Another occasion Hon. Baby reach forth and begin eating loose end of my
pink calicoed apron with toothless expression of sublime joyness. While
he ate he say, “Ah-Goo!” which are Chinese words meaning “a good salad
can be made of almost anything.”
Screams!!! “What style murder are you serving to my child now?” yall
Mrs Henery M. Bushel hysterially.
“Excuse please. Are aprons injurious for food supply?” I ask to know.
For answer Hon. Mrs Bushel grabb him to arms & rosh at telephone.
“Hello, Doctor yes, come to the poisoning quick!” she gollup. Then she
walk forward & back adding groans while Hon. Baby observe her emotions
with great amusement.
Honk-honk to door. Hon. Dr Ottomobile arrive with chuggs & he hop
forthly containing bags and implements.
“Where is poison?” he require, calm but nervus while his beard look
entirely scientific.
“Here are!” hissy Hon. Mrs tearing forth my apron. “Hon. Baby ate this
heartily.”
Hon. Dr took out mikeroscope. First he look at Hon. Baby through
his mouth, then he poke that glass against my apron and peep with
earnestness.
“This article contain 101 per cent. venomous products,” he explan. “In
addition there is maniac acid solution with hypocritical sublimate. I
am surprised to see your child looking so well, because by Science he
should be dead 9 times.”
Hon. Mrs wept, but Hon. Baby continue making gurgle-laugh with Xmas
dinner expression. For 48 complete hours his parents continued standing
on end, expecting that child to perish off, because he was so much
better behaved than usual.
* * *
Me & Alexander continue to be dear college chums; yet I was entirely
nervus to approach him, because I was afraid I might explode some
science connected with it. But all commencements have their finish. One
day it came thusly:
“Take Hon. Baby for sidewalk promenade,” holla Mrs Henery M. Bushel
from upstairs side. “You will find peramble-buggy on front porch. You
must begone 2 hours and not aggrevate him by your foolish attentions.
If he begin to cry, wheel homewards.”
“Shall do so,” I terminate.
“And remember thus,” she commute. “So long as he silent, you must not
notice him.”
So I put on hat & go forthly to front porch where peramble-buggy was
there. I wheel this along without noticing Hon. Baby, because I was
ordered to snub it. The faithful duty I always possess made me entirely
noble. I did not even peek in buggy for see how he look. Such were my
obedience to commandments. For 1 hour I push that child-cab through
fashionable streets where he can become educated by society sights.
Silence from him. For 21 minute I wheel him by rivers, trees & scenery
where he could become educated in Nature. Silence yet from him. For 15
minute I ride him by bank-buildings, offices, drug-stores, so he can
get educated in business conditions. And yet he remain silent like a
hypnofied fly. His refined behaviour made me feel lonesome--to pass
1 hour, 36 minute without some cry-exercises were too much for me to
believe. He must be wrong somewheres. So, in defy to Hon. Boss Lady’s
orders, I lift back top from that child-carriage--and O shocks! What I
seen? Nothing!! Hon. Baby were not there!!!!!!
My brain began running backwards. Where could Hon. Baby went? Was he
pulled out of buggy by airships while I was not looking? Had he drop
from bottom of that cart or crolled over side and eloped secretively? I
confused in all directions while my heart remained stationary.
With empty baby-trundle I trott along each sidewalk requiring, “You
seen loose baby?” from each persons who said they didn’t. Hon. Police
come and ask me what was. I told so.
“Black Hand stole um!” Holla Hon. Police with rabid calm. So he
commence to trott along by me while 48 mobbed persons join up with us.
“Have you saw loose baby?” everybody ask it. Nobody had.
Finally, made desperado by my fear, I decide to return back to home of
Bushel and report what was. So elope I there, chaperoned by Hon. Police
& persons. I stood by porch with quaker knees, knowing Mrs Bushel would
be irritated to lose such nice child. While I stood thusly--beholt!
Door flew ope and out come Hon. Mrs carrying Hon. Baby in arms!
“Fool Togo!” she yellup.
“Yes, please!” This from me.
“When you left house with Hon. Buggy how could you forgot?”
“Forgot what?” I asked to know.
“You forgot Baby!” she snagger.
Then I remember what was. When I left house she told I shouldn’t
disturb Hon. Baby, so I forgot to look see if he was there in Hon.
Buggy!
“Mrs Madam,” I erupt, stretching myself upwards to Samurai height. “By
not taking your baby out and losing him, I saved his life. Yet I shall
charge you nothing for this heroism.”
“You shall save his life again by eloping away from hither at once,”
she dib wild-cattishly. “Leave baby-cab on front porch and let me see
your absence.”
So I made very sorry removal feeling similar to one who make a living
swallowing dull swords.
Hoping you are the same, Yours truly,
_Hashimura Togo_.