CHAPTER XXXV.

We left a dozen passengers in Constantinople, and sailed through the

beautiful Bosporus and far up into the Black Sea. We left them in the

clutches of the celebrated Turkish guide, “FAR-AWAY MOSES,” who will

seduce them into buying a ship-load of ottar of roses, splendid Turkish

vestments, and all manner of curious things they can never have any use

for. Murray's invaluable guide-books have mentioned 'Far-away Moses'

name, and he is a made man. He rejoices daily in the fact that he is a

recognized celebrity. However, we can not alter our established customs

to please the whims of guides; we can not show partialities this late in

the day. Therefore, ignoring this fellow's brilliant fame, and ignoring

the fanciful name he takes such pride in, we called him Ferguson, just as

we had done with all other guides. It has kept him in a state of

smothered exasperation all the time. Yet we meant him no harm. After he

has gotten himself up regardless of expense, in showy, baggy trowsers,

yellow, pointed slippers, fiery fez, silken jacket of blue, voluminous

waist-sash of fancy Persian stuff filled with a battery of silver-mounted

horse-pistols, and has strapped on his terrible scimitar, he considers it

an unspeakable humiliation to be called Ferguson. It can not be helped.

All guides are Fergusons to us. We can not master their dreadful foreign

names.

Sebastopol is probably the worst battered town in Russia or any where

else. But we ought to be pleased with it, nevertheless, for we have been

in no country yet where we have been so kindly received, and where we

felt that to be Americans was a sufficient visa for our passports. The

moment the anchor was down, the Governor of the town immediately

dispatched an officer on board to inquire if he could be of any

assistance to us, and to invite us to make ourselves at home in

Sebastopol! If you know Russia, you know that this was a wild stretch of

hospitality. They are usually so suspicious of strangers that they worry

them excessively with the delays and aggravations incident to a

complicated passport system. Had we come from any other country we could

not have had permission to enter Sebastopol and leave again under three

days--but as it was, we were at liberty to go and come when and where we

pleased. Every body in Constantinople warned us to be very careful about

our passports, see that they were strictly 'en regle', and never to

mislay them for a moment: and they told us of numerous instances of

Englishmen and others who were delayed days, weeks, and even months, in

Sebastopol, on account of trifling informalities in their passports, and

for which they were not to blame. I had lost my passport, and was

traveling under my room-mate's, who stayed behind in Constantinople to

await our return. To read the description of him in that passport and

then look at me, any man could see that I was no more like him than I am

like Hercules. So I went into the harbor of Sebastopol with fear and

trembling--full of a vague, horrible apprehension that I was going to be

found out and hanged. But all that time my true passport had been

floating gallantly overhead--and behold it was only our flag. They never

asked us for any other.

We have had a great many Russian and English gentlemen and ladies on

board to-day, and the time has passed cheerfully away. They were all

happy-spirited people, and I never heard our mother tongue sound so

pleasantly as it did when it fell from those English lips in this far-off

land. I talked to the Russians a good deal, just to be friendly, and

they talked to me from the same motive; I am sure that both enjoyed the

conversation, but never a word of it either of us understood. I did most

of my talking to those English people though, and I am sorry we can not

carry some of them along with us.

We have gone whithersoever we chose, to-day, and have met with nothing

but the kindest attentions. Nobody inquired whether we had any passports

or not.

Several of the officers of the Government have suggested that we take the

ship to a little watering-place thirty miles from here, and pay the

Emperor of Russia a visit. He is rusticating there. These officers said

they would take it upon themselves to insure us a cordial reception.

They said if we would go, they would not only telegraph the Emperor, but

send a special courier overland to announce our coming. Our time is so

short, though, and more especially our coal is so nearly out, that we

judged it best to forego the rare pleasure of holding social intercourse

with an Emperor.

