hennery!!” she gubble, “elope up ladder and pluck that impertinence
down!”
Mr. Editor, I are a tame Japanese, yet when I observe gentleman in
uniform descending up ladder with warfare expression, all the Port
Arthur of my nationality come out.
“Hara kiri!” I acknowledge to Hon. Chauffer while shooting remnants of
sudds-water straight at his profile. He look very bathhouse--yet he
still continue to approach.
“When I obtain you--” he pronounce, making a grab to heel.
“When you get me I shall be elsewhere,” I defy. Thusly speaking I leap
into the face of that bay window and arrive inside of bedroom with
loudy crashes. Somebody below-stairs yell, “Burglar!”--but I knew I
could not be a burglar and be so noisy. Hon. Hennery continue to
approach up ladder. In anxious escape I jump over 11 chairs, 2½ beds
with numerous etcetera.
In a soon moment I could observe wet headware of Hon. Hennery
encroaching through window where he enter with rebound. I make talented
dodge to hallway where I bang door & lock him, thus encircling Hon.
Chauffer with his wrath.
Below downstairs I could hear Hon. Mrs Clodd talking mustard to Hon.
Mrs Gibb. I could hear angry voices walking upstairs.
If I lost any time I must do so quickly. I trot backwards down hall.
From window in rearward bedroom I seen one porch-escape from which I
flew like aeroplanes. I make down shoot to ground while Hon. Mrs. holla
from window.
“Togo,” she yall, “you are requested never to look into my house again!”
“Those residing in a houseful of windows should look out for
themselves,” I nudge back walking away in sections.
Hoping you are the same, yours truly,
_Hashimura Togo._