Ruined Pompeii is in good condition compared to Sebastopol. Here, you

may look in whatsoever direction you please, and your eye encounters

scarcely any thing but ruin, ruin, ruin!--fragments of houses, crumbled

walls, torn and ragged hills, devastation every where! It is as if a

mighty earthquake had spent all its terrible forces upon this one little

spot. For eighteen long months the storms of war beat upon the helpless

town, and left it at last the saddest wreck that ever the sun has looked

upon. Not one solitary house escaped unscathed--not one remained

habitable, even. Such utter and complete ruin one could hardly conceive

of. The houses had all been solid, dressed stone structures; most of

them were ploughed through and through by cannon balls--unroofed and

sliced down from eaves to foundation--and now a row of them, half a mile

long, looks merely like an endless procession of battered chimneys. No

semblance of a house remains in such as these. Some of the larger

buildings had corners knocked off; pillars cut in two; cornices smashed;

holes driven straight through the walls. Many of these holes are as

round and as cleanly cut as if they had been made with an auger. Others

are half pierced through, and the clean impression is there in the rock,

as smooth and as shapely as if it were done in putty. Here and there a

ball still sticks in a wall, and from it iron tears trickle down and

discolor the stone.

The battle-fields were pretty close together. The Malakoff tower is on

a hill which is right in the edge of the town. The Redan was within

rifle-shot of the Malakoff; Inkerman was a mile away; and Balaklava

removed but an hour's ride. The French trenches, by which they

approached and invested the Malakoff were carried so close under its

sloping sides that one might have stood by the Russian guns and tossed a

stone into them. Repeatedly, during three terrible days, they swarmed up

the little Malakoff hill, and were beaten back with terrible slaughter.

Finally, they captured the place, and drove the Russians out, who then

tried to retreat into the town, but the English had taken the Redan, and

shut them off with a wall of flame; there was nothing for them to do but

go back and retake the Malakoff or die under its guns. They did go

back; they took the Malakoff and retook it two or three times, but their

desperate valor could not avail, and they had to give up at last.

These fearful fields, where such tempests of death used to rage, are

peaceful enough now; no sound is heard, hardly a living thing moves about

them, they are lonely and silent--their desolation is complete.

There was nothing else to do, and so every body went to hunting relics.

They have stocked the ship with them. They brought them from the

Malakoff, from the Redan, Inkerman, Balaklava--every where. They have

brought cannon balls, broken ramrods, fragments of shell--iron enough to

freight a sloop. Some have even brought bones--brought them laboriously

from great distances, and were grieved to hear the surgeon pronounce them

only bones of mules and oxen. I knew Blucher would not lose an

opportunity like this. He brought a sack full on board and was going for

another. I prevailed upon him not to go. He has already turned his

state-room into a museum of worthless trumpery, which he has gathered up

in his travels. He is labeling his trophies, now. I picked up one a

while ago, and found it marked “Fragment of a Russian General.” I

carried it out to get a better light upon it--it was nothing but a couple

of teeth and part of the jaw-bone of a horse. I said with some asperity:

“Fragment of a Russian General! This is absurd. Are you never going to

learn any sense?”

He only said: “Go slow--the old woman won't know any different.” [His

aunt.]

This person gathers mementoes with a perfect recklessness, now-a-days;

mixes them all up together, and then serenely labels them without any

regard to truth, propriety, or even plausibility. I have found him

breaking a stone in two, and labeling half of it “Chunk busted from the

pulpit of Demosthenes,” and the other half “Darnick from the Tomb of

Abelard and Heloise.” I have known him to gather up a handful of pebbles

by the roadside, and bring them on board ship and label them as coming

from twenty celebrated localities five hundred miles apart. I

remonstrate against these outrages upon reason and truth, of course, but

it does no good. I get the same tranquil, unanswerable reply every time:

“It don't signify--the old woman won't know any different.”

Ever since we three or four fortunate ones made the midnight trip to

Athens, it has afforded him genuine satisfaction to give every body in

the ship a pebble from the Mars-hill where St. Paul preached. He got all

those pebbles on the sea shore, abreast the ship, but professes to have

gathered them from one of our party. However, it is not of any use for

me to expose the deception--it affords him pleasure, and does no harm to

any body. He says he never expects to run out of mementoes of St. Paul

as long as he is in reach of a sand-bank. Well, he is no worse than

others. I notice that all travelers supply deficiencies in their

collections in the same way. I shall never have any confidence in such

things again while I live.

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